First time with new guy

Every guy is different and likes different things. Is it ok to talk and ask him what he likes the first time we mess around? Most likely it would be said while we are fooling around. Things like: more pressure, faster, slower, etc? Some people are uncomfortable talking about this in the beginning, but I want to give him what he likes.

Go with the flow. And have fun.

I think most guys would appreciate hearing "tell me what you want" or "tell me how you like it" or something similar. Yeah, some are shy, or do mental conniptions that make them feel nervous. ("OMG, why is she asking that, what did I do wrong?") But generally I think that your interest in their pleasure would be very appreciated. At least that's how it's worked for me in the past.

Have fun!

I've never had a sit down session with pen and paper taking notes on what a man likes. I say learn with experience but ok



The only time I discuss what a man specifically wants is when I want to bring fetishes n kinks in so I don't scare the poor man.


I guess you could ask if he likes face fucking. Idk any man who will say no, though. Or, "should I bite and dig my teeth and nails into your cock and balls?" He might need a warning for that.

I just have never asked "do you want me to fuck you fast or slow?" before the act. But ok. Communication is key inside and outside the bedroom so go for it if you want.

I hope I'm not misinterpreting your question OP.

Communication communication communication - always - but have fun with it.

Sometimes the best part of giving is to express how much you enjoy yourself - so don't make it all about him.

Take charge of your own pleasure and encourage him to do the same - what you take will be amplified back in return. Your partner witnessing you in the height of sensual ecstasy can offer rewards beyond him being attended to.

I wouldn't do the whole ball of wax on the first time but a few suggestions shouldn't hurt. Actually, as a guy, I would prefer mucking along the first few times and then having more in depth discussions outside of the bedroom, like over dinner or something, not in a criticizing way though. It's a real turn on talking about sexual likes and dislikes during the course of normal events. I would love being out to dinner on the fifth date and having a women tell me she likes to be kinky, is into BDSM, and how do I feel about tying her up and spanking her? I would think I had won the lottery and would have a whole lot of anticipation until we could consummate her ideas. Of course some guys might run out the back door of the restaurant but if she's into these kind of things then maybe that would be the best thing that could happen and she could move on. In any event, my main point was, to me anyway, anticipation is a big part of great foreplay.

I like exploring, rather than asking.
Pay attention and see what he likes.

I find some guys like some things with one person that they don't really like with another. See what you like together.

My current girlfriend is the woman I plan to marry. The first time we did it was, by far, the most awkward and least smooth sexual encounter I've ever had. She's fairly large, and also the least familiar with her own downstairs of any woman I've ever been with (all three of 'em ). We, legitimately, did not know where to put it. And once we figured it out, we just stuck with it until I came, whether or not it really worked for me or did anything for me. I mean, obviously it did something for me--I came--but it wasn't efficient.

In my opinion, first times are not about mind-blowing sex. For one, they can't be; you don't know how to blow his mind yet, and that knowledge is a lot to wrap your head around during one--just one--sexual encounter. In my opinion, first times are about establishing good faith. You ask him what he likes, and apply it as best you can. It won't be very good. But he sees you trying, and knows that, if you keep doing so, one day it will be very good. (And likewise you look to see if he's paying attention to what you say and applying it thoroughly.) And that's what matters. And so you hang in there through the first fumbling encounters, until it stops being just okay and starts being good. And it will--as long as both of you are trying. (But if one of you isn't, you have much larger problems than the fact that the sex sucks.)

Good luck, and have fun! =)

pin3appl3s said:

Every guy is different and likes different things. Is it ok to talk and ask him what he likes the first time we mess around? Most likely it would be said while we are fooling around. Things like: more pressure, faster, slower, etc? Some people are uncomfortable talking about this in the beginning, but I want to give him what he likes.

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If he won't lead, then you're free to take what you want. No matter which of those scenarios happen, if he likes it, he'll be back. If he didn't like it, you don't want him anyway.

I'd say try it and see how he responds. Start with positive, encouraging comments like 'that feels great, give me more of that' Then move on to something like 'harder, faster'

But always try to gauge his response, if any.

