Bang to Rights ~ For DanFS

Twenty-five year old Lara sipped her glass of Chianti and eyed her husband speculatively. She had been steeling herself to open up to him all day and somehow the words still wouldn't come, even after more than half a bottle of wine. She pushed an excellent risotto around her plate.

There was no help for it anyway. Her husband was a detective inspector. She could no more hide her feelings from him than fly to the moon. He noticed everything, which was as much blessing as it was curse. Suddenly she felt like a foolish child. His immutable gaze backed up by his piercing intellect and the fact he was now in his thirties often had that effect on her. They had run out of run of the mill conversation and he was now politely waiting for her to unburden herself of whatever was clearly on her chest. Not filling the awkward silence, just as he had been fucking trained. Maddening bastard.

When they had first dated, he had been, not relentless but... convincing. Like they were a foregone conclusion and he was just patiently waiting for her to get with the programme. Their courtship had been intensely romantic but at the same time, akin to a military operation. Their hadn't been more than eighteen months between their first date and their wedding day. Now they had been married for three years and Lara was now eager for the next chapter of their wonderful life together to unfold.

Lara flushed, lighting up her pale skin from her cheeks to her tits. Nick's eyes narrowed almost imperceptibly, a glimmer of mischief sparking in their depths. The silence became conspiratorial and it assuaged some of Lara's trepidation. She leaned forwards and took Nick's hand across the table, his eyes falling down the front of her trusty little black dress to take in the pert 32C breasts amply filling out her slender five foot frame. Lara kissed him gently on the lips and then pulled away slightly, still holding his hand, her expression earnest now.

"Ok... I'm just going to say it."

"I love you so much Nick and I think we're ready now. I'd really like us to have a baby."

She stared up at him wide eyed, striving not to look beseeching. Just hopeful and happy and in love.

"What do you think?"

Nick Barnes was a successful detective.
A Detective Inspector, an a veteran of undercover work, he had been decorated for bravery and after a successful protracted campaign which resulted in a number of high-profile arrests of many influential criminals.

Since his role had been fulfilled, he had been reassigned, to keep his anonymity.
Truth be told, he missed the action, the buzz of the deal, and arrest.

Nick looked back across the table at Lara.
He had kept his silence to allow her to speak her mind, as something had obviously been eating away at her all through their meal.
This was supposed to be their date night, when they pretended they were dating again, as new lovers.
Usually the sex was amazing afterwards, but now….?

He felt the dismay written on his face.
Their marriage to this point had been blissful. Everything had gone swimmingly. Lara was a fantastic looking woman – why would she want to ruin her body bearing a child?

And that would also mean no more sex, at least for most of a year. Nick was especially keen on the sex. Lara was a vixen in the bedroom.
She had been quite reserved when they met, but over time, she had really changed, and she could please him like none of his ex-girlfriends before her ever could.

An image flashed through his mind of them on their wedding night.
Lara still dressed in her wedding gown, looking back over her shoulder, as she pulled the bodice of the dress down, so Nick could handle her firm breasts, their erect nipples begging for attention.
She gave him such a sultry stare, and mouthed the words ‘Fuck Me, Lover!’
Nick had already been naked to the waist, and had lifted her skirts, ripped off her white satin panties, then slid into her balls-deep in one long stroke.
The moan she gave was the sexiest sound he had ever heard until then.

Then his mind cut back to the here and now.
His mind in a whirl. A baby? A baby would ruin everything. Their carefree life, able to go away for romantic weekends at the drop of a hat, and enjoy a nice foreign holiday every summer – that would be gone.

“A baby? I don’t know, Lara. I mean, are you sure…..? Have you thought about the consequences? Our lives as they are would be over. No more freedom, to do as we wish, sleepless nights, dirty nappies – ugh!”

He saw the fleeting look of…what? disappointment? cross her beautiful elfin features before it vanished, replaced by something else.

He sat back in his seat to allow her to reply.

His reaction was less than encouraging. Fair enough, Nick had always talked about kids in the same 'one day' terms that most people used when referring to a prospective lottery win but even so, Lara had been reassured that a family was on the agenda. His undercover work had taken its toll and despite Nick's best efforts to shield her from the nature of the people he was forced to befriend and the stress his double life had put on him, Lara was not a fool. She was immensely proud of Nick.

During that time Lara had not been blind to the less palatable possibilities. Nick was an attractive man and she had overheard phone calls with a human trafficking 'au pair agent' named Petra that had turned flirtatious. She knew it was Nick's job to use every angle he could... up to a point and he had never intended for her to hear a whisper about the world he had been thrust into but they lived in the same flat and human traffickers kept very odd hours it seemed. Lara had seen helping her husband unwind as one of her salient marital duties back then and they had both enjoyed the highly charged sex that punctuated the few hours they could kick back together before Nick's duties called him away. She knew he missed that kind of work, even though it had taken so much out of him.

She could see he was frustrated at times by his desk job and the bullshit of red tape and office politics but Nick knew he had to lay low and pay his dues if he was to avoid putting them both at risk by going out in the field. The main reason Lara endured so much secrecy was because Nick had impressed upon her the danger she could be in if she ever knew too much. It had put her on edge... made her shoulders itch. This new stability of theirs was a relief to her and for the first time Lara felt like they were in a position to plan. Nick had damn near had to fake his death so they could go on holiday last year. His undercover alias had been tested to the limit but Nick had somehow managed to get away.

It was a disquieting notion, for her husband to be trained and employed to deceive. Lara had placed a great deal of trust in him but at the core of her being, she knew Nick was the kind of man who would do whatever a job required and then completely compartmentalise it when he was done. As though none of it had happened... or as though none of it had happened to him, just to 'Danny' - his alias. Whatever the truth of the matter might be, Lara had chosen simply never to ask the questions. She was confident in Nick's love for her and whatever this 'Petra' women may or may not have goaded him into, it wasn't her Nick she had fucked.

Lara told herself that was all that mattered.

But hadn't she paid her dues too? Hadn't Lara sacrificed enough for Nick's career? Wasn't now the time to start a family, before he got stir crazy with regular police work a year or two from now and demanded to work undercover again? Lara had no intention of waiting till she was nearly thirty. What if she waited all that time and her fertility had declined by then?

"I've already had plenty of sleepless nights where you're concerned Nick. We haven't had the freedom to do as we wish either... until now."

She tried not to look defensive but when she spoke there was a slight edge to her voice. Lara swigged down a gulp of wine and tried again, her tone more conciliatory.

"Look... I know you're wedded to your job and I accepted that when I married you but..." Lara spread her hands in a placatory gesture. "I'm not trying to hold that against you Nick... but it's who you are. What I'm saying - badly - is that you're already who you want to be but I'm not. I don't just want to be a wife, just like you don't want to just be a husband. What I want to be... is a mum."

Lara stared up at Nick anxiously, hoping that he understood.

Nick looked back across the table at Lara.
He was stunned she had spoken so plainly, he was genuinely surprise by the emotion in her reply.

He had assume they would touch on the subject, and explore possibilities together before deciding if – or when, they wanted to start a family.

He knew what Lara was referring to, when she referred to freedom, so they could so what they wanted.

