Do we want our partner to be jealous?

Southerngal-

The conflicted emotions you describe, of being flattered that your husband would be confident enough in you to want to see you with a male or female lover while at the same time in some ways not wanting him to let you do that, is what is known as typical human emotions, they often are contradictory and irrational:). I think the second emotion is a part of yourself in effect saying "if he really loves me so much and desires me so much, how could he ever allow someone else to touch me"....In effect, it is projecting that a partner who would be willing to let their other half have sex with others can't really care all that much about them, because someone who really lusted after their other half would put them under lock and key.........too, it could also be part of yourself in effect wanting him to say no, because you have your own worries about potentially doing something like that...

Keep in mind that most of us are brought up to look at our spouses and sexual partners as unique to ourselves, as 'ours', and it is kind of natural to look at someone who doesn't seem to fit this mold and say "hmm, why doesn't he see me as being 'his' like that, what is wrong with me/him that he would be willing to do that".....it is kind of like a typical NY'er, when someone does something nice for you the first reaction is "what does that person want from me", rather then assuming they are simply nice:).

For my part, I am glad your husband and you can talk about these things, get a charge out of them and not go ballistic over it, as many spouses would. Husbands and wives both often have the first thought that if you talk about others being involved, it means there is something wrong with them, etc.....the fact that you guys can talk about it, and maybe fantasize about it, is way cool, because that can always be fun even if you never decide to try it.

If you do decide to go down that road, then what is key is to talk about it, and also to make clear that either of you can back out, stop it, without repercussions, if they are uncomfortable. There can be pitfalls to these kinds of things, if one partner is more into it then another, or if one person gets lost in it it can turn the other person off, but that is where communication comes in. It is interesting that your husband seems more into watching you rather then participating (especially if it was you with another woman), a lot of men I know who have done or desire a MFF threesome tend to see it as the two women pleasuring him, he seems more getting off on the idea of watching you get pleasure. The teasing aspect sounds a little bit like a mild form of a cuck fantasy, but in the end what matters is what makes you two rock:).

Whatever you end up doing or not doing, it sounds like you two are handling things the right way, communicating and talking about your fantasies, committing to each other's pleasure and whether it happens or not you'll prob have a lot of fun. Yes, threesomes or sharing or whatever has its pitfalls, I have seen marriages blow up because of it, I have seen wives fall in love with a guy they were having sex with (with hubby's blessing/him watching or participating or not), I have seen a husband supposedly okay with it be angry about it, didn't communicate, and that anger split them up, have seen a wife divorce a husband who was into swinging and didn't notice she wasn't, but in those cases the couple had serious problems communicating, and in several of them they prob would have eventually split anyway IMO....but also know couples who ended up trying this who found a lot of fun and heat in their relationship over doing these things.

My only advice is have fun with it, talk about it openly, and whatever you do make it what works for you, the moralizers, the ones pitching gloom and doom, those telling you you should have a poly relationship, whatever, aren't living your life, you are. And if the only thing that comes out of this is you and your hubby find out you both have interested, perverted, twisted thoughts, you are better off then 99.9% of the couples out there who have those fantasies, don't talk about them with each other, and then blame each other cause their sex life is so boring:)

Best summary I've seen so far, props to you!
 
All these professors of sexual relations spewing all kinds of opinion and advice, and only one or two said anything that you can be sure of, and that it is that hard to predict what the fallout would be.

There is risk. Do you need to take the risk? Does your marriage need something like this? Will it be worth the risk? If you do this and then he says "Now it's my turn", what would you think?

If you are so sure the bond between you two is just that strong, why were you careful not to let him sign-on with your user name? (I'm not trying to pick on you with that question. I think it is important). If he's already been here and looked around, what's to stop him from finding this thread, and how will that go over?

It is so easy for all these experts to say "go for it". If things go badly it hardly matters to them.
 
Perhaps you meant desire or longing, but with a little zing and bite added. I think I get the gist of what you mean, just can't put a word to it.

