Distance Domination-Support Thread

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Luciden said:
*cry* Sir just brought me close to climax about 20 times and I'm not allowed to cum until the next time he calls me, which'll be hours from now. I've been needy all day! >_<

Luciden,

You keep writing things like this. It worries me. Do you enjoy what you two do together or not? I'm curious.

Fury :rose:
 
FurryFury said:
Luciden,

You keep writing things like this. It worries me. Do you enjoy what you two do together or not? I'm curious.

Fury :rose:


:p of course I do. It just drives me crazy at the same time. :devil:
But I love Sir, he doesn't push me terribly far. ^_^;
 
Luciden said:
:p of course I do. It just drives me crazy at the same time. :devil:
But I love Sir, he doesn't push me terribly far. ^_^;

Good to hear. I'm happy for you then.

Fury :rose:
 
JMohegan said:
The stereotype of the online Dom is that he is married (to someone else). Obviously, this is not true in many cases. But in some cases, it is.

To the more experienced onliners, and for the benefit of those who are just starting out, I ask the following questions.

How do you know whether or not the guy on the other side of the screen is cheating on his wife with you?

Do you simply take his word for it, or are there sensible ways to determine whether or not he is telling you the truth when he declares himself to be otherwise unattached?

you're looking for big fat red flags *grins* i.e. will only call you at certain times, will not give you His number, gives you an alternate email address to send Him emails, signing off in the middle of conversations. i mean i guess there is no real way of knowing whether you're being lied to unless they get caught red handed but is there anyway to know you're being lied to in r/l either? i mean in the beginning of the relationship?
 
DontThankJustSpank said:
In my case, that wont happen. My husband is very open to certain aspects of my sexuality and appreciates them, but not this. He cant be my master, nor does he want to be.

i'm not one to judge but i must say, if you are not 'getting' what you want out of your marriage, why try to find it online, why not talk to your husband about it and see where that goes, i mean if a part of yourself is missing because he won't do this thing, then can you ever truly be happy in your marriage? i know for me, if i was married, and it was not a D/s kind of relationship i would be miserable and would more than likely have to end it due to the fact that i couldn't be 'me'. i'm not saying to end your marriage, i'm just saying first of all, how would hubby feel if he found out about online Dom?? i guess to me, honesty is everything, if you're not being honest with your spouse then you're not being honest with yourself. *shrugs* i think i'm just rambling, but i know in my head exactly what i'm trying to say..lol..and i hope it's coming out right and not like i'm judging or chastising, because i'm not...honest :) i guess what i'm trying to say is if you can't be 'yourself' (submissive) in your marriage, how can you ever possibly be truly happy.....?
 
Little_Kitten said:
Hey everyone! As I said in my intro-post, I met my guy online, and slowly we discovered that we wanted to engage in a D/s relationship, and we're gonna meet soon.. I cant wait... It will be before the summervacation, we don't know when exactly.

Actually Im writing here because I have a lil problem...
My bf n I cam alot, since it's the only thing way to see each other. I love camming with him, and it makes me so happy when I see him, and he gets happy when he sees me too....
I still live home at my parent's, I only recently turned 18. Lucily, my dad is outside our country, but my mom constantly bugs me... She alwayss interferes in our relationship, and she doesnt even know about my BF...
Recently she saw a stupid documentary about girls stripping on cam for strangers on the net, and now suddenly she has this stupid paranoia that Im doing the same.... Since I cam alot. She has confronted me about it in the past and I told her Im not that kind of girl and that im offended that she could think such a thing about me... I also enjoy not wearing too many clothes, and my mom apparently thinks itø's proof enough that im doing the same... god I hate her.... So she keeps taking the cam... She hasnt restricted me to use it, she just keeps taking it and hiding it with the excuse that she needs it :-/... So today I told her I needed the cam, and she was like: "I want know why."
And I explained to her that I take piccies and cam with friends.
And then she responded with: "i really dont see how you can cam with friends so much. It puzzles me why you're using it so much"
I told her that im not doing what she thinks im doing and that i cant belive she even suspects that. So she asked why I need it now, right at this moment, and I said that I didn't... But that she shouldn't hide it from me. Then she just didnt say anything and whent back to working on her laptop... Oof!! I hate her >.<!! I know I shouldn't say that, but right at this moment I hate her more than anything. I admit that My BF and I have had... uh "private" camsessions... But it's the closest thing to sexual interaction... And like any other couple... We DO want to do sexual things... We are even starting to feel that cam just isnt enough, and it's hell without it...

