Mental Illness

BiBunny said:

This about 53576141988 times less cruel than getting into a relationship with a mentally ill person and then bailing when it becomes more than you want to deal with.

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That's the way I look at it.

Stag of Oberon said:

Great minds think alike?

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Indubitably!

FurryFury said:

I think what might work best is to get to know someone first, then slowly but not too slowly, open up. It's a tightrope walk for sure. Even on something like being veggie for decades I didn't tell people. I wanted them to get to know me before I trotted out my red flags. And yes, I do know that being veggie and being clinically, mentally ill are not the same thing, not even close. Though some asshats would say it is!

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LOL. True.

As with anything, I don't think you need to open with, "And here are all the things that may make you not want to be with me!". But maybe it helps to think of mental illness no differently than physical illness? It's probably no big deal to most people if you have hay-fever or slight hearing loss, but most potential partners will want to know if you have stage three cancer or a serious heart condition.

Which, by the way, doesn't make the person with cancer a less worthy person, or the person who decides early on that they're not up for dealing with cancer a self-absorbed person. We're all just fumbling through and trying to do the best for ourselves and others.

I'm soo glad I've found this post, I suffer with an illness ( mental).. Is it a good idea to start something?

G x

Oldenburg said:

I'm soo glad I've found this post, I suffer with an illness ( mental).. Is it a good idea to start something?

G x

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This is actually a really good question. Having a mental illness isn't any different than being diabetic, or being in a wheelchair, or some other medical condition that is prevalent in your life (if you have it) on some levels. Society wouldn't expect a wheelchair bound person NOT to have a relationship, should they choose, so why expect people with mental issues to keep to themselves?

However, there are levels at which this comparison does not work. A wheelchair bound individual (sticking with the obvious example) cannot hide their situation, and so the other party involved knows what they are getting into. Someone with mental or emotional issues, on the other hand, can present themselves as a functional person, and problems can show up later in the relationship.

I do realize that not everyone with issues recognizes them, or has the ability or willpower to broach them or confront them personally. So this becomes sticky. However, having been on the receiving end, I can tell you that dedicating a portion of your life to someone, only to find that they hurt you due to their personal situations, and in ways that are completely bewildering and vicious ... Well, that can be extremely damaging to both parties.

So, to attempt to answer your question, of course you should have a relationship should you so desire. Just be open and honest as possible if you have anything that might create issues with the significant other. Don't hide who you are, because that will never work out well.

Good luck and post here so we know how it goes

Collar_N_Cuffs said:

This is actually a really good question. Having a mental illness isn't any different than being diabetic, or being in a wheelchair, or some other medical condition that is prevalent in your life (if you have it) on some levels. Society wouldn't expect a wheelchair bound person NOT to have a relationship, should they choose, so why expect people with mental issues to keep to themselves?

However, there are levels at which this comparison does not work. A wheelchair bound individual (sticking with the obvious example) cannot hide their situation, and so the other party involved knows what they are getting into. Someone with mental or emotional issues, on the other hand, can present themselves as a functional person, and problems can show up later in the relationship.

I do realize that not everyone with issues recognizes them, or has the ability or willpower to broach them or confront them personally. So this becomes sticky. However, having been on the receiving end, I can tell you that dedicating a portion of your life to someone, only to find that they hurt you due to their personal situations, and in ways that are completely bewildering and vicious ... Well, that can be extremely damaging to both parties.

So, to attempt to answer your question, of course you should have a relationship should you so desire. Just be open and honest as possible if you have anything that might create issues with the significant other. Don't hide who you are, because that will never work out well.

Good luck and post here so we know how it goes

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Thank you I'm not as bad as I was a few years ago, got rid of the problem (boyfriend of 9 years) still struggle from time to time and still on shit load of meds but I feel I can cope now sooo that must be a bouns.. @Collar N Cuff's I don't know why but it feels like I could/ will talk to you via pm you just seem a really nice person and very helpful I just love how open this forum is, I have just got to find somebody now I'm not sure where to look as I'm in the uk.. If half way through the library on BDSM.. So I will carry on reading thank you...

G x

Oldenburg said:

Thank you I'm not as bad as I was a few years ago, got rid of the problem (boyfriend of 9 years) still struggle from time to time and still on shit load of meds but I feel I can cope now sooo that must be a bouns.. @Collar N Cuff's I don't know why but it feels like I could/ will talk to you via pm you just seem a really nice person and very helpful I just love how open this forum is, I have just got to find somebody now I'm not sure where to look as I'm in the uk.. If half way through the library on BDSM.. So I will carry on reading thank you...