You said it better than I did. :)

Southerngal-

The conflicted emotions you describe, of being flattered that your husband would be confident enough in you to want to see you with a male or female lover while at the same time in some ways not wanting him to let you do that, is what is known as typical human emotions, they often are contradictory and irrational:). I think the second emotion is a part of yourself in effect saying "if he really loves me so much and desires me so much, how could he ever allow someone else to touch me"....In effect, it is projecting that a partner who would be willing to let their other half have sex with others can't really care all that much about them, because someone who really lusted after their other half would put them under lock and key.........too, it could also be part of yourself in effect wanting him to say no, because you have your own worries about potentially doing something like that...

Keep in mind that most of us are brought up to look at our spouses and sexual partners as unique to ourselves, as 'ours', and it is kind of natural to look at someone who doesn't seem to fit this mold and say "hmm, why doesn't he see me as being 'his' like that, what is wrong with me/him that he would be willing to do that".....it is kind of like a typical NY'er, when someone does something nice for you the first reaction is "what does that person want from me", rather then assuming they are simply nice:).

For my part, I am glad your husband and you can talk about these things, get a charge out of them and not go ballistic over it, as many spouses would. Husbands and wives both often have the first thought that if you talk about others being involved, it means there is something wrong with them, etc.....the fact that you guys can talk about it, and maybe fantasize about it, is way cool, because that can always be fun even if you never decide to try it.

If you do decide to go down that road, then what is key is to talk about it, and also to make clear that either of you can back out, stop it, without repercussions, if they are uncomfortable. There can be pitfalls to these kinds of things, if one partner is more into it then another, or if one person gets lost in it it can turn the other person off, but that is where communication comes in. It is interesting that your husband seems more into watching you rather then participating (especially if it was you with another woman), a lot of men I know who have done or desire a MFF threesome tend to see it as the two women pleasuring him, he seems more getting off on the idea of watching you get pleasure. The teasing aspect sounds a little bit like a mild form of a cuck fantasy, but in the end what matters is what makes you two rock:).

Whatever you end up doing or not doing, it sounds like you two are handling things the right way, communicating and talking about your fantasies, committing to each other's pleasure and whether it happens or not you'll prob have a lot of fun. Yes, threesomes or sharing or whatever has its pitfalls, I have seen marriages blow up because of it, I have seen wives fall in love with a guy they were having sex with (with hubby's blessing/him watching or participating or not), I have seen a husband supposedly okay with it be angry about it, didn't communicate, and that anger split them up, have seen a wife divorce a husband who was into swinging and didn't notice she wasn't, but in those cases the couple had serious problems communicating, and in several of them they prob would have eventually split anyway IMO....but also know couples who ended up trying this who found a lot of fun and heat in their relationship over doing these things.

This. All of it. Twice maybe. :) :heart:


All these professors of sexual relations spewing all kinds of opinion and advice, and only one or two said anything that you can be sure of, and that it is that hard to predict what the fallout would be.

There is risk. Do you need to take the risk? Does your marriage need something like this? Will it be worth the risk? If you do this and then he says "Now it's my turn", what would you think?

If you are so sure the bond between you two is just that strong, why were you careful not to let him sign-on with your user name? (I'm not trying to pick on you with that question. I think it is important). If he's already been here and looked around, what's to stop him from finding this thread, and how will that go over?

It is so easy for all these experts to say "go for it". If things go badly it hardly matters to them.

Yes there is a risk. There are risks to a marriage or a person getting stale and then old some day and having regrets about never even trying new things when there was a chance. Does my marriage need this? Not really but see the first sentence. Will it be worth the risk? Cannot answer that because everything is still in the hypothetical stage. If it gets to serious decision time then we will make that decision. My husband and I don't operate on a you got yours now I get mine agreement. Not like ok I got a new appliance so he gets a new power tool or golf clubs. Doesn't work like that for us. Ours is a partnership. Always has been and always will be. Why did I not give him access to my accout here? Because I am still trying to decide what it is that I want before I move forward with anything more than talkig about it. I may decide that I went too far into the deep end of the pool and take my butt back to the kiddie section and all of this will be moot. We do have some privacy in our marriage and we respect that aspect. If he were to find this thread he would know that it is me being me. I over analize things to the mmpth degree. I am like that. I am the one that has too many insecurities and too many things bouncing around in my head while he is the one that never worries and enjoys life to the upmost regardless of the situation. All in all, this thread got a bit overblown and I am no where near as stressed as perhaps I made myself out to be a few days ago.
 