Can someone please help with this?! How am I going to make my mom understand? I cant tell her about my BF... She probly wouldn't support it at all. She would think this is a result of me spending too much time on my computer or sumthing...
oy... what should I do? >.< She treats me like a kid, but I'm an adult now and I can think for myself....


Thanks for taking your time to read this rant made by little kitten... :catroar:

this is a hard one kitten, i know if it were my daughter i think i'd feel the same way lol. i have a 13 year old and even when she's 18, if she's living under my roof, she will abide by my rules. how old is the BF, and why don't you think she'll understand it? i think mom is just being protective of you and i know that must feel like she's smothering you, but i'm sure it's because she loves you and there ARE a lot of sickos out there. you are an adult, legally, but in her mind you are and always will be her 'baby' so it's hard for her to imagine you doing these things and she thinks if she 'restricts' the web cam then you won't be able to, sadly this is what pushed me further into the arms of my ex. when my parents wouldn't let me see him ect..i moved out...i don't know what advise to give you except hang in there, and see that she's doing it because she loves you. maybe sit down and talk to her, tell her you know she loves you but that you are a responsible adult and don't need her 'looking over your shoulder' all the time, that you need to be let go to make your own mistakes and so on...it did however break my heart to see you say that you hate your mom..hate is a very strong word...and i lost my mom 2 weeks before i turned 15..and the mean things i said to/about her i wish so badly i could take back..i know you probably were just upset when you said it but every time i see someone say they hate their mother it tears me up because you just never know if those might be the last words she hears, or you hear in your own head before something happens....lol didn't mean to go off on a 'lecture' sorry..just had to put my 2 cents in......i don't know hon, good luck.....
 
Luciden said:
:eek: Oh no. It finally happened. Sir finally got what he wanted for about 2 weeks now- he made me cum so hard I peed >_< damn, it was a really good cum, but I didn't wanna pee. *sniffle* oh well, at least Sir enjoyed that >_>

Any of your Masters have kinks like that? >_>


edit: oh, and little kitten- you could just lie to your mom and say the cam is broken and that you tossed it, and then hide it in your room somewhere. or, you can say "fuck you, I'm an adult" ;) That's what I do to my mum.

nope can't say that Master has a fetish like that, though i do think i read somewhere that those two actions (cumming and peeing) were not possible to do at the same time LOL interesting, ya learn something new everyday :nana:
 
raven2 said:
In my case, I have actually had my wife communicate with my sub and they have become friends. That leaves no doubt about the honesty part. Unfortunately, I realize that it is not a solution that everyone can deal with

Raven Thank you for writing this.

What a brave thing to do. It could have backfired on you, but it does show that honesty is better than cheating :rose:
___________________________________________________

In general this thread bothers me when I read it.

I am concerned by the levels that people go to in an online situation.
I am not anti online. Not at all.
But I worry about how safe people are and how far they would go for someone they have never met.

The post about putting a hot battery inside themselves, shocked me. This has the potential of danger beyond what could be considered safe or sane.

I have heard of online Doms telling a sub they cannot post online. I have heard about online Doms wanting control outside of a sexual situation for example a submissives work, finances, child care arrangements.
A good Dom should not be cutting a submissive off from those around her but encouraging her to ask questions and find out more about herself, knowing yourself improves submission; it does not suffocate it.

Different people are excited by different things and that in itself is not a problem.
It is a problem if a submissive is new or so willing to please that rational safety is not taken into account.
Sadly some men do see BDSM as a way to control a women in a way they would not normally be able to. I don't see these men as wannabes, but as bullies who enjoy exerting control over a submissive to the detriment of their lives.

IMO BDSM should be fun, it should also be about allowing each other to reach their full potential in every area of their lives. This is regardless of whether it is online or not.

A Dom who wants to control every aspect of a submissive's life before they can see a situation first hand and before they have shown they have the skills to deal with any fallout from what they are asking is not looking after a submissive, they are looking for their own self gratification from controlling a woman.

Recently on Lit it seems there are fewer and fewer rational voices and more and more people who advocate a setting aside of a submissives brain.
That makes me sad. It also makes me aware that it opens up an opportunity for bullying Doms who contact new submissives offline and try to control them without allowing them support from others.

When I first came to Lit, I did some stupid things and when I wrote about them was duly blasted for my stupidity from people like AA and ADR.
Thank God they did, I may have ended up in a very different situation if they had not.

For what it is worth people should re-read many of Furry Furrys post, Serijules and Captains Wench about online relationships. They seem to have the balance right and are not being taken advantage of by their PYL's. I know EG, Catalina and JM post good information as well but they are not in online situations; they do talk alot of sense when it comes to SSC.

