I'm a terrible flirt!

Seriously! I need some help. I'm not really an alpha male type - just sort of a guy next door. Maybe I'm a little too serious? Or maybe just lack confidence that I'm gonna say something stupid? lol.

Any tips??

Eye contact is important. Smile and be sincere.

You can be playful with anyone, however, if you're going to get naughty with your flirting, then make sure you know the person well and their proclivities to receive such things.

There are people you can play with and those you can't, the hardest part of flirting is figuring out which one you've got in front of you.

With the confidence thing I always say "Fake it till you make it!"

That doesn't mean change who you are. If you pretend to be confident, eventually you'll become confident. I've always found confidence to be incredibly sexy when flirting

Thanks for your suggestions and encouragement!! I just have to remember to not take myself so seriously! lol

Some people are just not good at flirting. Best thing is to not fake it and just be who you are and accept who you are. When you try to be something you're not, it only leads to frustration and unhappiness. Nothing is more pathetic than someone trying to come off as "Mr Cool or Ms Sexy" when it's fake. Goog God, when are people going to learn to just be themselves and not try to be like somebody else.

Eye contact, mirroring, leaning forwards into the conversation a little, smiling briefly but with genuine warmth, slight tactility like touching her hand, arm or similar in a brief and non-threatening or coercive way. These days you can ask people for social media details and get them more readily than a phone number. Ask if you can add her on facebook and then progress from there, preferably in a light hearted, articulate and non-obsessive/possessive manner. Show an interest in whatever she talks about. Ask further questions if you can't think of anything to say - obviously not personal questions. Seize on any common ground (e.g. a favourite band) and expand on that a little or whatever, so you have the chance to talk about yourself and your interests too.

'Trying to flirt' is probably the problem here, because in you're head it's become this big thing like trying to walk a tightrope. Recognise that women are human beings who want people to like them and find them interesting, just like you are. Recognise also that anyone capable of being rude to you if they don't fancy you back is not someone you want to be getting closer to anyway and not a damning indictment of your social skills. Girls are just people. People are human. People are also often assholes. Don't pin your self esteem on some random chick.

'tyring' to flirt isn't so much the issue as, well, completely the opposite! Here's a example:
I'm at the grocery store, let's say browsing breakfast cereal. I'm aware of other shoppers around me but no one in particualr. I've got my shopping basket in one hand and I'm standing out the way as much as I can so other shoppers can get by with their carts and children. I pick up a box of Kashi Go Lean Crunch and start reading the nutrition facts panel. Next thing I know a woman is standing next to me and she says "I love Kashi cereal! Have you tried Honey Almond Flax?"

What should happen at that point is a giant flashing light should go on in my brain. Something that says - this is an opportunity! And I should say something like:

"No! Wow, that sound awesome though. They make the best cereals, don't they? I really like Cinnamon Harvest too. Have you tried that one?"

or

"I was just looking at that one too! So you would recommend it? Any other suggestions?"

Something light and easy to keep the conversation going. Right?

But what I do say is:

"No. I'll have to try that next time. Thanks!" As I drop my Go Lean Crunch into my basket, pull out my cell phone to check my shopping list and walk away.

It's not until I'm deciding on orange juice with or without pulp that it occurs to me that I could have said something more interesting to cereal girl. And now I wonder if it's too late to go back and try to find her. Maybe she'll be looking at greek yogurt
and I can say "Looks like we have the same list!" Then I think that we'd be starting off in a lie since I hate greek yogurt. And then I wonder if I just appear out of nowhere next to her will she think I'm some nutty stalker?
Yes, I decide that she would. So I say 'Oh well, next time.'

That, my friends, is my problem. On top of that I am a bit of an introvert and get tongue tied easily. I always think of things that I should have said well after the moment when I should have said it!

Hmm... maybe as a first step just try not to bail quite so quickly. You could have said "I'll try that next time, thanks." without immediately walking away and more conversation might have developed. I guess the difficult thing with this is that you're going to be a little awkward and clumsy at this once you start stepping out of your comfort zone but there's no other way forwards. You have to look at it like any other skill. You're going to be crap to start out with and there are going to be a few girls who will walk away from the encounter thinking you're odd or socially inept BUT if repeatedly trying to strike up conversations and flirt when the opportunity is there EVENTUALLY gets you to a place where you can do more than run away from someone you really do like, it should be worth it. Maybe even go to a different store that's a bit out of the way for a while, so that if you DO make a tit of yourself you run less risk of seeing the girl around.

Some socially awkward people can unwittingly appear stand-offish. You grabbing your cereal and bailing without a backward glance could have left that girl feeling that you were pissed she tried to talk to you, instead of just shy. Giving this impression than means it's far less likely the same girl will talk to you if you see her again, so you put yourself at more of a disadvantage.

So does talking to girls get easier after a few beers? Lots of young men use clubs and bars as training grounds for this sort of thing. It wouldn't be the worst place you could try your luck, maybe with a wingman?

Are you only tongue tied around women, or is it people in general?

You might want to consider changing your perspective a bit. Instead of thinking of it as flirting, think of it as a way of just getting to know someone. That might take some of the pressure off.

Then just go out and talk to people. Men, women, young and old. You may be surprised at how these interactions brighten your day. As mentioned above, the first attempts may be awkward, but as you practice it should become somewhat easier.

You should watch the TED talk called "Fake it till you make it"; similar to other posters' suggestions. Act confident and you'll be confident, eventually.

Also, just for me personally, I like a guy who's a bit of a jerk. Not mean necessarily, but witty/nippy. Certainly not everyone's thing, but it probably at least makes you seem self-assured.

Let the focus drift away from your views about yourself ... onto the girl in front of you. Read her, rather than your responses to her. She'll warm to the attention you give her, and if she's a girl who's gonna connect with you, she'll warm to you simply being yourself, whatever your confidences or lack of them may be.

And ... enjoy the encounters whatever happens - the fleeting ones, and the ones that just may go a bit further ... or a lot further.

What if after you decide on OJ with pulp you see this girl looking at greek yogurt and slow down to look into her eyes and smile? You could say hi or just slightly nod your head and keep walking.

You don't have to make small talk about cereal to flirt.

Maybe when you see each other next week you'll smile again and discuss long grain vs short grain rice.

Drewk570 said:

Seriously! I need some help. I'm not really an alpha male type - just sort of a guy next door. Maybe I'm a little too serious? Or maybe just lack confidence that I'm gonna say something stupid? lol.

Any tips??

Click to expand...

Do you masturbate to porn often? Or in general?

Too much seed spilling and high speed internet porn gawking can lead to social awkwardness.

I'm assuming most people on this forum are guilty of the above, but take a weed off and retain some semen--- you won't be coming back on her posting about this issue with your newly acquired silver tongue.