Bdsm-- punishment/apology

Sir has told me as part of my punishment for a mis communication I need to think about what I can do to make it up to him... Anyone have any ideas ?!

Find a dom who isn't so lazy and uncreative that he makes you come up with your own punishments?

Sorry, that's probably not what you were looking for.

No it really wasn't. We are getting to know one another and I didn't show the same respect to him as he did to me. We are not 100% committed yet. I know he wants to see how creative I can be. I have an idea in mind I was just seeing what other ideas came around.

Carnaldelights2 said:

No it really wasn't. We are getting to know one another and I didn't show the same respect to him as he did to me. We are not 100% committed yet. I know he wants to see how creative I can be. I have an idea in mind I was just seeing what other ideas came around.

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I didn't mean to be cruel. I apologize. The BDSM forum gets a lot of this type of threads. They don't generally go real well.

Discipline I gave always was related to the transgression as well as the person... so it's tough to give much suggestion here.

So this is an online relationship, and you'd be punishing yourself for him?

A few suggestions:

• Create an Am Pics thread and post some pics you don't feel overly comfortable posting
• Take a sharpie and draw degrading insults or apologies on your nude body and send him pics
• Orgasm denial for a week - no touching yourself, no sexual release at all for a week

It's actually not an online thing. I have been seeing him for almost a month and usually 3 times a week. Like I said we are really getting to know one another still. And he is way more intense, straight forward, and more aggressive than anyone I have been in a D/s relationship with. I asked permission to post one picture of my ass from the other night we were together and I added an additional one from a previous relationship and it upset him because he thought it was fresh.

Carnaldelights2 said:

It's actually not an online thing. I have been seeing him for almost a month and usually 3 times a week. Like I said we are really getting to know one another still. And he is way more intense, straight forward, and more aggressive than anyone I have been in a D/s relationship with. I asked permission to post one picture of my ass from the other night we were together and I added an additional one from a previous relationship and it upset him because he thought it was fresh.

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There's just such a variety that punishments could take... from corner time to letters of apology to physical punishments to orgasm denial or time denial.

I hate the last one - just as I hate silent treatments on either side, but it does exist.

I was told goodnight three hours ago as part of my punishment, and I am to receive the rest when I see him tomorrow night. His exact words were "Start thinking about what you're going to do to make it up to me. Remember communication is EVERYTHING"

Carnaldelights2 said:

I was told goodnight three hours ago as part of my punishment, and I am to receive the rest when I see him tomorrow night. His exact words were "Start thinking about what you're going to do to make it up to me. Remember communication is EVERYTHING"

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CutieMouse is indeed wise.

I agree

Wait, so he's punishing you because he had a mistaken impression about a photo you sent? And that is somehow your fault?

Carnaldelights2 said:

I was told goodnight three hours ago as part of my punishment, and I am to receive the rest when I see him tomorrow night. His exact words were "Start thinking about what you're going to do to make it up to me. Remember communication is EVERYTHING"

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wait so he said that communication is paramount and part of his punishment is that he won't talk to you? huh.

Carnaldelights2 said:

It's actually not an online thing. I have been seeing him for almost a month and usually 3 times a week. Like I said we are really getting to know one another still. And he is way more intense, straight forward, and more aggressive than anyone I have been in a D/s relationship with. I asked permission to post one picture of my ass from the other night we were together and I added an additional one from a previous relationship and it upset him because he thought it was fresh.

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insecurity is not a great quality for a dom to have.

He has said communication is key and start thinking about how you're going to make it up to me

Doesn't really sound like a cue for you to devise a punishment to me but rather for you to dress carefully and immediately put yourself in a submissive stance tomorrow when you see him

I'd choose appropriate clothes and appropriate presenting stance (kneeling?) and a real apology and offering

I think you are really overthinking this. Follow CutieMouse's advice. It's complete, concise, and rational.

Monica_112 said:

He has said communication is key and start thinking about how you're going to make it up to me

Doesn't really sound like a cue for you to devise a punishment to me but rather for you to dress carefully and immediately put yourself in a submissive stance tomorrow when you see him

I'd choose appropriate clothes and appropriate presenting stance (kneeling?) and a real apology and offering

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Nice advice, but only if her relationship includes those dynamics. An appropriate presenting stance? That's certainly not universal. A genuine apology and perhaps a sincere request for guidance is all that's needed, not to assume the proper apology behavior from someone else's dynamic.

Only apologize if you are actually sorry, and have some behavior to correct. Did you break any rules? You're still getting to know each other. Does he expect that you should know every little thing that might upset him already? Did you do something that you should have known better, or was it a surprise to you that there was a problem with your behavior?

Punishment should not be used for something you didn't know was a problem. It just doesn't work that way, and I'd be seriously questioning his ability to take the lead in the relationship if he goes straight to punishment without talking about things first.

I agree too, don't overthink it!

Carnaldelights2 said:

It's actually not an online thing. I have been seeing him for almost a month and usually 3 times a week. Like I said we are really getting to know one another still. And he is way more intense, straight forward, and more aggressive than anyone I have been in a D/s relationship with. I asked permission to post one picture of my ass from the other night we were together and I added an additional one from a previous relationship and it upset him because he thought it was fresh.

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I'm kinda torn on this.

The relationship is NEW ("almost a month"), which means you're still getting to know one another. Plus he's apparently stricter(?) than the men you've been involved with previously.

On the one hand, I can see how you might not think a second picture is a big deal (because in previous relationships it might not have been). It sounds like you're more used to having "wiggle room" than he is.

On the other hand permission to post ONE picture is permission to post ONE picture. What thought process translated ONE to two (because the second picture was pre-current domly one)? Where did that logic-fail happen, and how will you deal with similar logic-fails in the future?

Personally, I don't understand why this is a punishable offense. All dude has to do is say "Not cool. I mean what I say, which means if I say it's okay to post ONE picture, that means you post ONE picture. If you aren't sure about an order? Ask. Understood?"

Because communication is vital.

That means HE is just as responsible for clear, concise communication as you are

Carnaldelights2 said:

I was told goodnight three hours ago as part of my punishment, and I am to receive the rest when I see him tomorrow night. His exact words were "Start thinking about what you're going to do to make it up to me. Remember communication is EVERYTHING"

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Yeah... my answer to "communication is everything" would be to explain that his rules are more black/white than I've experienced previously, and every relationship has a learning curve. My learning curve is getting rid of the grey areas in my thinking; his learning curve is better communicating his black/white rules, and making sure I know exactly what's being asked of me.

Because (personally), I see this as a communication failure on his end, as much as yours.

I don't see how asking Lit is thinking about it and showing him how creative you are. Seems he wants you to do the work.

Carnaldelights2 said:

I asked permission to post one picture of my ass from the other night we were together and I added an additional one from a previous relationship and it upset him because he thought it was fresh.

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Why would you post a picture from another relationship along with the one from this relationship?

Still, apologize, ask for guidance, move forward.

ToPleaseHim said:

I think you are really overthinking this. Follow CutieMouse's advice. It's complete, concise, and rational.



Nice advice, but only if her relationship includes those dynamics. An appropriate presenting stance? That's certainly not universal. A genuine apology and perhaps a sincere request for guidance is all that's needed, not to assume the proper apology behavior from someone else's dynamic.

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Fair enough. It's appropriate in my experience so was part of my advice but I do know it's not ubiquitous and depends on the relationship

What would make you feel fulfilled and satisfied in this situation?

What is your established dynamic?

Are you after punishment, or are you after approval?

There's a lot of information that's missing to make any reasonable suggestion at this juncture.