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How much weight do you give your perversions in choosing a mate.

Ok, whoaaa nellie, I had to go back and catch up. To be honest, I was distracted by something terribly immoral called WHITE CHOCOLATE. It's not even real chocolate. Please don't speak of it again.

Stella_Omega said:
I ALWAYS see red flags when people with children at home start talking about domestic discipline with folks they don't know too well.

I thought it was just me being sensitive.
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I was kind of giving the benefit of the doubt, that by domestic discipline she really meant fairly innocent sexy time stuff like -- wear this underwear today -- or whatever. But maybe not -- it's not entirely clear to me how much of this is concrete and not just OMGEEEE! (and hey, I've been in that divorced dating frenzy myself so no judgment -- my point is you might fantasize about getting whisked away by mr. wonderful but your head gets that it isn't realistic).

I think when you're first dating (as a mom) -- and let's be clear that dating here means lust and shit leading up to sex and then sex (nothing wrong with that btw) -- you want to keep that separate from future marriage/babies/co-parenting talk. Have fun with the guy. Fuck the guy. If you're still enjoying each other's company months/years later after that initial glow has worn off, then talk about all that serious shit. Hey, worked for me! I'm now apparently a shining example for divorced moms everywhere LMAO.

On the other hand, that secret room and empty house DO sound a little creepy. Have you met any of his friends?
 
Fuck the guy. If you're still enjoying each other's company months/years later after that initial glow has worn off, then talk about all that serious shit.
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This. But I'm a member of the gay guy trapped in a body with boobs club.

Not an axe murderer? Hot? Go fuck. Use latex. Why invoke all this stress and letting someone you've never even fucked once tell you who you will and will not see and whether more babies and all this stuff. I get submissive, I get that this is someone's idea of foreplay, but it's not something I'd angst over. Angst later. If you are experiencing angst now, it's only going to get worse - these should be the carefree awesome days of a new hookup.

Secret rooms are interesting. It could be very "tee hee" and it could also be, have you seen my cement bomb-filled bunker. Hopefully our OP can sniff this one right.
 
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intothewoods said:
I think when you're first dating (as a mom) -- and let's be clear that dating here means lust and shit leading up to sex and then sex (nothing wrong with that btw) -- you want to keep that separate from future marriage/babies/co-parenting talk. Have fun with the guy. Fuck the guy. If you're still enjoying each other's company months/years later after that initial glow has worn off, then talk about all that serious shit. Hey, worked for me! I'm now apparently a shining example for divorced moms everywhere LMAO.
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All of this, all of it.

Seconding Netz too. She can call herself a gay man in a woman's body--I don't think that matters. Have sex. Have D/s on a strict "my home is not your home" basis. Don't let it go beyond that for a while.
 
Kim_Burly said:
On my current relationship with my married Dom his wife is 100% aware of what we do and when we do it. She is vanilla, which I think is an apt term, and she would rather have him flogging me and peeing in my face than her's. He get his kinky needs met with me so he can have a normal relationship with her.

I just ran into my Dom, his wife and kids at the photo studio. We had family potrait appointments a half an hour apart. His wife knows who I am, and even though I am taking the brunt of "unpleasant duties" the she won't/refuses to do, she still hates me, and I understand and accept that. Everyone acted like adults and the kids never caught on. AWKWARD!
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Just because she knows something is happening, does not mean she approves and is okay with it. I'm sure she has her reasons for being with him, but this obviously is not one of them.

A big fat red flag always goes up when a man says to me that he would be a good father to another man's children ... especially when those children have a father and the man is telling me he believes in corporal punishment. Yeah, try that corporal punishment shit on my kids and see what happens, I won't be looking too submissive at that point. AND that he eluded to you having his baby ... on the first date? Seriously .. you need to slow your roll and go into this with your head screwed on right and your priorities (your children) straight. I know all too well how easy it is to get caught up in somebody/something new. Just slow down ... if he is the man you think he is, he will understand your need to proceed with caution. If he doesn't, then run like hell.
 
