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Endless Curiosity

I don't often respond to threads that ask see questions, because I rarely have anything worthwhile to contribute. Guess I'm shallow like that. But for me, what makes sex not so great is if there is a lack of real connection prior to the sex happening. For me, connection is everything. It fuels whatever happens. If sex is rushed before I know we have connected, it's not good for me, even if my body responds in the right ways. My mind is usually wondering.
 
beachbaby179 said:
Good one. :D
I think it all comes down to selfishness, or selflessness. If you're only in it for yourself and what you want, the other person's needs will likely go unmet.
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NightOfPassion2 said:
Yep, the difference between a "Here I am" attitude and a "There you are!"
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AKentuckyLady said:
Some people can flirt, but fail to carry through.

Some people are braggarts, and think because they've seen a bunch of videos or photos that they can communicate those actions, and they can't.

Some people simply don't have an eye for detail.

Some people move entirely too fast and miss the point of foreplay.

Some people don't verbalize correctly. Sex is all about all five senses, and that includes speaking and hearing. We've all heard that the brain is the largest sexual organ along with skin. If you miss those two, you've missed the entire point.

And I do agree that if you're only focused on your own needs, it's going to fall flat.
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Damn, y'all are turning me on....

I think there's some alchemy involved too. An X-factor (pun semi-intended) that is intangible. Chemistry, in short.
 
ViciousTease said:
I agree. I'm sure we all have certain skills that we feel confident about. Things we've been praised for by other lovers. If you're making a cheesecake and you have "the best recipe ever", by all means follow it. Just be aware of the fact that not everyone likes cheesecake. Even those of us that love cheesecake aren't always craving it.

Phenomenal sex isn't about practiced moves or special skills. It's about response. I know what I like to do ... but that doesn't mean it's what he likes to feel. For me, the best sex is completely unscripted. There is no step 1, step 2, step 3 ... It's when he and I are both listening to the moans and signs of the other, both responding to the silent trembles, both so focused on the other that even the sound of one gasping for breath registers and motivates so that we stay in that space, pushing each other, trying to get another sigh, another moan, desperate to hear that growl.

Wait, the question was what makes it not so great. :eek:

I've found that when a man repeatedly tells me he's good at something, he's less inclined to adapt his technique to fit my needs. We aren't all wired the same, we don't respond equally to the same things. Those men always seem to disappoint. :(
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That was a really good response, and I'm glad to see you didn't kill the thread VT! :D
 
ViciousTease said:
Why was that guy (gal) you thought was going to be sooooo hot in bed, so incredibly, unbelievable…meh?
Everybody talks about the “What was I thinking?” attraction, but no-one ever seems to mention this.
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there is a line between fantasy and reality, between expectations and results.

I have only met four Litsters in real life. I did not do anything with any of them. One exceeded expectations and the other three were decent.
 
ViciousTease said:
Why was that guy (gal) you thought was going to be sooooo hot in bed, so incredibly, unbelievable…meh?
Everybody talks about the “What was I thinking?” attraction, but no-one ever seems to mention this.
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Well, let's see - the last one was entirely too nice and timid, even though we had hit it off really well and I thought he was going to be a blast to be with. I'm not a full-fledged sub by any means, but I definitely want to be with someone who can confidently find his way around a woman's body whether we're having wild passionate animal sex or a romantic evening of lovemaking, and make me feel totally desired and totally cared for. I guess that means we'd have to have some sort of intimate relationship outside the bedroom too. You're not going to find that with some guy you pick up in a bar or wherever.
 
Is it too late to answer?!?!?!? Long day, I’m afraid.

I had this happen. It sucks. You get yourself all riled up with lurid fantasies and what not. Have a couple of erotic dreams that end in orgasms (or so I’ve heard. :eek:) and then, after all that buildup, you’re let down.

Such a disappointment! *pouts*

LOL! There is an occurrence which springs to mind where I was so shocked, so in denial, that I felt compelled to test the waters again. A complete waste of time. I can only hope that he was as underwhelmed as I. :p

There’ve been some great answers. These v points resonate particularly.

AKentuckyLady said:
Some people can flirt, but fail to carry through.

Some people are braggarts, and think because they've seen a bunch of videos or photos that they can communicate those actions, and they can't.
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ViciousTease said:
I've found that when a man repeatedly tells me he's good at something, he's less inclined to adapt his technique to fit my needs. We aren't all wired the same, we don't respond equally to the same things. Those men always seem to disappoint. :(
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Now there was this one bad boy I recall who embodied some of these traits. He was very flirtatious and exceedingly confident in his *ahem* abilities. He was also smoking hot in the sack. I think, perhaps, because while he was ego driven it wasn’t about conquest. He genuinely liked women, and liked the idea that he was master of his domain. Whereas many guys think it’s all about getting women into bed, not aware that it’s a zero play if their partner not interested in a return engagement. :rolleyes:
 
JennyNo1 said:
Well, let's see - the last one was entirely too nice and timid, even though we had hit it off really well and I thought he was going to be a blast to be with. I'm not a full-fledged sub by any means, but I definitely want to be with someone who can confidently find his way around a woman's body whether we're having wild passionate animal sex or a romantic evening of lovemaking, and make me feel totally desired and totally cared for. I guess that means we'd have to have some sort of intimate relationship outside the bedroom too. You're not going to find that with some guy you pick up in a bar or wherever.
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A Jenny answer!!!!!!!!!

Woohoo. :nana:
 
Endless_Night said:
Now there was this one bad boy I recall who embodied some of these traits. He was very flirtatious and exceedingly confident in his *ahem* abilities. He was also smoking hot in the sack. I think, perhaps, because while he was ego driven it wasn’t about conquest. He genuinely liked women, and liked the idea that he was master of his domain.
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This seemed appropriate to leave here... :catroar:

6681344.jpg
 
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