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Humorous Poetry

Could everyone take a moment,
if a moment's all you've got,
search under chairs for my
marbles, I've also lost the plot.
I know I had them yesterday,
they snuck out in the night,
when Himself was snoring ,
I woke with such a fright.
I think the cat has stolen them,
or the little men under the bed
for they certainly no longer live here
in the place marked in my head,
So if I my gaze looks vacant
or I mutter "Eh you what?"
it's not old age a creeping ..........
Someone's made off with my plot!!
 
Hats off to all of you, humour in poetrt eludes me.

Damn funny write annie and at thesamw time there is a darker undertone
 
my attempt at writing a sonnet...

A Sonnet, Such As It Is :rolleyes:

I tried to put my brain to work so hard
a sonnet to extrude; it feigned being coy.
It flinched, it writhed, it didn't take to heart
its ass it wriggled, poked me to annoy.

I pushed my brain to get its wheels in gear
to prod and tempt its timid toes to wet;
to bide its time no more, with little fear
throw caution to the wind, plunge in and sweat.

In fits and starts, its wheels it slowly turned
it ground out tetramer iambic prose,
and much as I did tempt it--gifts spurned--
it finally reared its head and humor chose

with this, this silly loathsome little rhyme.
Without it, I have naught with which to chime.


(Nowhere as funny as Annie's, but it was funny in a maddening way to me while writing the f'ing thing, with pokes and prods from AH through umpteen edits. Just to think Shakespeare had to do this without RhymeZone...)
 
Last edited:
And The Moon And The Stars And The World by Charles Bukowski (writer of the first line only, the rest is mine)

Long walks at night
are asking for trouble,
especially in the depths
of Winter. Not only to
the detriment of health
from the cold weather,
but slipping back into bed
and facing the wrath
of your wife's freezing ire!
 
Dice

Mirror mirror, uninstall
You won't remember much at all
You're way too wide and far too tall
Your honesty is more depressing
than the windows that I'm dressing
Take a hint and make yourself a wall
 
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UnderYourSpell said:
I agree superb and it's The Scottish play.
Click to expand...

Affirmative I was always told that Scotch was what you drink, Scots are them that drink it.

Now if a Scottish cow were to drink enough Scotch and you churned the cream from her milk would you have butterscotch?
 
wasn't meant to be funny but it made me lol

fishing for creatures in season
who are not shy in televising
an emissary saying there are
deep suspicions they'll not wind up in
the pan or on the rack; promise
they will not end up in the pan
or on the rack. Can the word please
be passed and can mist and fog please
not enter as ingredients,
just so they may rest assured

the reason is nothing grander
than teasing unceasing - okay, this
is the honesty admission - they shall
be teased - and the teasing shall be
unceasing. And while the prospect
might be off-putting when seen on paper
or heard from a megaphone, most creatures
caught this way end up getting into it
and never has a subject not switched
to crazed eagerness once the distance

reveals fluttering flags and streamers
striped like patriotic candy canes,
meaning the flavors come closer
to cherry or to berry than to mint
- for this is the reward - this is why
when falling to sleep they wake up
as a tale that may be in a strange
dress or no dress at all; with wrapping or
possibly completely unwrapped.
And if wrapped, the main hope is to halfway

guarantee freshness through the ages;
slip it in the great slot of joy
should a sucker couple cable a card
that admits how comfy it is
to swim in these new rivers and seas
- even what was murky still is murky
but damn it they give a nice gleam
somehow - even if it means they
really are nothing but clams and worms
who are now chewy and mature
 
Oh funny feelings where may you be?
Man we used make shambles of the streets,
and the lamps clamp holes where heads on humans
are known to sport ears. Or should it be where art
thou? Meaning those feelings known to feel
funny; done gone and run and hid. Reckon they
ain't too crazy about the asylum life
 
Rhyme Unroyal

The Monarchy has had their run
Now that Lizzy's reached platinum
Let Disney run Windsor
If we can convince her
What remains of the family are but common bums


Annie wherever your are now, please take in the spirit it is given.
 
There once was an American lass
Who caused such a stir at a mass
She turned up in white
And out of pure spite
The coverage they gave her was crass

There once was an island of knights
Who sought to dispel human rights
They lauded the terfs
And sneered at the serfs
While lining up refugee flights

There once was an absolute cunt
Who they made as PM for a stunt
Like many a bore
He pissed on the poor
And this really isn't a laughing matter
 
I wrote this one back in 2007. No, I was not on anything when writing this. I do enjoy writing weird poems when my muse hits me. Presently stuck at home after knee surgery and maybe I will try my hand in writing some new stuff while I heal up. In the meantime, I hope this is what you were looking for UnderYourSpell.

It Hurts When I Punch My Balls

You can tell by the title
That I might have a screw loose
Why would any guy partake in this
Very odd kind of abuse?

Well, maybe I wanted to experiment
Maybe I wanted to find out
My tolerance of pain
Or hear how loud I can shout.

Yes, its stupid
Especially in a poem as this
Where I could be drunk
And hitting my sack might be bliss.

Who knows how hard a fist can hit
An open palm might sting as well
My balls turned different shades
Violet, red and liberty bell.

I might have killed my sperm
A murderer like a cult gone wrong
There is also damage to my member
Which is now tic tac long.

These lines make less and less sense
As I type my words
Just as strange a tale
As Alfred Hitchcock's Birds.

I remember the wings flapping
The beaks pecking as people ran
Now my penis is all pecked out
The wings have the imprint of my hand

Here now I sit in throbbing pain
Regretting my kamikazi attack
I will remember this next time
I have an urge to crunch my sack

Okay I am done, time to wrap it up
And I am not talking about this
I am referring to my nuts
I need bandages now before I piss.
 
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