One day I feel there will be a thread about a submissive who jumped off a cliff because her online Dom told her too.
 
It's all good...

lil_slave_rose said:
i'm not one to judge but i must say, if you are not 'getting' what you want out of your marriage, why try to find it online, why not talk to your husband about it and see where that goes, i mean if a part of yourself is missing because he won't do this thing, then can you ever truly be happy in your marriage? i know for me, if i was married, and it was not a D/s kind of relationship i would be miserable and would more than likely have to end it due to the fact that i couldn't be 'me'. i'm not saying to end your marriage, i'm just saying first of all, how would hubby feel if he found out about online Dom?? i guess to me, honesty is everything, if you're not being honest with your spouse then you're not being honest with yourself. *shrugs* i think i'm just rambling, but i know in my head exactly what i'm trying to say..lol..and i hope it's coming out right and not like i'm judging or chastising, because i'm not...honest :) i guess what i'm trying to say is if you can't be 'yourself' (submissive) in your marriage, how can you ever possibly be truly happy.....?

I know you're not chastising me and everything you've brought up is valid. Interesting because my Mr. and I had much of this brought out in our chat today. I may not be "happy" with my husband, but I am content.

My husband can and has "played" at being my master but cant live it out. I thought that was a part of myself that I could stifle away and I have found that I can't. He knows that I have had lovers before and has shared me quite willingly. But he doesn't understand d/s and has no desire for it.

As for being submissive, I'm not IRL. Kind of a controlling bitch really at times. But not with my Mr. No desire to displease him.

He's been peeking away at my posts here and the responses. We've had some very enlightening chats today so it's all good.

Still scared as shit about how we've connected. It's very quick for me but I will gladly deal with the apprehension to be his pet.
 
DontThankJustSpank said:
I know you're not chastising me and everything you've brought up is valid. Interesting because my Mr. and I had much of this brought out in our chat today. I may not be "happy" with my husband, but I am content.

My husband can and has "played" at being my master but cant live it out. I thought that was a part of myself that I could stifle away and I have found that I can't. He knows that I have had lovers before and has shared me quite willingly. But he doesn't understand d/s and has no desire for it.

As for being submissive, I'm not IRL. Kind of a controlling bitch really at times. But not with my Mr. No desire to displease him.

He's been peeking away at my posts here and the responses. We've had some very enlightening chats today so it's all good.

Still scared as shit about how we've connected. It's very quick for me but I will gladly deal with the apprehension to be his pet.

i am truly glad that my typed words were read the way they were meant *smiles* as far as being 'content' i guess that's the part i couldn't live with. i didn't just want to be 'content' i wanted to be 'happy' ya know? but, to each their own and i wish you nothing but happiness. and i know all to well how scary it is to 'click' with someone right from the start, i did the same with Master, i knew pretty much from day one that i wanted Him be with me *giggles* but He didn't know it yet, He had just (and i mean just, the day after He met me, Him and the girl He was with, split) gotten out of a relationship and wasn't looking for me, *giggles* and i wasn't looking for D/s for sure, i was still very 'vanilla' at that time, or so i thought, but we started talking about the whole BDSM thing and i remember saying, i think i'd like it in the bedroom but i can't imagine living it 24/7..LOL..that makes me laugh now because, now, i couldn't imagine it ONLY being in the bedroom....anyway...i'll get off my rambling before i completely bore the crap out of everyone and i will say again, good luck to the both of you in wherever this lifestyle takes you :rose:
 
irt shy slave

Too long to quote your entire post, but read and pondered. I consider myself lucky to know you aren't talking about my situation.

My Mr. is above all, completely understanding and encouraging me to seek out support where I need to. He knows that I have a life outside of what happens when he and I chat and respects that. We have our own way to discuss our "outside" lives beyond my being his pet and I am finding him a wonderful friend as well as a wonderful master. I am utterly confident from what he has told me that he has no desire to truly cause me pain beyond what our relationship suggests there should be. I will NOT give up my spankings. :)

He completely "gets" what it means to be a true master to me and is unwilling to do anything that would jeapordize that. He has made it abundantly clear to me that honesty is the deal breaker. He knows that I am married and has reassured my own nerves that he has no desire to do/cause me to do anything that would jeapordize that.

I have been in a d/s situation where the dom took advantange of my willingness to please and put me in a situation where I had no safe out. He crossed a line and is no longer a part of my life. It scared me away from seeking out the d/s satisfaction that I desired from a master for a very long time.