G x

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Feel free to PM me any time

Collar_N_Cuffs said:

Feel free to PM me any time

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Thank you

G x

what a way to introduce myself!

Just found this forum, I was a ( relatively ) normal guy, wife, kid, job, then diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
My wife kicked me out. ( past history, I accept, that's it.) My issue is that in all the time since /4yrs, I haven't had the courage to start a new relationship, yes, communication with women, rather blatant offers even! Just can't shake the idea that underlying ?unresolved? Moments / any poor sod with similar issues knows how random things can be occasionally/ will effect future intimacy, perhaps just cos I'M hurting, I don't feel the need to spread it around with a big shovel?
Hell, that's my two cents. End it here before I fill a whole page

Welcome. I'm so sorry your wife felt she could not or would not deal with your illness.

*HUGS*

Many people with depression and anxiety are able to have good relationships and when you are ready, I'm sure you will be able as well.

In the meantime, I love full pages of text as long as those have proper paragraph breaks and are not text speak (poorly) spelled. Hmm, was that clear at all?

hairylabrat said:

Just found this forum, I was a ( relatively ) normal guy, wife, kid, job, then diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
My wife kicked me out. ( past history, I accept, that's it.) My issue is that in all the time since /4yrs, I haven't had the courage to start a new relationship, yes, communication with women, rather blatant offers even! Just can't shake the idea that underlying ?unresolved? Moments / any poor sod with similar issues knows how random things can be occasionally/ will effect future intimacy, perhaps just cos I'M hurting, I don't feel the need to spread it around with a big shovel?
Hell, that's my two cents. End it here before I fill a whole page

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hairylabrat said:

Just found this forum, I was a ( relatively ) normal guy, wife, kid, job, then diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
My wife kicked me out. ( past history, I accept, that's it.) My issue is that in all the time since /4yrs, I haven't had the courage to start a new relationship, yes, communication with women, rather blatant offers even! Just can't shake the idea that underlying ?unresolved? Moments / any poor sod with similar issues knows how random things can be occasionally/ will effect future intimacy, perhaps just cos I'M hurting, I don't feel the need to spread it around with a big shovel?
Hell, that's my two cents. End it here before I fill a whole page

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I was the same, suffer with the same a you do as well, but thank god I've found this site... Best thing ever people are soo helpful and will guide you in the right direction.. ...

G x

hairylabrat said:

Just found this forum, I was a ( relatively ) normal guy, wife, kid, job, then diagnosed with depression and anxiety.
My wife kicked me out. ( past history, I accept, that's it.) My issue is that in all the time since /4yrs, I haven't had the courage to start a new relationship, yes, communication with women, rather blatant offers even! Just can't shake the idea that underlying ?unresolved? Moments / any poor sod with similar issues knows how random things can be occasionally/ will effect future intimacy, perhaps just cos I'M hurting, I don't feel the need to spread it around with a big shovel?
Hell, that's my two cents. End it here before I fill a whole page

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I have anxiety and depression, too. For the most part, it comes and goes, but it's always there. I've learned to live with it and rise above it. I've accepted it as a fact of life.

I have a sister who is the same way. We are normally very happy individuals so it doesn't look like it affects us as deeply as you might think, but it does. Like me, she's learned to live with it and rise above it.

I think it sometimes happens when you find out your life hasn't been what you really thought it was going to be. Not that you've had a bad life, but it just didn't go like you planned. Sometimes we make plans and we do our best to make them happen, but shit happens and life gets in the way. I'm no different than others. We all experience these misdirections in life.

And sometimes the chemicals in your brain just don't produce the endorphins like they once did. I know it sucks, but it doesn't mean you're going crazy. It's just a chemical imbalance in your head causing you to feel the way you do.

If you haven't already done so, get on some kind of medication. Meds for these situations aren't like they once were. Some used to make the symptoms worse, but today there are drugs that work quite well. I'm taking Zoloft and have for many years. I notice no side effects at all. My sister used to take Zoloft but now she takes something else that she likes better.

Sometimes, it takes a while to adjust to the meds, so give them some time. It took me about a month to notice a any real change with Zoloft. And if you don't like the first one, tell your doctor you want to try another. Not everybody reacts to drugs the same. There are enough good ones that you should be able to find one that allows you to lead a normal life.

