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Hey!!! Sorry :/

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Missftworth10

Virgin
Joined
Oct 12, 2014
Posts
2
Hey, y'all!

Sorry about yesterday! I got nervous & had no idea how to delete a thread!

Anyone have any experience switching from sub to domme. According to the mistress manual we make the best dommes (;
But I need some advice/ideas/suggestions.

He wants me to "force" him into submission.
 
Yes, The Mistress Manual and The Good Girl's Guide to Female Domination (if I remember correctly) both talk about how submissives make the best Dommes... but that doesn't mean that just because it can work that way, that it will.

Sorry to be such a downer. I had an arrangement with someone once, and the same argument was used; the same books were read. According to that person, I was "a natural", but it just wasn't me. I could Top, but A) it didn't really do anything for me, and B) it made for a confusing/ conflicting headspace [I had a hard time feeling good about myself as a submissive person, when I perceived there was more (pressure) value in being a Domme].

Do YOU want to "force" him into submission?
 
Funny, I was literally just talking about this with someone.

As a sub, I just can't imagine ever switching. The idea of being in control just doesn't do anything for me at all!
 
As a Dom...I say be true to you. If it doesn't feel right dont force it. You may try "switch" or " topping from the bottom"
but please be what comes natural for you.
 
sprincess1990 said:
Funny, I was literally just talking about this with someone.

As a sub, I just can't imagine ever switching. The idea of being in control just doesn't do anything for me at all!
Click to expand...

Here's a mind bender for you...

What if "being in control" has nothing to do with "doing anything for" you? What if Topping (being "in control") is an act of service? There are masochistic dominants out there; some D-types even delegate control (to their s-type partner) to make their lives easier.

I tried Topping, learned a few things, and ultimately decided it wasn't my cup of tea.

To the OP -

My best advice would be that Tops [Dommes, etc] get to have hard limits [boundaries] just as much as bottoms (submissives, etc) do. If you get to call the shots, then you get to call the shots... which means you have a right to expect your partner to communicate. You have a right to decide if y'all are on the same page. If you are [on the same page]? What do YOU want to get out of the experience?
 
Well, i meander around texas, so if ya need someone to rehearse on, i selflessly volunteer my services.
 
There's an essay linked in my sig that might be worth your time and attention. :)
I would say that bottoms make excellent tops-- assuming that the bottom has that spark of creative empathy that let's a person feel what someone else is feeling.
 
CutieMouse said:
Here's a mind bender for you...

What if "being in control" has nothing to do with "doing anything for" you? What if Topping (being "in control") is an act of service? There are masochistic dominants out there; some D-types even delegate control (to their s-type partner) to make their lives easier.

I tried Topping, learned a few things, and ultimately decided it wasn't my cup of tea.

To the OP -

My best advice would be that Tops [Dommes, etc] get to have hard limits [boundaries] just as much as bottoms (submissives, etc) do. If you get to call the shots, then you get to call the shots... which means you have a right to expect your partner to communicate. You have a right to decide if y'all are on the same page. If you are [on the same page]? What do YOU want to get out of the experience?
Click to expand...

That is quite a conundrum! Like the inception of BDSM!

I've never tried it, so I can't say with any certainty, but I know I don't get any arousal out of the thought of it, even under those circumstances. I just don't think I'm wired that way...
 
sprincess1990 said:
That is quite a conundrum! Like the inception of BDSM!

I've never tried it, so I can't say with any certainty, but I know I don't get any arousal out of the thought of it, even under those circumstances. I just don't think I'm wired that way...
Click to expand...

I don't think that's what CM meant.

Sure, it might be that thinking about it from that viewpoint could make it more attractive to you.
I think CM wanted to point out that there are things we do for our partner as a service without getting any jollies out of it.
Sometimes not even getting jollies about doing something for them without getting any jollies.:D
 
IrisAlthea said:
I don't think that's what CM meant.

Sure, it might be that thinking about it from that viewpoint could make it more attractive to you.
I think CM wanted to point out that there are things we do for our partner as a service without getting any jollies out of it.
Sometimes not even getting jollies about doing something for them without getting any jollies.:D
Click to expand...


No, I think I understood that. I just don't see the point.
A relationship, to me, should be mutually beneficial. There are acts I would do out of service that maybe I wouldn't get any direct pleasure out of, but would feel contentment in myself for fulfilling my partners happiness.

Being top for me would be the exact opposite of that though. I suspect I would become disengaged with the relationship if asked to. But I also don't think I would ever be in a relationship with someone who would want me to feel like that. It's a pretty selfish attitude towards a partnership. Perhaps maybe I've just learnt being dominant is a limit for me?
 
sprincess1990 said:
No, I think I understood that. I just don't see the point.
A relationship, to me, should be mutually beneficial. There are acts I would do out of service that maybe I wouldn't get any direct pleasure out of, but would feel contentment in myself for fulfilling my partners happiness.

Being top for me would be the exact opposite of that though. I suspect I would become disengaged with the relationship if asked to. But I also don't think I would ever be in a relationship with someone who would want me to feel like that. It's a pretty selfish attitude towards a partnership. Perhaps maybe I've just learnt being dominant is a limit for me?
Click to expand...

Sounds like a limit, yes.
 
Let's say your Dom told you to edge him-- lick his dick and stop each time you felt him getting close to coming-- because he wanted to have that pleasure himself, that he gives to you.

To do this would necessitate his cooperation. he would have to be able to place himself in your hands. That means he would trust you well enough to give up control for an hour or two.

Trust me, cooperation is not the same thing as submission. Your Dom would no more 'submit' to the horse he's trained-- as it carries him where he wants to go.

Just another way to think about it. :)
 
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