My Mr. has heard about this and was suitably disgusted. His reassurance of my fears and his own expressions of concern comfort me.

All masters aren't like mine and for that I adore him. There are good and bad doms, as well as good and bad subs.

Let's be careful out there...

my Mr.'s pet
 
shy slave: i agree with everything you said and the battery thing concerned me as well when i read it, and it still does, that,to me, is not either safe or sane. anyway, there are bullies in this lifestyle whether it be online or r/l. i was talking to a submissive on lit, who has never posted on the threads but read them all the time, and she has now decided that she is not going to read them anymore, because she was 'comparing' the Dom's on here to her Dom, and she wants to learn everything from Him, not from other people, i'm truly hoping that this was a decision she made and not one that He made for her because, taking her away from a support system like lit, is isolating her. i do hope new submissives online and r/l will read your words and understand what you are saying. there are so many players and it's sad that someone would take advantage of another, but it happens, and as submissives some of them don't see it until it's too late, and they are in a situation they cannot get out of. anyway, i just wanted to say i thought what you said was very well said! ;)
 
DontThankJustSpank said:
Too long to quote your entire post, but read and pondered. I consider myself lucky to know you aren't talking about my situation.

My Mr. is above all, completely understanding and encouraging me to seek out support where I need to. He knows that I have a life outside of what happens when he and I chat and respects that. We have our own way to discuss our "outside" lives beyond my being his pet and I am finding him a wonderful friend as well as a wonderful master. I am utterly confident from what he has told me that he has no desire to truly cause me pain beyond what our relationship suggests there should be. I will NOT give up my spankings. :)

He completely "gets" what it means to be a true master to me and is unwilling to do anything that would jeapordize that. He has made it abundantly clear to me that honesty is the deal breaker. He knows that I am married and has reassured my own nerves that he has no desire to do/cause me to do anything that would jeapordize that.

I have been in a d/s situation where the dom took advantange of my willingness to please and put me in a situation where I had no safe out. He crossed a line and is no longer a part of my life. It scared me away from seeking out the d/s satisfaction that I desired from a master for a very long time.

My Mr. has heard about this and was suitably disgusted. His reassurance of my fears and his own expressions of concern comfort me.

All masters aren't like mine and for that I adore him. There are good and bad doms, as well as good and bad subs.

Let's be careful out there...

my Mr.'s pet

Thank you for posting this and not biting me for my thoughts.

The part of your post I have highlighted is precisely why I worry when I read some of the things on this, and other, threads.
There are Doms out there who are like your ex.
Most of us have met them and realised before we have got in too deep, but sometimes we need someone to make us realise we are being idiots. I know I did.

I am glad you are with someone who can help you grow and develop and who understand your marital situation.

You are also right that there are good and bad subs. But bad subs rarely end up putting Doms or Dommes in bad, unsafe situations unless they are bunny boilers. And you can meet one of those at anytime, they don't have to be a sub.
 
lil_slave_rose said:
you're looking for big fat red flags *grins* i.e. will only call you at certain times, will not give you His number, gives you an alternate email address to send Him emails, signing off in the middle of conversations. i mean i guess there is no real way of knowing whether you're being lied to unless they get caught red handed but is there anyway to know you're being lied to in r/l either? i mean in the beginning of the relationship?
I asked because, since coming to Lit, I have read many posts that may be paraphrased as: "I loved my Master so much, and I tried so hard to please him for such a long time, and then one day he just stopped talking to me and it broke my heart and I just want to know what I did wrong."

Now, there may be people like Furry Fury who don't care if the one they play with online is lying about their marital status or gender or anything else. My response to that is to say: No problem. Have fun.

But.

It is clear to me that there are many women who are earnestly trying to develop a primary relationship with the guy they met as an online Dom. And yes, I think the opportunities for deception are far, far greater in the online world than the physical one.
 
lil_slave_rose said:
shy slave: i agree with everything you said and the battery thing concerned me as well when i read it, and it still does, that,to me, is not either safe or sane. anyway, there are bullies in this lifestyle whether it be online or r/l. i was talking to a submissive on lit, who has never posted on the threads but read them all the time, and she has now decided that she is not going to read them anymore, because she was 'comparing' the Dom's on here to her Dom, and she wants to learn everything from Him, not from other people, i'm truly hoping that this was a decision she made and not one that He made for her because, taking her away from a support system like lit, is isolating her. i do hope new submissives online and r/l will read your words and understand what you are saying. there are so many players and it's sad that someone would take advantage of another, but it happens, and as submissives some of them don't see it until it's too late, and they are in a situation they cannot get out of. anyway, i just wanted to say i thought what you said was very well said! ;)


Thank you Rose.