His mind flashed back to 'the job'.
The liaisons with Petra, the lies he told, and deceptions he performed to ensure ‘the job got done’. It was all down to his alter-ego, Danny.

Yes the sex with Petra had been good, she was a filthy-minded leggy brunette from Easter Europe, who had been too attached to the easy money the illegal trade made her, and she saw Danny as a way to make even more of it, as part of his cover legend.

Nick had really got into the role, and after a few meetings, he got into her too, in the most physical of ways
It just happened – Nick couldn’t allow Danny to rebuff Petra, and risk blowing the operation wide open, wasting a year’s work; so they had slept together. He’d enjoyed it on a physical level, but never emotionally, but it had changed his outlook on sex.
Nick no longer saw it as a caring, loving act shared between two people who loved each other. Now, he saw sex just as a way to get off, and to enjoy himself, while exerting his dominance over a woman. He knew how to pleasure a woman as well as any other man, but Petra’s ‘unique’ tastes, had damaged him emotionally.

Her drug-fuelled pleas to beat her harder as she was tied down, her panties torn from her bruised body, her swollen lips, from where she had begged him to slap her in the face, and laughed when he hadn’t hit her hard enough at first.

He rained blows down on her ass, with the flat of his palm, then his belt, as she taunted him, and then he fucked her.
There was no love involved. It was never making love, it was always building the rising tide of arousal within her, until she came, to keep her satisfied, and allowing him ever deeper access into the Organisation, as well as her body. She loved it when he pulled out and sprayed his cum over her face and 'teets' as she called them, almost as if she preferred being objectified.
She had never kissed him after sex, and he always felt disgusted as the bruises on her face and arms, showed him he was becoming the very thing he hated.

But it was the job. Always the job. He had to focus on the big picture, what this would achieve in the end, what good it would do, and how many young women it would save from modern sexual slavery.

To Nick, this had become normal. The sex he and Lara shared was great, physically fulfilling, but not quite as satisfying for some reason. He had finished things with Petra shortly afterwards, as he got access to a man higher in the Organisation.

He realised he got a rush from belittling Petra, from humiliating her before, and even as he fucked her.
She had taken it too far in one session and he had all but raped her ass, hard.
He had held her down, after she taunted him again, the pills spilling from her hand, as he held her down, and forced his pussy-juice lubed cock into her tight ass.
He held Petra's face into the quilt, to muffle her screams, and he came quickly, before leaving her

As his mind flashed back to the present, he blinked, making sure he was here, that this was reality again.
Now, Lara was demanding a baby.
‘Oh Shit!’ His mind said. He was so not ready for this!
He looked again at the hurt on her face, aware that he hadn’t spoken for a good ten seconds, after her outburst.

He reached across the table and took her small hands in his.
“I’m sorry sweetheart – I guess it was just a surprise. Let me get a little used to the idea, OK?”
He squeezed her hands, in a gesture he hoped was tenderness.

He could tell from the way her risotto had done three laps of her plate that she wasn’t hungry. She had never been a ‘big eater’, but seeing how petite she was, he was never surprised, but he could see this was eating her.

“Come on, let’s clean up later, and cuddle up on the sofa, hmmm?”
He stood and walked around the table to her, pulling her gently to her feet.
“We’ll worry about the clean-up later. Now-we need time to us.”
He smiled as he said, it hoping she’d soften her tight-lipped resolve.

He hoped this wasn’t going to turn into a fight, as he didn’t want or need that.
Hell, the lads were down the Pub watching the football.
He had chosen to stay in with Lara, as he was aware they hadn’t spent much time together lately. He was beginning to wonder if he should have gone to the pub....

“I’m sorry sweetheart – I guess it was just a surprise. Let me get a little used to the idea, OK?”

Lara nodded mutely but inside a little part of her was dying. She knew when she was being fobbed off with a maybe and this was clearly one of those times. Nick was using the exact same tone he'd employed when on the phone to Petra last year.

"I'm so sorry darling but I have to take this. I'll be as quick as I can... ok?" Acting like taking the call was the biggest chore in the world but Lara knew it wasn't. She knew Nick hadn't liked Petra though, because his voice always dropped very low and he all but growled at her, his upper lip curled in Danny's nasty sneer. Lara knew it must be hard for him to have to hang out with people he found utterly reprehensible.

When he suggested curling up on the sofa Lara all but rolled her eyes. From there Nick's focus would drift as he caressed and groped her to sex and then she'd get nothing sensible out of hi regarding a family. Lara drained glass and poured another one, aware that she was in danger of getting more than tipsy but not really caring right now.

"Fine Nick, whatever you want." She said. Highly dangerous words if Nick was on the ball enough to realise it.

Nick was aware Lara had drunk a few glasses of wine, so he was unsurprised that her reply came out quite non-commitally.
He knew he had made a mess of their love-making a few times before, particularly when he was stressed out over work, but just didn't seem t care, one way or another.

He wanted to make her feel better, but he was hoping to get down the Pub and see at least the second half of the game with the lads.
Pete & Andy, two of his closest friends were going to be there, and had teased him when he said he wanted to stay in and enjoy a meal with Lara.
Andy had quipped that food wasn't what Nick had wanted to eat, making an obscene gesture mimicking a woman's genitalia, through the car window before the drove away from work earlier.

He led her to the sofa and started to stroke her cheek, before kissing her neck gently, which usually put her in a more receptive mood.
"Come on, baby. Just relax, let me spoil you."
He smiled as he told her, using all of his charm to win her over. It usually worked.

Tonight though, he didn't think it was going to work; she seemed really annoyed with him, and the wine had obviously affected her, as she sat back away from him. It wasn't like they had decide anything!

Nick sat there and nuzzled her neck, as he thought about what to do about this situation. He was leader of men at work, but here, right now - he wasn't sure about his own destiny.

Lara accompanied Nick to the sofa but she wasn't about to be cozened so easily with a few caresses and kind words. She put a little distance between them on the low, 3 seater leather couch, trying to convey to Nick that he wasn't nearly out of the woods yet - let alone in her knickers.

It wasn't even as though sex with Nick was always the uncomplicated act of love that it should be. Back during his undercover days there had been times when he had basically nailed her to the bed before passing out. He had become inconsiderate at times and selfish. There had been fleeting moments when Lara could have sworn Nick's lips were twisted into a sneer, especially when she was blowing him. Nick developed a new disregard for the delicate structure of her throat and when he tried to go too deep Lara just stopped sucking on him altogether and moved on to something else.

Once, Nick had been drunk. Well... they had both been drinking. Nick had started out passionate but something had kind of... snapped within him. He had thrown her bodily onto the bed and kicked her legs apart, his hand descending onto her throat as Lara gaped up at him in total shock. Then suddenly he had dropped her and recoiled, his eyes wet and his erection wilting. Nick had fallen asleep that night as far from Lara as he could get without falling out of the bed. In the morning Lara had convinced herself that it had just been a moment of hormone driven drunkenness and Nick for his part had made a real effort for a while.

Lara had put all this down to the stress of his job but that had been quite a while ago now and still, on occasion, Nick got heavy handed and over-enthusiastic. He was a well proportioned man in every sense of the word and when he didn't take the time to make her ready for him or overly concern himself with her pleasure, it could cost her to let him have his way. Somehow Lara could never make herself interrupt things and ask Nick just what the hell he thought he was doing.

