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Brewing coffee

ColetteJulie

ColetteJulie

Really Experienced
Joined
Dec 17, 2015
Posts
209
I find myself in a situation where I have access to coffee beans (granny's house) and yet there is no grinder. Just 500 pounds of tea.

Since we're here for a while in the wildness and no shops for miles, I took it upon myself to save the coffee drinking part of the family.

Yes. You can brew coffee without grinding the beans.

Put 3-5oz of beans in small saucepan add three cups of water and lightly, very lightly, simmer for one hour.

Works wonderfully. The only catch is that some of the water is going to disappear. So you might want to start off with a cup more than you need.
 
Or you can save yourself the trouble, and do like my husband does. He just eats the beans.
 
ColetteJulie said:
I find myself in a situation where I have access to coffee beans (granny's house) and yet there is no grinder. Just 500 pounds of tea.
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Granny probably has a rolling pin or tenderizing hammer. Either will suffice to reduce whole beans to coarse-ground coffee. Put the beans in a bag or wrap them in a dish towel and just work out your frustrations banging away at them.

A robust "chopper" will further reduce the grind -- down to espresso-grind, if you're patient and determined.

A blender can also reduce whole beans to ground coffee.

There's no need to spend an hour or more simmering whole beans.
 
Weird Harold said:
Granny probably has a rolling pin or tenderizing hammer. Either will suffice to reduce whole beans to coarse-ground coffee. Put the beans in a bag or wrap them in a dish towel and just work out your frustrations banging away at them.

A robust "chopper" will further reduce the grind -- down to espresso-grind, if you're patient and determined.

A blender can also reduce whole beans to ground coffee.

There's no need to spend an hour or more simmering whole beans.
Click to expand...

That never occurred to me, thanks very much, I'll hunt down the rolling pin immediately. She has to have one here somewhere.
 
ColetteJulie said:
I find myself in a situation where I have access to coffee beans (granny's house) and yet there is no grinder. Just 500 pounds of tea.

Lit is so much more than just porn....I hope it works and you have coffee. Because a day without coffee is a rough starting day.
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littlecordelera said:
Or you can save yourself the trouble, and do like my husband does. He just eats the beans.
Click to expand...

ColetteJulie said:
I'm sorry, but that is..... Uh uh
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littlecordelera said:
Agreed. The thought of it turns my stomach.
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Seriously? Y'all have never tried chocolate covered espresso beans? Would it help at all if I pointed out that technically, coffee beans are not beans but berries? :D

As Weird Harold said, putting a handful of beans in a freezer bag and then cracking them with a rolling pin or tenderizer hammer or, hell, even just the flat of a knife blade will do a reasonable coarse grind. Alternatively, you can use a decent blender or food processor, but only use extremely short pulses if you do. Otherwise you can cook the beans a little when then blade heats.

I would not recommend ice to keep the bean cool during the process unless you use pure filtered water and store crushed in an air tight container. I would, however, recommend just a pinch of salt at the risk of being called a barbarian by those with a less refined palate.

Depending on just how old school Grannies kitchen is set up, she may have a mortar and pestle or possibly a peppercorn mill which can work pretty well for a medium grind but I'd be cautious of one that has been used for it's named purpose in the latter.
 
o2baPrince said:
ColetteJulie said:
I find myself in a situation where I have access to coffee beans (granny's house) and yet there is no grinder. Just 500 pounds of tea.

Lit is so much more than just porn....I hope it works and you have coffee. Because a day without coffee is a rough starting day.
Click to expand...
It is best, and a whole lot more safe to give the coffee drinkers 2 cups a day as a minimum bordering on starvation.
Otherwise, the day would have a murderous start and who wants to try to dig a grave in the frozen dirt?
As it is, the tea drinkers have cordoned themselves off in the livingroom, and the coffee drinkers have formed a border guard in the hall.
It sounded as if the roof beams were collapsing when the men started pounding the beans. It was at least as terrifying as a house collapsing and the tea drinkers had to doctor granny's tea with a little bit of whiskey.
All we need now is the annual family feud and this will be just like any other vacation.
Click to expand...
 
PuckIt said:
Seriously? Y'all have never tried chocolate covered espresso beans? Would it help at all if I pointed out that technically, coffee beans are not beans but berries? :D

No. And no, really? I thought it was a bean.

As Weird Harold said, putting a handful of beans in a freezer bag and then cracking them with a rolling pin or tenderizer hammer or, hell, even just the flat of a knife blade will do a reasonable coarse grind. Alternatively, you can use a decent blender or food processor, but only use extremely short pulses if you do. Otherwise you can cook the beans a little when then blade heats.