I have been pondering the past few days as to whether to speak up or not.

I didn't want people to think I have issues with all online.

I am sorry that someone has decided not to even read Lit or other sites. Like you, I hope her Dom did not encourage her in this. On the other hand if he didn't she really is cutting herself off from alot of information, knowledge, friendship and fun.

If she is comparing her Dom to others and he is falling short of the mark, the horrible truth may be that he is the wrong Dom for her.
 
shy slave said:
<snip>
In general this thread bothers me when I read it.

I am concerned by the levels that people go to in an online situation.
I am not anti online. Not at all.
But I worry about how safe people are and how far they would go for someone they have never met.

The post about putting a hot battery inside themselves, shocked me. This has the potential of danger beyond what could be considered safe or sane.

I have heard of online Doms telling a sub they cannot post online. I have heard about online Doms wanting control outside of a sexual situation for example a submissives work, finances, child care arrangements.
A good Dom should not be cutting a submissive off from those around her but encouraging her to ask questions and find out more about herself, knowing yourself improves submission; it does not suffocate it.<snip>

I agree with what you said Shy. I didn't quote it all but yes this thread does concern me sometimes. I only skim this thread most of the time because I don't understand a lot of it. It's not my idea of what I want out of an online relationship that I see talked about on here most of the time. That's fine. It's just not my thing and mostly therefore, being ego-centric not what I enjoy reading.

I had missed the bolded part up there. That would bother me too.

Folks please remember safety first no matter who is saying to do things. There is nothing more important than your health for heaven's sake. You can't serve or help someone else
if you allow your health to be compromised. That's the first rule of life for me anyway.

You need to have your own limits both soft and firm. You should only do that which you feel comfortable with. That doesn't make you a bad person to say no though it's hard for some of use to do. It means that you will stand up for yourself if you need to or if a hard limit is crossed.

The other person might not be a horrible person but might be ignorant of the risks of certain things. You must safeguard yourself when doing online things. You don't have a "spotter" online so you must be your own "spotter."

You must be listening to the voice inside yourself that says "No." at times. You must be
researching how things can be done safely if at all when they are asked of you. Also be careful with the information you give out about yourself. Getting to know someone as well as you can prior to any sort of cyber or play is best IMO.

lil_slave_rose said:
i'm not one to judge but i must say, if you are not 'getting' what you want out of your marriage, why try to find it online, why not talk to your husband about it and see where that goes, i mean if a part of yourself is missing because he won't do this thing, then can you ever truly be happy in your marriage? i know for me, if i was married, and it was not a D/s kind of relationship i would be miserable and would more than likely have to end it due to the fact that i couldn't be 'me'. i'm not saying to end your marriage, i'm just saying first of all, how would hubby feel if he found out about online Dom?? i guess to me, honesty is everything, if you're not being honest with your spouse then you're not being honest with yourself. *shrugs* i think i'm just rambling, but i know in my head exactly what i'm trying to say..lol..and i hope it's coming out right and not like i'm judging or chastising, because i'm not...honest :) i guess what i'm trying to say is if you can't be 'yourself' (submissive) in your marriage, how can you ever possibly be truly happy.....?

Perhaps this wasn't written to me but I want to answer it too. I am happy with my marriage. I am very much in love with my husband and he is also in love with me. More than that, we are friends, we support, like and really admire one another.

I only consciously became aware of my BDSM needs a few years ago. Since that time he has tried things with me, our trust and communication has only grown but he is not a Dom. Does that mean I want to leave him? No. If I did I don't think I'd like me much anymore.

This wonderful man showed me a way of love I'd never known about before. His vision of what love was, wasn't jealous or competitive. It took me out of a hell that I'd been in before. Each day I thank the powers that be for him and our kids, our life together. There is no way in the world I'd forsake any of this or any of them.

We've talked about going to a Dom/me, playing with other people or couples and we've been to demos / play parties at our local group. We've switch for each other but being the top is not either of our thing most of the time.

So online is my best way, not because he won't let me, he will, but because of my own hang ups so far of getting what I want / need, during those times that there are little or no scenes between us. Those scenes are great but often don't quite do it for me on a D/s level because at heart we are both submissive in the bedroom and that can't be faked well even though we are both excellent actors.

This way I can still be comfortable with the "me" I see in my mind's eye, ethically. In fact I like myself a great deal more. I accept my own needs a great deal more as well. That, to me is a beautiful thing.

