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Old 12-13-2017, 08:44 PM   #751
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Don't know much about history.
Don't know much theology.
Don't know much abstract algebra.
Don't know what a slide rule is for.
A slide rule is great for stirring coffee from a safe distance.
The rest only get in the way.
More coffee?
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Old 12-14-2017, 01:25 PM   #752
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According to my calculations, you should stir three times counterclockwise, then two times clockwise, three more times counterclockwise, four times clockwise, one time counterclockwise, then two times clockwise, six times counterclockwise, four times clockwise, eight times counterclockwise, three-and-half times clockwise, half a turn back, one time clockwise, three times counterclockwise, four times clockwise, two times counterclockwise, eleven times clockwise, and thenů coffee!
But now it is cold!
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Old 12-14-2017, 01:30 PM   #753
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But now it is full of cooties!
Now is your chance to kiss the girls and make them cry.
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Old 12-14-2017, 04:09 PM   #754
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Now is your chance to kiss the girls and make the news.
Damn that Georgie Porgie! How are you supposed to know how to behave when you grow up to nursery rhymes about serial molesters?
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Old 12-14-2017, 07:57 PM   #755
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Damn that Georgie Washington! How are you supposed to know how to treat the slaves when you grow up to fables about cherry-tree molesters?
Treat your slaves as you would your children. Beat them regularly and sell them down the river if they misbehave.
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Old 12-14-2017, 08:56 PM   #756
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♫ Sweet home Alabama; Lord, I'm comin' home to you. ♫
Any more words of wisdom?
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Old 12-14-2017, 10:58 PM   #757
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When and how did you lose your wisdom teeth?
All at once, in the welfare dental unit of what's now Zuckerberg General Hospital. They loaded me with opioids, yanked the fuckers, and put me on the city bus back home to the ghetto. Too bad blogs were not yet invented.
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Old 12-14-2017, 11:24 PM   #758
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All at once, in the welfare dental unit of what's now Zuckerberg General Hospital. They loaded me with opioids, yanked the fuckers, and put me on the city bus back home to the ghetto. Too bad blogs were not yet invented.
They fucked the wankers. Lucky guys!
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Old 12-15-2017, 01:41 AM   #759
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Lucky wankers!
Now, now. You too can avoid female entanglement by simply spending more time alone, at home, jerking off. It works for women too!
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Old 12-15-2017, 04:25 AM   #760
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Now, now. You too can avoid human entanglement by simply spending more time at home with your pet porcupines, jerking off and cuddling. It works with warthogs too!
As Wonder Warthog (freed from his disguise as mild-mannered reporter Philbert Desanex) said when luscious naked Laris Lang laughed at his little wiggly piggly penis, "I CAN STILL USE MY SNOUT!" The result was tragic.
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Old 12-16-2017, 01:51 AM   #761
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The result was magic.
It always is, when you add cheese to potatoes.
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Old 12-16-2017, 02:37 AM   #762
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I like Cheese-Wiz on my potatoes.
That's better than the other whiz. I'm reminded that Cheese-Wiz and Velveeta are in the gourmet section of Piggly-Wiggly markets. Right next to the Sterno.
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Old 12-16-2017, 01:54 PM   #763
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That's better than the other gizmos. I'm reminded that Cheese-head and Gel-cheetah are in the children's section of Piggly-Wiggly markets. Right next to the Sterno.
How is it that useless items with ridiculous names always have such strong attraction to children? It worries me; one day we'll be depending on them.
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Old 12-16-2017, 09:01 PM   #764
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How did I get saddled with this ridiculous name?
Sympathy. Most of us blame our parents.
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Old 12-16-2017, 09:57 PM   #765
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"My mom sucks. She really just does,"
said Chlamydia Rose Smith of the UK . . .

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/ar...-ve-heard.html
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Old 12-16-2017, 10:04 PM   #766
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She said it was Chlamydia but all she knows is his last name was Smith.
Ah, sometimes we pay dearly for our fun.
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Old 12-16-2017, 10:31 PM   #767
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Ah, sometimes something just seems like a perfectly fine idea.
Ah, sometimes we think with the parts of our brain that care more about our genes than they care about us.
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Old 12-17-2017, 09:35 AM   #768
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Ah, sometimes we men think with our penises, and that my friends is why the world is so fucked up.
Yeah I've always thought that the GOP stood for grand old penis.
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Old 12-17-2017, 10:19 AM   #769
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Men are doomed to spending their lives fixing things they broke to begin with.
Not entirely fair--one of us did invent the tampon.
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Old 12-17-2017, 10:22 AM   #770
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Not entirely fair--they also invented black pudding.
I rest my case.
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Old 12-17-2017, 10:41 AM   #771
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I rest my cock.
Is that it?
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Old 12-17-2017, 10:48 AM   #772
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Hmm . . . that really didn't do it for me.
Sorry, baby. Give me ten minutes and I'll try again.
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Old 12-17-2017, 10:56 AM   #773
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Sorry, baby. Give me a tissue and I'll clean it up.
Just stay away from my underwear, creep!
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Old 12-17-2017, 11:04 AM   #774
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Just stop creeping around my underwear!
Listen, I'm just the housekeeper. I do the laundry, I clean, I go home.
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Old 12-17-2017, 11:13 AM   #775
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Listen, I'm just the housekeeper. I do the laundry, I clean, I riffle through your drawers and gawk at your condoms and lube and peculiar choice of toys, and then I go home.
I pretty much assume everyone does. Heck, I thoroughly cleanse my laptop if I even think there's a chance a woman will come near it.
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