Exploration2
Experienced
- Joined
- Mar 16, 2012
- Posts
- 88
The Dance
Its dark outside. No moon tonight. Quiet. Almost boring. Mind races, it wanders along a meandering path. Perhaps along a stream. Gait undulating. Mimicking the gurgling stream as it falls and tumbles down the mountain.
A noise that is ingrained into my being. It's been a part of me for many many years. Perhaps too many years. I wonder how many more years will it be a part of my existence. Will it haunt me. Will I miss it when it's gone. Perhaps.
Beep beep beep beep it will continue for exactly 30 sec. It rarely does. Most find it too annoying to ignore and in many ways that's the point.
So it begins. Another dance. I am tired of dancing. How many more of these can I do? How many more do I want to do?
I walk into a world of bright lights and clean cold hard floors. Everything about this place is cold. A figure in blue. A lady in Blue. The colors will change. Sometimes she wears green sometimes blue. Those seem to be the most popular choices. Occasionally a faded red. She is always there. She never misses a dance. I have come to rely on her, I would miss her if she left. Her smile. That sweet knowing smile and gentle eyes, little beautiful wrinkles form along the edges of her eyes, she provides the only source of warmth in the room.
More beeping. The monitor shows spikes. Beeps and spikes, symmetric spikes. A bad combination. Next will be the erratic small spikes, and then the spikes will leave, replaced by silence, quiet rest.
She is a form in bed. Flat. Naked. Always naked. Frail. Thin. Small.
Her heart is tired. She wants to go home. She has had one too many drinks. The levels are too high. They are toxic. I try distraction. Perhaps a little jolt of electricity. Makes for a great diversion. She is too smart. She won't fall for it. It's going to be an interesting night.
I hate interesting nights.
I shock her again. That should get her attention. Uh oh, now she is pissed. She starts to stomp out. Lots of sharp spikes. Beep beep beep the angry clicks of her heels.
I plead with her. Please don't leave, not yet. Have another drink with me. It's cold and empty outside.
Perhaps she'll share a drink. A little amiodarone may buy us a little time. She stops and settles into a stool. Her heels still tapping impatiently. The beeps slow down. The spikes of unnatural toxicity start to taper. The symmetry starts to ebb and the chaos of life creeps in. Perhaps another cocktail. Just for good measure. She is tired. She so desperately wants to go home.
A hint. A gesture. A slight quiescence in her eyes.
It's almost done now. The sun will come soon. She smiles. The Lady in blue grins. Life. The outline of her breasts pressed against the material of her blouse. Warmth. Life. No sharp lines. Nature.
A little Levo to help her pressure. I express my gratitude.
Thank you for staying.
Should have checked her levels. This should not have happened but it does. Hemodialysis will help her heal.
At 44 your heart can take a lot.
The drudge to the parking lot. How many more? I could walk away. Deal with paper, spread sheets, the reduction of humanity to a number in a box. Maybe I will. But I won't. This is the only way I know. I was a kid when I started. Now I fear it's too late to leave.
The Lady in blue. Wonder what color bra she wore?
I hope she makes love tonight.
Its dark outside. No moon tonight. Quiet. Almost boring. Mind races, it wanders along a meandering path. Perhaps along a stream. Gait undulating. Mimicking the gurgling stream as it falls and tumbles down the mountain.
A noise that is ingrained into my being. It's been a part of me for many many years. Perhaps too many years. I wonder how many more years will it be a part of my existence. Will it haunt me. Will I miss it when it's gone. Perhaps.
Beep beep beep beep it will continue for exactly 30 sec. It rarely does. Most find it too annoying to ignore and in many ways that's the point.
So it begins. Another dance. I am tired of dancing. How many more of these can I do? How many more do I want to do?
I walk into a world of bright lights and clean cold hard floors. Everything about this place is cold. A figure in blue. A lady in Blue. The colors will change. Sometimes she wears green sometimes blue. Those seem to be the most popular choices. Occasionally a faded red. She is always there. She never misses a dance. I have come to rely on her, I would miss her if she left. Her smile. That sweet knowing smile and gentle eyes, little beautiful wrinkles form along the edges of her eyes, she provides the only source of warmth in the room.
More beeping. The monitor shows spikes. Beeps and spikes, symmetric spikes. A bad combination. Next will be the erratic small spikes, and then the spikes will leave, replaced by silence, quiet rest.
She is a form in bed. Flat. Naked. Always naked. Frail. Thin. Small.
Her heart is tired. She wants to go home. She has had one too many drinks. The levels are too high. They are toxic. I try distraction. Perhaps a little jolt of electricity. Makes for a great diversion. She is too smart. She won't fall for it. It's going to be an interesting night.
I hate interesting nights.
I shock her again. That should get her attention. Uh oh, now she is pissed. She starts to stomp out. Lots of sharp spikes. Beep beep beep the angry clicks of her heels.
I plead with her. Please don't leave, not yet. Have another drink with me. It's cold and empty outside.
Perhaps she'll share a drink. A little amiodarone may buy us a little time. She stops and settles into a stool. Her heels still tapping impatiently. The beeps slow down. The spikes of unnatural toxicity start to taper. The symmetry starts to ebb and the chaos of life creeps in. Perhaps another cocktail. Just for good measure. She is tired. She so desperately wants to go home.
A hint. A gesture. A slight quiescence in her eyes.
It's almost done now. The sun will come soon. She smiles. The Lady in blue grins. Life. The outline of her breasts pressed against the material of her blouse. Warmth. Life. No sharp lines. Nature.
A little Levo to help her pressure. I express my gratitude.
Thank you for staying.
Should have checked her levels. This should not have happened but it does. Hemodialysis will help her heal.
At 44 your heart can take a lot.
The drudge to the parking lot. How many more? I could walk away. Deal with paper, spread sheets, the reduction of humanity to a number in a box. Maybe I will. But I won't. This is the only way I know. I was a kid when I started. Now I fear it's too late to leave.
The Lady in blue. Wonder what color bra she wore?
I hope she makes love tonight.