JMohegan said:
I asked because, since coming to Lit, I have read many posts that may be paraphrased as: "I loved my Master so much, and I tried so hard to please him for such a long time, and then one day he just stopped talking to me and it broke my heart and I just want to know what I did wrong."

Now, there may be people like Furry Fury who don't care if the one they play with online is lying about their marital status or gender or anything else. My response to that is to say: No problem. Have fun.

But.

It is clear to me that there are many women who are earnestly trying to develop a primary relationship with the guy they met as an online Dom. And yes, I think the opportunities for deception are far, far greater in the online world than the physical one.

Oh that happened to me as well and it did hurt as a lot of people probably remember. That's why now I ask people what they are planning on getting out of the relationship and try even more to establish clear communication and boundaries.

Thankfully against what seemed like overwhelming odds I have found someone who is mature enough to handle the limits, who gets what he wants out of this and who is wonderful. Yes, I love him.

Fury :rose:
 
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shy slave said:
Thank you Rose.

I have been pondering the past few days as to whether to speak up or not.

I didn't want people to think I have issues with all online.

I am sorry that someone has decided not to even read Lit or other sites. Like you, I hope her Dom did not encourage her in this. On the other hand if he didn't she really is cutting herself off from alot of information, knowledge, friendship and fun.

If she is comparing her Dom to others and he is falling short of the mark, the horrible truth may be that he is the wrong Dom for her.

i agree whole heartedly with everything you said, and i too agree that if she is comparing her Dom and finding He falls short, that He may not be right for her, there is alot more to it than what i've posted with in fear of her reading my words and feeling like i'm 'talking behind her back' i will end it here and say that i truly hope she finds happiness and that she does not end up hurt in a bad way. and i for one did not take what you said in your earlier post as saying anything bad against ALL online relationships, there are players out there who want to 'control' another person's life and what better way to find a willing victim than this lifestyle and especially online. that's why i'm glad that i found Master, and He is the one who introduced me into this lifestyle, we did meet online but He never discouraged me from learning on my own. before He would even let me answer Him about submitting to Him (He had said that He would mentor me if i'd like) He made me read websites, talk to other people in the lifestyle, and learn all i could before He would even let me offer my submission to Him. maybe it helps that He was introduced into this lifestyle by a submissive (His first submissive) who 'taught' Him a lot from a submissive's point of view. her and i (His ex submissive) are very good friends and she got me through the beginnings of my sub drop after Master left Indiana to go back to California, anyway, what i'm saying is not everyone is as lucky as me to find the 'One' right off the bat and too many are taken advantage of and then scared away from the D/s relationship to try it again.
 
FurryFury said:
Perhaps this wasn't written to me but I want to answer it too. I am happy with my marriage. I am very much in love with my husband and he is also in love with me. More than that, we are friends, we support, like and really admire one another.

I only consciously became aware of my BDSM needs a few years ago. Since that time he has tried things with me, our trust and communication has only grown but he is not a Dom. Does that mean I want to leave him? No. If I did I don't think I'd like me much anymore.

This wonderful man showed me a way of love I'd never known about before. His vision of what love was, wasn't jealous or competitive. It took me out of a hell that I'd been in before. Each day I thank the powers that be for him and our kids, our life together. There is no way in the world I'd forsake any of this or any of them.

We've talked about going to a Dom/me, playing with other people or couples and we've been to demos / play parties at our local group. We've switch for each other but being the top is not either of our thing most of the time.

So online is my best way, not because he won't let me, he will, but because of my own hang ups so far of getting what I want / need, during those times that there are little or no scenes between us. Those scenes are great but often don't quite do it for me on a D/s level because at heart we are both submissive in the bedroom and that can't be faked well even though we are both excellent actors.

This way I can still be comfortable with the "me" I see in my mind's eye, ethically. In fact I like myself a great deal more. I accept my own needs a great deal more as well. That, to me is a beautiful thing.

i agree, and no it wasn't written to you, i was speaking to kitten, and again it was my opinion and feelings on things if it were me. i do hope you and her both know i was not judging anyone for living life they way that they do. i was just simply saying that for me, it's best to be honest with your spouse about the situation rather than sneaking around doing it behind their back and then having them find out and a whole new can of worms being opend. i am not one who can just live 'content' i have to be happy in my relationship in every way, and if i can't be myself with the person i'm with for whatever reason, then it's time for me to move on. no, i don't assume this is way everyone feels and to each their own, IMO honesty is the only answer and i could not have an 'online' relationship with someone else if i knew my spouse would not be happy with it and if i felt something was lacking enough in our relationship that i went out looking for it elsewhere, then it would be time to re-asses my relationship/marriage. again i hope i'm coming off right and not like i'm judging anyone else, i assure you that is not what i'm trying to do, i just don't have a way with words and it's hard for me to express what's in my head. anyway, best of luck to you :rose:
 
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JMohegan said:
I asked because, since coming to Lit, I have read many posts that may be paraphrased as: "I loved my Master so much, and I tried so hard to please him for such a long time, and then one day he just stopped talking to me and it broke my heart and I just want to know what I did wrong."

