How to compliment a woman

TamLin01 said:

Whereas I know at least a hundred women

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What are their names? I actually don't have any issue with what you are saying at all - just be careful not to spoil the message.

No doubt there may well have been a hundred women pass through your life who share a common understanding of this. I, however, doubt there are many who can actually know at least a hundred people and speak on their behalf.

Semantics yes, but be careful how you phrase things.

I don't want to hear a random guy in a grocery store tell me I'm pretty. It makes me uncomfortable. I don't mind if someone tells me they like my scarf or something along those lines.

I think I've been yelled at from passing cars, accosted by men who tell me to smile, and leered at like a piece of meat while working a few too many times.

KrazyWhiteBoy said:

That link is hilarious!!!! And soooooo true for me twenty+ years ago!!!

My intent is to complement a woman, not try to pick her up. I've been surrounded by female relatives my whole life. My Mom raised my sister and I, and now I am the only male in a house with three females (wife and two daughters). I've been telling my wife how beautiful she is for more than twenty years, yet she is still surprised when I tell her she is getting checked out by some other guy. My intent in complementing a woman is to reaffirm what I hope the men in their lives are telling them.

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Really not trying to be snide, but I ignored this on the original post and find it hard to continue ignoring it: the kind of 'compliment' you are talking about is spelled with an 'i', not an 'e'. 'Complementary' means something works well with something else, as in 'that tie complements your shirt', which would be odd if spelled the other way.

Sorry - that random comment to a stranger was probably all about me, and probably annoyed you like a woman being yelled at from a building site. But it is true that some women prefer men who can spell. That's actual consumer advice.

DesEsseintes said:

Really not trying to be snide, but I ignored this on the original post and find it hard to continue ignoring it: the kind of 'compliment' you are talking about is spelled with an 'i', not an 'e'. 'Complementary' means something works well with something else, as in 'that tie complements your shirt', which would be odd if spelled the other way.

Sorry - that random comment to a stranger was probably all about me, and probably annoyed you like a woman being yelled at from a building site. But it is true that some women prefer men who can spell. That's actual consumer advice.

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Ahhh the subtleties of the English language!!!!!! Please forgive me.

i are a truck driver dont ya know from these here backard cuntry roads of tennessee i ain't been learned to good in the queens english

Don't be that guy.

for the Op-
http://www.tickld.com/x/next-time-someone-says-women-arent-victims-of-harassment-show-them

KrazyWhiteBoy said:

That link is hilarious!!!! And soooooo true for me twenty+ years ago!!!

My intent is to complement a woman, not try to pick her up. I've been surrounded by female relatives my whole life. My Mom raised my sister and I, and now I am the only male in a house with three females (wife and two daughters). I've been telling my wife how beautiful she is for more than twenty years, yet she is still surprised when I tell her she is getting checked out by some other guy. My intent in complementing a woman is to reaffirm what I hope the men in their lives are telling them.

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Being constantly reminded that your place in life is being a sex object and eye candy is not always the best thing.

Being checked out by other guys when you are with your guy is usually a sign of disrespect by the guy to your guy. Property rights, you know...

TamLin01 said:

Ah, the million dollar question.

I'll say this: Every single woman I know complains about getting hit on in public by sleazy guys. Which guys are the sleazy guys? I don't know; I'm not there.

But NO woman I know EVER complains about going out in public and never getting hit on. Never once have I heard any woman say, "I wish more strange men would comment on my appearance." Not saying there's no woman out there with that attitude. Just saying that I couldn't introduce you to any of them. Whereas I know at least a hundred women who wish more guys would keep it to themselves. Food for thought.

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It is always creepy, but depending on circumstances we tolerate some guys doing it better than others. However, even that is not a positive because it means we are not seeing them as equals, we are humoring them as we might a child.

Primalex said:

Complement something specific, not something generic.

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I agree.

Shoes, hair, jewellery, smile, eyes. Not her ass or tits. Maybe her legs.

I don't think there's any hard and fast rule: some guys can dish out a cheeky compliment and get away with it, but far more offend or face-plant by trying to be a smart ass. The safest compliment is just a smile: acknowledging her presence, but the chances are she won't register it because we don't want to encourage a conversation because then we're being flirty...

If you see someone doing a shitty job in a supermarket, like on the check out, then maybe just "hey, how's your day huh?" "When did you start work?" "Oh well, there's only 24 hours in a day" anything really to let her know you've seen her as a person working hard. She's doing her job - she isn't on display. Don't just do it for the pretty girls though - do it for anyone, because you're a nice guy and you appreciate they have a crap job.

On the street? Don't - not ever. You've no idea what mood she is in ( and never ever do the 'cheer up darling' routine ffs ), whether she's late for work, being threatened by her ex, maybe one of her kids is unwell...

The thing is the expression is all wrong - you're not 'giving someone a compliment' you're actually 'invading their privacy' and you better have a good reason for it. Sorry guys - just as I see it.

This should help:

https://www.cloudy.ec/v/09b18e827769e

pmann said:

This should help:

https://www.cloudy.ec/v/09b18e827769e

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I believe your link hits it square on the head!!!! By the way, do you think those tidy whities complement Tom Brady's legs, DesEsseintes?

KrazyWhiteBoy said:

I believe your link hits it square on the head!!!! By the way, do you think those tidy whities complement Tom Brady's legs, DesEsseintes?

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Er...not really! But, you know, each to their own.

So much in life boils down to 'don't be a dick', doesn't it? It should be so simple. But then I think of Team America, and remember that sometimes we need people to be dicks...