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Southern Gal.... Trust me I get what you are saying. My husband is not a jealous person per se. For example he knows that I am on Lit and that I chat with people from here. Heck most of the time he is walking through the room while I am chatting away and he will stop to make a comment or two.

But he has said that he has no interest in a threesome. That the idea of sharing me is not on his list of things to do. That he could not sit there and watch that. Nor can he even think of me being with someone else. And I have to admit, it made me feel... good. I like that he isn't jealous but that there is a line to what he feels comfortable "sharing" as it were.

I'm the same way. Including someone in the bedroom might be interesting to think about, but I think if it ever came down to it. I couldn't go through with it. Perhaps old fashioned, but I know me. I know that sometimes a fantasy is just that ,something that will never be acted upon.
 
All these professors of sexual relations spewing all kinds of opinion and advice, and only one or two said anything that you can be sure of, and that it is that hard to predict what the fallout would be.

There is risk. Do you need to take the risk? Does your marriage need something like this? Will it be worth the risk? If you do this and then he says "Now it's my turn", what would you think?

If you are so sure the bond between you two is just that strong, why were you careful not to let him sign-on with your user name? (I'm not trying to pick on you with that question. I think it is important). If he's already been here and looked around, what's to stop him from finding this thread, and how will that go over?

It is so easy for all these experts to say "go for it". If things go badly it hardly matters to them.

I think you are being a bit snarky and also mischaracterizing what most of us 'professors of sexual relations' said, which I assume you think I am part of. Those who have done this sort of thing talked about their experiences, and almost everyone said there could be consequences of actually doing something like this for real. I specifically said that it takes a very strong marriage and people who can communicate to go outside and Southern Gal herself doesn't exactly seem to be the kind of person, nor her husband, to jump into anything.

What your post sounds like is we all should have been emphasizing the gloom and doom, tell her she will be sorry and that is idiotic. Put it this way, it is also very risky to have a marriage and never challenge boundaries or to simply go with the flow, a lot of marriages split up because it becomes stale or because people grow away from each other. As Stephen Hopkins of Rhode Island said when the continental congress was debating whether to talk about independance, and he said there was nothing he had ever heard of so dangerous you can't talk about it comes to mind. Reefer madness never works in dissuading people from doing things, rational talk about it does, the same way that abstinence only sex ed or religious preaching doesn't stop kids from having sex *shrug*. Risk is a part of life, and the way to deal with it is to know the risk versus rewards, how to mitigate risk while still keeping the reward, and then deciding what path to take...

Almost everyone on here has pointed out it isn't easy and Southern Gal picked up on that, she and her hubby seem like mature adults, as do many of the posters.
 
*HUGS* to all the reponses that have been well thought out and intended to provide insight. To those that seem to fear that I am making an irrational decision that may harm my marriage, I will say simply, I have seldom done anything in my adult life without overthinking it perhaps too much. In my many years of being with my husband the same has applied. He provides the motivation for us to live a life that we both enjoy and I provide the caution and restraint. I am wanting to experience more and maybe (m a y b e) live out a few of the fantasies I and my husband have. Being a former teacher I am a gatherer of knowledge and that is what I came to Lit for. I have so many wants and desires that I have chosen to leave not only unfulfilled but also unspoken. I am trying to change that. Above all else please know that there is nothing I will do that will jeapordize my marriage or even something that I would not feel comfortable with my husband doing. Having said that, I hope more folks will reply with their own real life stories of their inner thoughts that may be helpful. If you are still intent on sending pm's or replying here telling me what a bad decision(s) I am making, please do not be offended if I do not reply back.
 
I think you are being a bit snarky and also mischaracterizing what most of us 'professors of sexual relations' said, which I assume you think I am part of. Those who have done this sort of thing talked about their experiences, and almost everyone said there could be consequences of actually doing something like this for real. I specifically said that it takes a very strong marriage and people who can communicate to go outside and Southern Gal herself doesn't exactly seem to be the kind of person, nor her husband, to jump into anything.

