I need some feed back from those that do.

This story is up for another award--epic length erotic story.

A friend mentioned that I should ask somethings. Does the first chapter, much abused above, read any worse than most BDSM stroke stories on this site? Is it any less realistic?

Did anyone get as far as the cat 'o nine tails scene at the end of book 2?
http://www.literotica.com/s/kandt-llc-ch-05?page=3 Start at Ch. 13

Why are you still here, exactly?
 
I have to admit I never read any of it :eek:
Like I never read 50 shades either, just Something Short and Snappy and similar reviews.
 
Your story is shallow and insulting. There's nothing in it to make deep and meaningful criticism even possible.

No one can dig six feet down into a flowerpot.
 
This story is up for another award--epic length erotic story.

A friend mentioned that I should ask somethings. Does the first chapter, much abused above, read any worse than most BDSM stroke stories on this site? Is it any less realistic?

I can't answer that question - I don't know about "most BDSM stories" since I'm picky about what I read - but it seems like an odd thing to ask. It's setting a very low bar.

Did anyone get as far as the cat 'o nine tails scene at the end of book 2?
http://www.literotica.com/s/kandt-llc-ch-05?page=3 Start at Ch. 13

I've read it now, and it didn't work for me. But, you know what?

It takes time for me to write a criticism of a story and explain what doesn't work for me, time that I could be spending on writing my own stories or doing the housework or playing with the dog. I'm happy to give some time for people who want critical feedback; I get a vicarious feeling of accomplishment if I can help somebody else improve their skills.

But every time somebody offers substantial criticism - and PLENTY of people here have been giving you good feedback - you blow it off. So I'm not going to waste any more of my time articulating the problems with it.

Instead, I'll just say: be happy with your ratings and contest results. Rest on your laurels and be assured that you don't need a realistic and respectful portrayal of BDSM to get those results.
 
But every time somebody offers substantial criticism - and PLENTY of people here have been giving you good feedback - you blow it off. So I'm not going to waste any more of my time articulating the problems with it.

Instead, I'll just say: be happy with your ratings and contest results. Rest on your laurels and be assured that you don't need a realistic and respectful portrayal of BDSM to get those results.

The results and the ratings are because the story is about interesting people doing interesting things. Specifically, it is a bout two desperate people doing risky things, making it work and bonding in the process. most of the feedback has been of the form, "It's risky, therefore it's wrong." which completely ignores the desperation.

There are some criticisms I disagree with. For a closed up, tightly self controlled person to talk freely is significant, for a guy to allow the girl to talk for two hours is significant. For him to actually be interested in what she is saying is highly significant. If you have every seen Sabrina, that Italian restaurant scene borrows heavily from the Morrocan restaurant scene in the movie. She talks and he is mesmerized. She relaxes and feels safe and comforted.

Then there are the ones that are spot on. For example:

It still reads like a poorly written, badly developed, bored housewife [desperate for anything other than the bad sex she's currently getting] $2 romance novel.

Bingo. Inept fumbling is what I was shooting for.

Lol at polite twinkle

Even better.

Getting married three weeks after meeting someone is stupid, but it happens....

Not to the type of woman you are describing, it doesnt.

Not usually, but that is why it makes a good story.

I know a couple. She was widowed with six kids at age 28. She managed to get a degree in three years. He is the business expert I consult. They met at a party and were engaged in six days. Earlier this year they had their 25th anniversary. They have almost no similarity to the main characters here, other than being capable and intelligent, but it illustrates that such things do happen.
 
You're here for all the wrong reasons, you're only taking the weakest criticisms to heart for all the wrong reasons, your characters suck for all the wrong reasons. Go away and fap to your awards elsewhere. This forum is for discussion of BDSM, not mindless exhibitionism.
 
This thread is a train wreck.
Why does this person keep trying to SELL people on this story? What's your motive?
 
You're here for all the wrong reasons, you're only taking the weakest criticisms to heart for all the wrong reasons, your characters suck for all the wrong reasons. Go away and fap to your awards elsewhere. This forum is for discussion of BDSM, not mindless exhibitionism.

Seconded.
 
This thread is a train wreck.
Why does this person keep trying to SELL people on this story? What's your motive?

