As The Hospital Pervs

A patient unresponsive from an drug overdose-- The Resident says: He is still not waking up. I better do a rectal exam, what if there are drugs hidden up the rectum?

I am like, whatever I will get you some lubrication.

Nurse: How did that exam go? Find anything?
Resident: No, just poop. I haven't fisted anyone yet.

All the nurses at the desk were like: what? really?

The Attending inserted a central line-- I tied the sterile gown for him.

Attending: A bear asks a rabbit in the woods, have you ever had poop stuck in your fur? The rabbit replied no. The bear took a poop in front of the rabbit and then picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass and said, there is a first time for everything.

Me: I don't get it.

Attending: A bear asks a rabbit in the woods, have you ever had poop stuck in your fur? The rabbit replied no. The bear took a poop in front of the rabbit and then picked up the rabbit and wiped his ass with the rabbit and said, there is a first time for everything.

Me: Ok, I don't get it.
---

Was I supposed to laugh?

My guess, is that- Somewhere, along the line- the last part of the joke was lost.

(The part, where the little bunny plotted revenge, made a plan, executed the plan, and delivered the last punchline.)

gotsnowgotslush said:

My guess, is that- Somewhere, along the line- the last part of the joke was lost.

(The part, where the little bunny plotted revenge, made a plan, executed the plan, and delivered the last punchline.)

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Ok, so it's not just me 'not getting' the joke as is?

Maybe, if he had enough time, he would have added some pee and fart jokes.
(Not many women find those kind of jokes, funny. )

Unless, it is about adventures in motherhood, or babysitting. Then, it is all about the child.

Updates:

The daughter got out of the hospital yesterday sporting the latest fashion - a shiny new pacemaker. Thanks for any and all prayers sent in their behalf.

But the pct (aide) who was assaulted - retired. We'll miss her.

Ah! That is great news. *I am still crossing my fingers about hiccups.*

Poor lil' ol lady. The world is much wilder and rougher, than it used to be.

It is a good thing, that the internet will give her a spot to keep in touch with everyone.

BeachMomma said:

Updates:

The daughter got out of the hospital yesterday sporting the latest fashion - a shiny new pacemaker. Thanks for any and all prayers sent in their behalf.

But the pct (aide) who was assaulted - retired. We'll miss her.

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That's great about the girl doing good with the new pacer.

I am sad about the aide, maybe it was time to retire but that is an awful way to say goodbye.

gotsnowgotslush said:

Maybe, if he had enough time, he would have added some pee and fart jokes.
(Not many women find those kind of jokes, funny. )

Unless, it is about adventures in motherhood, or babysitting. Then, it is all about the child.

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I am glad there was no time. I pushed him into the room.

The 's' word isn't very nice.

I should write these novels.

A lovely young nurse is forced to choose between her love for a brilliant young doctor and her pity for a dying man... with dramatic results not even she could have predicted

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very juicy plot bunnies!

(see you later! I am very frazzled. I am outie-*poof* gone)

By The Numbers

I am not sure if this is the best advertisement to recruit more nurses, especially the poop part.

I am encouraging this old-timer nurse to write a nurse novel. She told me the craziest admission in 40 years was the man that 'felt constipated, so he gave himself an enema with the garden hose and perforated his bowels.'

I want her opening line to be: We started draining chests and expanding collapsed lungs with a three glass bottle water seal system, and a tube.

One of my techs told me a story that made my blood run cold. Thank God she had the yrs of experience to know to refuse to perform the exam and back up her refusal with solid reasons.

The worst story about a patient I heard was about this woman who kept having recurrent infections of her colostomy hole. Turns out her husband had become fascinated by it and was fucking it. He was eventually convinced that it was a bad idea.

I don't feel like going to work. I would much rather have sand in my ass crack right now.

Neither do I, but I have a feeling that we'll muddle through.


Happy Tuesday.

Wat_Tyler said:

Neither do I, but I have a feeling that we'll muddle through.


Happy Tuesday.

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I don't want to muddle anymore. Let's run away.

The weathervane has a hard on again and it wants to be sucked.

sweepthefloor said:

The weathervane has a hard on again and it wants to be sucked.

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You say the most amazing things.

Any chance of getting a picture of the weathervane?

Picking up on the catheter story line, I was recently in the hosp to have a hip replacement. I was in the second day of a No Food by Mouth regiment and the shift nurse came in tsk tsking. (I should tell you I found her quite sexy. She saw me as the old man patient).

She says, "You aren't putting out enough water. The catheter must be inserted incorrectly." She pulls the catheter out -- ouch!

Later at the shift change the incoming and outgoing nurses (both of whom I found sexy) enter my room tsk tsking

The urine bottle is empty. I had not passed any water.

They say, "You aren't putting out enough water. We should have left the catheter in."

Two minutes later a very young nurse comes in. She is sexy.

"Hi. I'm going to put a catheter in."

She pushes the bed clothing aside and takes my lonely, flacid penis in her gentle hands and starts the insertion.--ouch

"Oops", she says. "Sorry, it didn't work."

Taking my still lonely and flacid penis in her gentle hands she inserts the catheter successfully...ouch ..

Come the morning the outgoing shift nurse (still sexy) came in tsk tsking.

"You still haven't passed enough water.", she says.

"My penis is sore from having the catheter pulled out and reinserted.", I say.

She responds, "Well we should remove it." ...ouch .. she pulls the catheter out.

Around noon time the Surgeon stops by.

He scolds, "Where is the catheter? I want my patients to have catheters for the full first three days!"

Young nurse, very sexy, comes in, takes my lonely, flacid, scared penis in her gentle hands. The penis shrivles up to a small nob. Fear can do that to a penis.

"Its a nice color", she says. "This wont hurt." ..ouch..

The catheter is replaced.

The next morning the shift nurses return, tsk tsking

"You haven't passed enough water", she tells me.

"My poor penis is sore", I respond.

"We have to remove the catheter", is her response ..ouch..

10 minutes later I all but fill the urine bowl. And was allowed to start eating whole foods You nurses understand what comes next. The bowel movement analysis. Anther story for another day.

PS: The nurses and their staffs were wonderful. My penis, sadly stayed lonely until I got home.

Sorry a dup!