Are you dating your Sub/Sir/Master?

I like the idea but wonder if it would change if you dated (I doubt it'll even happen) but I just wondered if others started off as just playing, fuck buddy type thing but then it developed and if it worked or didn't?

Blacklace87 said:

I think i'm falling for my Sir, he's in a relationship and we've been on and off for maybe 3 or 4 years now but that's sometimes going a year or two without contact but something always makes us get in touch with each other again.

We spoke a few days a go and he said when we first got together if we were single then we would of dated. That's the first time he's admitted something like that and I've always thought that but hearing him say it too... I know can't get it out my head.

I like the idea but wonder if it would change if we dated (I doubt it'll even happen) but I just wondered if others started off as just playing, fuck buddy type thing but then it developed and if it worked or didn't?

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We started off as fuck buddies I guess. It was supposed to be a short summer fling, because I was going to move after the summer. In the end I didn't move until a year later and by then our relationship had turned into something more than just me being his casual hobby, like he used to put it.

So far it's worked well for us. We've been together for 8.5 years now.

The whole transition from fuck buddies to dating to living together was very slow and hazy, so it's impossible for me to say if something changed in the D/s aspect of our relationship because of it. Before we moved in together I already had lived with him for the summers for 3 years, so even that didn't feel like it changed much for us.

I can't imagine myself being happy with a Master or Mistress that I wasn't in a long-term committed relationship with. The level of trust that I need to feel safe would be hard to acheive with a casual sex partner.

My fiancé and I have been together for 8.5 years. We were both virgins when we got together and moved very quickly. Over the years we grew closer and opened up little by little. Finally, a few years ago I opened up about my desire for a BDSM type relationship & my desire for bondage and submitting. At first I was afraid he'd think I was weird or that it simply would appeal to him. He was more than happy to oblige & we've grown from there. I always thought he had a dominant streak but it didn't come out in our bedroom until I asked for it.

Yes I am dating my Dom. I see dating as the priority. there is much more to our relationship than sex. We have only been dating a couple of months but we seem to have a solid basis and foundation.

He seems to really care about me a lot and is interested in what makes me passionate and excited. I too care about him a lot and any ups and downs he experiences. There needs to be this part of a relationship for me, in order to explore the D/s side of thins and and to talk freely.

Sam xx

I'm always amazed at the number of people here who think they have to give up on finding the love of their life in order to have a BDSM relationship. It is possible to have your cake and eat it to but it usually can't happen unless you are looking for both. BDSM is not as rare as people think it is.

Well, we started off dating as a vanilla couple. It just happened that we were lucky and our sexual desires were compatible in a kink sense. We were very young, too young to know to look for someone openly kinky, or to really know what we wanted. We're married with kids now.

Just like the first commenter, me and my Sir started out as fuck buddies and play partners, and now I'm dating both him and his wife. We're all very happy.

Blacklace87 said:

I like the idea but wonder if it would change if you dated (I doubt it'll even happen) but I just wondered if others started off as just playing, fuck buddy type thing but then it developed and if it worked or didn't?

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I've been married to Daddy for over 13 years. We've been in the LS since June of this year.

I can't imagine walking into this lifestyle or playing in this lifestyle with someone I didn't know so well and trust implicitly. Not to mention, he already knows my body and what I like, so this has juts added another level of fun as well as intimacy.

I think "dating" your Dom would make things even better, because you can't have true intimacy. It would be more of an emotional and mental bond, than just having play sessions then being done, and going separate ways until the next play session.

Just my opinion.

Yes, we are a couple. I need some sort of relationship in order to submit, not necessarily a romantic one, although I do prefer that.

I tried casual play a long time ago and learned that it wasn't for me. Submission is inspired by an active relationship (for me). We dated, then lived together before he required me to marry him. (Yes, it was an order, and one I've been delighted, many times over, to obey.)

desertslave said:

I tried casual play a long time ago and learned that it wasn't for me. Submission is inspired by an active relationship (for me). We dated, then lived together before he required me to marry him. (Yes, it was an order, and one I've been delighted, many times over, to obey.)

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An order to be married! Love that!

Thanks for the replies and glad you're all having good relationships.

I hope i find that. I'd happily date my master but it's not that easy unfortunately. Well for him anyway.