What your post sounds like is we all should have been emphasizing the gloom and doom, tell her she will be sorry and that is idiotic. Put it this way, it is also very risky to have a marriage and never challenge boundaries or to simply go with the flow, a lot of marriages split up because it becomes stale or because people grow away from each other. As Stephen Hopkins of Rhode Island said when the continental congress was debating whether to talk about independance, and he said there was nothing he had ever heard of so dangerous you can't talk about it comes to mind. Reefer madness never works in dissuading people from doing things, rational talk about it does, the same way that abstinence only sex ed or religious preaching doesn't stop kids from having sex *shrug*. Risk is a part of life, and the way to deal with it is to know the risk versus rewards, how to mitigate risk while still keeping the reward, and then deciding what path to take...

Almost everyone on here has pointed out it isn't easy and Southern Gal picked up on that, she and her hubby seem like mature adults, as do many of the posters.

‘Gloom and doom’? Nope, I’m not sure how you got that. ‘Snarky’, about all the “experts” I was totally going for. :)
I got involved in the early conversation; because it was about jealousy and I think it is an interesting topic. Jealousy is just a feeling that we all have at times (even those that claim otherwise) and there’s nothing “wrong” with feeling jealous, it’s acting jealous that often becomes a problem. The rest of my two posts asked questions that I thought she should ask of her husband or think about, first. I’m not going to give anyone advice to go ahead with something that is potentially life-changing, unless I really am the expert (credentialed) of the topic area, and I was suggesting she not listen to “us” … well except me. :)
The good news is that regardless of the litany of opinion and guess-work everyone had fed her, it seems to me, now, that she sees everything quite clearly.
 
this is an interesting thread. i think i understand what you are trying to say also. i don't want my husband to ever be jealous. i agree with the previous discussion that jealousy results from a lack of trust. if he becomes jealous, then i feel at fault and like i have violated his trust. i think there can be some openness in a marriage (bringing in other people) if you communicate about your boundaries and talk about every scenario you can anticipate. we have talked about this a lot and i don't think we will do it. it is a scary prospect because i think even if you talk about it a lot, you never really know what kind of feelings are going to come out of it. it's a great fantasy, but there is so much that you can do without extra people also. i'm not saying that it won't work for you or plenty of others. good luck with however it works out for you. i'm confident you will be over-analyzing this and will make the right decision.
 
Jealousy is a funny thing. One thing I've learnt is that it can be unpredictable & can't be controlled with rational thought.

My biggest turn on has always been the thought of my gf/wife fucking another guy. It's dominated my fantasies ever since my first gf. When my first wife and I got together, we started making up fantasy stories involving her & another guy. Usually they involved some upcoming event - a dinner, a holiday etc. We'd take it in turns making them up & they always made for some very hot sex. I never told her in those early years that I actually wanted her to do it for real & she had indicated that she could never do it (much to my disappointment ;) )

One night I discovered that she'd had the hots for my best friend before her & I got together (she'd been in our circle of friends.) A little questioning during sex & she admitted that given the chance she'd still love to fuck him. Unfortunately he'd moved overseas, so I asked her if there was anyone else who had a chance of getting into her pants. I was delighted when she named the very guy I was thinking of. This all took place over several weeks but I'm trying to keep the story short. We'd been together about 6 years at this time.

So fast forward a few months. She'd been flirting with him & things had been building up. I was feeling no jealousy at all, just super horny! I'd been thinking about this for years & it was looking like finally happening! Then one day he was over & she told us she was going to shower. My friend jokingly ( or half jokingly ;) ) asked if she needed a hand. She just smiled & said "if you want" & walked off into our bedroom. He looked at me & said "well, can I?" I gave him the go ahead & he followed her into our bathroom. I was left looking after our 2 little kids! I sat at the kitchen table, imagining what was going on, her naked in the shower, him soaping her up, kissing her.... One of the most erotic days of my life. There was no jealousy at all, I was so hard I was almost busting out of my jeans! Finally when she came out of the bedroom she walked over to me & kissed me passionately. They hadn't fucked, it was that time of month & while she was ok with doing it then, she didn't want that to be their first time.

So it was another month before the timing was right for them to finally get together. Due to the kids they'd decided to do it at his place. I was fine with this - although watching was something I wanted to do, it wasn't mandatory, the thought of her with someone else was enough for me. So the day finally came, I watched her dress in lingerie & a short skirt (it was summer.) Then she kissed me goodbye & walked out the door. And that's when it hit me. Jealousy came crashing down on me like a tidal wave. I felt sick! I couldn't believe it! For the next few hours my insides churned & I was miserable. I wanted to put on a brave face when she got home but I couldn't, I told her I didn't want her to do it again. As you can imagine that went down like a lead balloon & totally spoiled the day.

