Looking for an editor for a noncon story

Hi all!

So I wrote a noncon story (about the invasion of a couple's home, from the invader's point of view, 11.5k words). I got good feedback from a few readers. To get past the first rejection (flagged "scat"), I removed two sentences so that the anal scene that was problematic is now hospital clean.

But now it's been rejected for dialog editing! I had read the different tutorials though, and also followed the first readers suggestions on that. I did my best trying to edit the story, but I don't think I can make it alone (English is not my first language). I don't think there are that many problems, but well...

I've tried to reach out to two successive volunteer editors, via the list, but had no answer. Anyone willing to help me?

Can you post a sample of the dialogue so we can critique

HeyAll said:

Can you post a sample of the dialogue so we can critique

Click to expand...

As long as they follow forum guidelines and don't post more than three paragraphs.

Sure!

“Slowly girl,” I directed her, “Don't make anything foolish. Now get in, both of you. Turn on the lights. Keep going, bring us to your living room. Always look in front of you.”

“Please, please don't hurt us. We'll give you anything you want,” whispered Alex.

“Shut up, now is not the time to beg. Now, I want both of you to slowly get your phones out, turn them off, and lay them on this table. Go!”

Click to expand...

Ok so I just noticed that here and there (like, ten for the whole piece), I still had some dashes starting dialog lines. It's used in French to show it's not the same person talking, like:

" Hey Alex!
- Hey Marie!
- Do you want to play? Marie asked.
- Yeah sure!
- We should go right now then."

I get that it's not used in english, like at all?

Could it be just those ~10 dashes I forgot to scrap, though I followed the tutorial on the rest, including those 10 lines, dashes aside?

This doesn't look like enough for rejection, but there are some punctuation issues:

“Slowly girl,” I directed her,[period rather than comma. Two separate sentences] “Don't make anything foolish. Now get in, both of you. Turn on the lights. Keep going,[period instead of comma and capitalized "Bring." Run-on sentence] bring us to your living room. Always look in front of you.”

“Please, please[comma. Interjections.] don't hurt us. We'll give you anything you want,” whispered Alex.

“Shut up,[period rather than comma and capitalized "Now." Run-on sentence] now is not the time to beg. Now,[It's up for grabs whether you put a comma after "Now" here or not. The trend is toward not. But you've done it both ways in these paragraphs. It's without a comma in the first paragraph given. One way or the other; not both] I want both of you to slowly get your phones out, turn them off, and lay them on this table. Go!”

Wow ok. Thanks for the tips. There are indeed a few things to change. It feels a few of those changes are a bit... on the nitpicking side? And could be let to the authors' appreciation.

For example:

Please, please don't hurt us.

Please, please, don't hurt us.

They sure would be said/read differently, but I don't think either is "wrong".

Anyway, thanks, and I'll go back to combing my text. If anyone feels like volunteering, please pm! [Teaser(?): the story has a college girl, forced orgasms, first anal, punishment, some revenge...]

veum said:

Wow ok. Thanks for the tips. There are indeed a few things to change. It feels a few of those changes are a bit... on the nitpicking side? And could be let to the authors' appreciation.

For example:

Please, please don't hurt us.

Please, please, don't hurt us.

They sure would be said/read differently, but I don't think either is "wrong".

Anyway, thanks, and I'll go back to combing my text. If anyone feels like volunteering, please pm! [Teaser(?): the story has a college girl, forced orgasms, first anal, punishment, some revenge...]

Click to expand...

I identified what was up to author discretion (as long as the author was consistent) in what you provided. The rest would be changed by a trained editor.

veum said:

Ok so I just noticed that here and there (like, ten for the whole piece), I still had some dashes starting dialog lines. It's used in French to show it's not the same person talking, like:

" Hey Alex!
- Hey Marie!
- Do you want to play? Marie asked.
- Yeah sure!
- We should go right now then."

I get that it's not used in english, like at all?

Could it be just those ~10 dashes I forgot to scrap, though I followed the tutorial on the rest, including those 10 lines, dashes aside?

Click to expand...

Yes, this rendering would cause rejection if the site editor saw it.

" [no extra space]Hey[add comma; direct address] Alex![add double close quote]
- [no dash or space; add double open quote]Hey[add comma; direct address] Marie![add close quote]
- [no dash or space; add double open quote]Do you want to play?[add close double quote] Marie asked.
- [no dash or space; add double open quote]Yeah[add comma; interjection] sure![add double close quote
- [no dash or space; add double open quoteWe should go right now then."