Unsent Messages to Him/Her

to my King

Majestic Love
Breathe into me
Fill me with Life
Set me Free
my will You own
You see into me
i see into You
We are meant to BE
Spirit Lovers
Harmony
~All is One~
We are Complete


my King, my Lover, my Divine Masculine Me~~
what we have is authenticity
we know Truth
we know Love
what we know
is Divine~from Above
pouring through our open hearts
through all that we are
we are sharing this beauty
as all Lightworkers ARE
we have the ability to change our world
we'll keep our love alive
our light will never go out
it will never die
the momentum builds
the energy flows
everyday the stronger it grows
all around us people say
look at the beauty defining their day
bringing smiles to those with none
touching the hearts of the young
building a bridge to a better day
You are and always have been
my Lover, my Light, my Friend
i will be Truth always~~
this unconditional universal engulfing DIVINE LOVE
will never end

This one is to one who doesn't know I'm alive:

Just notice me.
Recognize my longing.
See in me my desire to learn You,
to serve You.
Just notice.

let's look tonight
find a dress that's right
touch me and i'll know
to find a place to go
not so out of sight
just out of the light
& You can lift my skirt
& You can slap my ass
ride me hard and fast
or put me on my knees
Just do to me as You please
mmmm~~i want to go now,
but only if You please

in Your eyes i see
Beauty so refined
magnificence beyond belief
brilliance so defined
consumed by Love's Touch
to You i'll Always be True
i've never felt complete
until the day i met You

Sir

i'm hurting
could not say goodbye
words choked off
fingers frozen

You said you were hurt too

(alone, sobbing ... yes, sorry too ... )

i can't be what You want
or deserve

i'm a bitch and want things my way

i'm a brat and wish You were close
close enough to shake me, smack me,
compel me, our eyes locked,
overwhelm me with Your presense

i'm a woman who needs one Man who wants only one woman

Rachel

It has now been over a week since you posted me that email that said you had been mean to me etc.


and


not a word from you

The pain I feel is pain I have only felt three times in my life
and never in any of my divorces

Such sadness and loss I feel

I feel like I have been thrown away

~soul mates~

You are so good to me
the tenderness of Your touch
..the softness of Your hand resting on my thigh
warmed me You know where ~~
but almost brought a tear to my eye..
i feel taken care of with You
as if a child in Your arms
being held so safe and protected
and loved fearing no harm
....
thank You for caring for me
in Your special way~
i feel cherished with You
and every moment of every day
i want to do all i can to make
You feel special and happy
and bring You joy in every way

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You have and that is why this is all possible, you are the one that believed so strong in the beginning and thank you for everything you have done!!!

You are my only Dom, Master
i only respond to You~
yet, i am under the strictest orders
for pleasing You to please her too



Your eyes, they're always watching
i pray that You will see
in every move i make
Your pleasure is guiding me
now i must move quickly
to bring a smile to her face
so at 3 i can tell You
no time went to waste
~~pert little kisses..bye~~



but do You realize i am immediately at Your mercy, weak, subservient.. wanting to pleasure You, to please You.. .. captivated, entranced.. possessed when You say those words to me
i can barely focus on anything else...
o goodness ... can i go to the bathroom first? i need to get up, my tummy is twirling




Alright then now that is clear get back to work!!!!


i belong to You, Master Yes, i am Yours ~ all of me, there is no part of me that is not Yours~~ You are Master of my body, mind, heart and soul..




yes, and all mine


(happy pussy kitty)


Cool


thank You
Your gratitude and appreciation,
Your show of affection,
Master for You
i am PURE devotion

*searing redness~not on her buns yet sooo affecting her soul...
seeing herself through Your eyes under Your Guidance and Control*
private humiliation~ is that what that was? is that what it's called?
do You know at these times You hold ALL control?
do You know You are Goooooood, OHHHSOOOGOOOOOD!!
it's as if i'm just shocked, down, OMG soo humiliated, caught
embarrassed, naughty, ashamed, whatever the case may be~~
and i feel safe to feel my feelings .. to feel my feelings as deep as
You want to take me~~ tears, laughter, sobs... as deeply as You wish, because i trust
You and i feel more open to You~ more deeply loved by You, more cared for, more
safe and secure with You... from Your guidance and control, from Your Dominance
.. You are You ~ i love You for You
D/s BDSM ... these are labels that are unnecessary...
Life is all dominance and submission..submitting your will to Love
if ever, if now? You are uncomfortable with my labels or kinks~ please tell me
i enjoy calling You Sir, Master etc... i'm sure i would want to do that
if i didn't know about d/s.. You deserve respect, You are to me, my Master..whether
i call You that or not : ) you ~~ i'd like You to be Mine from time to time .. with permission *hopeful raised brows& a smile*
but if You do not like any of it~~ i will stop all of it...but nothing will change between us.. i will still be submissive to You

I hate this

This shift is killing me. I hate it. I like my job, but I'm starting to hate going to work.