... Or who he thought he was doing it to.

As much as Lara strove to unceremoniously eject Petra from her skull every time the bitch crossed her mind, the fact that Nick's sexual appetite had altered during his time undercover was undeniable.

Lara's best friend had been disgusted and had tried to talk Lara into getting screened for STDs. "Who knows what the fuck that scummy cow has given him." were her exact words on the matter. Lara could not face it though. Explaining to some nurse why she - a married woman - wanted to get checked out. Whatever else she laid at Nick's door, Lara just could not imagine him ever putting her at risk like that - or himself for that matter - by failing to take precautions. Natalie could not understand how Lara could be so understanding about Nick's work. Her advice had been to ditch Nick altogether and find someone who was prepared to put her before his job. Lara couldn't deny Nat had a point but Nick's work was part of the man she had fallen for and no evil bitch like Petra was going to fuck things up for them.

Not then.

Not now.

"Come on, baby. Just relax, let me spoil you." Nick was nuzzling her neck now, going for the hard sell.

Nick was persistent, typically so. Whether it was bringing scumbags to justice, cooking a meal or... getting his arse down the pub for the second half, everything was a mission with him. Maybe that's where they were going wrong. Lara didn't feel like she should have to go on diametrically opposing missions just to prevent Nick from getting his way all the damn time.

Lara shrugged Nick off of her, irritated now.

"Spoiling me would be listening to what I'm saying and actually having a discussion about kids that goes beyond 'not right now.' This year I'll officially be closer to thirty than twenty. I'm not going to put this off until my ovaries have shrivelled up!"

"Damn Baby! You just spring this on me and then get the hump when I don't jump up and down waving pom poms?" Nick retorted.

He sat next to her on the sofa pondering his next move.

Right now, going to the Pub to watch the second half with his mates seemed really tempting!

He tried to put his arm around her and pull her close, to at least soften the blow his last words would have had.
Sometimes his mouth engaged before his brain, and he was kicking himself. Even if that was how he feels, he didn't have to tell her that!

He could feel the tension across her shoulders under her blouse.

"Look, Lara - what would you prefer, a boy or a girl? Tell me why."
Nick was trying to meet her in the middle ground, but he didn't rate his chances....

It irritated Lara that Nick was completely blindsided by this, like all the signs hadn't been there for a long time. Babies would involve sleepless nights and a loss of freedom, what a newsflash that was. Like it was supposed to deter her. Lara felt as though Nick was treating her like a querulous child that could be easily pacified by him pointing out the glaringly obvious.

"I don't need you to get the pom poms out. It'd just be nice if you looked a little less horrified." She retorted.

He put his arm around her and she could tell he was remorseful but wasn't he always? It was like he'd taken a crash course in insensitivity along with his specialist training before he had gone undercover. He had been stressed then, sure but that had been a while ago. Surely by now they should be back on course as a couple? Somewhere close to being on the same page?

Apparently not.

Nick asked her if she wanted a boy or a girl. Lara couldn't tell if he was genuinely trying to reach out or just stalling while he conjured a defence more sophisticated than 'well I don't wanna!' She sighed and tried for the millionth time to give her husband the benefit of the doubt.

"I honestly wouldn't mind. I think maybe you'd connect with a boy more... and commit fewer violent crimes when he hit puberty. I'd love to raise a son or daughter with you..." 'or both...' hung in the air unspoken between them. Now was not the time to push her capricious luck that far. "It would be enough for me that that child was us Nick, an expression of our love and commitment to one another. Whether boy or girl they would have your mannerisms and characteristics as well as mine. I just think it would be beautiful - dirty nappies and all."

She turned in the crook of Nick's arm and looked up at him hopefully.

Nick needed to buy himself some time.
“Baby – I don’t know why it’s such a big deal, you being nearer thirty than twenty. You grow more beautiful every day. Don’t worry about getting a year older. Hell, there are plenty of women in their forties having babies!”

He squeezed her shoulder tightly, and then added:
“It’s just such a huge commitment. I want to make sure we’re both sure we’re doing this for the right reasons.”

He knew deep down they were both growing older, but a baby?
She had never broached the subject before and their marriage, other than a few work stresses, had been fun. Until now.

Her pretty elfin, upturned face, as she looked up at him from the crook of his shoulder went from wearing a look of hope to one of dismay in less than blink of an eye.
He knew that look. There was a storm coming, and he was going to feel the full force of it.

“I’m not saying no, Honey. I’m just asking for time to think about it!”
He tried to placate her.
The last time she wore that look, he had just come back off an operation, and left with the lads to go on a weekend rugby tour, which he had conveniently forgotten to mention two weeks prior, as he knew she’d disapprove. The fallout from that took ages to clear!

Her look grew even darker, as he guessed she might also be dredging up that memory.

He decided he needed space. Or, they both did.
He gently unfurled his arm from behind her shoulder and stood.
“I can see you’re not happy. We both need to think. I’ll be back later.”

He bent down to kiss her, but at the last moment, just before their lips connected he saw the pout on her face, and swerved to kiss her chastely on the cheek.

He stepped into his worn pair of loafers by the front door, and three minutes later, was in the pub, sat with his mates, watching the second half of the footie.
The result was as expected, which was good for them, and another round of beers was bought.
Nick was greeted properly, (as he bought the beer) and then sat down and confided in his friends, what Kara had told him, and his worries.

Andy, a courier, replied, in his West Country tones:
“Bloody Hell! Be wary, Mate. That’s ‘woman-speak’ for I’ll do anything I can to get pregnant! I remember when Kate told me she wanted kids. I resisted it, but I found out six months after we first talked about it, she fell pregnant. It wasn’t until she was six months gone, and only wanted anal…”
He reacted to the other guys’ faces. They looked shocked because Andy was so straight-laced, he and Kate were the last couple you would have expected to indulge in anal sex. It just wouldn’t have occurred to him, they assumed!

“As I was sayin’….” He continued. “It was only when I was rolling on a condom, to well, errr….ya know…- I noticed a mark on the packet. I looked closer, and it was bloody pinhole. I checked the rubber, and it was holed too, so I checked the rest of the box. The crafty cow had made sure I got her up the duff, by sticking a pin in all of them, so it didn’t matter what one I chose!”

The assembled group looked shocked and shook their heads in consolation with Andy’s plight.
“Of course, now we have little Erin, I’m happy, ‘cos I got my own little girl, but I was madder than a cat in a room full o’ rockin’ chairs when I found out!”

John, a builder, from London, chimed in next.
“Maria and me, when we got married agreed we wasn’t going to have kids. We liked the foreign holidays, and nice cars, and stuff, like you and Lara, Nick. She changed her mind and just never told me. She had been on the pill for years, and one day, just stopped taking it.”
He looked around holding each man’s gaze, as he spun his tale.

“Three months later, she complains of stomach pains. I took her to the Doctors, and they tell her she’s pregnant! After the shock, you could have knocked me down with a feather! I went fucking ballistic. If she hadn’t been such a looker, I’d have chucked her out. Even after little Aaron was born, I was resentful she’d trapped me, but now he’s like my mini-me, and we’re good mates, and do loads together, but it took a long, long time for me to forgive her. Be very careful matey!”