*nods* i understand what you're saying and why you posed the question, but luckily not all 'online' Dom's are fake. while you do have to be more careful online, i do truly believe there are just as many 'fake' Dom's in the 'physical' world as well. online relationships in general take more work and patience than a relationship in the 'physical' world, or course, but not all are alike and not all are just playing. Master and i have been together 3 years, and until recently it was ALL online and on the phone, but we were both honest and serious about our relationship and that is why we are still going and soon to make it permanent. i do find it sad that there are so many out there who are not 'real' but there are usually also some pretty big red flags to let us know they are not real. my only advice is to watch for these signs and if you think something doesn't sound right, it probably isn't, and i would question it. again my two cents and i probably am completely off subject now so i'll end this post here *smiles*
 
lil_slave_rose said:
i agree, and no it wasn't written to you, i was speaking to kitten, and again it was my opinion and feelings on things if it were me. i do hope you and her both know i was not judging anyone for living life they way that they do. i was just simply saying that for me, it's best to be honest with your spouse about the situation rather than sneaking around doing it behind their back and then having them find out and a whole new can of worms being opend. i am not one who can just live 'content' i have to be happy in my relationship in every way, and if i can't be myself with the person i'm with for whatever reason, then it's time for me to move on. no, i don't assume this is way everyone feels and to each their own, IMO honesty is the only answer and i could not have an 'online' relationship with someone else if i knew my spouse would not be happy with it and if i felt something was lacking enough in our relationship that i went out looking for it elsewhere, then it would be time to re-asses my relationship/marriage. again i hope i'm coming off right and not like i'm judging anyone else, i assure you that is not what i'm trying to do, i just don't have a way with words and it's hard for me to express what's in my head. anyway, best of luck to you :rose:

Perhaps I didn't make myself clear. My husband is fine with what I do online or off, I make the decisions about what I need to do and he supports them. He is quite aware of what I am doing.

Likewise my online Master is aware of my husband as well.

I'm not just content. I'm not less myself. I'm simply not willing to walk out on a wonderful man who I love and treasure because he doesn't fit desires I am suddenly aware of. I don't think I could live with myself if I did.

I can live with myself this way. He is happy. I am happy. My online Master is happy. My kids are happy. This I can be thrilled with and I am.

Meanwhile if I suddenly feel I can play in public or with others, that too is open to me because of the amazingly unselfish love of my husband. I can assure you if he weren't okay with all this, I wouldn't be here, be at my local scene or have an online Master. When I love someone I do it with all of my being and a great deal of loyalty.

As EG said, you can love more than one.

Fury :rose:
 
lil_slave_rose said:
*nods* i understand what you're saying and why you posed the question, but luckily not all 'online' Dom's are fake. while you do have to be more careful online, i do truly believe there are just as many 'fake' Dom's in the 'physical' world as well. online relationships in general take more work and patience than a relationship in the 'physical' world, or course, but not all are alike and not all are just playing.
There are lying Doms and honest Doms.

A Dom is a guy who gets off on controlling someone's behavior in a personal relationship. Who gives him this power, title, or role? One person and one person only. The woman who yields to his will, whether online or off.

My question was not getting at the issue of who is real or fake anything. I'm talking about deception, plain and simple.

Post 354:

FurryFury said:
I personally don't care if mine is otherwise attached, why should I, after all I am. As long as he gets what he wants and I get what I want, I don't care if he has am online harem, is a woman or whatever.
Would you have said the same thing, Rose, before you met your partner? That you don't even care what gender the person really is?

How do you (general "you") know even the most basic information about the person with whom you are communicating when you can't even see his/her face or hear his/her voice?

If you move to webcam, then you may confirm gender and guess at age. But will you meet his friends? Family? Co-workers at the office picnic? Will you see him interact with waiters, or the guy next to him in line at the movies, or the guy who cuts him off in traffic?