Brief rule of thumb:

Only pay the sorts of complements to a lady that you'd be happy to pay to a guy.

In other words, can you put the word 'dude' after it?

Correct:
Nice shoes, dude
Cool watch, dude

Incorrect:
Great hair, dude
Nice legs, dude
Wow, your body is hot, dude

I have used "Great Bewbs, dude", but then you and I may just travel and socialize in different circles.

shiny5437 said:

Brief rule of thumb:

Only pay the sorts of complements to a lady that you'd be happy to pay to a guy.

In other words, can you put the word 'dude' after it?

Correct:
Nice shoes, dude
Cool watch, dude

Incorrect:
Great hair, dude
Nice legs, dude
Wow, your body is hot, dude

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I'd certainly rather compliment a man's 'hot body' than refer to him as a 'dude'. There are limits.

What's wrong with good old-fashioned 'You make me absurdly horny, old chap'? Manners cost nothing...

Emerson40 said:

I have used "Great Bewbs, dude", but then you and I may just travel and socialize in different circles.

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Ah yes but I assume you knew this fellow and weren't just hollering it at a guy in the street. I might propose that if you were this familiar with a lady you might pay her a similar complement.

shiny5437 said:

Brief rule of thumb:

Only pay the sorts of complements to a lady that you'd be happy to pay to a guy.

In other words, can you put the word 'dude' after it?

Correct:
Nice shoes, dude
Cool watch, dude

Incorrect:
Great hair, dude
Nice legs, dude
Wow, your body is hot, dude

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I like this - easy for (hetero) guys to remember
dude

shiny5437 said:

Ah yes but I assume you knew this fellow and weren't just hollering it at a guy in the street. I might propose that if you were this familiar with a lady you might pay her a similar complement.

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You are correct.

The dude who's with the bewbs I knew.
I would not say "boo" to another dude,
about his bewbs, if he were not a dude I knew.

KrazyWhiteBoy said:

How does one know if they are creepy or not?

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If you have to ask. . .

NightL said:

What are their names? I actually don't have any issue with what you are saying at all - just be careful not to spoil the message.

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Actually, I picked that number on purpose after some consideration, and though you'll never see me actually do it I'm confident I could follow through on that if I wanted to invest the time. In fact, that might be the seeds of a decent bit of journalism. But your point about being cautious with terms is certainly wise regardless.

TamLin01 said:

Ah, the million dollar question.

I'll say this: Every single woman I know complains about getting hit on in public by sleazy guys. Which guys are the sleazy guys? I don't know; I'm not there.

But NO woman I know EVER complains about going out in public and never getting hit on. Never once have I heard any woman say, "I wish more strange men would comment on my appearance." Not saying there's no woman out there with that attitude. Just saying that I couldn't introduce you to any of them. Whereas I know at least a hundred women who wish more guys would keep it to themselves. Food for thought.

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(ahem) raises hand

I wonder how much of this has to do with where you live?
The OP is from Tenn. which is a Southern state. I was raised in a Southern state and can tell you that it's never set me back on my heels to have someone tell me I look pretty. (Don't misunderstand me, I'm not suggesting it happens all that much.) I don't take it as a put down--that I'm no more than how I look or that I should only aspire to be ornamental. It doesn't seem sleazy--possibly because I tend to avoid sleazy people so that has some effect.
A sincerely offered compliment will always make me smile.

This thread reminded me of this. We are all a series of masks, are we not?

DesEsseintes said:

This thread reminded me of this. We are all a series of masks, are we not?

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Doggystyle! Love it


The OP's inquiry seems to imply that all or even most women are the same, however, nothing can be further from the truth when it comes to this subject.

You could pay the same polite compliment to four different women, and the first might smile and enjoy it. The second might think it's creepy and call her therapist. The next might just go straight for her pepper spray, while the fourth might become your future wife. You just never really know.

The reasons for this go far beyond the fact that she is a woman. Nor would it be any different for men. Their age as well as age difference between you, how she was raised or where or by whom, her ethnicity, relationships, job etc, etc, etc. An endless list of possibilities that could change her response to a compliment. Just from the responses so far in this thread, you can see a wide range of diversity with women.

Humans are very visual creatures, and as such, the response to your compliments will be in large part decided before you even start to speak. There is a certain level of shallowness in all of us. Simply stated, the less attractive we find another, the more repelled we are by their presence. Sad, but true. Before you go and get offended by that notion, consider this. Wouldn't a guy that looked like Jabba the Hut, be considered creepy regardless of what he had to say? Couldn't Matthew McConaughey or Channing Tatum walk up to nearly any women and get a good response?

I live in a free country (and yes, I realize that everyone does not), so if I want to pay a compliment, I see no reason why I shouldn't. If she doesn't appreciate it, that's her problem. Before another woman comes in here all stuck up with, "I wish guys would leave me alone", consider all the women out there who never hear compliments.

I applaud the OP in his effort to find a better way to interact in the real world, ironically doing so via the internet...which has in fact, made it more difficult for people to interact in the real world. My advice to him is this: You can only try your best to choose the words that best convey your compliment, in a manner that feels right to you. As a rule of thumb, if it's only a compliment and you're not attempting anything more, then your best bet is to walk away right after. No looking back, sort of a life philosophy for me with most things.

There really isn't a right or wrong with what you can compliment or the context in which the compliment is made, it simply comes down to how you hope to be perceived, the rest is simply left to fate.