Primalex said:
Is it just me who sees the red flags all over the place? :confused:
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Stella_Omega said:
I ALWAYS see red flags when people with children at home start talking about domestic discipline with folks they don't know too well.

I thought it was just me being sensitive.
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CutieMouse said:
The wife knows of the situation/approves, yet "hates" the OP?

The new domly-one was talking about having kids/domestic discipline on the first date?

Oy.

:rolleyes:
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Miles Long said:
What could possibly go wrong? :cool:
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Not sure if they are red flags or signs of us being made fun of.
If they are red flags then very much oy.
 
IrisAlthea said:
Not sure if they are red flags or signs of us being made fun of.
If they are red flags then very much oy.
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I agree with everyone who sees the red flags.

I don't think it unusual for a vanilla man to be assertive and state he does not want the women he is on a date with seeing another man, married or otherwise.

It is possible to be assertive, but not Dominant.

It is equally possible that behind the locked door is a huge pile of ironing, or a motorbike, just as likely as dungeon.

It is easy to read too much into every sentence when on a date that you want to work well. The OP may be projecting far more than there really is because she wants that thrill, that unknown element of 'what if.'

I would be wary of anyone who seemed to ask a lot of questions but did not state upfront their interest and ability in whatever the subject matter, or hidden (but obvious) agenda was.

It is as if they are feeding off what the other person wants and is therefore fitting in to that scenario, just to make it work.

If I were her I would enjoy the fantasy thoughts but walk away fairly rapidly
 
shy slave said:
I agree with everyone who sees the red flags.

I don't think it unusual for a vanilla man to be assertive and state he does not want the women he is on a date with seeing another man, married or otherwise.

It is possible to be assertive, but not Dominant.

It is equally possible that behind the locked door is a huge pile of ironing, or a motorbike, just as likely as dungeon.

It is easy to read too much into every sentence when on a date that you want to work well. The OP may be projecting far more than there really is because she wants that thrill, that unknown element of 'what if.'

I would be wary of anyone who seemed to ask a lot of questions but did not state upfront their interest and ability in whatever the subject matter, or hidden (but obvious) agenda was.

It is as if they are feeding off what the other person wants and is therefore fitting in to that scenario, just to make it work.

If I were her I would enjoy the fantasy thoughts but walk away fairly rapidly
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I dunno. There are red flags with new guy, and I also see red flags with married Dom as well. I think running away from both scenarios is really the better/best option. But that's probably just me.
 
Red Sonja said:
I dunno. There are red flags with new guy, and I also see red flags with married Dom as well. I think running away from both scenarios is really the better/best option. But that's probably just me.
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I agree, red flags with both; but at least with the married guy she is working from a place of knowledge.

Do wonder about how the OP manages her own safety though. Albeit that that is very hypocritical remark from someone who has in the past met complete strangers and had a great time with no ill effect.
 
Thanks for all of the warnings and I will admit you are all right. Now let me back up and say I leave a lot of pertinent information out because I know nobody wants to read a two page treatise of any apect of my life. Let me try and bullet point this or I'll just meander.

I know I have made many serious misteps in my life that have hurt the ones I love. I know my many flaws and weaknesses.

In spite of the honest portrayal of my life and failings I think I have been a very good mom. Both of my children are doing very well in school, get good grades and have good friends and acticely participate in extra-cirricular activites. I WILL NOT PUT MY EMOTIONAL AND SEXUAL NEEDS AND CRAVINGS ABOVE THEIR WELL BEING, IN THE SHORT TERM OR LONG. My ex and I have a cordial relationship and neither one of us talks bad about the other or play other games using the children.

I have been engaged in the process of getting to know Mr. German for nearly a month now. We have gotten through all of the superficial stuff before our first date via e-mail, chat and then on the phone. I know where he lives, where he works, that he is not really married.