You can gain an incredible amount of information about a guy from watching him interact with someone other than yourself. The isolation of one-on-one Internet time may be exquisitely intimate, but in many ways it just simply can *not* duplicate real life. And I am not speaking here about skin to skin contact, but rather about the multitude of experiences, situations, dilemmas, and challenges of interacting with more than a single human being at once.
 
FurryFury said:
Perhaps I didn't make myself clear. My husband is fine with what I do online or off, I make the decisions about what I need to do and he supports them. He is quite aware of what I am doing.

Likewise my online Master is aware of my husband as well.

I'm not just content. I'm not less myself. I'm simply not willing to walk out on a wonderful man who I love and treasure because he doesn't fit desires I am suddenly aware of. I don't think I could live with myself if I did.

I can live with myself this way. He is happy. I am happy. My online Master is happy. My kids are happy. This I can be thrilled with and I am.

Meanwhile if I suddenly feel I can play in public or with others, that too is open to me because of the amazingly unselfish love of my husband. I can assure you if he weren't okay with all this, I wouldn't be here, be at my local scene or have an online Master. When I love someone I do it with all of my being and a great deal of loyalty.

As EG said, you can love more than one.

Fury :rose:

i believe i was taken wrong again, the original words were not meant for you and your situation, she replied that she was not happy in her marriage but was 'content' that was what i meant when i said i could not be just content. it's great that it's a joint decision between you and your husband, i replied to your original post to me just to let you know it was not your situation i was speaking of. and i am not judging anyone as long as everyone is happy and it works for them, it's not for me to judge. i guess i was answering your post and hers in one post and i was not specific on that, sorry about that......
 
JMohegan said:
There are lying Doms and honest Doms.

A Dom is a guy who gets off on controlling someone's behavior in a personal relationship. Who gives him this power, title, or role? One person and one person only. The woman who yields to his will, whether online or off.

My question was not getting at the issue of who is real or fake anything. I'm talking about deception, plain and simple.

Post 354:

Would you have said the same thing, Rose, before you met your partner? That you don't even care what gender the person really is?

How do you (general "you") know even the most basic information about the person with whom you are communicating when you can't even see his/her face or hear his/her voice?

If you move to webcam, then you may confirm gender and guess at age. But will you meet his friends? Family? Co-workers at the office picnic? Will you see him interact with waiters, or the guy next to him in line at the movies, or the guy who cuts him off in traffic?

You can gain an incredible amount of information about a guy from watching him interact with someone other than yourself. The isolation of one-on-one Internet time may be exquisitely intimate, but in many ways it just simply can *not* duplicate real life. And I am not speaking here about skin to skin contact, but rather about the multitude of experiences, situations, dilemmas, and challenges of interacting with more than a single human being at once.

no, i would not have said the same thing before i met Master, nor would i say it now. i DO care whether they are married, Gender not so much but lying to me, yea i care about that. as far as not seeing Him interact with other people, Master and i are on the phone every chance we can be, the only times we are not, is when either one of us are at work, or sleeping, and then of course the times we are out doing whatever. i've spoke to His sister, His mother, His step father, His brothers, i've heard Him interact with everyone of them for 3 years. i've heard Him interact with a lot of other people besides myself, people at a gas station, restaurant , and yes even the way he reacts to someone who cuts Him off in traffic ...i guess we are more than just strictly online. we've been through alot in the 3 years we've been together, alot more than i ever been through with anyone in the 'physical' world. i do understand that anyone who has not walked in our shoes will not understand the depth of our bond and love and probably will not believe that it's there or that we will make it in r/l and that's fine, i don't expect anyone to know how it feels or to even understand it, but if you've never walked in the shoes how can you say that it isn't possible to have all the things online that you have in the physical world? i'm here to tell You, it can and has happened for me. Master and i are not just an 'online' relationship we are a relationship built on love, trust, devotion, and everything else that anyone in the 'physical' world bases their relationship on, we just happen to be 2,000 miles apart at the moment, our relationship will be taken into the 'physical' world soon, i don't know maybe i'm taking it wrong and you're talking to those 'online couples' who will ONLY be an online couple forever, but i know for Master and i, that is not the case, and we have met, spent a week together, watching each other interact with those around us. when you first start a relationship in the physical world you don't right off the bat know how that person reacts to certain situations either, i'm not seeing the difference that you speak of. i see now that you said (general you) so you were not speaking directly to me and my situation so i've wasted alot of time posting LOL..i'm gonna post it anyway because i've spent too much time wracking my brain and trying to explain.
 
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