hothornymilf
Virgin
- Joined
- Jan 26, 2015
- Posts
- 1
.
[Please do not post the entire story on the Forum.]
[Please do not post the entire story on the Forum.]
Last edited:
Milf gets facial from stepson.
- Thread starter hothornymilf
- Start date
great lover
Man about town.
- Joined
- Dec 8, 2007
- Posts
- 22,740
Very nice story! Gimme more.
PennLady
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Mar 26, 2009
- Posts
- 9,412
This isn't the place to post stories; this is for feedback on stories already posted to Literotica.
If you want to post, you should write your story and then submit it for posting. Presuming it's posted, you can then post a link here and ask for feedback.
First piece of advice: use paragraphs. That's a huge wall of text that a lot of people won't even bother to read.
If you want to post, you should write your story and then submit it for posting. Presuming it's posted, you can then post a link here and ask for feedback.
First piece of advice: use paragraphs. That's a huge wall of text that a lot of people won't even bother to read.
lovecraft68
Bad Doggie
- Joined
- Jul 13, 2009
- Posts
- 42,028
Yes, space that out, because I tried to read it and...damn.
robertreams
Literotica Guru
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2007
- Posts
- 1,993
Every sentence (almost) begins with 'I' or 'he" . Sounds like this AY ay ay ay ay ay ay yai. or HE he he he he; add no quotes, no proper punctuation and no paragraph breaks and you get ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
There is more: You should show us, not tell us. It reads like a newspaper report of a fucking. Use the five senses let us smell and taste and see things, let us get the feel of things. Let us hear their impassioned sighs and the whisper of their thighs. Let us smell the raw and raunchy nastiness of sex, and taste the bitter sweet elixir of love. Let us see the iron hard satin of his cock and her blood red rose of a pussy blooming open.
Finally, give us some sense of these people as people, not merely sex robots. Make us like or hate them, make them true-to-life, not cartoon characters.
Obviously you turned one commenter on, so there is something there, but it needs so much development.
There is more: You should show us, not tell us. It reads like a newspaper report of a fucking. Use the five senses let us smell and taste and see things, let us get the feel of things. Let us hear their impassioned sighs and the whisper of their thighs. Let us smell the raw and raunchy nastiness of sex, and taste the bitter sweet elixir of love. Let us see the iron hard satin of his cock and her blood red rose of a pussy blooming open.
Finally, give us some sense of these people as people, not merely sex robots. Make us like or hate them, make them true-to-life, not cartoon characters.
Obviously you turned one commenter on, so there is something there, but it needs so much development.
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