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Sexless Marriages

Rivvie said:
Yep. Same situation over this way. Husband has t been intimate (not even hugs or kisses) for a bit over six years when he told me he’s now asexual.

I’ll go with others and say that while I abstained and behaved for six years... not so good a behavior as of this year. I have needs and not ready to live a life without sex.

VIVA LA SURGE!
Click to expand...


Rivvie, I feel I am at that crossroads.....wanting to stay committed but I also know that it wouldn't take much convincing to lead me astray.

Willing to discuss this with anyone in a similar situation, in private.
 
Beachaged said:
Doesn't that go both ways. I believe just as many menopausal women lose interest in sex and those who experience sex surge.
Click to expand...

Oh probably more women lose their libido I should think. But actually loss of libido is a well documented side effect of going through the menopause ..... you can read a lot about it.HRT can help a lot. There’s very little information about sex surge so when it arrives and knocks you over like a train there’s very little information around to explain it. If I could kill my libido stone dead I would - because one day i’ll be discovered and branded a whore forever more.
 
DDBustyBrit said:
I am totally in a sexless marriage and have been pretty much for a few years! We’re out there but we are a bit like unicorns 😂

I am a woman in her 50’s with the sex drive of an 18 yr old boy, that’s not normal I’ve been told by female friends the same age and male friends. I should be settling down for my old age with my hormones dying a slow death, but hell no! 😁
Click to expand...

My wife is like you, she loves sex and would have sex close to everyday if she could. I am one of the lucky ones, she says she doesn't get it enough. I am getting to the point were I don't think I can please her good enough.
 
And I thought I was the only one...

I'm a 57 year old MWM in a good marriage. I wouldn't trade it for the world. But my wife is very content with sex once a month or so on the average..... and I am as obsessed with sex now as I was in my teens and 20's. Glad to know I'm not alone....
 
As a late 20s male that has a very keen interest in women with a little more life experience than myself or those my age I certainly hope to experience this 'sex surge' whilst I'm in my own prime.
 
I am also in a sexless marriage for some years. As with everyone who has posted in a similar situation there’s a life unsaid in those words but we know what is meant - wouldn’t have wished it for me, for any of us.

Lots of well-known arguments for some kind of sex outside a sexless marriage and while few are confliction free for all the obvious reasons - reason does not have too much influence over a long pent-up lusting, “Brace yourself Girl, you’ve pulled!” (US translation is something like, “I want you and I want you now!”😂)

Good thought for us to use a place like this to find someone who will become a real friend to behave badly with. I like that - the good friend, the behaving badly bit😊
 
I just want to say I empathize with all of you, and it's nice to know others share your emotional pain.

My own story is rather cliche. In the early stages of the marriage it happened reasonably frequently. i never needed or expected it all the time, but appreciated that it was fairly steady. Then the kids came, one of whom is a huge challenge. And she got down that her body wasn't the same as it used to be, despite my constant comments to her that I think she still looks great.

Now she just views intimacy as another chore and demand on her time, one which is first on the chopping block whenever it seems like there is just too much going on.

And when I do try to initiate, I feel like I have to navigate such a minefield of potential traps and arguments that it ceases to be worth the effort, despite me still yearning to connect with her in that way.

Sadly, I think I masturbate more at 40 than I did as a pent up teen.

And it's not just the lack of sex that's such a downer, it's the existential isolation that comes as a byproduct from that lack of intimacy.

I'm sorry for you all. I feel for you.
 
Spiritedlady said:
Oh probably more women lose their libido I should think. But actually loss of libido is a well documented side effect of going through the menopause ..... you can read a lot about it.HRT can help a lot. There’s very little information about sex surge so when it arrives and knocks you over like a train there’s very little information around to explain it. If I could kill my libido stone dead I would - because one day i’ll be discovered and branded a whore forever more.
Click to expand...
My wife falls in the group that lost their drive. It was like a light switch went off. It wasn’t something I was prepared for.

I only wish she experienced the surge. BTW your post is sure to get you a bunch of new male friends.
 
While going through menopause our sex life suffered and was almost nonexistent and then he was diagnosed with Huntington’s Disease. It has completely changed our lives and how we related to one another. There has not been any intimacy or sex for more than 6 years. I’d give anything to have had a few more years, I miss him and our intimacy.

I’m still adjusting to the fact that some things are out of my control and we cannot change them.
 
