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Old 12-08-2017, 10:29 AM   #726
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I took the stamina (durex) version, but I didn't know it was used before.
So what did you think it was filled with; sperm killing gel?
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Old 12-08-2017, 03:39 PM   #727
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So what did you think she was filled with; sperm killing gel?
No, sorry, I only kill egos.
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Old 12-08-2017, 06:38 PM   #728
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No, sorry, I cannot kill my amigos. You do it.
Kill them with kindness or with licorice?
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Old 12-08-2017, 07:06 PM   #729
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Let's just whip them with licorice!
Sounds like a plan!
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Old 12-08-2017, 08:58 PM   #730
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Zounds! Planet Sigma! And me without my prosthetics or prophylactics!
Ivory chopsticks and a shot of Pepto-Bismal should help.
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Old 12-08-2017, 09:45 PM   #731
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I know how to tickle the old ivories, I can play Chopsticks. But you might need a shot of Pepto-Bismal after.
Kind of stop and go yet? It'll smooth out, with practice.
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Old 12-08-2017, 10:40 PM   #732
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STOP in the name of Love, before you break my heart.
I broke his heart so he busted my jaw. It's the old story.
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Old 12-09-2017, 07:33 AM   #733
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He got a heart attack while I was servicing him. I should have let him pay in advance; it's the old story.
Perhaps you could charge his wife?
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Old 12-09-2017, 07:59 AM   #734
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Are they bringing charges against his wife?
I suspect so, there was brake fluid and grease on her apron.
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Old 12-09-2017, 08:28 AM   #735
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I love the smell of raccoon juice and bacon grease in the morning.
The vegan mechanic eschews the lipids of dead animals and lubes vehicles with organic avocado oil instead. Holy guacamole!
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Old 12-10-2017, 06:07 AM   #736
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The Vegan Cleric worshipped the Holy Guacamole by self-flagellating; sacred avocados were forced to enter his unlubricated anti-mouth.
It would have been less painful if he did follow his colleagues’ customs to assault under-age groups, but he is a true fundamentalist and only accepts the fully grown, riper bodies.
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Old 12-10-2017, 09:51 AM   #737
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It was painful but I followed the recommendations and wrote a true fundamentalist bodice ripper. Now I feel like a cheap whore.
There there. It's just not worth it, writing for the money.
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Old 12-10-2017, 10:07 AM   #738
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It's just not worth eighty grand, how about I give you three grand?
This is a Mercedes Benz dealership ma'am not a used car lot, please leave.
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Old 12-10-2017, 10:42 AM   #739
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This is a Mercenary Guild. We're not PI's and we don't bring people to "justice."
Oh, come on. I'm giving you a chance at someone you could feel really good about taking out. You could at least give me a discount.
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Old 12-10-2017, 10:48 AM   #740
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Oh, come on, give me a discount, don't be unreasonable.
Ma,am this is your final warning to leave the building, before I call security.
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Old 12-10-2017, 10:59 AM   #741
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Mama, the day is not too warm, and leaves are falling. Can I have my security blanket back?
Forgot your mittens, did you? Just wait till the laundry is done. And put your diaper back on.
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Old 12-10-2017, 11:03 AM   #742
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Forgot what day it is, Mittens, didn't you? Just wait till the laundry is done.
Wait, what day is it? Oh, come on, give me a hint! My birthday? Bath day? WHAT?!
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Old 12-10-2017, 01:36 PM   #743
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Wait, what day will the the asteroid hit and obliterate the biosphere? Oh, come on, give me a hint! My birthday? Bath day? Boxing Day? The Ides of March? WHEN?!
I gave a hit of that in this story. Expect it on Obliteration Day aka New Years.
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Old 12-10-2017, 02:49 PM   #744
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Obliviate!
Stop that!
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Old 12-10-2017, 05:16 PM   #745
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Don't stop! Whatever you do, don't stop that! More! More!
When the Broadway show featuring the song BLUE SKIES first opened in 1926, the lead soprano had to perform 23 encores. She forgot the lyrics the last time so Irving Berlin sang it from his front-row seat. I can't go on that long. How about if you just put me on replay?
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Old 12-10-2017, 05:32 PM   #746
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Nothing but blue skies, do I see...
Bit of snow coming down here.
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Old 12-11-2017, 12:57 PM   #747
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Come down here; I've got snow.
Hey, I'm not your dog to be called, and why would I be interested in snow.
Oh, you mean, Snow!
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Old 12-11-2017, 07:25 PM   #748
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Why would I be interested in snow?
Have you never had maple syrup on snow? You must try it, at least once.
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Old 12-13-2017, 03:35 PM   #749
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Have you never had makeup sex in the snow? You must try it, at least once.
We did have "cooling down" periods after some of our arguments, but nothing like that.
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Old 12-13-2017, 08:18 PM   #750
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Too passionate a nature can be a overwhelming.
I wouldn't know.
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