I would not recommend ice to keep the bean cool during the process unless you use pure filtered water and store crushed in an air tight container. I would, however, recommend just a pinch of salt at the risk of being called a barbarian by those with a less refined palate.

I'm going to try that. We are learning as we go.

Depending on just how old school Grannies kitchen is set up, she may have a mortar and pestle or possibly a peppercorn mill which can work pretty well for a medium grind but I'd be cautious of one that has been used for it's named purpose in the latter.
Click to expand...

No mortar and pestle. She does have a pepper grinder but it's got pepper in it. So that's no use, plus she doesn't use whole corns, it's use is strictly decorative. I think the blades would break on the first turn.

I'm not going to mention it to the men, they're working up a sweat with the rolling pin.
 
ColetteJulie said:
No mortar and pestle. She does have a pepper grinder but it's got pepper in it. So that's no use, plus she doesn't use whole corns, it's use is strictly decorative. I think the blades would break on the first turn.

I'm not going to mention it to the men, they're working up a sweat with the rolling pin.
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Did you tell them your coffee instruction came from Lit? They may work up an even better sweat....
 
PuckIt said:
Au contraire. "Deer camp coffee" you had to chew was mainstay.

Er. Or was that Zane Grey. :confused:
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Cowboy coffee, isn't it? And that makes me long for a decent western to read. Because this is the most exciting time of my life.
 
ColetteJulie said:
Cowboy coffee, isn't it? And that makes me long for a decent western to read. Because this is the most exciting time of my life.
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Let's not get too excited there.

69eeea14fcccbe719b8428bd91ec81a6--hot-cowboys-country-boys.jpg


That's typically not what is meant. :D
 
littlecordelera said:
Or you can save yourself the trouble, and do like my husband does. He just eats the beans.
Click to expand...

I just thought that the most cowboy thing I have read in a long time :)

littlecordelera said:
Do people eat coffee beans in Louis L'Amour paperbacks?
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My memory was endless brewing coffee over the camp fires in between the shoot outs. Brewed coffee and guns, come to think of it very little mention of women in those books... but lots of talk of leather and chaps... hmm never thought of it that way, Louis L'Amour a gay icon writer. The foundation of white Murica masculinity.

Chewing beans I had not heard of, but PuckIt was all over it.
 
NightL said:
I just thought that the most cowboy thing I have read in a long time :)


My memory was endless brewing coffee over the camp fires in between the shoot outs. Brewed coffee and guns, come to think of it very little mention of women in those books... but lots of talk of leather and chaps... hmm never thought of it that way, Louis L'Amour a gay icon writer. The foundation of white Murica masculinity.

Chewing beans I had not heard of, but PuckIt was all over it.
Click to expand...

When I saw your post about L'Amour I got curious, and so I asked my husband why he ever started eating coffee beans. He said he learned it from a British mountain climber, and then he told me a story about eating coffee beans while "out in the field" under harsh conditions, and another story about eating coffee beans while sitting in an airport, and then he told me about a raging debate about whether or not it is healthy to eat coffee beans, and then he told me about....

He talked about coffee beans for 30 minutes. It was torture.

You owe me.
 
Just for giggles (and because I can't just stop and leave a well enough thread alone)...

... and because I decided littlecordelera's hubby needed some help in completing her torture :D ...

I went and did a little research and thought I'd pass along some links.

Everything you could ever want to know about preparing coffee but didn't know to ask.


Coffee in the Wild Wild West

How to make bad tasting Cowboy Coffee and Cowboy Coffee that's actually drinkable other than by leathernecks

Hands down the most hilarious answer to how to rustle up a cuppa joe I've ever been privileged to read.

Yippee Kay fucking Ay

Oh, and Twister, get it straight. TOBACCO goes between the cheek and gum. Coffee grounds go between the front teeth used as the last strainer and the bottom lip.
 
Last edited:
I'm telling you, free coffee is a constitutional right! Just look it up - Juan Valdez versus the state of California!...Dr. Johnny Fever
 
If the beans are old, it’s not going to be good coffee. A house with coffee beans and no grinder makes me suspect that they’ve been there a while, unless there’s another explanation.
 
DrHappy said:
If the beans are old, it’s not going to be good coffee. A house with coffee beans and no grinder makes me suspect that they’ve been there a while, unless there’s another explanation.
Click to expand...
Old coffee is fine, given enough cocoa and/or spirits. A little cash at a discount store or thrift shop buys a usable grinder. And I highly recommend chewing chocolated coffee beans at events with too few restrooms. I learned that the hard way.
 
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