For the next 6 months or so I could't control the jealousy. I felt sick every time I left the house, it was eating me up inside. I hated it. In my mind I trusted her totally & had no thoughts of her running off with him, & yet I couldn't control this damn raging jealousy. I remained close friends with my mate, there were no problems there. Eventually the jealousy wore off. After 6 - 8 months suddenly I started getting the old horniness back & even started thinking of my wife & mate again. At first she said no way after my reaction the first time, but after some months of more slow build up, she put on a lingerie show for us both & it went well. They ended up back in bed & it was an ongoing thing for several years, with me watching & joining in sometimes. It turned out to be hottest period of my life & I have no regrets. There was a little bit of jealousy there, but it was overwhelmed by the arousal. I think the jealousy actually mixes with & heightens the arousal - it's hard to explain emotions.

My current wife has been with a number of guys (including one 2 nights before our wedding) since we've been together. We've been together for 12 years now. There's very little jealousy, although I wouldn't say it was non existent, again it kind of just adds to the whole experience.

As an aside, between my 2 marriages I was invited to be the 3rd part of a MFM threesome with another married couple. I flew interstate for it as we had met online (not a dating site, a forum unrelated to sex.) I'd been talking to the wife online for about 12 months. Things began well, but when we were heavily into the foreplay (all naked in bed, oral etc) he called it off. He couldn't take the jealousy.

What I hope you & others will take from this story is that no amount of thinking, talking & fantasising can guarantee how you are going to feel when it actually happens. It's still my biggest turn on, I think about my wife with other guys all the time, & I still even fantasise about my first wife (ssshhh, don't tell my wife that!!) So I'm definitely in the go for it camp :D If it works for you it's totally awesome.

Mike
 
Jealousy is a funny thing. One thing I've learnt is that it can be unpredictable & can't be controlled with rational thought.

My biggest turn on has always been the thought of my gf/wife fucking another guy. It's dominated my fantasies ever since my first gf. When my first wife and I got together, we started making up fantasy stories involving her & another guy. Usually they involved some upcoming event - a dinner, a holiday etc. We'd take it in turns making them up & they always made for some very hot sex. I never told her in those early years that I actually wanted her to do it for real & she had indicated that she could never do it (much to my disappointment ;) )

One night I discovered that she'd had the hots for my best friend before her & I got together (she'd been in our circle of friends.) A little questioning during sex & she admitted that given the chance she'd still love to fuck him. Unfortunately he'd moved overseas, so I asked her if there was anyone else who had a chance of getting into her pants. I was delighted when she named the very guy I was thinking of. This all took place over several weeks but I'm trying to keep the story short. We'd been together about 6 years at this time.

So fast forward a few months. She'd been flirting with him & things had been building up. I was feeling no jealousy at all, just super horny! I'd been thinking about this for years & it was looking like finally happening! Then one day he was over & she told us she was going to shower. My friend jokingly ( or half jokingly ;) ) asked if she needed a hand. She just smiled & said "if you want" & walked off into our bedroom. He looked at me & said "well, can I?" I gave him the go ahead & he followed her into our bathroom. I was left looking after our 2 little kids! I sat at the kitchen table, imagining what was going on, her naked in the shower, him soaping her up, kissing her.... One of the most erotic days of my life. There was no jealousy at all, I was so hard I was almost busting out of my jeans! Finally when she came out of the bedroom she walked over to me & kissed me passionately. They hadn't fucked, it was that time of month & while she was ok with doing it then, she didn't want that to be their first time.

So it was another month before the timing was right for them to finally get together. Due to the kids they'd decided to do it at his place. I was fine with this - although watching was something I wanted to do, it wasn't mandatory, the thought of her with someone else was enough for me. So the day finally came, I watched her dress in lingerie & a short skirt (it was summer.) Then she kissed me goodbye & walked out the door. And that's when it hit me. Jealousy came crashing down on me like a tidal wave. I felt sick! I couldn't believe it! For the next few hours my insides churned & I was miserable. I wanted to put on a brave face when she got home but I couldn't, I told her I didn't want her to do it again. As you can imagine that went down like a lead balloon & totally spoiled the day.

