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Sensual Domination

Mindfondler

Mindfondler

Kinkster
Joined
Jul 19, 2010
Posts
4,071
I posted the following thoughts in the "Sensual Domination" group on Fetlife (then *tumbleweeds*!). I wonder whether they might be a stimulus for discussion here. Let's try! :)

For me, sensual domination is about getting in complete synchronisation with my sub through subtle touches and whispered words, to the point where her body responses are entirely under my control — and harmoniously so. It might sound a bit "new agey", but it feels like a flow of positive energy from me to her which we then revel in sharing.

To my initial surprise, I've caused my partner to enter a blissful subspace just through my soft caresses, teasing stimulation and soothing words. It was an entirely different entry point to endorphin-driven impact play (which we've also done together), but the end-result was much the same and just as long-lasting.

I love having this type of soft control! Heavy impact play doesn't float my boat, so I'm glad that I've been able to find an alternative that can be just as effective.

Does anyone else share my viewpoint?
.
 
I have experienced subspace from both impact driven as well as through sensual domination.

You're absolutely right about there being a synchronicity of energy. It's palpable when the connection and mood is working.
 
I would say I much prefer the idea of sensual submission over a Domme simply just being crude about it. Perhaps its because I find nothing sexier than being seduced by a woman. The few times a woman approached me first in order to initiate something sexual, it was immediately over for me and I knew I had to have her.

Its also much nicer responding to a gentle seductive voice than a cruel, harsher one (although is not a turn off altogether). Just preference, I guess.
 
The harder things done to me or the darker places I've been taken have always appealed and aroused me. I generally talk about those here in the bdsm board mostly because I'm surprised someone has been able to push me to new places in ways I never thought I'd go.

I liked physical and emotional pain as a way to change behavior, experience intense feelings I can't seem to get to on my own.

Life's changed a lot in the last couple of years; my partner and I can't play like that anymore. Physical pain isn't on my radar and I'm not as interested in the emotional masochism I used to love being tangled up in.

"Soft" control, quiet control. This is really, really appealing. We have a group here focused on erotic energy. I haven't attended because I was too busy focusing on the impact side of play. Now, I'm curious about harnessing the energy between me and my partner and seeing how that can strengthen our D/s relationship.
 
Mindfondler said:
I posted the following thoughts in the "Sensual Domination" group on Fetlife (then *tumbleweeds*!). I wonder whether they might be a stimulus for discussion here. Let's try! :)

For me, sensual domination is about getting in complete synchronisation with my sub through subtle touches and whispered words, to the point where her body responses are entirely under my control — and harmoniously so. It might sound a bit "new agey", but it feels like a flow of positive energy from me to her which we then revel in sharing.

To my initial surprise, I've caused my partner to enter a blissful subspace just through my soft caresses, teasing stimulation and soothing words. It was an entirely different entry point to endorphin-driven impact play (which we've also done together), but the end-result was much the same and just as long-lasting.

I love having this type of soft control! Heavy impact play doesn't float my boat, so I'm glad that I've been able to find an alternative that can be just as effective.

Does anyone else share my viewpoint?
.
Click to expand...

I find fulfillment in many ways, I love heavier impact play, knife play, cnc scenarios etc but yes, there's much appeal in the kind of sensuality you talk of here.
I've had a similar experience in as much as entering a subspace like state with light touches alone;at the time it felt seamless, the transition from being completely aware of everything to only being aware of him and his touch, and gentle words. Looking back, I didn't even realise what he was doing, it just felt so natural.
 
Mindfondler said:
I posted the following thoughts in the "Sensual Domination" group on Fetlife (then *tumbleweeds*!). I wonder whether they might be a stimulus for discussion here. Let's try! :)

For me, sensual domination is about getting in complete synchronisation with my sub through subtle touches and whispered words, to the point where her body responses are entirely under my control — and harmoniously so. It might sound a bit "new agey", but it feels like a flow of positive energy from me to her which we then revel in sharing.

To my initial surprise, I've caused my partner to enter a blissful subspace just through my soft caresses, teasing stimulation and soothing words. It was an entirely different entry point to endorphin-driven impact play (which we've also done together), but the end-result was much the same and just as long-lasting.