The rest of the lads nodded sagely, as they finished their pints and another was bought by another one of the guys. They spent the rest of the evening swapping tales of deceit and treachery, where half of them, it seemed – had been trapped in to making huge life-changing choices they didn’t want by their partner. The conversation dried up soon after that, they’d all depressed each other, and wanted to go home.

As the lads said their goodbyes and headed home, with all their cautions still ringing in his ears, Nick walked the short distance, glad he’d bought his jacket, as the cooler air reminded him summer wasn’t here yet.

Nick crept in quietly, and popping his head around the bedroom door, saw Lara appeared to be sleeping.
He tried to shower, as quietly as he could in the bathroom, and when finished sneaked as stealthily as he could into the bedroom, and into bed.

Lara was not exactly placated by Nick's assertion that she could wait another twenty bloody years until her 'mid forties' without a care in the world. He either missed or wilfully ignored her heartfelt speech about how much being a mum would mean to her. And then when she wasn't immediately cozened he pissed off straight down the pub. Her husband, the big bad undercover cop who had brought an international human and drug trafficking cartel down single-handedly was actually running screaming like a girl from a conversation about babies. Lara simply couldn't believe it.

Naturally she called her best friend Jessica, who came straight round with another bottle of wine.

Jessica had been through school with Lara, ever since they were five years old they had contrived to be in the same class. Whereas Lara had packed school in after A Levels, Jess had gone through uni to become a nurse. Jess had a long term boyfriend who was a physiotherapist and they were planning to start a family after they had recovered from the financial shock of getting a keyworker mortgage that year, which had decimated their savings.

"He wouldn't talk about it at all?" Jess asked incredulously as she savoured her first gulp of red wine. "Even though he could see you were upset?"

"Nope. Just tossed a few platitudes at me and fucked off to watch the game." Lara fumed. "We did talk about kids before we got married and of course he said he wanted them 'one day' but how was I to know he meant when I was fucking forty-five with ovaries as shrivelled as his ballsack!? What if I can't just get pregnant whenever he finally feels like it? What if we need IVF or something? Once you're in your thirties you have more chance of downs babies and-"

"Don't do that Lara." Jess interjected. "Don't go drowning yourself in 'what ifs' and spurious stats or you'll drive yourself insane. You do have plenty of time right now. You have years until you're even thirty. You just need to be clear on what you both want."

"Yeah, except that he fucked off out. I've got half a mind to bin the pills and just get on with it. Kelly fell for her first one like that, however much she says he was an 'accident' or a 'surprise.' She knew exactly what she was doing and Matt is now a happy dad of three. They're all over fucking facebook with their cutesy pictures... and she's the same age as us."

"I don't know Lara. You live with a bloody detective. I wouldn't try to put one past your Nick. If he totally freaks you could end up a single parent. It happens. Matt always wanted kids, he was just worried about providing for them. It scares men, having to do more providing. Having more responsibility... even when they want it. They're genetically hardwired to impregnate and then fuck off into the sunset and some are more evolved - and mature - than others."

"Yeah, I think Nick's mature. He's mature at work, sure, he can handle any amount of professional responsibility. At home though, he's more interested in his mates and the bloody league tables. I just don't know. I'm tired of trying to figure him out without us actually talking properly about anything."

"This was only your first attempt, right? See how he is tomorrow I guess."

"Tomorrow he'll be hung over." Lara snapped.

Later in the evening Jess went home. Lara had a bath and put on her negligee. She stood in front of the mirrored cabinet applying her moisturiser. She opened the cabinet to put the moisturiser away and her eye fell on the distinctive little round wheel of 21 pills that kept her child free. She deliberated for only a moment before popping one out of the foil and tossing the tiny tablet into her mouth.

Lara was tipsy by this time and tipping her head back to take the pill made her sway a little. She aimed poorly when returning the packet to the cabinet and unbeknown to her it floated down to nestle in waste basket, partially obscured by the cotton wool pads Lara had used to remove her make-up.

Lara tottered to bed clutching a glass of water and was asleep almost as soon as her head hit the pillow.

Nick awoke as the morning sun streamed through a gap in the curtains. As he looked over at Lara lying beside him, he gazed lovingly at her elfin features.

He rose and answered a call of nature before returning to the warm bed. As he looked over at Lara again he saw the thin strap of her negligee and recognised it as the garment she had worn as one of his favourites, a few times to initiate lovemaking.

He allowed his finger to trace down the strap to her taut breast lying below the quilt and lazily traced it with his fingertips. Even though her mind was fogged with sleep, she began to respond, and encouraged by her soft moans, Nick lent over and kissed her neck, just in that spot that drove her crazy. His hand to wander south until it had drifted under the hem of her negligee and was massaging her mound through her lacy panties.
"Morning Beautiful." He whispered.

As his own arousal made itself known by nudging her in the back, she rolled onto her side and allowed Nick access to her now moist sex from behind. With a practised thrust he slid his entire length slowly into her, enjoying her throaty moan as she accepted all of him. As they spooned together, and encouraged each other slowly towards a blissful lazy climax.
This was so unlike their couple of attempts at sex, that he was quite happy to lie there and just hold Lara in his arms, as they both breathed as an echo of each other, as lovers, when they are sated.

The bitter words of the previous evening forgotten and this morning looking up, Nick decided to try and make amends, for last night, even though he was still surprised Lara had been so hurt, by his suggestion they think about it, rather than forge ahead and try for a baby. He hadn’t refused to have a baby outright – it was just such a massive change that he wanted to think about it first (‘before plunging right in’-his mind interjected, with a somewhat juvenile tone).

He disentangled himself from her and rose gently from the embrace of both his wife and the warm bed, and padded barefoot into the Bathroom, where he ran some hot water and prepared for his weekend shave with a blade, something he rarely had time to do during the week. He also knew that Lara liked the smooth feel of his face, as he could shave much closer with a blade than his old, battered electric shaver ever got.

As he warmed the blade in the hot water, he lathered his face, with the shave gel, and grasping the handle of the razor firmly, started to shave with smooth, gentle strokes of the warm steel across his face. Alas, the blade snagged, and he uttered a sharp curse, as the blade bit into his chin, and looked at his reflection in disgust as the solitary drop of blood dripped into the basin below.
He sighed deeply, and opened the mirrored door of the Bathroom cabinet and reached inside for the last remaining blade for his razor. He carefully detached the one which had cut him, which had dulled, and replaced it with a head with a much keener edge.
Using his fingertip to sweep away the smear of blood on his chin, he calmly completed his shave, before applying the styptic pencil to stem the irritating continuous flow of blood drops, knowing that if a single drop stained the pristine white quilt cover on the bed, or even one of the towels, there would be hell to pay. The hiss as the astringent mixture clenched the offending slit in his chin shut, signalling his discomfort, which never a surprise, still stung.
After using a square of tissue to dab his chin dry, he placed his razor back into the holder in the cabinet, and dropped the old blade into the waste basket, it bounced off the rim, and skittered across the floor.
“Fuck!” He cursed, before reaching down and gingerly, picking it up to drop into the waste basket.
As it dropped he watched it to ensure this time, he hit the target, and paused as he saw something strange.
He reached in and his fears were confirmed when he saw the wheel of birth control pills which Lara was supposed to be taking. His heart sank, as it dawned on him that Lara was apparently so desperate for a baby she had stopped taking her pills, and the inevitable baby would be a ‘happy accident’, just like his friend John, had said earlier on in the Pub, relating how his wife Maria had deceived him into getting her pregnant.

