Pre-masturbation ideas

I'm looking for advice from other women on what I can do before I masturbate to make my experience better. I have a thread about advice for curious beginners. I'm hoping this angle will be more helpful to me and any other women who encounter similar problems. Some people may not have read the previous thread so I will provide a little information about myself. I will also try to answer the questions I was frequently asked from the other thread.

First, I'm 24 and I'm a virgin in every sense of the word. Some people will understand what this means but I will provide clarification for others. It means I haven't had vaginal, oral or anal sex. I haven't experienced foreplay and I haven't been kissed. I have been groped so I've been touched that way. There wasn't anything erotic about those experiences. I've never had a boyfriend and I don't have one right now. I'm also straight. I'm also a women. I've never had a pelvic exam or pap smear. It also doesn't bother me that I'm a virgin and I don't need to be saved from being a virgin. (I only added this because of some crazy PMs I get sometimes).

I don't want this thread or PMs to focus on my virginity so hopefully this short paragraph answers all of the questions I usually receive when people find out. If any of this seems too detailed, the purpose is to avoid the same PMs over and over. I apologize to everyone who could have easily figured out all of this on their own.

Second, I have masturbated before. I'm looking for advice on how to make it more enjoyable. I've also tried to find other threads like this. I could have been looking in the wrong places but I didn't find something quite like this. My problem is that I usually just end up touching myself and it just feels like I'm touching myself. It doesn't feel good. It feels as good as rubbing my hands together. I've also tried rubbing against things. I usually end up frustrating myself.

I'm mainly looking for advice from other women. It can be through a PM if anybody doesn't want to post in the thread. I don't want to offend any men but their advice won't be helpful unless they used to a woman or something. I've received advice before and most of it is along the lines of watch porn or they would have to see to help. I hope I have provided enough detail and this thread doesn't get too off topic.

greengamegirl said:

I'm 24 and I'm a virgin...

...I'm also a women...

...I have masturbated before. I'm looking for advice... ...through a PM

I don't want to offend any men but their advice won't be helpful

Click to expand...

Asking women only to send PMs about masturbation advice implies you are highly naive (which is not a crime - just be careful) or you are a male pretending to be a woman who wants other men pretending to be women to PM you?

NightL said:

Asking women only to send PMs about masturbation advice implies you are highly naive (which is not a crime - just be careful) or you are a male pretending to be a woman who wants other men pretending to be women to PM you?

Click to expand...

I thought I explained this enough when I started this thread. Sadly, if you are confused then others are probably as well so I will explain again.

I am a woman seeking advice from other women on what I can do for more pleasurable masturbation. I'm not asking for just PMs, other women can post in this thread. I just added this because after reading other threads like this some didn't want to post in the thread. It is only an option. I don't want to be stereotypical but I doubt I would have the problem I have if I were a man. Based on what I've read or stereotypes, men can easily masturbate to make themselves cum. Unless they have some medical issue. I think, once they are erect they are good to go.

My problem is I don't have a cock, I have a pussy. I can masturbate for hours and not cum. It's frustrating and I'm looking for ideas on what I can do to make it better. Hearing about what others do doesn't do anything for me. I just plan to try ideas. I've read about some things I can do that have been helpful but don't always work. For example, I've tried using candles and playing music. I've read erotica. I've tried watching porn.

Recently, I've read it helps to relax or get in the right mindset. However, that isn't very clear. It's not like I can give myself a massage or anything. I suppose the candle idea was supposed to help me relax but it didn't really help.

I asked for responses from other women because I hoped they could better understand my situation. Maybe they have experienced the same problem or had a friend who did. I'm not close to women around my age I can ask. If I were, I wouldn't have this problem. I also grew up in a religious strict household. They were mainly focused on not having sex, practicing safe sex or birth control. I don't share their ideas so there wasn't an opportunity to talk to my mom about this either.

I'm looking for what to do before I masturbate to make it more pleasurable. I'm not looking for how to masturbate or to hear about people masturbating. More about what other women do to help them get into the mood. Other ideas for things I can try.

I didn't ask for responses from men because it doesn't work the same way for women. I don't think men need to get themselves in the mood, they just need an erection. Advice about that won't help me at all.

I'm not here to convince people that I'm a woman. It's their problem if they choose to believe I'm a man.

I hope this clears up a few things.

Read erotica. Watch whatever porn tickles your fancy. Play music that gets you in the mood. A very small amount of alcohol may help. Dim the lights, candles, etc.

They're all cliches, yes, but they usually work.

To answer some of your points from your last thread:

I've found that dancing helps - it's a fun exercise that gets my body moving and my blood pumping. It makes me aware of my body and pulls me into the moment - which all help later.

While a lot of the advice is to 'relax' - I don't think that's really a helpful way to look at it, because I've found that the action is ratcheting up my sexual tension until that release... it's counterproductive to treat it as 'relaxation'. (Although the skill of mindfulness helps, when I can manage to notice my body's arousal.)