I love having this type of soft control! Heavy impact play doesn't float my boat, so I'm glad that I've been able to find an alternative that can be just as effective.

Does anyone else share my viewpoint?
.
Click to expand...

I think it's wonderful that you and your partner have found something that works for you. I think each relationship (whether BDSM or not) is different. I enjoy a bit of roughness; however, I would not say I am a sub. I can be aggressive in return. There are times though where I would enjoy something more like what you're discussing. I think it's being able to be truly in tune with your partner, and it sounds like you have been able to do exactly that.

Best of luck to you both :rose:
 
Mindfondler said:
I love having this type of soft control! Heavy impact play doesn't float my boat, so I'm glad that I've been able to find an alternative that can be just as effective.[/i]

.
Click to expand...

I was just talking with a friend about all the different flavors of the dynamic between a Dominant and submissive. Glad you found one you like. :)
 
Thanks for those thoughts. :)

Elle is right: Mrs MF is a switch rather than a pure sub. Sometimes we even switch roles by way of experimentation — experiencing the other side of the slash — but with me she prefers to operate as sub/bottom.

Yesterday afternoon at a play party, I extended my repertoire from sensory into mental play. With Mrs MF safely secured on a Saint Andrew's Cross and blindfolded, I was able to tantalise her in infuriating yet delightful ways. I introduced unexpected sounds and sensations that puzzled her, surprised her and raised intensely her levels of anticipation. Sometimes I delivered on them; sometimes I didn't. It's amazing how affecting it can be to sense the sheer presence of someone close by — not touching, but within easy reach to impose without warning any of a wide range of stimulations.
.
 
From my observation of local play events and a straw-poll on FetLife, I'm coming to the conclusion that gentle sensual play in group settings is a rarity around London, UK, whereas it's somewhat/much more commonplace in other places.

I'm seriously considering moving! :D

My own experience of local events around London, UK is that almost all of the focus is on heavy impact play — almost to the point where it seems like a competition to inflict/endure the strongest markings. I've rarely seen anyone else engaging (or apparently wishing to engage) in the slow and gentle play that I enjoy.

Of course, there's an argument that gentle play is better done in a quieter setting (e.g. at home), but that doesn't explain the apparent geographical/cultural variations. In any case, I enjoy the extra "buzz" from being amongst other kinksters.
.
 
Sensual touches, soft kisses, whispered words. Sighs.

Then, there's something about hair-pulling and other things that I love.
 
Mindfondler said:
Thanks for those thoughts. :)

Elle is right: Mrs MF is a switch rather than a pure sub. Sometimes we even switch roles by way of experimentation — experiencing the other side of the slash — but with me she prefers to operate as sub/bottom.

Yesterday afternoon at a play party, I extended my repertoire from sensory into mental play. With Mrs MF safely secured on a Saint Andrew's Cross and blindfolded, I was able to tantalise her in infuriating yet delightful ways. I introduced unexpected sounds and sensations that puzzled her, surprised her and raised intensely her levels of anticipation. Sometimes I delivered on them; sometimes I didn't. It's amazing how affecting it can be to sense the sheer presence of someone close by — not touching, but within easy reach to impose without warning any of a wide range of stimulations.
.
Click to expand...

THIS. Fuck yes.
 
Whetting the appetite

Just like appetizers sharpen one's hunger, tiny touches can have a disproportionally large impact. I like to restrain my lover, blindfolded, to not only hide where the next touch will land but to sharpen the other senses.

Then, use a touch so light as to be nearly imperceptible. It will feel like so much more, yet it won't be nearly enough. I'm doing it right when her body writhes and squirms trying to deepen or prolong the contact. No physical marks, but the mental yearning and anguish as she seeks fulfillment is exquisite -
 
I personally Love this. It was hard for my to to bring my self to smack my wife with enough force to actually cross into the pleasure threshold so this is pretty much what we did for a while until I was able to get past my own suppression and give her what she really wanted.

It also seems that since she really likes the spanking, the longer I wait to deliver on it the better reaction I get from her. The blindfold has become one of my favorite tools. I am not sure I am talented enough yet to get her into "sub space" through purely sensual domination but it is something to work on :devil:
 
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