New Domme

I'm completely new to all of this. My partner is the sub and a lot more experienced. I'm looking to know what are good rules for when I am not there and also for when I am. Sub likes to push the boundaries a lot.

bgb

tELL HIM to open his mouth for inspection when you return

Strictsally said:

I'm completely new to all of this. My partner is the sub and a lot more experienced. I'm looking to know what are good rules for when I am not there and also for when I am. Sub likes to push the boundaries a lot.

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Hi Strictsally you might want to check out The Mistress Manual by Mistress Lorelei, you can find it on Amazon.

Control him

You could try introducing your sub to chastity. It is almost impossible to fit most men with a secure chastity cage without also insisting on a penis piercing to prevent withdrawal but once this is done and settled, you have complete control at all times, present or not. My partner insists I wear a cage 24/7 as I have an addiction to masturbation which she is now able to control. The benefits of having a chaste sub are genuine.

There are some general rules in bdsm, but it ultimately comes down to you and your sub and what you two want. Rules that work for others may not fit your dynamic. Some dom/mes have bathroom restrictions. A common one is orgasm control. Another big thing is rituals. Set up a ritual for when you two meet, it could help him get into the submissive mindset. Or for him to do every morning/evening.

If he likes to push boundaries it could be that he craves more control or that he’s testing you. Try being more strict with him or dish out harsher punishments, within limits of course. Some subs are bratty or alpha subs and need a reminder that you are in charge. So the rules you have now maybe fine, he just needs a firmer hand. but if him pushing boundaries is an issue that you are having trouble with then talk to him and see why.

Strictsally said:

I'm completely new to all of this. My partner is the sub and a lot more experienced. I'm looking to know what are good rules for when I am not there and also for when I am. Sub likes to push the boundaries a lot.

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What kind of submissive is he? What's the kinks that are being explored between the two of you? We can't help you with rules if we don't know the roles.

Pay for help?

Strictsally said:

I'm completely new to all of this. My partner is the sub and a lot more experienced. I'm looking to know what are good rules for when I am not there and also for when I am. Sub likes to push the boundaries a lot.

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Have you considered the two of you going to see a pro-domme together? Many dommes will accept husband and wife as both submissive for a session and I think that they will also be prepared to do the session as a sub one for the husband and a teaching one for the wife. The payment will reflect what happens during the session. I can’t see why a domme would object to doing it because you aren’t doing it to set up in business as competition but to add an extra dimension to your relationship. You might want to book more than one session and, after all, she is in business not just to enjoy herself.

bluekitty69 said:

Hi Strictsally you might want to check out The Mistress Manual by Mistress Lorelei, you can find it on Amazon.

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I have read parts of the book. It is really good.

Well

Well, if he wants you to be in control and dominant, then it is about what you would like. Think about what you would enjoy. Then, direct him to do that.

If he is a submissive like I am, then what he really wants is to know that you are doing what you want to do, directing him to do what makes you happy. There is, in a sense, nothing you can do wrong, other than trying to do what he wants you to do, if that makes sense.

For me, knowing that you are doing things that you enjoy, having me do things that you enjoy, being subject to your whims, is what gets me all weak and aroused.

Start slow. don't try to do too much at first. Blindfolding him may help you take a pause and consider what should be next. Go at you pace. Nothing sexier than you knowing you are in control and taking your time, going at your pace.

If you can't think of what you want to do, do nothing. Or look at a BDSM checklist. Even better, direct him to find one, and you both take it. Then have him share his answers with you. Whether you share your answers with him is totally up to you.

Feel free to ask him, interrogate him, tie him up and get him aroused, then have him tell you all about his fantasies, or in some other way find out what he enjoys. More importantly, think about what you enjoy, what you are curious about, and then start incorporating those things into you lives.

If this sounds too generic, it is, because I have no idea what you or he likes.