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Old 11-01-2012, 01:52 PM   #1
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APrettyWife's Avatar
APrettyWife is offline
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 188
Pretty Wife Shows - Feedback Please?

A Vegas story!
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Old 11-02-2012, 04:49 AM   #2
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SevenSquared is offline
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Posts: 332
Are there any specific questions you have, or are you just after general feedback.

Generally, the writing quality is fairly good and the imagery is okay as far as it goes, but I don't think there is enough depth to the story. We don't really find out anything about the characters (even the real basics like what they look like), or the environment that they are in, or why they are there, or their relationship or anything really.

And all the short scenes (for want of a better word) seem to be over before they have begun. Your characters bounce around from one Vegas venue to another and you zip through the build-up as fast as possible to get to the sexy parts, forgoing any of the context that makes erotica really come to life. But then when you actually get to the sex parts they seem to be a little bit rushed too unfortunately.

In summary, I think this story is too short really even for a stroke story. You clearly have some writing talent, but you might want to consider taking a bit more time on your next story, making sure the characters and scenes that exist in your head are communicated effectively to the readers at a pace where they can enjoy the ride.

Last edited by SevenSquared : 11-02-2012 at 05:39 AM.
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Old 11-03-2012, 04:49 PM   #3
Reeve88 is offline
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: UK
Posts: 4
I agree with the above, a lot of what should be the nitty gritty of the story, the writing that gets the reader going, is over before it really started.

Also, I just couldn't get involved with the characters. I really had no interest in them, I think that we needed to learn a bit more about them.
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Old 11-09-2012, 10:22 AM   #4
MaryR is offline
Join Date: Aug 2012
Location: England UK
Posts: 90
Originally Posted by APrettyWife View Post
Like most women I love these type of fantasy stories.

I think in my version, Pretty Wife would not have removed her panties. It is really exciting if her panties are displayed several time and taken down right at the end.

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