Same boat

I’m in the same boat here. MWM/48, three teenage kids, wife totally not interested in sex. We’ve talked about it, And every time we talk, she turns it on for a few days and then turns it right back off again. I know life is all about seasons, but when do we get back to a season of intimacy for us? She’s so focused on everything except sex that there’s never any time made for it. Life has been morning missionary quickies every several weeks (when I’m lucky) for YEARS, with all of the interest coming from me.

Options for “relief” when you live in a small town in a rural part of a mostly-rural state are non-existent. And I don’t want to leave - my kids are too important.

So, it’s me and late night porn, with a side of chat & private pics (Kik - same handle as here) and sometimes email. I’ve had plenty of women as chat partners over the years, and enjoy the rush of meeting someone new and being naughty online, but even those tend to fade away with time. Even porn gets boring after awhile.

It seems inevitable that we are headed to where it will be “months” between encounters rather than “weeks”. I’m not sure what I’m going to do when that season starts.

Thanks for starting this thread - it is nice to know I’m not alone.
 
Well several of you ladies are aware of my situation. I am thankful that Lit has revealed that I am most certainly not alone. There is always a danger that we become myopic .
The sad thing is how society looks at our attempts to rectify the situation. Often men who seek alternative arrangements are applauded or blind eyes are turned whereas women face censure.
What a happy band we are! I certainly don't seek pity, just understanding, companionship and a bit of adventure.
 
Spiritedlady said:
The thing you’re referring to in relation to women in their 40s and 50s is termed the Sex Surge - you should google it. I was on another chat site frequented by women and there were a considerable number of women commenting about it. My own marriage has been sexless over 7 years and now I find it extremely difficult. I wouldn’t say my behaviour has been entirely exemplary for the last year but I’m finding it hard to feel bad about it.
Click to expand...

I know just how you feel. No sex since 2010. Sexless marriage sucks. Plus I live in a small town so it’s difficult to connect with anyone and all you ladies in the same boat are far away..... it sucks!
 
Wow

To be honest, I really felt like I was alone. I can't believe how many of us there are. I first want to thank you all for sharing. I will need to spend the next few hours replying to some of you because you really hit home with me. I would have never thought this could have turned in to such a successful hookup thread. I am thinking of opening this same thread in "the playground" in order to keep with the TOS, what do you all think?
 
Rivvie said:
Yep. Same situation over this way. Husband has t been intimate (not even hugs or kisses) for a bit over six years when he told me he’s now asexual.

I’ll go with others and say that while I abstained and behaved for six years... not so good a behavior as of this year. I have needs and not ready to live a life without sex.

VIVA LA SURGE!
Click to expand...
Same thanks go to you.
 
PornStache75 said:
Anyone else with this problem?
I have a high sex drive and the wife doesn't.
Looking for others with this problem, and possibly helping fill our needs.
Click to expand...

Well and truly in this club. Both mid 30s. Fuck twice a year on average,she lasts seconds. Route cause is gyno issues for her, coupled with depression, and associated treatments for both.

Net result is that her mood is low, libido non-existent, and if she does have sex it hurts and she bleeds.

Kids finally killed it
 
Northward said:
I just want to say I empathize with all of you, and it's nice to know others share your emotional pain.

My own story is rather cliche. In the early stages of the marriage it happened reasonably frequently. i never needed or expected it all the time, but appreciated that it was fairly steady. Then the kids came, one of whom is a huge challenge. And she got down that her body wasn't the same as it used to be, despite my constant comments to her that I think she still looks great.

Now she just views intimacy as another chore and demand on her time, one which is first on the chopping block whenever it seems like there is just too much going on.

And when I do try to initiate, I feel like I have to navigate such a minefield of potential traps and arguments that it ceases to be worth the effort, despite me still yearning to connect with her in that way.

Sadly, I think I masturbate more at 40 than I did as a pent up teen.

And it's not just the lack of sex that's such a downer, it's the existential isolation that comes as a byproduct from that lack of intimacy.

I'm sorry for you all. I feel for you.
Click to expand...

Change the age by 5-10 years (younger) and I could've written that.

Shit isn't it?

Mine now even views hugs/kisses as an annual event to "keep you happy".

She's like a cat, any attention is on her terms for her benefit..
 
Rivvie said:
Yep. Same situation over this way. Husband has t been intimate (not even hugs or kisses) for a bit over six years when he told me he’s now asexual.

I’ll go with others and say that while I abstained and behaved for six years... not so good a behavior as of this year. I have needs and not ready to live a life without sex.

VIVA LA SURGE!
Click to expand...

Stray/stay is my current debate
 
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