A question for all Doms/Dommes

How do you & your sub set clear boundaries & rules and do you respect those limits?

Talk, talk, talk, talk, talk, read stuff from Lit together and discuss it, then talk.

Then set up a safe word you will always honour instantly.

And don't feel the need to do stuff together because it's "what d/s couples do".

Can not agree more -- Talk Talk Talk

As a beginning Dom have made the error , and a broken S/D relationship as a result. Not sure this is a path every Dom has to go through but it has been a learning curve..

But foremost not just Talk but LISTEN .. with full attention ..

Happy hunting Armygirl

Thank you both!!

How?

Clear, ongoing communication.

Respecting limits?

Limits should always be respected, on both sides of the D/s divide. There should be no 'do you?'.....

ArmyGirl20 said:

How do you & your sub set clear boundaries & rules and do you respect those limits?

Click to expand...

It really depends on my opinion of the boundaries.

For example, if she tells me a hard limit that for me belongs to my core play, I'll tell her that she either needs to change her mind or leave, because I have no use for her. For some people this is already rape. *shrugs* I believe in mature play partners.

Then there are common "Not now, not you" boundaries - "I would do that but I don't know you well enough". I respect those as far as I deem reasonable, then see above.

Then there are "This doesn't turn me on" boundaries. As far as I can tell, most of these boundaries are written because it is expected by society (children, animals, ...) or because the person worries what I might think about it. There is a fair chance I will do a gentle probing. For example, if she tells me her limit is water sports, I might nevertheless later make a comment about taking a pee break and whether she wants to watch me being naked and then check her reaction to it. I wouldn't tie her up and pee on her though. So I respect the boundary, as I'm not going to cross it without her consent, but I might check where exactly the line is.

Then there are boundaries and rules I respect and uphold no matter what. These are rules for example regarding safety, privacy, private and work life, mental and physical health. For example, if you suffer from a mental problem, I'm not going to try whether godly Domship can cure this. I don't believe in BDSM as solution to problems.

Hm.

I think that's it off top of my head.

Thank you everyone, really good advice