Orgasm from Oral-women pls respond

This is really for the women to respond. I am a lesbian beginning a new relationship and have never had an orgasm from someone going down on me. I'm not above giving instruction but I don't want to keep saying things like, 'here' 'no here' 'maybe harder', etc... The only way I come is by myself with a bullet vibrator and while I know I will be able to incorporate this into play at some point, my goal is to really enjoy oral sex. I like giving it but it doesn't do much for me when I'm getting it. Maybe I've become accustomed to a powerful vibe? Not sure but no one ever really helped me learn about getting oral and I don't want to seem really high maintenance about getting it. And being older I feel uncomfortable about not knowing what works for me by now.

The vibrator could be making it more difficult. Maybe give that a rest for awhile and try other methods. I've noticed that sometimes I can become desensitized if I use anything with vibration too much. I would suggest letting your new partner know how you feel about this subject. Use it as a way to explore and get to know each other.

I've found that putting pressure on myself about achieving orgasm can actually make it more difficult to impossible. I worry and stress about it and it completely kills my mood. If I don't make it a goal to reach and just enjoy the sensation, I tend to have an all around better experience.

You could try oral without the expectation of an orgasm. Just get a feel for what works and relax without the pressure of reaching an orgasm. Discuss this honestly with your partner. Try different things, maybe start with hands?

I wouldn't worry about not knowing. For the most part sex in general for me was pretty blah. It wasn't until I was with someone for a long period of time that we got to know each other well enough that sex kind of transformed into awesome fun times. Every new relationship requires getting to know one another, this is no different.

Well, I think it's better to be vocal about what feels good to you if you really want to be able to get satisfaction out of it. I can understand why you aren't too comfortable with it though. It really just sounds like you need to relax a bit and just get into the moment.

Ditto MeekMe's post... it can be very difficult to cum when you're pressuring yourself, so just relax and enjoy the experience for what it is. The more you can communicate with your partner before, during, and after, will probably help you out but I know that can be challenging too. Out of curiosity, if oral doesn't do it for you, why are you making it a goal? I would try focusing on various methods of stimulation, with your partner and by yourself, and hopefully over time you can start to enjoy it more.

Thanks

Thanks all for the advice I think that one of the reasons I'm so focused on this issue is because I'm a lesbian and it seems like something most lesbians enjoy. In fact I enjoy it too, in the giving sense, it's just that in receiving I wonder what all the fuss is about. I haven't had the stimulation to my clit be powerful or direct enough to come, the few times I have tried it. I don't want to frustrate anyone. I personally don't even care if I reach orgasm other than for my partner. I hope that my orgasm would get her off enough for her to want me to have one, and I don't want to disappoint.

All I know is this, most of us suffer performance anxiety whether we're at the wheel or backseat driving. Once we let the angst go and ride the bike or skate or just swim the experience is lots more fun. Another general truth is, not doing it makes the heart grow fonder. Hunger is the best sauce ever!

Someone else with my "issue!" Well, sort of.

I only get off with a very specific, generalized kind of pressure to my clit. Anything more direct, or smaller/quicker, or a vibration... well, let's just say it gets me all riled up, but can't get me across the finish line.

Human bodies are weird, yo.

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Re:

Thanks a lot. I think it's a great idea to just ask someone to experiment with me. I guess I feel like maybe I'd look weird not knowing at my age what felt good but that's really what I need to do-be honest, not promise her or myself that I'll necessarily come and not make it a big deal. Thanks to everyone for sharing your thoughts!

I think it's fair to say that these are mutual concerns in any relationship. It can be helpful to say things like.. "touch me the way you like to be touched" so that you have some frame of reference. It can also be mutually educational to watch each other..
but you're only a part of the situation and I think it is worth mentioning that you're not likely to partner with an expert every single time. You may find yourself in situations where you just need to laugh at yourselves and enjoy the parts of the relationship that aren't just sexual.

and.. have fun

I have had the same experience in the past after continued vibratory use. It's not uncommon for your nerves to be less sensitive after using vibration to stimulate yourself. My advice is to put the bullet down and give your pussy a rest. Try fantasizing during sex with her, it may help get you more responsive when she's going down on you. Good communication is essential to a healthy sex life. Maybe get some wine out and have some fantasy talk.

At the beginning of the session sometimes it feels a little meh and I start worrying that I'm taking too long or my partner is getting bored/tired. Then I think that he is the one who started it so he must enjoy it. He tells me he enjoys it, too, which helps me relax and start to enjoy it too. Also, it feels awesome if he shows his enjoyment by moaning while he's doing it because it's reassuring, and it makes some nice vibration sensations. I don't use vibrators though so I'm not sure how that would affect this.

Oral tends to be about the clit for me too.. and it might be overstimulation from a vibe but maybe you can combine the two?
You said you were worried about being older and not knowing these things, relax, just talk to her about it maybe? I think taking the pressure off yourself would probably help a lot too.
Good luck.