You just don't let it get to you. Oh, I know it seems easy to say that, and difficult to make it happen. There have been times when I'd go out in the middle of the night and drive around. Driving keeps my mind busy so I can deal with the bad thoughts. This might not work for you, but you need to find something similar that allows you to keep your mind busy, so you can cope in those difficult times. And if you get on meds, the difficult times will get less and less of a problem.

There is life after depression and anxiety. It does get better.

I would like to commend a blog to everyone in this thread. It belongs to a very dear, special friend of mine (with occasional contributions by his amazing wife) who writes very frankly about his own struggles and their impact with family and friends. Some days it's a tough read, others I wish he was closer so I could run up and hug him whenever he needed it or I wanted to. I hope it might be of some benefit to just one person here.

https://terminallyintelligent.wordpress.com/2015/03/07/we-are-all-afraid-of-something/

FurryFury said:

Welcome. I'm so sorry your wife felt she could not or would not deal with your illness.

*HUGS*

Many people with depression and anxiety are able to have good relationships and when you are ready, I'm sure you will be able as well.

In the meantime, I love full pages of text as long as those have proper paragraph breaks and are not text speak (poorly) spelled. Hmm, was that clear at all?

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Just adding a 'me too' primarily because it makes me sad that, if you were actively seeking a cause and a treatment for your troubles, you were then rejected. I think that's much more a reflection on your ex-wife than on you.

My ex was very clearly in depression several years into our marriage. I attempted to talk with him about it, to convince him to seek treatment, and he remained firmly in denial. It was a considerable aspect to why I left, but it wasn't about his having depression, it was entirely about his having it and refusing to seek treatment.

I commend you for recognizing that you were in trouble and for seeking help. It can be a long road for a while, getting meds sorted out but you are making the effort to make things right for yourself, and that means the world.

addition and apology

FurryFury said:

Welcome. I'm so sorry your wife felt she could not or would not deal with your illness.

*HUGS*

Many people with depression and anxiety are able to have good relationships and when you are ready, I'm sure you will be able as well.

In the meantime, I love full pages of text as long as those have proper paragraph breaks and are not text speak (poorly) spelled. Hmm, was that clear at all?

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Having just revisited this post, firstly many thanks for the supportive attitude being shown.

As an addendum, there was perhaps a lack of actual information?
Prescription meds, antidepressants and beta blockers for anxiety are helping immensely,

Therapy, in as much as talking to a professional councillor was sought, his opinion leans toward the idea that patience is likely to be a viable option, as in his view any lifestyle changes have been accomplished already, but acceptance and positivism are considered healthy signs

As to the ungrammatical messy first post, personal leaning is to agree, clear spelling and construction are to be used where possible, my lame excuse is that the topic is one that is difficult to openly discuss, resulting in the messy splurge

Good to know. Thanks for clarifying.

hairylabrat said:

Having just revisited this post, firstly many thanks for the supportive attitude being shown.

As an addendum, there was perhaps a lack of actual information?
Prescription meds, antidepressants and beta blockers for anxiety are helping immensely,

Therapy, in as much as talking to a professional councillor was sought, his opinion leans toward the idea that patience is likely to be a viable option, as in his view any lifestyle changes have been accomplished already, but acceptance and positivism are considered healthy signs

As to the ungrammatical messy first post, personal leaning is to agree, clear spelling and construction are to be used where possible, my lame excuse is that the topic is one that is difficult to openly discuss, resulting in the messy splurge

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So many posts I wish o could just "like" in support. It's so good to see this thread still going and so supportive of its participant s

I seem to have hit an emotional wall lately. There are some difficult things that I must deal with, but even simple things have gradually become monumental. I feel like I'm falling apart, one situation at a time. I had a meltdown with Master yesterday, and I guess we both agree that some counseling/therapy might help.

So, how do you find a good therapist?

desertslave said:

I seem to have hit an emotional wall lately. There are some difficult things that I must deal with, but even simple things have gradually become monumental. I feel like I'm falling apart, one situation at a time. I had a meltdown with Master yesterday, and I guess we both agree that some counseling/therapy might help.

So, how do you find a good therapist?

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For me the first step was to see which therapists would accept my insurance. That eliminated quite a few in the local area. I wanted someone very local-within 15 mins- so I couldn't use the excuse of her being too far away. I wanted a woman as a therapist. The person I am with now was on a list recommended by my son's original therapist. I like her for the most part. By her reactions to some of the things I have told her I believe she thinks I would be better without my Dominant. She doesn't seem very poly-friendly or knowledgable about BDSM. However, my main reasons for seeing her have nothing to do with poly or BDSM so we get along fine and she is very helpful.