He is a direct and assertive man and that is what I want, no, that is what I need. Call me weak or whatever you want, I want a man to lead and guide me.

As for the married Dom, is it ideal for anyone? NO! Does it help me and him get by, I think so. As for his wife, to me she gets all of his vanilla best and I get his kinky urges. I don't know it's just not good I know.

I am approaching 40, I know what I want/need and I am not going to play games about it, just as men don't, isn't that fair?

To close I have taken everything to heart and I am doing my best to go slow, but it's soooooooooo hard. BTW, nothing "exciting" happened last night. But I had a great time.
 
Just be careful that you are not focusing too much on the sexual part, that you mistaken physical chemistry for emotional chemistry / compatibility.

Also, kinks or not, treat it as a normal date that you're getting to know. Nothing wrong with being submissive and wanting someone in control, but if you're going in with the mindset that "It's so rare to find someone who can fulfill my kinky needs!", it's easy to come off as desperate and he may be able to exploit it.
 
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Kim_Burly said:
Thanks for all of the warnings and I will admit you are all right. Now let me back up and say I leave a lot of pertinent information out because I know nobody wants to read a two page treatise of any apect of my life. Let me try and bullet point this or I'll just meander.

I know I have made many serious misteps in my life that have hurt the ones I love. I know my many flaws and weaknesses.

In spite of the honest portrayal of my life and failings I think I have been a very good mom. Both of my children are doing very well in school, get good grades and have good friends and acticely participate in extra-cirricular activites. I WILL NOT PUT MY EMOTIONAL AND SEXUAL NEEDS AND CRAVINGS ABOVE THEIR WELL BEING, IN THE SHORT TERM OR LONG. My ex and I have a cordial relationship and neither one of us talks bad about the other or play other games using the children.

I have been engaged in the process of getting to know Mr. German for nearly a month now. We have gotten through all of the superficial stuff before our first date via e-mail, chat and then on the phone. I know where he lives, where he works, that he is not really married.

He is a direct and assertive man and that is what I want, no, that is what I need. Call me weak or whatever you want, I want a man to lead and guide me.

As for the married Dom, is it ideal for anyone? NO! Does it help me and him get by, I think so. As for his wife, to me she gets all of his vanilla best and I get his kinky urges. I don't know it's just not good I know.

I am approaching 40, I know what I want/need and I am not going to play games about it, just as men don't, isn't that fair?

To close I have taken everything to heart and I am doing my best to go slow, but it's soooooooooo hard. BTW, nothing "exciting" happened last night. But I had a great time.
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I know so very well where you're coming from, and although I can't speak for anyone else, thank you for setting my mind at rest. :rose:

The slow going part-- for me, I only counsel going slow in making the final commitments, everything else I'm right on your page.

I wouldn't call you weak BTW, I would call you submissive. You really do know who you are.
 
Well?
what happened with Mr German??
i know i m not the only one interested in hearing the rest of the love story....
do tell :)
keep us posted pls.
 
Kim_Burly said:
*snip*

To close I have taken everything to heart and I am doing my best to go slow, but it's soooooooooo hard. BTW, nothing "exciting" happened last night. But I had a great time.
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I hope this one works out for you and you get to be happy together.

Keep us all posted. I, for one, like hearing about other people's good fortune in love and great sex.

:heart:
 
Details? Mr. German had told me to where a garter belt and stockings. I wanted to go without panties, but I thought better of that. Late in the night he asked me if I had followed his instructions. I was blushing as I slid my skirt up my thighs to show him when he put his hand on mine and stopped me. "That won't be necessary.", he rubbed my thigh and felt the suspender between the garter belt and my stocking. He looked at me and said "Good girl." That was it, I could have died, I'm not a slut but I wanted him so bad last night, he could have thrown me over that table in the restaurant and taken me and I would have been thrilled! I did wear a thong that was, shall we say, very, very damp when I got home. For better or worse, he was a perfect gentleman :(.

