Feedback please

Hi there, this is my second submission. What do you think? Please be kind

https://www.literotica.com/s/seducing-my-boss

This is very good for a second-person story. (I hate second person - it's like someone god-modding in a roleplay game.) Good heat, and very few places where the narration voice got in the way of feeling the flow of the action. Two mnnor quibbles:

You answer them at the appropriate times, I'm impressed by your multicasting skills.
(wrong word - multitask, not multicast; also, these should either be two separate sentences or connected with a semicolon)

I put my heeled foot up to stop you, pressing the toe against your firm chest.
(With her sitting up on the edge of his desk, this just presents an image of a very awkward angle for her foot - I can see her heel on his chest but not her toe)

Thankyou, i know about the multicast thing, it wss an autocorrect i didnt notice until too late lol

I thought it was pretty good, i commented on the story, as I said, it was quick to the sex scene which was good but no story or character buildup, perhaps thats what you were going for IDK, but as a reader I liked it.

rdodger said:

This is very good for a second-person story.

Click to expand...

This isn't second person. Boom, right there in the opening sentences, the first person perspective: "Today is the day I will seduce you... my boss. As I stand here in the bathroom . . ."

This story is in the perspective of the "I"--first person.

The biggest problem with second person is not understanding what it is. It's totally in the perspective of the "you." As soon as you let someone else's perspective take over, you've lost second person.