As for 'opening up' - most masturbation isn't about opening up, but it can be a happy side effect. Do you experience problems with 'being too tight', or 'clamping up unexpectedly'?

glynndah said:

Read erotica. Watch whatever porn tickles your fancy. Play music that gets you in the mood. A very small amount of alcohol may help. Dim the lights, candles, etc.

They're all cliches, yes, but they usually work.

Click to expand...

I think I mentioned everything but the alcohol when I started this thread. I've tried those things and it hasn't worked. I suppose I could try different scented candles and music but it really hasn't been helpful.

So far, porn doesn't work. I can watch it and nothing happens. Maybe I haven't found the right type yet.

I don't think alcohol will work because I have a very high tolerance. In general, it doesn't help me relax in social events either.

When I read the right erotica, I don't need to touch myself. The wrong ones do nothing for me. That is kind of how it is for me, there isn't an in between.

I've tried all the cliche stuff so there must be something I'm missing.

The most information I've received so far is that I'm probably too stressed before I masturbate because I'm too focused on trying to relax.

GrrlFriday said:

To answer some of your points from your last thread:

I've found that dancing helps - it's a fun exercise that gets my body moving and my blood pumping. It makes me aware of my body and pulls me into the moment - which all help later.

While a lot of the advice is to 'relax' - I don't think that's really a helpful way to look at it, because I've found that the action is ratcheting up my sexual tension until that release... it's counterproductive to treat it as 'relaxation'. (Although the skill of mindfulness helps, when I can manage to notice my body's arousal.)

As for 'opening up' - most masturbation isn't about opening up, but it can be a happy side effect. Do you experience problems with 'being too tight', or 'clamping up unexpectedly'?

Click to expand...

Supposedly, if I just relax it should feel better but it is unclear how I'm supposed to do that. Well, I've tried all the cliche ways to no avail.

Wrong place

This was probably just the wrong place to ask advice about this. Nobody else here seems to have any difficulty getting in the mood but I could be wrong.

greengamegirl said:

I also grew up in a religious strict household.

Click to expand...

where are you with this now? Have you stepped aside from religion imposed guilt? Do you have faith in your inner self now? Do you trust and respect yourself wholly? Are these threads seeking new external guidance to replace a rejected past dominated by religious guidance?

Knowing yourself, would you go on a date with that person? Is your self esteem still based on whether you have lived up to external criteria?

Maybe to masturbate with feelings of desire and urgency for fulfilment you need to respect yourself, have faith in yourself, trust your inner self. Perhaps become the person you would be proud to go on a date with. Self esteem comes from within, not living up to external guidelines.

OP, even though working on your overall wellbeing (as NightL suggests above) tends to predict your sexual wellbeing, (citation: http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/scienceofdesire/ ) don't feel like you have to attain Nirvana before enjoying masturbation. You're not alone when it comes to not always being in the mood - in some ways, learning to experience arousal can be like learning to ride a bike.

How do you go about relaxing?

*thinking to myself, recalling masturbating when wasn't aroused but wanting to sleep and it not working and getting frustrated which did not help, so made note to self to not masturbate when not aroused. Also wondering if lady in question has a medical issue of her clit not being extended enough to feel the touch. Ah..stupid guy thinking! She had the right idea of keeping it to the women's perspective. So I not gonna post but do wish her luck*

Well I am a man so maybe you do not want to hear what I have to say. It seems to me you have it backwards. Your initial question was: What do i do to get interested "before" I masturbate. This sounds very much like a goal-oriented deal. Goal oriented sex, sucks. I think most people masturbate as a response to feelings they already have. You seem to be saying: "I'm going to masturbate today, i wonder if anything will come of it. (pun intended). The space I think you need to get to is: I can't wait to be alone so I can masturbate and ease this tension.

First of all, Male or not, heed this advice. Get you butt to a obj/gyn NOW! get all the necessary exams so you don't wind up dead too early. You also need your hormone levels, et al, checked. Not that you are a freak, but you need to know as a matter of general health.

Then forget masturbation. Find yourself a kind gentle understanding man to take you in his arms and treat you in such a way that you WANT to have sex. Then stumble your way through it. We all do.

As an alternative, get a copy of an old book called "Our Bodies Ourselves". Read it from cover to cover. It was written and produced by a group called :"The Women's Health Collective." I have dozens of female friends who swear by this book. Good luck. Take it easy on yourself.

greengamegirl said:

This was probably just the wrong place to ask advice about this. Nobody else here seems to have any difficulty getting in the mood but I could be wrong.

Click to expand...

We don't know you, so it's very hard to give advice tailor-made for you and your situation. We're doing the best we can with the information we have and our experiences.

