Introducing a third...

I'm an experienced Dom and have had several very rewarding relationships some outstanding submissive women. Each was in her own very unique level of lifestyle growth and each relationship matured at a pace that made the both of us thankful for the time spent together.

However, there was one underlying desire that was never acted upon, for various reasons, and that was introducing a third member into our play circle. That third, or fourth or fifth... could be a one time encounter, a part time play partner or a genuine, full time member of our dynamic.

My question for the community is this... What has your experience been with introducing others into a D/s relationship? How did you do it? How did it change your relationship? Did you regret doing so or ask yourself why it took so long to do so!!!

Many thanks.

I'm strictly monogamous so I don't have any advice for you. I can point you to the thread in my signature. There are a few posters that have shared some details of how their poly relationships work. I'm sure someone will come along with some better advice.

Monogamous by apathy, but... I want to say that what you're looking for is a unicorn? And that they're called unicorns for a reason?

That is, assuming you want a third who's a lady. (Which you probably are-- you never hear of bi male doms, sigh.)

KoPilot said:

Monogamous by apathy, but... I want to say that what you're looking for is a unicorn? And that they're called unicorns for a reason?

That is, assuming you want a third who's a lady. (Which you probably are-- you never hear of bi male doms, sigh.)

Click to expand...

I think you're right about the unicorn bit. I tried to focus one the third being added to the relationship in a less disposable way.

If that's the case OP, if you're just looking for another woman to add for fun and then toss away, unicorns are hard to find. Most people that are interested in this (there are) want to be treated like people and not simply be picked because they have a vagina and are willing.

Also, it's a lot of work from what I've read in the many threads about this topic.

If you're looking for a "one off" unicorn experience, the smartest thing to do is hire an escort - and not a cheap one.

If you're looking for an actual poly relationship [with a unicorn], there are plenty of books out there on non-monogamous relationships.

The Ethical Slut
More Than Two
Opening Up

I was actually talking to someone about this the other day, and his experience left him with a "damn this shit is EXHAUSTING" attitude. The back story was he was the center of a quad - himself & three women, all of whom knew about each other.

The exhaustion, was because in HIS experience, the agreement was that everyone knew everything. Which is great, and ethical, and up front awesome... until it turns into every pairing, threesome, quad, whatever required the others know what's going on.

Two of the girls go out for lunch? Make sure the third girl and the guy know.

Guy and girl have a date? Don't do anything until the other two have given the ok.

Threesome? Better make sure the 4th doesn't feel left out...

In comparison -

I had a multi-year relationship with The Men™, that in some ways was much easier than a mono relationship. They knew about each other, but never met; I was the "V".

One didn't care if/when/how/what I did with the other, as long as the net positive outweighed the negatives.

One didn't care if/when/how/what I did with the other, but wanted "updates" on how things were going.

Essentially, my advice is to do the work, figure out what you want, and try everything you can to avoid the crazy... kinda like any relationship.

.....