Bigsexynipples said:
Well?
what happened with Mr German??
i know i m not the only one interested in hearing the rest of the love story....
do tell :)
keep us posted pls.
Click to expand...
 
Stella_Omega said:
I know so very well where you're coming from, and although I can't speak for anyone else, thank you for setting my mind at rest. :rose:

The slow going part-- for me, I only counsel going slow in making the final commitments, everything else I'm right on your page.

I wouldn't call you weak BTW, I would call you submissive. You really do know who you are.
Click to expand...

Thank you
 
OK I guess I may need another you are moving too fast intervention. I helped Mr. German throw a party for some work colleagues on Sunday. To test him I was intentionally 15 minutes late. He wasn't happy, but when he said "We'll take care of this later." I was thrilled! Long story short, ater everyone left he gave me a very long and strong OTK spanking and the took me in a big way :D:D:D Who says bratting never works :D? I know I am being foolish but I am definitely in love :heart:. He had me stand on a coffee table in just heels in front of him and pose and expose myself in various humiliating ways and it was a real ego booster that he was so aroused by me, maybe I do still have it after all :D.

Yesterday, I broke it off with my Dom :(. I found out that I love(d) him too. It was really, really, really hard for both of us. He was very classy about it and gave me an unbelievably kind and selfless gesture as we parted. I am glad I have Mr. G, or I would completely fall apart.

This rollercoaster ride has me emotionally drained, but I am optimistic that even if the wheels come off with Mr. G, I will land on my feet. I feel like screaming "Kim's back, so look out world!". Thanks for listening! :kiss::cattail:
 
These are very wise words TxBookGirl, thank you. When I am away from him, I have some sense of perspective. But when I am with him I feel so secure and loved that I am infatuated. I know it can lead me to make bad decisions. For example, he is still potent and we are using the withdrawl method. Last time we made love, some primal instict made me beg him to cum inside of me. Fortuantely, he was wise enough to pull out and and finish between my boobs. Unfortuantely, the man cums a ridiculously large amount of semen :eek: and he made a mess of my neck, face and hair, but at least I'm not pregnant :D.

TxBookGirl said:
Kim, I'm so happy things are working out for you. I'm a fellow divorcee so I can understand where you're coming from. When you feel like things are going too fast, stop and remember how hard a divorce can be. Taking your time is hard, but it can save you a great deal of pain later on. If Mr. German is good/right for you today, he will be good/right for you tomorrow.

Good Luck!
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Kim_Burly said:
These are very wise words TxBookGirl, thank you. When I am away from him, I have some sense of perspective. But when I am with him I feel so secure and loved that I am infatuated. I know it can lead me to make bad decisions. For example, he is still potent and we are using the withdrawl method. Last time we made love, some primal instict made me beg him to cum inside of me. Fortuantely, he was wise enough to pull out and and finish between my boobs. Unfortuantely, the man cums a ridiculously large amount of semen :eek: and he made a mess of my neck, face and hair, but at least I'm not pregnant :D.
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You are lucky. This isn't a good method of protection.

I'm all about fuck the whole neighborhood if you want, but do health 101 while you do. Are you really ready to take on an STD, or a sibling for your kid, or a to have-or-not-to-have crisis when you've known dude, less than a month?
 
Kim_Burly said:
These are very wise words TxBookGirl, thank you. When I am away from him, I have some sense of perspective. But when I am with him I feel so secure and loved that I am infatuated. I know it can lead me to make bad decisions. For example, he is still potent and we are using the withdrawl method. Last time we made love, some primal instict made me beg him to cum inside of me. Fortuantely, he was wise enough to pull out and and finish between my boobs. Unfortuantely, the man cums a ridiculously large amount of semen :eek: and he made a mess of my neck, face and hair, but at least I'm not pregnant :D.
Click to expand...

You do know that there is some risk even if he pulls out?
 