NightL said:

where are you with this now? Have you stepped aside from religion imposed guilt? Do you have faith in your inner self now? Do you trust and respect yourself wholly? Are these threads seeking new external guidance to replace a rejected past dominated by religious guidance?

Knowing yourself, would you go on a date with that person? Is your self esteem still based on whether you have lived up to external criteria?

Maybe to masturbate with feelings of desire and urgency for fulfilment you need to respect yourself, have faith in yourself, trust your inner self. Perhaps become the person you would be proud to go on a date with. Self esteem comes from within, not living up to external guidelines.

Click to expand...

You didn't read the rest. That was my parents views. I've never had a problem touching myself and I don't feel guilty about it. I would just like it to feel better. You're thinking too hard about it.

Too seriously

I think a lot of people took this thread the wrong way.

I'm going to try a massage chair and massage equipment.

I should have said this before but sometimes I'm already read to masturbate. Other days I'm not and nothing happens. Other days it just takes a long time to be ready.

I kept this short sense some people can't get through the entire post if it's too long.

GrrlFriday said:

OP, even though working on your overall wellbeing (as NightL suggests above) tends to predict your sexual wellbeing, (citation: http://www.ohjoysextoy.com/scienceofdesire/ ) don't feel like you have to attain Nirvana before enjoying masturbation. You're not alone when it comes to not always being in the mood - in some ways, learning to experience arousal can be like learning to ride a bike.

How do you go about relaxing?

Click to expand...

Like I said to NightL, I don't feel guilty about masturbation. It's more like some days I masturbated and I wonder: why is this taking so long? or why did it work this time? It's more of an either or.

I'd like to have more days that it works.

bogusguy said:

*thinking to myself, recalling masturbating when wasn't aroused but wanting to sleep and it not working and getting frustrated which did not help, so made note to self to not masturbate when not aroused. Also wondering if lady in question has a medical issue of her clit not being extended enough to feel the touch. Ah..stupid guy thinking! She had the right idea of keeping it to the women's perspective. So I not gonna post but do wish her luck*

Click to expand...

Well, everything works properly but some days are better than others.

robertreams said:

Well I am a man so maybe you do not want to hear what I have to say. It seems to me you have it backwards. Your initial question was: What do i do to get interested "before" I masturbate. This sounds very much like a goal-oriented deal. Goal oriented sex, sucks. I think most people masturbate as a response to feelings they already have. You seem to be saying: "I'm going to masturbate today, i wonder if anything will come of it. (pun intended). The space I think you need to get to is: I can't wait to be alone so I can masturbate and ease this tension.

First of all, Male or not, heed this advice. Get you butt to a obj/gyn NOW! get all the necessary exams so you don't wind up dead too early. You also need your hormone levels, et al, checked. Not that you are a freak, but you need to know as a matter of general health.

Then forget masturbation. Find yourself a kind gentle understanding man to take you in his arms and treat you in such a way that you WANT to have sex. Then stumble your way through it. We all do.

As an alternative, get a copy of an old book called "Our Bodies Ourselves". Read it from cover to cover. It was written and produced by a group called :"The Women's Health Collective." I have dozens of female friends who swear by this book. Good luck. Take it easy on yourself.

Click to expand...

I'm saying this again so it makes more sense to everyone. This isn't an everyday occurrence. Sometimes I can masturbate no problem but others days nothing happens.

Back on track

I wanted this thread to be more about what to do to get in the mood to masturbate.

It isn't about masturbation. It isn't about how to masturbate. It isn't about what to do after you are already in the mood or turned on enough to masturbate. It isn't about anything physical. Granted, that would be a more interesting post. However, the post isn't about how can I masturbate or what can I do during masturbation. I've figured that out already.

I haven't tried it yet so a massage chair might work.

If you're not in the mood to masturbate, why bother?

Do you have a quota?

glynndah said:

If you're not in the mood to masturbate, why bother?

Do you have a quota?

Click to expand...

Indeed.
I assumed that the desire to masturbate at all pretty much means you're "in the mood". Apparently not.


Sleep aid?

glynndah said:

If you're not in the mood to masturbate, why bother?

Do you have a quota?

Click to expand...

Thought it was obvious but I like how it feels to masturbate. It's simple.

TheSilverLining said:

Indeed.
I assumed that the desire to masturbate at all pretty much means you're "in the mood". Apparently not.


Sleep aid?

Click to expand...

Like I've just said, I like to masturbate.

Back on track again

This thread is about ideas to help get into the mood to masturbate. It isn't about what to do when you are already in the mood.

For people that are always in the mood, more power to you. I'm not one of those people.

NightL said:

Asking women only to send PMs about masturbation advice implies you are highly naive (which is not a crime - just be careful) or you are a male pretending to be a woman who wants other men pretending to be women to PM you?

Click to expand...

This could get very confusing........and what disturbs me, I follow it.