In the morning before you leave, I try to wake enough to tell you more than Good morning. More than I love you. More than "have a good day and try not to kill any tourists.." But it's hard, because I've only been asleep a few hours.

WHen I come in in the wee hours of the morning, I try not to wake you because you need your sleep. I slip into our bed and cuddle up. It's hard not to wake you.

I hate being in the house all by myself all day. That's why I go out in the mornings some time. I'm not a social butterfly, I'm lonely.

I hate not being here when you get home at night. I want a day shift so bad. Oh for some seniority! Maybe on the next shift bid I can get an earlier shift. A day shift is too much to hope for. But an earlier off time would be good.

I miss you. That's all this depression is. This shift is killing me.

personal revelations of magnitude

Please let me know (every day) when you get here, just so I know.
Your Dominant Master
________________________
*a rush of pressure in my chest...redness in my cheeks* i am sorry ~yes Master, as i know is Your wish. i will let You know every day immediately when i get here so there is no concern, so that You know

~~ Your desire to know this feeds my hungry soul, keeps me nourished when Your desire is fulfilled
and Master~~ when Your desire is fulfilled~~ my ONLY desire is fulfilled
and we have created ~~ PURE GOD LOVE

with every move i am taken back
i feel ALL my senses ALIVE
on my neck the pain lingers
i wear Your pleasure/pain with pride

client's one after the other
phone calls left & right
i was early 5 mins this-morning
i spoke w/ Adam about Thurs day night

good morning Master~~ is there anything
You would like me to do for You?

blah blah blah blah blah

another thing i thought of while i was out was this: having the very thought that there is a difference between sex and love is a thought to ponder also~~ why is it an issue? why is it a thought? marriage is archaic (sp) it is a legal document. it is unnecessary. it provides a false sense of security where none is needed. love provides the security. love is the committment. love is the truth.
*wondering why i had the thoughts above* hmmmm???
but here's more *hehe*
Should we all be living a heart-centered life? True to our being, our Spirit... Authentic self-expression in every way
truly? what is more important than authenticity?


we, as the animals we are ~~ are just as instinctual and innate in our ability to live in harmony with our world ..just as the astounding as the ?annual migration of *not sure here* certain birds or butterflies that fly a certain distance toward their destination, create life & ALL that KNOW the way to the destination die yet the newly created birds/butterflies flutter off to their destination as they have done year after year ~~ how do they know? we as humans have this ability, but we are also obviously more intelligent~~ we have more brain power (that is untapped) ..we have ego that protects us while we are growing in our awareness of the power that we have to create the world we want.....
*big huge sigh* our ego keeps us in the muddle, the confusion... it seems a struggle at times, our lives are difficult but! just as the animals, ...when we follow our instincts, our innate human ability, that inner knowing ..we are never lost..we will always be on our path..and when we realize that we have this ability, this harmony, this balance..this security and safety~~~ when we realize our hearts KNOW the TRUTH~~ we will have awakened to the greatest love~~
*..i still don't think i've made my point, darnit!!!)

12/19/03 re: yesterday

do you know? i wish for you to see into me
i wish for acceptance of the me that you see
i wish to see more of me through the truth in your eyes
i wish for your friendship & nothing to hide

Even though there are times I've wanted to kiss you
I've had to restrain, I'm NOT a black widow
I intend no pain! ----- You in your beauty~
are desired I know, I am unable to offer more

if a friendship with kisses is something you can manage
we can surely make it an advantage
if this is something that we will not even entertain *wink*
I know (hope *praying to the sky*) this directness is fun to contemplate

right?
will you go walk with me???? I need to see you smile, and tell me you STILL do not think of me as a black widow. if you do, i guess i need to know that too. ~~through the eyes of others, growth happens~~

Biggest Part of Me
(Print the Lyrics)


(Pack)

Yeah

(Sunrise)

There's a new sun arisin'
(In your eyes) I can see a new horizon
(Realize) That will keep me realizin'
You're the biggest part of me