Oh it took me a while to realize that the main objective of the OP was not that I would read the story so I could give constructive criticism, but that I would read the story. Period.

I feel used.

And I thought I was into that, but somehow it doesn't feel SSC to me. :rolleyes:
 
Oh it took me a while to realize that the main objective of the OP was not that I would read the story so I could give constructive criticism, but that I would read the story. Period.

In that you are incorrect.

As has been noted several times, people read the story. They even like it. However, their feedback is bland. Getting sharper points has been helpful.
 
Coming back for more and more after even Stella lost her temper with you. Are you sure you are not just a masochist craving for public humiliation?

Btw, your sig is very misleading.
 
Coming back for more and more after even Stella lost her temper with you. Are you sure you are not just a masochist craving for public humiliation?

Btw, your sig is very misleading.

Humiliation was never my thing. That said, I find your comments more insightful than praise, as well as more honest.

Since KoPilot made a specific request, I will comply as a personal favor.

If you find the sig misleading, count the threads.
 
Coming back for more and more after even Stella lost her temper with you. Are you sure you are not just a masochist craving for public humiliation?

Nah, my bet is that he's just a naked-guy-with-a-trenchcoat type. Pure, full-on, exhibitionist spammer at this point. This might as well have been a 6-page personal ad.
 
Well, if I'm incorrect, then you have to excuse me, but I arrived at that point after eliminating other options. See, you asked this:

What I am looking for is what any author wants, serious feedback on his characters. Do the characters work as people? Does their lifestyle choice mesh with their life? Are there problems I am not seeing, opportunities I am missing, details that are wrong?

I post this here, since I am particularly interested in how people that live the lifestyle view it. One of my choices was to place it away from the city, so that a full community was not available.

And people who live the lifestyle and know about writing have told you this:

- The characters don't work as people because of several reasons.

Like, why the dude being rich as his defining characteristic is shallow. Why the dinner scene doesn't feel realistic. The professional woman suddenly-gone-dumb is cliché and in this case without good reason - see: dude's main characteristic is that he is rich. And, one of the more severe things one cannot do without a very, very good introduction: the 'vulcan-mind melt'. Instantly feels like a deliberate cop-out to all other issues that may arise.

It all leaves us with the classic 'jeez, who acts like that'-feeling. Not good.

- The portrayal of BDSM is flawed in the large and in the detailed sense. The kinksters on this board have told you that the basic sensitivities that people who are into kink have in general, and women in particular, about safety, about being outed, etc., are not present in your characters.

Added bonus irk for real life kinksters: when vanilla is portrayed as a deeper, more genuine connection, which is why your vanilla oral for the pro-Domme character got criticism.

So, if you're here for valid criticism, you could've responded with your version of: oh, so it should take far longer before a pro-domme starts something with a client for it to feel realistic? Or: hey, strange but really, I had no idea safety was such a deep concern for rich dudes/women who work with handcuffs, makes total sense now. Or: ah, so the dinner scene/whatever... needs some more work, thanks.

Y'know. Thanks.

Not, thanks, but! The dude's wealth, the lack of safety, the weird dinner scene, the vulcan mind melt... let me 'splain them to you!

Which is why I think you're not interested in us reading it and telling you what is wrong with your story. You're interested in us reading it, and if we're not star struck instantly, convincing us why the story is awesome after all.

Dude, as an editor of all kinds of texts with all kinds of authors, I can tell you: your kind sucks the life force out of us.

Grow up. Learn to gracefully receive comments. It makes life easier for all of us, and causes less editors to open the fridge for a stiff drink when they come home, with their jackets still on. Yes? Thankyou.
 
This thread is a train wreck.
Why does this person keep trying to SELL people on this story? What's your motive?
Narcissism?

In that you are incorrect.

As has been noted several times, people read the story. They even like it. However, their feedback is bland. Getting sharper points has been helpful.
Your story is like Gertrude Stein's Oakland; "There is no there, there."

When I read your first chapter, I couldn't come up with a single thing to put into the feedback section that wouldn't be rude as fuck without elaboration and-- at the same time-- not an utter waste of my time to elaborate on.
 
Back
Top