My son picked out his own first therapist and she was helpful in some aspects but his situation was way over her head and she did some serious damage to us as a family unit. I found him a new therapist by first following a series of recommendations from his pediatrician.

My daughter has been through at least 4 or 5 therapists in the last 3 years. I think it is to some extent trial and error.

I held nothing back the first meeting with my therapist. If she had had a strong negative reaction to anything I told her I would not have stuck with her after that first meeting.

Good luck, finding someone you match up with is not easy.

This resonates with me entirely too well.

desertslave said:

This resonates with me entirely too well.

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Sooo me...

desertslave said:

I seem to have hit an emotional wall lately. There are some difficult things that I must deal with, but even simple things have gradually become monumental. I feel like I'm falling apart, one situation at a time. I had a meltdown with Master yesterday, and I guess we both agree that some counseling/therapy might help.

So, how do you find a good therapist?

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I went through my doctors when I was in a really bad place... I've had 2 very major meltdowns with someone I've met recently.. And I've been lucky enough he understands ( but I'm sooo frightened that if I have another that will be it) I must admit since I've had them I've been ok but the slightest thing can and will tip me over the edge.. ... If you ever want to chat and it's okay for you too you are more than welcome to pm me.. X

Both adult kids had serious anxiety issues this week.

My mother continued to block all attempts to help, treats me like crap, yet still thinks I should want to spend time with her. Frankly, she's very lucky I've not gone no contact.

Nonetheless, it's a better mother's day than last year when I found myself in the E.R. trying to get my adult child committed.

I'll call that a win.

I just want to say thank you for everyone who has contributed to this thread ( and a massive thank you for FF for creating it )

I stumbled across this thread , and i have spent the last few hours reading posts that have truly touched me . I can honestly say this thread has given me me more insight and appreciation of those who live with the illness- than i have found anywhere else .

To everyone here ...i send warm wishes , understanding and courage

Glad you found this thread useful.

catnip333 said:

I just want to say thank you for everyone who has contributed to this thread ( and a massive thank you for FF for creating it )

I stumbled across this thread , and i have spent the last few hours reading posts that have truly touched me . I can honestly say this thread has given me me more insight and appreciation of those who live with the illness- than i have found anywhere else .

To everyone here ...i send warm wishes , understanding and courage

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{Deep breath}

I don't know why, but I need to get this "out there" someplace and I'm not feeling brave enough to do it in front of my friends on Facebook. I hope this helps someone else, which is why I'm writing at all.

I didn't have Mother's Day this year. Very early in the morning I attempted to check out with an overdose of painkillers (ironic?) and failed spectacularly. I laid down, intending not to wake up, but a few hours later I heard voices (the real kind), woke up feeling unwell but obviously not dead, and asked my son's friend to please take me to the ER. I spent most of the day there, got the lovely charcoal cocktail (not), and got transferred to inpatient treatment in the evening.

At first I was really scared. I read "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest" and "I Never Promised You a Rose Garden" in high school; I thought I knew how it would work. I was so wrong! The staff was very kind and involved, the other patients rapidly became 'family' to me. Patients had a frequent turnover, so there were always some about to leave and some who were brand new. Alone-time was fairly limited (and a very good thing). There were groups in the morning and afternoon, plus fun times doing art-ish stuff or typical group games like Apples to Apples. By midweek I was getting my sense of humor back and had the nerve to suggest that they need Cards Against Humanity in the collection. (I am, seriously, going to sort through our unused collection of games and donate some new ones, plus some books.)

I learned so much, both from my shrink and staff and other patients. Some of them really touched my heart, and took me out of my own head enough to want to reach out to them instead. The most important thing I learned will probably seem obvious to those who are 'well' in a mental sense...no matter how dark and hopeless things seem to be, there are people who care, people who want to help you, and chances are very good that life isn't as bad as you think it is. Depression makes your own brain lie to you in some incredibly insidious ways.

I got a new (improved? uhhh, not so much) possible diagnosis: I might be bipolar, but the doc there felt that I need further, more intensive evaluation. I have a therapist lined up (first appointment on Thursday) but need to find a psychiatrist, too. I started a preliminary search today. WTF is it with docs who don't take insurance??? Greedy fucks.

I guess it will be a work in progress.

If anyone reading this, now or scrolling through later, wants a 'been there' shoulder to lean on, PM's are welcome.

desertslave

I've had my own struggles lately that make me question whether being off meds is really ok. I'm glad you're getting help.