A Confession

MelissaBaby said:

About two months ago, a good man who posts here asked me to tell him a secret. I think he was just kidding, and that my answer took him by surprise.

I don't know why I didn't tell him some frivolous little story, but I didn't.

I told him that when I get stressed at work, I would sometimes sneak off to the store and buy a couple of nips, those airplane sized bottles of liquor, and drink them in secret.

Alcohol has never been a problem for me, and I did not do it all that often, just on tough days, but I felt ashamed of myself every time I did it. It's addict behavior, it's what the person I don't want to be would do. Yet, on bad days, I would do it, and no one knew.

But then, I told someone, and he responded kindly, supportively. He let me know that he disapproved of the behavior, but did not make me feel he disapproved of me.

He knows who he is. I know who he is. No one else needs to know.

I slipped out and bought nips a few more times after our discussion, but at some point I stopped. I'm not sure when. I went into the store today, where I used to buy the nips, and I realized that I had not been in there in at least a month.

I still enjoy a few drinks now and then, but only when I know I am safe and secure and under the watchful eye of someone who will make sure that lowered inhibitions will not lead me to trouble. But I have not, will not, drink in secret again.

Did I stop because I told someone? Or because of the way he responded? Or because I just didn't need it anymore? I can't say.

But I stopped.

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Semper_Virilis said:

What a beautiful story. So cool.

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MelissaBaby said:

About two months ago, a good man who posts here asked me to tell him a secret. I think he was just kidding, and that my answer took him by surprise.

I don't know why I didn't tell him some frivolous little story, but I didn't.

I told him that when I get stressed at work, I would sometimes sneak off to the store and buy a couple of nips, those airplane sized bottles of liquor, and drink them in secret.

Alcohol has never been a problem for me, and I did not do it all that often, just on tough days, but I felt ashamed of myself every time I did it. It's addict behavior, it's what the person I don't want to be would do. Yet, on bad days, I would do it, and no one knew.

But then, I told someone, and he responded kindly, supportively. He let me know that he disapproved of the behavior, but did not make me feel he disapproved of me.

He knows who he is. I know who he is. No one else needs to know.

I slipped out and bought nips a few more times after our discussion, but at some point I stopped. I'm not sure when. I went into the store today, where I used to buy the nips, and I realized that I had not been in there in at least a month.

I still enjoy a few drinks now and then, but only when I know I am safe and secure and under the watchful eye of someone who will make sure that lowered inhibitions will not lead me to trouble. But I have not, will not, drink in secret again.

Did I stop because I told someone? Or because of the way he responded? Or because I just didn't need it anymore? I can't say.

But I stopped.

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MelissaBaby said:

There are many good people here.

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butters said:

hopefully there always will be those good ones who'll shine amidst the dross

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butters said:

hopefully there always will be those good ones who'll shine amidst the dross

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oneblueye said:

MelissaBaby:

My first addcitive substance I ever tried, I'm still tryn to quit [Sugar] the second was alcohol (first beer, 7 years old) last beer 57yo...
It don't matter how many times you have to quit, just keep on quitting you will get to where you need to be. I have been cross-addicted to many other substances in those in between years and a couple since my 57th year.
Like I said still workn on the sugar and the coffee but I will never give up sex.

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