(Stay the night) Need your lovin' here beside me
(Shine the light) Need you close enough to guide me
(For all my life) I've been hopin' you would find me
You're the biggest part of me

Well

Make a wish, baby
Well, and I will make it come true
Make a list, baby
Of the things I'll do for you
Ain't no risk, now,
In lettin' my love rain down on you,
So we could wash away the past,
So that we may start anew

(Rainbow) Risin' over my shoulder;
(Love flows) Gettin' better as we're older
(All I know) All I want to do is hold her
She's the life that breathes in me
(Forever) Got a feelin' that forever
(Together) We are gonna stay together
(For better) For me, there's nothin' better
You're biggest part of me

Well

Make a wish, baby
Well, and I will make it come true
Make a list, baby
Of the things I'll do for you
Ain't no risk, now,
In lettin' my love rain down on you,
So we could wash away the past,
So that we may start anew

Oh

More than an easy feelin',
She brings joy to me
How can I tell you
What it means to me?
Flow like a lazy river
For an eternity
I've finally found someone
Who believes in me,
And I'll never leave

Oh

Oh, not to doubt now
Mmmm, make life grand

Well

Make a wish, baby
Well, and I will make it come true
Make a list, baby
Of the things I'll do for you
Ain't no risk, now,
In lettin' my love rain down on you,
So we could wash away the past,
So that we may start anew

(Beside me) Need your lovin' here beside me
(To guide me) Keep it close enough to guide me
(Inside of me) From the fears that are inside of me
You're the biggest part of me

(Forever) Got a feelin' that forever
(Together) We are gonna stay together
(Forever) From now until forever
You're the biggest part of me
You're the life that breathes in me
You're the biggest part of me

Mmmmm

You changed my life
You made it right
And I'll be a servant to you
For the rest of my life
You're the biggest part of me....

i see that You are a Beautiful man that indulged last night~~
i saw that You were genuinely in love with Your a-LIVE-ness, Your realization of Your Soul's liberation..
i saw You so openly and expressively ~love~ what You were doing
i saw the joy on my children's faces watch You enjoy what You were doing
i could feel the magic in the air~~ feel the bubbles of laughter lofting around the room
dodging giggles
W/we saw and felt ~~love~~ last night Master deeper than any of us have felt in a long time
and the moments we shared last night will live forever in our hearts~~
and we will take that ~~love~~ with us wherever we go... into every experience we create!!!!
these moments will create more ~love~ moments for us & it will snowball~~~ LIFE & ALIVENESS is JOY!!!
i sooo LOVE YOU

effexor withdrawal~~ panic stricken fear

i feel like poison to Your soul
seeping into me
i feel my Spirit twisted
shattered incomplete
fatally afraid of this nightmare
that i perceive
i can't see that it's not real
but i need You here with me
i can't even look into Your eyes
i see the hate You feel
i don't think it's hate for me
but for the fucking pill
but i can't separate the two
because You are looking at me
and it makes me want to give up
because You're the life in me
can i do this
or can i get it filled
can i take one every other day
& then try to stop the pill?
i don't want to feel this way
i don't want to cry
i don't want You to feel this hate..
i need Your strength to help me fly~~

Soul Mates

can You imagine no eyes to see
yet embodied through the eyes of me
can You imagine no ears to hear
the sounds to be felt holding me near
can You imagine no sense of taste
the scent of me taking its place

i can imagine this is what it's like
if my Divine Masculine me were to be gone from my side
W/we are connected Heart, Mind, Body and Soul
in the beginning we were split, NOW we are WHOLE
[unfinished]
can you imagine not having 1/2 of you~~ just not there...a vertical 1/2~~ gone? invisible, not felt, creepy.. .that's what it would feel like, i think~~ makes me nauseous to think about even...

we are soulmates~we are so alive~we know we have the power to create every experience we chose to have~we are still growing~we know we are Truth~we Are beyond perfection~astounds us~

Good Morning my humble Master
my Brightest Shining Star~
this glorious NOW would not be alive
if i hadn't come to where You are

i'd like to hear how much fun y'all had Thurs night
Master was a blast that night ~~

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i'll bet... kinda alienated kim and my sister with that S&M D&S stuff...
i'll glad he had an outlet though...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

alienated? o no Adam, what happened? He mentioned He told them that He "...has a submissive.."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you know how we talk sometimes... imagine if we started talking like that around people who had no frame of reference? what would they think about some of the things you talk about in private?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

were they upset? were You ok? ...o my Adam : ) poor girls probably freaked em out hahahaa