I know, I have an appointment Thursday with my Ob Gyn. I'll be back on the pill then. Call me stupid, but I'm not worried about STDs with him. Hhas not been out sleeping around, instead he works long hours. I have met a couple of his co-workers and they are happy he has found me because he was becoming obsessive at work. The whole pregnancy thing is a whole other matter. It looks like if this works out we will be having a child. I'm starting to like the idea. Again, if it works out, and we get married, I won't need to work anymore, the idea of being a SAHM is nice. He wanted to avoid vaginal intercourse, but my hormones got the best of me, I needed him inside me and I don't have any condoms in the house. Like I have said before, I have been known to make libido induced bad decisions.Thanks for your concern. :kiss:

Netzach said:
You are lucky. This isn't a good method of protection.

I'm all about fuck the whole neighborhood if you want, but do health 101 while you do. Are you really ready to take on an STD, or a sibling for your kid, or a to have-or-not-to-have crisis when you've known dude, less than a month?
Click to expand...
 
Kim_Burly said:
Call me stupid, but I'm not worried about STDs with him. Hhas not been out sleeping around, instead he works long hours. I have met a couple of his co-workers and they are happy he has found me because he was becoming obsessive at work.
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You're not stupid, but you are hurried. You think you know this, but you honestly have no way of knowing. People married 15 years get surprised by new and shocking revelations every day, not to be completely negative, but seriously. Too soon to tell. Keep your good feelings, but don't throw yourself onto them yet.

Kim_Burly said:
The whole pregnancy thing is a whole other matter. It looks like if this works out we will be having a child. I'm starting to like the idea. Again, if it works out, and we get married, I won't need to work anymore, the idea of being a SAHM is nice.
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Do you think this desire might be sabotaging your self-preservation instincts at this moment? It sounds nice, assuming it works. You don't know this guy, maybe you're looking at him as a panacea to feeling like you have to do everything. That's a pretty big if, not just for you but for your kid. You want to choose that, not get roped into it together.


He wanted to avoid vaginal intercourse, but my hormones got the best of me, I needed him inside me and I don't have any condoms in the house. Like I have said before, I have been known to make libido induced bad decisions.
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That's not a "need." I say this as someone who's a fan of the activity myself. If he has half a brain he'll wedge his fingers in you and give you a facial or something, you'll feel just as "taken." Whatever, you're adults.
 
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I agree with Netzach. You should get on the pill (takes about a week to be in effect), and he (and you) should get tested. Unprotected sex can wait a week.

And it is WAY TOO EARLY to be thinking about getting married and having kids together when you've known the guy for only a month or so (maybe 2?). I think your infatuation has gotten the best of you. I wish you luck but I also hope you'll take it more slowly and not throw caution in the wind.
 
Netzach said:
You're not stupid, but you are hurried. You think you know this, but you honestly have no way of knowing. People married 15 years get surprised by new and shocking revelations every day, not to be completely negative, but seriously. Too soon to tell. Keep your good feelings, but don't throw yourself onto them yet.



Do you think this desire might be sabotaging your self-preservation instincts at this moment? It sounds nice, assuming it works. You don't know this guy, maybe you're looking at him as a panacea to feeling like you have to do everything. That's a pretty big if, not just for you but for your kid. You want to choose that, not get roped into it together.




That's not a "need." I say this as someone who's a fan of the activity myself. If he has half a brain he'll wedge his fingers in you and give you a facial or something, you'll feel just as "taken." Whatever, you're adults.
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Yes, and also he could have something and not know it.

I think the only thing that kept me smart during my divorce was the sense somewhere in me that I had to keep shit together for my kid. I went off the deep end to a degree, but some part of me kept my behavior on the sane side.

It also forced me to be pretty practical and matter-of-fact about marriage. Kind of a good thing. We don't need to be married to have love and orgasms, so if you're going to do it, it should be because it works for your family (all members).
 
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