His temper already foul, due to the cut on his chin, he picked up the bin – still containing the wheel of pills, and stormed out of the Bathroom, back in to the bedroom, his face a mask of fury.
He held the bin out towards the bed and bellowed at her:
“I can’t believe you would stoop so low, you deceitful little bitch!”
As Lara turned over in the bed to face Nick, wondering what on earth could have happened, he emptied the bin, now not caring about the bloody tissue, or used razor blade, and other accumulated detritus which cascaded down onto the bed, and her.

She was obviously caught unawares, as her slow reactions proved, so Nick helped her to realise his point, by reaching down and plucking the pills from the mound of trash, and waving it under her nose.

“So, you thought you would force the issue, eh? Play me for a fool, and then turn around and say how happy you are to become a mother?”

He drew his arm back and flung the pills hard, into the wall, where the flimsy packaging cracked and a few of the pills spilled onto the floor. He was incandescent with rage, all semblance of control gone now.
He reached down and ripped the quilt off the bed, tumbling Lara into the middle of the bed.
Her face morphed into Petra’s before his eyes.
Before he knew what he was doing, he had grabbed her ankle and pulled her towards him, so he could turn her over onto her front, which he did, her limbs flailing about her as the surprise attack disoriented her even more than his (to her mind) delusional outbursts had.

His strength then became a factor, as he grabbed the flimsy lace panties and tore them from her body, drawing a cry of pain as the material dug into her smooth skinned hips, before ripping apart and exposing her ass to his gaze and hands.

He gave no warning, before he started to rain blow after blow onto her unprotected bottom, the globes quivering with each strike, and a loud ‘crack’ echoing off the walls, with each one.
He held her head down into the quilt, as he took out his frustration on her backside.

“No fucking kids for you, for a long time, now! Not with me!” He roared.

He had regressed to being Danny again. His defence mechanism from all the abuse and exploitation he witnessed while undercover, had replaced his own, more docile, and considerate personality. Not that Nick realised it.

“And you know what….your pissy little office job, we don’t need that pocket money. No more ‘Little Miss High & Mighty!’ From now on, you stay home, and be a housewife, do as I tell you! You quit on Monday-tell them you’re never going back again. No wife of mine should have to work. I risked my life, for us, for this house, and this is how you thank me? Fuck you!”

With that, he stopped spanking her, and dragged her back towards him, before slapping her thighs apart, and giving his now erect cock a couple of tugs, entered her roughly, more so than before, and with no preamble, pounded his cock in and out of her still soggy pussy, slamming her petite body into the bed with each thrust.
His furious assault continued for maybe two minutes before he pulled himself out of her sex, and grabbing her by the hips, rolled her off the bed onto the floor, where she knelt in shock looking up at him through tear-stained, red rimmed eyes.

As she seemed about to speak, he silenced her with:
“You kneel there, just like that!”
He stroked his steel-hard cock furiously, and after a few seconds, his climax erupted all over her face and throat, with some of his cum even spraying into her hair.
“How do you like that, huh? No baby for you – I’ll make damn sure of that. You can’t have a baby if I don’t cum in you!”
He ranted at her, the fury clearly etched into his face.
“And like the whore you are-you just kneel there and take my load in your face!"

He collapsed onto the bed, and tried to breathe normally again.
He had not got this worked up for a long time.

Then it occurred to him, this woman was Lara, not Petra. That bitch was long gone.
Lara’s shocked tear-and-cum streaked visage looked up at him from the floor, with real fear on her face.
Not like Petra. She had goaded him, yes, but it was all about the sex, there wasn’t any real emotion.
Lara looked absolutely terrified.

Suddenly Nick felt like the biggest shit ever. He had dragged the woman he loved from their bed, assaulted her, damn near raped her, then humiliated her by ejaculating all over her hair and face.
But another side of him had loved it. The power coursing through his veins. The way Lara did exactly as he had told her to. That feeling was…..forbidden, and seductive; and-He liked it.

Lara had woken to find Nick lazily pleasuring her. This was so totally out of character for him these days that even though she had not forgotten how pissed off with him she was, Lara still wanted to take what pleasure she could get. Nick's gentle entry from behind, the way he held her and kissed her neck... it felt more like 'lovemaking' than anything that had passed between them in months. The tension of those other encounters was gone and Lara arched back into Nick with a passion she had begun to think had dissipated forever. She came on him, bucking back and filling herself deeply with him. Nick was close behind her and his touch on her was gentle and undemanding even as he filled her full of his cum. They kissed as he withdrew and he padded away to the bathroom. Lara drifted straight back to sleep, his cum leaking from her onto her inner thighs.

“I can’t believe you would stoop so low, you deceitful little bitch!”

Lara jerked awake and fought the bedclothes as she tried to simultaneously turn towards Nick and figure out just what the fuck was going on. Rubbish cascaded down on her as he upended the bin and the bright packet of pills caught her eye.

... but she hadn't... she would never...

Before Lara could snatch together her scattered wits long enough to vocalise these assertions Nick had snatched up the pills. “So, you thought you would force the issue, eh? Play me for a fool, and then turn around and say how happy you are to become a mother?” He yelled.

"No! Nick, I-"

Nick was not about to listen. He threw the covers back and flipped her over her front. Lara landed on the bed with enough force to knock the air from her lungs. Then his big hands ripped at her knickers and Lara finally realised what he was about to do. It was like being doused in ice water, her body responding with a cold sweat as she descended into total shock.

"No!" This time her voice was pitched low in stunned negation. How could Nick do this to her? He couldn't be about to do this to her.

When the first hard, open-handed blow hit, Lara bucked like a scalded cat. Nick had enough weight on her legs to keep her in place however. The blows kept coming.

"No fucking kids for you, for a long time, now! Not with me!”

Lara was squealing in pain now, trying and failing to get up on all fours and away from him. "You are fucking insane!" She yelled. "I would NEVER-"

He wasn't listening. He simply drowned her out. "And you know what….your pissy little office job, we don’t need that pocket money. No more ‘Little Miss High & Mighty!’ From now on, you stay home, and be a housewife, do as I tell you! You quit on Monday-tell them you’re never going back again. No wife of mine should have to work. I risked my life, for us, for this house, and this is how you thank me? Fuck you!”

Lara had finally assimilated the fact that telling Nick he was talking bollocks would just rile him further. There was perhaps a whole second of relief as he stopped slapping her that evaporated as he shoved her legs apart.

He was hard. This was turning him on. Nausea twisted Lara's gut as Nick forced his fully erect and pulsing dick into her. She was no match for his strength and the protestations simply died on her lips.

He did not care.