And try asking him what he wants, or how he likes what you're doing.

pin3appl3s said:

Every guy is different and likes different things. Is it ok to talk and ask him what he likes the first time we mess around? Most likely it would be said while we are fooling around. Things like: more pressure, faster, slower, etc? Some people are uncomfortable talking about this in the beginning, but I want to give him what he likes.

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Open communication helps any relationship, new, old, or in between. A lot of people either don't know what they like or like so many different things, it's difficult to pick out just one thing.

My suggestion? Make it game while you're in the moment, sort of like an eye exam: "Which is better, when I do it like this. . . or when I do it like this. . .?" Could be a very fun game!

Too funny.

There are two rules you need know about sex. 1. If your partner is smoking hot it doesn't matter. 2. If youre climbing the walls it doesn't matter. Anything else means you already get too much cooter.

pin3appl3s said:

Every guy is different and likes different things. Is it ok to talk and ask him what he likes the first time we mess around? Most likely it would be said while we are fooling around. Things like: more pressure, faster, slower, etc? Some people are uncomfortable talking about this in the beginning, but I want to give him what he likes.

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I have read all the posts and some good points, suggestions.
Yours was very telling, "but I want to give him what he likes".
That is an excellent place to start and if you find a partner that wants to give you what you like then you will both enjoy.
However, expect the unexpected. To me the last sexual experience may go differently the next time, same partner or not. Each partner brings to the relationship different life experiences thus look at the world through those.
Communication is a key part, but sometimes surprises are very enjoyable.
My preference is variety, so I learn from every relationship. You learn each time just as you learn in social situations and with social relationships -- people are different. As you learn or experience, your sensitivity to the others around you, enhances your relationship with them.
That's not to say, have lots of sex partners, but as you do each will be (I like to think) different.
Just saying.

If you're really into the idea of negotiation you can find checklists online that contain a list of questions to work through before sex. They're a bit paperworky though, and rather take the energy out of a first encounter. I'm just explore and play attention to how he responds myself.

pin3appl3s said:

Every guy is different and likes different things. Is it ok to talk and ask him what he likes the first time we mess around? Most likely it would be said while we are fooling around. Things like: more pressure, faster, slower, etc? Some people are uncomfortable talking about this in the beginning, but I want to give him what he likes.

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If people are too uncomfortable talking about fucking, they shouldn't be fucking.

Don't fuck until you're both at the point where you two can discuss important things like this in a reasonable manner. Remember, there are possible life-changing consequences to sex, like an STD or a baby, and if you can't talk to your partner about important things related to sex, you're not ready for sex yet!

satindesire said:

If people are too uncomfortable talking about fucking, they shouldn't be fucking.

Don't fuck until you're both at the point where you two can discuss important things like this in a reasonable manner. Remember, there are possible life-changing consequences to sex, like an STD or a baby, and if you can't talk to your partner about important things related to sex, you're not ready for sex yet!

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Quoted for truth.

Jelly said:

I've missed your voice here.

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I missed you too! I thought about you all the time while I was gone!

I have found that having a talk about sexual likes and preferences is best held outside the bedroom. You start out with a clear head, and the more open you are, the more you learn, which can quickly lead back to the bedroom...so win win.

pin3appl3s said:

Every guy is different and likes different things. Is it ok to talk and ask him what he likes the first time we mess around? Most likely it would be said while we are fooling around. Things like: more pressure, faster, slower, etc? Some people are uncomfortable talking about this in the beginning, but I want to give him what he likes.

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Don't bother. People are boring and relationships are not worth the effort.

satindesire said:

If people are too uncomfortable talking about fucking, they shouldn't be fucking.
Don't fuck until you're both at the point where you two can discuss important things like this in a reasonable manner. Remember, there are possible life-changing consequences to sex, like an STD or a baby, and if you can't talk to your partner about important things related to sex, you're not ready for sex yet!

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This, more than anything. Thanks SD!

pfflyerhot said:

This, more than anything. Thanks SD!

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You're welcome hon!