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i would say so. whenever you learn to come out of your shell a little, you usually go to the opposite extreme. he would never have in the past, but now he's got to learn how to do it with some class. we all had a good time i hope. too bad you couldn't stay longer. have a good morning.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

i must say, i frightened many a souls and i'm still doing so... maybe 'frighten' isn't the right word~~ more like surprise, shock..after a while, you learn that everything happens for a reason & all is well~~ true expression is beautiful and freeing & when it happens 'to' others as shock or 'w/o' class~~ there is a reason for it, their souls needed shook ... life is funny this way
we all did have a good time Adam : ) Master had a great time & the evening was wonderful~~ the delight of the night will last in all of our hearts (me, Master & the kids) forever and the true expression of His feelings, His passion for His feelings will remain a neddle in the girls until they decide to see it differently~~
You are great Adam!
do you want to smoke right now?


*********************
MASTER's INTERVENTION: DON"T FREAK HIM OUT--KNOCK IT OFF!!!
*********************


i'm good. thanks though. the mouth is still swollen and i'm not feeling up to it right now. have a good one...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

alrighty~~ take care mister~!

how can i thank You for all that You've shown
how can i remind You we ARE all we have EVER known
how we are blessed to have found our truth
~~~what we believe IS what we prove~~~

I HOPE ALL IS WELL. DON"T MAKE ME WORRY!

i savor every thought of You
it's difficult to 'hurry up' to send
i'm sorry to make You worry

Good Morning Lover~

i want to be with You always
even when we are apart
i want my scent to be on You
so You can smell it with Your heart
mmmMMMmmmm You are with me
right now and for all time
i got here about 3 minutes ago
got gas before writing this rhyme



~You teach me every luminous moment of every illustrious day to express LOVE more fully & be authentic in every way

i want to come with You today
and tomorrow and forEVER & EVER
because we are TOGETHER
and we cannot be separate EVER



i don't like having my own keys
i don't like going separate ways
i don't want to feel like we're a million miles apart
this is all breaking my heart

how can it be again You AND me
im afraid to be apart from you
i'm afraid to go away
i'm afraid to go without you
i'm afraid that i'll stay
im afraid you won't come back
i'm afraid you won't ask
i'm afraid we won't get over this
because this we can't get past

OMGosh you guys... Logan and I the last two mornings have seen 66.6 on the temperature gauge. most people believe that it's the sign of the devil. with what I know now~ that there is ONLY love and our own will to choose (free will)~ which is the only way there can be 'anti-love', I know that the 66.6 was not an evil sign but an angelic message of some sort. so anyway, I looked it up yesterday & forgot about it. Saw it again this-morning & realized we were on our way to having a crummy morning w/ my son (he can be a bear sometimes) ... so I told Logan what I found out & we changed our attitude/behaviour/mindset... we didn't need to be soooo rushed : ) & low and behold, the numbers changed, mind you, just slightly to 66.7 but they did! and that is what mattered~~~ because we did get the message : ) ... then I found this information and o! my stars ..it's sooo true~~ today even Logan is more of a believer in these Angelic messages. Watch for them you guys, they're here!!!!!! All around us!

There's more about the numbers below!!!

DOREEN VIRTUE~~
The angels seek to give us answers and guidance in so many ways, and when they call our attention to number sequences, it is a true sign of their love and power. The more you notice these signs, the more frequently they will show up in your life. Once you understand the signs' meaning, and once you accept that they are not coincidences, but purposeful events, you will enjoy even closer communications with your angels.

666 — Your thoughts are out of balance right now, focused too much on the material world. This number sequence asks you to balance your thoughts between heaven and earth. Like the famous "Sermon on the Mount," the angels ask you to focus on spirit and service, and know your material and emotional needs will automatically be met as a result.

all alone

The shock of You being gone from my life
Leaves me battered and heart-sore
feeling lost or abandoned
drifting on this night's cold shore.

You hurt me...caused me pain
And not for any any reason
Just because i trusted YOU to be real
and to guide me through this cold season

You lie, a Master of none can never master one
Including himself
You are a disgrace, a panic filled little boy
playing at being a MAN, my Owner, HAH!

And i know this is true
but the pain keeps riding me
deep inside where none can hide
I miss You
I love You
but godess bless me
I hate You , too

i had to put this down, i had to release it to get rid of some of this venom inside...thanks....