The first, brutal thrust took Lara's breath away for all the wrong reasons. She knew Nick was a powerful man in the peak of fitness but to have him slam into her with such violent spite was truly chilling. He took full advantage of the fact she was still wet, bottomed out and just kept right on going. To Lara it felt like he was raping her womb. Abetted by gravity, Nick pinned her down and pounded into her with feral savagery, grunting and snarling. Lara's eyes filled with the pain of it, her whimpers guttural and despairing.

After what felt like forever, Nick yanked himself out of her. For a moment Lara wondered if he had shot his load and her ordeal was over. Then he simply rolled her off of the bed and let her fall to the floor. Lara was so shocked and pained she barely reacted at all when she got pulled to her knees. “You kneel there, just like that!” He sneered.

Even though she knew it would give him what he wanted, Lara couldn't prevent herself from lifting tear streaked eyes to Nick beseechingly, trying to find her husband behind the violent rapist brandishing his livid cock in her face, jerking it furiously. Nick tensed but Lara completely lacked the wherewithal to squeeze her eyes shut. Thick ropes of cum spurted across her face and hair, stinging her eyes. Nick kept her there while he wrung every last drop from his cock, his fist twisted painfully in her hair. “How do you like that, huh? No baby for you – I’ll make damn sure of that. You can’t have a baby if I don’t cum in you!” He ranted at her, the fury clearly etched into his face. “And like the whore you are-you just kneel there and take my load in your face!"

Finally spent, Nick simply turned away from Lara and collapsed onto the bed. He lay there on his back getting his breath back. She could hear him. Lara realised she had simply ceased to exist to him. He had dumped his load onto her and now she was unimportant, her distress and discomfort irrelevant.

Blinded by his cum and too stricken to try standing, Lara waited where she was until Nick's breathing slowed and deepened. Maybe he was asleep. Maybe he was just relaxed and fucking pleased with himself. Lara agonised about moving, terrified that Nick might take exception and hurt her again. She did not like being blind in his presence though, not one bit. Lara elected to crawl shakily to the bathroom while she could still remember where the fuck it was. Blind as she was, the first thing she reached for was not a flannel but the bolt across the door. It wouldn't keep Nick away from her but she felt slightly better once it was drawn.

Lara got into the shower cubicle and set the water for as warm as she could stand. Unable to sit, she settled instead for kneeling carefully under the water jet, gently washing her face.

He had raped her, her own husband. It had been about kids too or birth control or something. She still didn't understand what had got him so mad. If the pills had ended up in the bin she had no clue how and all he had needed to do was ask. Asking seemed not to be in his repertoire these days. He had hurt her. Violated her. Humiliated her. Worse than that, Nick had clearly been highly aroused. He had enjoyed using and demeaning her. He wasn't exactly on his knees outside the door apologising. And it wasn't just kids he objected to. He wanted her to quit her job, if he hadn't just been talking shit because he was turned on. He wanted her to stay at home and not have kids. That was just fucking priceless.

How dare he think that he could treat her like that, just because she tried talking about having a family. She at least had had the integrity to want a proper conversation about it rather than just binning the pills quietly like some of her friends had done.

Lara carefully washed her body and the lathered up her hair, still kneeling. She wondered how long she could stay in here before he came looking for her.

She wondered how long she would fear him for, now that the strength she had once relied on had become a walking latent threat.

She wondered if she would leave him. Did she leave him now or wait to see if he attacked her again? If he apologised, did she believe him? Lara actually chuckled aloud at the thought of suggesting to Nick that he get some kind of anger management therapy. She pictured them both on the infamous Jeremy Kyle stage. Christ on a bike.

Was this going to be the moment she forever remembered as the moment their relationship had become abusive? Was this going to become the day she wished she had packed her bags and fucked off?

Who did she tell? Jess? Nick's superiors? Lara didn't have it in her to try bringing criminal charges against a man who knew the system inside out and was well respected by his colleagues. If she had a word with his boss however, explained that her husband needed some kind of support, that might come to something... if Nick didn't murder her for opening her mouth. His family would never believe her. Lara had no family.

Was she really going to stay?

Was she really going to go?

Lara emerged from the bathroom to find Nick dozing. She scraped back her wet hair and pulled on a tracksuit under which she wore some ropey old cotton knickers and a sports bra. Unconsciously, she was attempting to be less attractive to Nick and avoid further assault. She told herself it was practical. Lara let herself out and marched to the corner shop, where she purchased the first packet of tobacco since she quit in the run up to their wedding while on a health kick. She smoked one en route back to the house and then sat at the kitchen table - not the sofa where he could get too close to her. She waited with a coffee until Nick emerged, despite the fact her arse was going to blossom into bruises, and then regarded him.

"So what the fuck was that about?" She asked quietly but determinedly.

Nick came back out of the Bathroom and laid back on the bed.
The enormity of what he had just done hit him with full force.
He had all but raped his wife, the woman of his dreams. He had objectified her, even if when he looked in her face, he saw Petra there. He had treated her like a whore, like Petra had enjoyed – he denied her – his sperm, by pulling out of her and sprayed his cum all over her chest, face and hair.
Maybe his experiences undercover had damaged him mentally, he reflected.
Then he argued with his conscience-he wasn’t the one to throw her birth-control pills in the bin. If she was so stupid that she didn’t even hide them, then he’d have to run things himself.

He lay there with his eyes closed, wondering how the hell he was going to, or even if he should, make it up to Lara. How could he even begin to apologise for the despicable act he had just committed against her?
Then again, why should he?

He heard her sobs subside, and after a minute, she quietly crawled away into the bathroom.
He’d heard the soft ‘clunk’, as she closed the deadbolt, locking him out.
He couldn’t blame her. If their roles had been reversed, he would have done the same.
If he wanted in, that flimsy bathroom door wouldn't stop him anyway. He could splinter it to matchwood with one kick, just how he’d been trained.

What horrific thoughts must be flying around in her head right now?
She must see him as some kind of monster.
Good! Then she would know her place and do what the fuck she was told!

He heard the shower start, and as he tried to think of how to apologise, he must have drifted into a fitful sleep, arguing with himself.
He awoke to find the Bathroom door open, and Lara nowhere to be seen.
He couldn’t hear any movement from downstairs, so he slowly pulled himself off the bed and stood, rubbing his eyes. As he looked in the mirror, the wild-man who looked back at him seemed frightened of his own reflection.

He wandered downstairs to find Lara sat at the Kitchen table, smoking a cigarette - something neither of them had done in…..ages.
As he walked past her to the sink, and looked out of the window trying to think of the right words to say, she spoke quietly:
“So, what the fuck was that about?”

Nick continued to pour himself a glass of water, buying time to reply.

He slowly, approached the table and sat down opposite her.
It took a few seconds to look up, and look her in the eye.
“I saw the pills in the bathroom bin, and flipped. I was so angry that you’d betrayed my trust. I thought we were going to plan how to start a family, agree on what we’d do.”

He reached to the pack of cigarettes and took one for himself and lit it, blowing the smoke out in a long straight plume.
After all, he needed one just as much as she did.

She had held his gaze, as if thinking carefully before she replied. He could see she was angry, but then, so was he. That small act of defiance had angered him again, although slightly - it was enough to harden his resolve.

