Desultory and Impulsive

I'm not going to write about anything
Eventhough I know I will

Somehow something will happen
And there it will be...

Something
Someone

Something with someone which you will read

And I can kinda feel it happening right now

But I don't know what to say.


We are moving
Moving away from each other
Knowing full well that when we get to where we are going
We will be with each other again

I can't think
Because I have a horrible case of heartburn

And not the romantic kind

The kind that makes one think about the movie Alien

The kind that keeps you up
The kind that never seems to happen in the day

But hey... it's got me up writing
Which I guess is good for whoever's reading this

I am sorry but this is going to be the lamest fucking post ever

I'd make it up by posting a pic but I honest to fuck don't have any and I honest to fuck don't feel like taking any.

And now I just remembered what I was going to post about a couple days ago.




Do any of you people know how difficult it is to find decent bisexual male porn vids?

Honest to fuck.
Now granted I only get in the mood for such perhaps once a month or so
So I'm not well versed in searching as some. But every fucking time all I'm able to find are the same three or four types of bisex vids.

Type 1: Euro/German vids. Now don't get me wrong, I like a good Euro/crazy-fucking-German vid. but the thing is that more often then not the vids have about the same amount of personal intimacy as a handshake after a business deal. And well... I need more to my porno than technical shock value.

Type 2: The bisexual video where one of the two men is straight-up gay but is game because the bisexual guy is simply delish! But the bisexual guy isn't really bisexual but is game because the woman is hot-as-fuck. And the only reason she agreed is because she's not entirely sure why, but it's a nice bump in the paycheck so... whatever.

Type 3: Trans/lady-boy. This is something I'm starting to find WAY the fuck more than what I used to find. And I'm sorry but that's not fucking bisexual porn at all. Nothing against it and all that but seriously, not my thing.

Type 4: I don't fucking remember at the moment. There very well may not even be a 4th type. All I know is that it's not like I can go searching for heterosexual bisexual porn

I remember now.

Type 4th: Two gay guys and What's that woman doing on the set? By this time I simply go all out gay with my searches because a person can actually find a lot of hetero-feeling gay porn out there.
 
...and I know that last comment makes no sense to those that don't have a clue. But I know that it does for those that do. And that's all that matters.

Here's another gif that's kinda somewhat on topic. Even if it isn't, I like it.
 
There it is again...

That desire
That want to be turned on
To become sexually aroused

I keep trying to place it
Because by-and-large I am not horny
My cock is not hard

But I long to be



Because that is my preferred state of being.
 
And when I came home...

I found her sleeping
Peacefully

How every woman should sleep
And how many of them do

Surrounded by pillows

Pillow under her head
Pillow between her knees
Clutching and spooning a pillow
And somehow--in ways no man has yet to really figure out how--she was even being spooned BY pillows
With one pressed up against her back
And another in the crook behind her bent knees

Now I confess, once while home alone and with the shades drawn tightly, I tried this. It was far from comfortable and miles upon miles away from cozy.

It was a lot like how I would imagine it would feel being jumped by a gang of boneless 7th dan blackbelt Akido masters.

All it did was make me angry and flip the fuck out so badly that I ended up confused in the melee of pillows, comforter, and quilts, and found myself on the floor with a cat darting out the doorway and a sheet around my neck.

But I came home and there she was
Nestled peacefully beautiful
With the length of her hair blanketing the blanket over her shoulder

And I found myself wondering
How a woman can be as she is so perfectly wherever it is that she is.
 
...say nothing of men.
 

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A brief moment of her...

bending over after an embrace.

That ass.

I wanted to touch it.
I wanted to grab it.
I wanted to push her over
Cup her crotch against the valley between my thumb and index finger
And grind it all up against her clit.

After an all too brief sleep
It's a thought that's keeping me up
And sitting outside her door
Listening to the road noise of a city I wish to escape from

And will


Tomorrow I will see her again
And hear her voice
And watch her move throughout my immediate space
And watch her watch what she sees
And watch her take it all in like women do
And at some point I will want to fall asleep
And take her with me

Like I want to do now

Quietly forceful
Yet welcomely warm
And with such a want
That words fail to express
The moment with which
They were born into

A sleepy dark sultry sex
Like smoke lit by the licking hot light below it
Pushing ribbons of convecting silvergrey
Against a lacquer black sky

Where sleep



Gives way




To an authentic








Organic















Act of fucking.
 
bending over after an embrace.

That ass.

I wanted to touch it.
I wanted to grab it.
I wanted to push her over
Cup her crotch against the valley between my thumb and index finger
And grind it all up against her clit.

After an all too brief sleep
It's a thought that's keeping me up
And sitting outside her door
Listening to the road noise of a city I wish to escape from

And will


Tomorrow I will see her again
And hear her voice
And watch her move throughout my immediate space
And watch her watch what she sees
And watch her take it all in like women do
And at some point I will want to fall asleep
And take her with me

Like I want to do now

Quietly forceful
Yet welcomely warm
And with such a want
That words fail to express
The moment with which
They were born into

A sleepy dark sultry sex
Like smoke lit by the licking hot light below it
Pushing ribbons of convecting silvergrey
Against a lacquer black sky

Where sleep



Gives way




To an authentic








Organic















Act of fucking.

I love this.
 
From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe. She landed on the office floor, bounded once across the office, and soared out of the window. Dumbledore watched her fly away, and as her silvery glow faded he turned back to Snape, and his eyes were full of tears.
“After all this time?”
“Always,” said Snape.
 
Noir

It was a humid kind of night
The kind where the air conditioner was just another poor fool looking out the window of his tenth floor studio walk-up contemplating suicide dripping putrid sweat of condensed water onto some miserable fuck down below.

Had I known window units were so emotionally useless under such conditions I would have bought me that box fan with the metal blades and sketchy fabric woven frayed power cord and a spray bottle to spritz water into the air blowing towards my balls.

Fuck shrinkage never seemed so appealing

Of course... the thought of some dizzy dame blowing on my balls is just as appealing and factoring the whirring metal clover blades, sketchy power cord, and spraying water--seemingly less dangerous.

But I live for danger
And when it comes to getting myself off on such a night, my kink is just the right kind of fucked up that makes women want to read more about.

At least... that's what I tell myself.
 
Part 2

This is where I tell you about fucking this chick that tends to come around every so often

She's a good lay

Even though I can't speak from personal experience.
But it doesn't take much to figure that out given one look at her

She takes you in
And when she's got you it feels like this kind of night
Complete with the approaching storm
But you don't care about the storm because everything about her is--caring

Everything about her is--life.

Life like the distant lighting
Echoing silent flashes of brilliance across a still humid night that is so heavy it muffles the sound of gun shots and gurgling slit throats of men who rape the daughters of men that should have been better fathers.

I keep telling myself that those days are behind me
But they are not

They keep piling up like the snuffed out butts of cigarettes that have come to taste so good with each step toward the death my broken body dreams about each time my eye catches the kind of woman the causes my cock to come down with a case of performance anxiety

Thankfully the seduction of sleep wakes me from this so that I can make my escape.

Peacefully unseen.
 
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So if this is what emerges from humidity, I'm willing to endure more.
Thank you.
 
Blood is thicker than water, my mother had always said when we were growing up, a sentiment I'd often disputed. But it turned out that it didn't matter whether she was right or wrong. They both flowed out of my cupped palms.

-Cheryl Strayed
 
That feeling of having to say good bye to so many different people--some you know you'll never be with ever again

All within hours of each other
 

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