I may have it one day but won't get my hopes up. X

I am but we don't have that typical dom/sub relationship. We met when our companies merged and we became co-workers. I know they say you shouldn't mix business with pleasure but it worked for us. We no longer work together and in all honesty I miss it. We are dating/engaged and have been together for four years. We both like the BDSM lifestyle just not full time. We do it when we feel like it and it's mostly contained in the bedroom per say. There have been some times that it's bled over into our "waking" life where he's had me do certain things while in public. One example is not making eye contact with men or not talking to any men for a day...that kind of thing. I usually fail intentionally so I'll get punished lol! Other times I comply to get a reward. It just depends on my mood and he says I'm a "brat".

My Dom and I started dating as a vanilla couple and neither one of us fully disclosed our interests in BDSM until several months in. I finally had the courage to bring it up and he was super excited because as he said he "could tell something was missing from the equation". Once that conversation was had, things have become absolutely amazing, and in some ways I'm extremely thankful that we started dating first and got to know each other before any power exchange occurred.

Blacklace87 said:

I like the idea but wonder if it would change if you dated (I doubt it'll even happen) but I just wondered if others started off as just playing, fuck buddy type thing but then it developed and if it worked or didn't?

Click to expand...

Not "dating," per se, but in a relationship, yes. I have two doms, and I consider them both my partners. One, I live with, and I call him my nesting partner. I used to call him my "primary" partner, but I changed it. "Nesting partner" sounds less hierarchical. My other partner I usually just call my partner or my other partner. He lives a few states away, and I don't get as much time with him as I'd like, but I still think of it as a relationship.

I'm demisexual. It's literally impossible for me to be sexually interested in someone unless we're also platonically compatible and have built up an emotional bond. I can't do "fuck buddies" or NSA sex. I mean, technically I *could*, but it would be both unappealing and mildly nauseating for me, because I'd be having sex with people I'm not attracted to. My options are: friends, friends with benefits (emphasis on the friends), play partners (like friends with benefits, but no sex involved--just kink), and partners.

Having said that, I do understand that for some people, BDSM and romance don't mix well. Some people can't get kinky with people they're romantically attracted to. Some people are aromantic. For some people, sex has absolutely nothing to do with it, either/instead, etc. There are as many variations as there are people.

But for me, sex and romance are inextricably intertwined, and I can't have one without the other. Kink is something I can *occasionally* have separate from both romance and sex, but I can't have sex and romance without kink.

Devoted to my Dom

I struggle with this question as well. My dom and I live on opposite sides of the country. We have careers, children and lives separate from our BDSM lifestyle. I would never want my kids, family or church to know either. Not bc I'm ashamed, but bc they would never understand or condone it. I believe I could date my dom w/out my vanilla inner circle ever finding out. Discreet collars that r feminine and only calling him Daddy in private. My dom and I get along great, have many non BDSM things in common BUT he's not interested in meeting me in person and it breaks my heart. I wish it was different but it's not worth losing him to push the issue

When I first met my Dom, I was in a poly relationship I fully intended on having him as a play friend, however almost immediately into our first play session we both "caught the feels" for each other, feeling bigger and stronger and more overwhelming than anything I had ever experienced... Now we're married and living our best life

My energies are limited, I wouldn’t waste them on playing with someone I wasn’t in a long term relationship with.

For me, I need to feel safe, secure, and loved before sex and/or kink is a possibility. That tends to only happen in relatively long-term relationships; I know I'm not emotionally equipped for a casual scene or short-term relationship.

My current Dom and I started out dating. He has been aware of and responsive to my needs from the start, and simply put, we're building together for the long haul. We've talked about our futures a considerable amount, and both agree we want to be with each other as long as possible.

While I would have loved for my relation with my female domme to have moved into a romantic type thing, it did not- and it probably wouldn't have worked anyway because of who she was. She was a shameless gold digger, and financial domination was her thing- it wasn't mine. I don't mean to sound like a cheap skate, but it got to the point where I couldn't afford to spend my entire monthly paycheck on her anymore- especially since she was unwilling to allow the relationship to move into a true romantic thing. I don't know if all female led BDSM relationships are like that; though I cynically might suspect this to be the case, but I really don't know for sure.

For me my mate is my Dom. We started as friends, went romantic, and he told me about his dominate side. I was the more dominate in previous relationships but with him submitting feels right. We have our playtime but we have a solid relationship as well. I don’t know if I could be his brat without the love and trust from being my partner and best friend.

our story is ..

In this post: forum.literotica.com/showpost.php?p=91526027&postcount=24

And my signature is the overview.

I’m married to my Mistress. Our relationship sort of thing evolved as she backe more dominant and my submissive side/nature came out

I'm married to my Dom. However to be honest we were married several years before venturing into this lifestyle. Although power play was there from the start.