How could he tell her that during the sexual assault, he had been enjoying it?
He had been drunk on the power he exerted over her, and her submissive response to his demands had excited him all the more.
He couldn’t recall the last time he had been so hard, and wanted so badly to fuck anyone. She had been the object of his fury and lust.
His rational brain had re-taken control to deny her both her orgasm and her the chance to conceive, and only after he had cum, had he calmed down enough to see what he had done. By then it was too late to take back what he had said & done.

While she had showered, he thought about what should happen next.
He had to take control. It was obvious she couldn't be trusted.

“IF“ He stressed that word.
“We’re going to start a family. It’s going to be on my terms. You don’t need to work. We make enough money to survive comfortably. I need you here, making sure the house is kept nice and tidy. You’ve proved you can’t be relied upon to make decisions about our future. From now on, you do as I tell you!”

He leant back in his chair.
‘See how you like them apples, bitch!’ He thought to himself.

He was expecting an angry response. Even if she threw something, it would help her feel better. It wouldn’t matter. She’d just have to clean it up later.
Maybe he’d need to treat her like one of the girls Petra had imported from abroad.
Fed very little, so as not to get her strength up, and forced to stay in uncomfortable positions for hours at a time, to ensure she couldn’t sleep properly.
He recalled one woman, he couldn’t remember her name – Alexa, or Alexandria, or something. She had started out a cute, petite blonde, but soon changed with all the abuse.
She used to have to be tied in a certain position. What had it been called, a frog tie?
Her legs had been bent at the knees and her thighs tied to her ankles. Her wrists had been tied to her biceps, with rope looped under her armpits, rendering her completely helpless, and pretty immobile.

Her recalled Petra slapping her face, and fucking her ass with a root of ginger that had been freshly peeled. He could still hear the howls of pain, as the pungent root must have irritated her sensitive anal tissues. He could only imagine, as he knew what it did to his mouth, and it was supposed to go there!

She had been mentally broken in only a few days. Maybe that was what Lara needed to make her more compliant.

“Hmmm?”
He looked up aware, she’d replied.

"I saw the pills in the bathroom bin, and flipped. I was so angry that you’d betrayed my trust. I thought we were going to plan how to start a family, agree on what we’d do.”

Lara scrutinised this little speech for any shred of apology and came up negative.

Bastard.

"For fuck's sake Nick! I DID NOT bin the bloody pills. I would not do that."

Right on cue, the highly trained undercover cop sat before her lazily gave away his feelings by closing his eyes and turning his face slightly away from her. Moments later he was back but it was enough. Nick did not believe her. Lara began to realise that nothing would convince him now.

He needed that justification for what he had done.

Fucking bastard.

“IF... we’re going to start a family. It’s going to be on my terms. You don’t need to work. We make enough money to survive comfortably. I need you here, making sure the house is kept nice and tidy. You’ve proved you can’t be relied upon to make decisions about our future. From now on, you do as I tell you!”

Lara laughed in his face, bitterly.

"Does this strike you as a marriage functional enough to bring a child into, dear. Can you actually hear yourself? You want me to... what? Stay at home and fucking dust until we conceive?"

Lara swigged her coffee and rolled another cigarette. The first one had felt good. She became defensive now, her tone belligerent.

"I can't make you believe I didn't bin those pills. Fine. Whatever. But that does not give you the right to regress about fifty years and try to justify bullying me into being some kind of fucking fifties housewife. It's insane, Nick. I'm a grown up and I'll go to work like everybody else until... "

Lara had been going to say 'until I get pregnant' but she was deeply unsure whether she even wanted a kid with Nick now. How could she bring a kid into... whatever the fuck this was now?

She took a pull on her cigarette and blew the smoke straight into her husband's face.

"You're really not going to even apologise, are you?" Lara stubbed out her cigarette and folded her arms defiantly.

"Well know this, darling. If I can't understand what you did. If you can't apologise and if I can't get past you raping me... everything else becomes irrelevant Nick because there will be no more us. How many abused women have you looked and thought, 'why the hell did she stay?' Well I'm not about to become a fucking statistic. You have to start by acknowledging what you've done and that there was no justification for it. Even if I had binned the pills - which I didn't - NO justification. How many men have you told that there was no justification, Nick?"

Suddenly Lara did not like sitting across a table from him. This was beginning to feel too much like an interrogation. Nick had far too many bloody areas of expertise. She got up and put the kettle on, rolling the mug absently between her hands. It felt better to be further away from him, out from under his piercing gaze.

How could they mend things while she felt like this?

He didn't even seem to want to.

"Maybe it will take me going straight down the station and demanding forensics before you realise what you've done." She sneered, riled herself now. "Maybe it will take getting nicked by your own former colleagues."

Nick realised he should have apologised. Lara’s reminder stung him, like a wasp on the tongue, and the taste was just as bitter, just like the smoke she blew into his face.

She was trying to rile him again now.
Trying to make him step over the line, and then use the evidence against him, he could see that.
Even if he was so riled before, when he lashed out and gave Lara the roughest fucking of her life, his distrust was no excuse for his behaviour.
He had raped her.

Her statement that his behaviour was unjustified was an exact mirror of that which he had uttered to many men he had arrested in the past, for all manner of abuses enacted upon women who could not defend themselves from their assaulters. He had told Lara that himself.
He had become what he most hated.
He could not deny though, the sex with Lara on her front on the bed, and later, on her knees had been so fucking hot!

“I’m sorry, baby.” He said quietly, then realising she may not have heard, he repeated it a little louder.
“I’m so, so sorry, baby. I have been a real idiot. How could I have doubted you, after all you just said? I was trying to think of the right words to say, that’s why I hadn’t apologised yet.”

He was slightly taken aback by the venom in her response, but he couldn’t deny he had acted out of character. It was so unlike him, at home, with her. She had every right to be mad at him.
Their marriage now was a shadow of its former self. She was right – what environment was this to raise a child in?

He had started to calm down. He couldn’t be sure if Lara accepted his apology, but he had meant it sincerely. He forced himself to focus on the end-game.
For now, that was getting Lara to accept his apology, calming her down. and start to talk to him again.
He would have to endure a few little unpleasantries along the way, just as he had been trained, to give away a little ground in an interrogation.
Yes, they were called ‘interviews’, but they were really interrogations. Breaking the subject down, until they told Nick or his superiors what they wanted to hear, to get the job done.

Yes, the smoke in the face was annoying, but she was deliberately trying to get a rise out of him. He wasn’t going to bite.

When she left the table, he felt his momentum slipping.

When Lara actually mentioned forensics, he looked up and crushed his cigarette out in the ashtray.
“What will you tell them, Lara, dear?”
He reflected her own sarcastic tone back at her, even though he knew he was playing with fire, goading her.
His conscience was screaming ‘No!, as he retorted, as he didn’t want to wind her up even more, but he resented the fact his apology, although late, seemed to have been tossed back in his face.

He shot her a look, one which he gave to suspects, to show them he was NOT to be messed with.
His steely glare, held her gaze for a few seconds, before he took another cigarette and lit it, blowing the plume of smoke up into the air.
“You have some labial contusions, and more contusions on your arse. Which could easily be explained away with a session of rough sex. All the forensics will show is that you got fucked – it won’t prove consent, or the lack of it.”

He paused for thought; then said:
“It would be my word against yours. Who do you think they would believe, Lara? A woman who is desperate for a baby, or her decorated detective husband, who works in the unit which puts abusers in Prison? As soon as I tell them you wanted a baby, which they would ask you, the case would be closed!”

He took another toke on his smoke, before blowing it out and adding:
“I’m trying to apologise.” He said, emphasising the word 'trying'.
He looked up at her, and shot her a frown.
“I lost it, and I'm really sorry. I love you, I really do. I just freaked out after hearing the stories the lads told me down the pub about being tricked into having kids they weren’t ready for. I thought, mistakenly, you were trying to trick me too. I know now you weren’t - as you wouldn’t have been able to deny it so strongly. I know you too well. You wouldn’t have fought so hard.”

He let silence settle on them both.
He smoked the cigarette slowly, trying to gauge her mood, as she stood at the window, waiting for the kettle to boil, rolling the mug in her hands.
Her angst clear to him.

As the silence sat heavy between them, his mind drifted back to the sex.
Even after he realised she wasn’t Petra, with her cunt getting pounded, and then, on her knees, as he blew his load all over her face, he replayed the scene in his mind, and found himself getting turned on again.

He didn’t want a child. Yet.
He didn’t want a nasty confrontation at the Duty Sergeant’s Desk either. Even if her allegations were disproved, it would cast suspicion on him. He couldn’t afford that.
Not now, not ever.

He smoked as he watched her back, waiting for a reply.

"... All the forensics will show is that you got fucked – it won’t prove consent, or the lack of it.”

Lara flinched slightly at his choice of words. Not 'raped' and not 'made love to' but 'fucked,' as though she was some random slut who was asking for it.

If she hadn't been fucked then, she was getting fucked now and royally.

"Who do you think they would believe, Lara?" Nick was mocking her now, sneering at her from across the room. She hadn't really been serious about reporting him, all she had really wanted was for Nick to realise the severity of what he had done. All Nick had 'realised' was that she didn't have a leg to stand on. Lara just stood there and waited for Nick to reach the conclusion that he was being a total swine again.

It took a slow count of ten... eleven... twe-

"I’m trying to apologise.” He insisted petulantly, like a kid who had been forced to apologise stiffly to their arch nemesis in the playground. Lara raised a highly sceptical eyebrow.

“I lost it, and I'm really sorry. I love you, I really do. I just freaked out after hearing the stories the lads told me down the pub about being tricked into having kids they weren’t ready for. I thought, mistakenly, you were trying to trick me too. I know now you weren’t - as you wouldn’t have been able to deny it so strongly. I know you too well. You wouldn’t have fought so hard.”

"Well I'm glad it was enough to prove my case after you appointed yourself judge, jury and executioner." She replied acidly. "I'm sorry Nick but 'I'm sorry' ain't quite going to cut it and you're shit at apologies at the best of times."

Lara broke her eye contact with Nick and looked away. She was in no mood to relive her struggles and his abusive violation of her. That he could use it to make a point like that and so soon just flipped her stomach over.

The kettle boiled and Lara made herself a strong black coffee. She did not offer Nick anything. Lara sat down opposite him again and took a scalding gulp, letting the coffee burn her throat and focus her mind, to drive away the numbness of still receding shock.

"If I wanted to just get pregnant without consulting you, I would have done it ages ago, Nick. I opened a dialogue with you because I wanted this to be a joint decision. You spend a couple of hours down the local and suddenly I'm some hormone crazed, condom stabbing harpy? That's just terrific."

Lara rolled another cigarette and this time her hands were trembling. The elephant in the room - in their relationship - was going to drown them both in excrement if Lara didn't have the courage to make Nick talk to her.

"But that's not what any of this is about, is it Nick?" Lara continued in the same conversational tone before she lost her nerve or he realised where the conversation was going and pre-emptively stonewalled her like he had in the past. "I'm a lot of things but silly isn't one of them. You became selfish and aggressive in the bedroom during your tour undercover... while you were in constant contact with that woman." Lara began talking more quickly now, desperate to get the words out before he cut her off. "Now I never asked what your job required you to do with her and I'm still not going to. She was never with you. She was with Danny. I get that. But she's still in our heads, isn't she Nick? In our bed. In you."

Lara lit her cigarette and leaned back in her chair.

"Maybe..." Lara swallowed hard. "Maybe I've had you all wrong Nick. Maybe you're some kind of exploitative bent copper on the take. Maybe you went undercover because it gave you free rein to treat women like meat."

Nick was aware he had been whining, which was most unbecoming of him.
He was also aware that he had all but raped her, and knew that ‘Sorry’ wasn’t going to cut it, just as she said.
He felt like a complete shit, but couldn’t get away from the fact he had loved it!

The harder he tried to apologise to her, the worse he made things. He was digging himself a deeper hole, and he knew it.
She was right, He hadn’t waited to give her a chance to explain - he had drilled her hard and fast before dumping her onto the floor and then spraying his load all over her.
Part of him wished he could take that all back.
Another part of him didn't.

He saw her pour herself a coffee, and was painfully aware when she didn’t offer him one. She always offered him a drink, if she was making one.

Then, she really hit a nerve.
Telling Nick that she never questioned Nick what he got up to at work. It was something they had agreed to very early on in their relationship.
He appreciated that she hadn’t pressed the point, but now he wondered if she wasn’t right.
Nick had begun to regress to being Danny again. The kinky, dominant sex had been hard to resist after a while.
Petra had been so needy, she had been willing to let him do whatever he wanted.
Lara was right. Danny seemed to be making a comeback.

Certainly - her accusation that Nick might be on the take – a bent copper looking to exploit women for his own ends, hurt. He had started to behave as Danny might, all according to Nick’s ‘legend’.
He still considered himself a noble character, a ‘proper copper’, as his dead father would have said. Her words stung, drove him to say something in reply.

He blew a steady stream of smoke at the ceiling.
“I’ll get help.” He blurted out. Looking at her for a reaction. Any reaction. “I’ll see a shrink. Go private. I don’t want work to know, so I can’t use Support Services. Our housing allowance would vanish. We’d probably lose the house without that money. We’ll need the house for our family – when we start one.”

“I can’t do it alone, Lara. I’ll need your support if I’m going to get my head fixed. We can get you one of those hormone implant things that helps you conceive, if you think we need to start a family sooner rather than later.”

He realised he had been rambling, just pouring his thoughts out to her.
He hadn't been that candid in quite a while.

He looked at her; hopefully.
Would she agree to all this, or just storm out?

As he looked at her, waiting for an answer, the image of her kneeling before him, taking his load on her face drifted back in front of his eyes, and then morphed into an image of Petra, goading Nick on, urging him to hit her, then take her hard, and Nick blinked, focussing on Lara. Yes, it was Lara, again.
His cock started to harden in response to his thoughts, but he HAD to focus.
If she didn’t go to the Doctor with him, it was all for nothing, he couldn’t do it alone. He needed her, as much as she needed him.
He took an extra-long drag on his cigarette before stubbing the butt out, and imploring her:
“Please?”
He blew the long plume of smoke out, waiting for her reply.