For the next 6 months or so I could't control the jealousy. I felt sick every time I left the house, it was eating me up inside. I hated it. In my mind I trusted her totally & had no thoughts of her running off with him, & yet I couldn't control this damn raging jealousy. I remained close friends with my mate, there were no problems there. Eventually the jealousy wore off. After 6 - 8 months suddenly I started getting the old horniness back & even started thinking of my wife & mate again. At first she said no way after my reaction the first time, but after some months of more slow build up, she put on a lingerie show for us both & it went well. They ended up back in bed & it was an ongoing thing for several years, with me watching & joining in sometimes. It turned out to be hottest period of my life & I have no regrets. There was a little bit of jealousy there, but it was overwhelmed by the arousal. I think the jealousy actually mixes with & heightens the arousal - it's hard to explain emotions.

My current wife has been with a number of guys (including one 2 nights before our wedding) since we've been together. We've been together for 12 years now. There's very little jealousy, although I wouldn't say it was non existent, again it kind of just adds to the whole experience.

As an aside, between my 2 marriages I was invited to be the 3rd part of a MFM threesome with another married couple. I flew interstate for it as we had met online (not a dating site, a forum unrelated to sex.) I'd been talking to the wife online for about 12 months. Things began well, but when we were heavily into the foreplay (all naked in bed, oral etc) he called it off. He couldn't take the jealousy.

What I hope you & others will take from this story is that no amount of thinking, talking & fantasising can guarantee how you are going to feel when it actually happens. It's still my biggest turn on, I think about my wife with other guys all the time, & I still even fantasise about my first wife (ssshhh, don't tell my wife that!!) So I'm definitely in the go for it camp :D If it works for you it's totally awesome.

Mike

Though I have no plans to do anything like this any time soon, thanks for sharing, I think hearing about how someone themselves has felt with something like this is really valuable. The emotions you describe after the fact are the most interesting to me, because it says that there can be 'sellers regret' so to speak, even though it was a big turn on before it happened. I have heard from a couple of people that sometimes it isn't the person who is 'giving' their spouse away that has regrets, it often is the person who is 'given away' who kind of freaks out, or can and the after affect seems like it can have consequences (like, for example, where he husband wants the wife to have sex with someone else, she does, he gets jealous, has problems, and then gets mad because of his reaction..). One thing reading this post that comes clear is that both partners have to realize and respect that if the other partner is having trouble, that they need to stop doing whatever, and take time to process it. I think my other piece of advice reading this marvelous post on the topic is that both people have to realize if there is a fallout reaction it might not be easy to take, the wife whose husband wanted her to have sex with someone else might face a backlash that can be harsh, because at least knowing myself and my tendencies, the reaction often comes out as less then pleasant, and the same quite honestly with the wife in this example who decides this isn't for her, and hubby is taken aback or tries to push her, the reaction can be out there. Emotions are irrational and the reactions they engender are as well. Having read more then a few stories in the loving wives section (I know, one of my guilty pleasures), the worst reaction I can think of when let's say a husband is upset after a wife has had sex with someone else, would be for the wife to say "You can't be upset, you wanted me to do it, now I did it, I like it, and am going to keep doing it" or if the wife freaks out, the husband saying "You said you enjoyed it, why don't you want to do it any more, it gets me so hot to think of you with another guy", both are going to cause a major blow up. That is why it is so important that before doing this that the couple agrees that either party can stop it at any time, if they are uncomfortable with it, with no repurcussions, and that if either of them says "no more, period", it is respected. It has to be that way IMO, it is very much like BD/SM play, it has to be totally consensual. Yeah, it could be a temporary issue, a freak out and then later on the other person is okay with it, but both have to realize it may be a not smooth process as they journey down this path.Arguing "but you said yes to this" when a partner freaks out is forgetting that emotions do change, what once was hot becomes threatening, and so forth. One thing I am pretty certain of, saying "well, you agree to this, so now you have to live with it" as often comes up in the stories, is a definite one way ticket to splitsville, unless the other spouse likes being a doormat.
 
It's been several years since my husband and I had our threesomes, but I learned that I have a difficult time separating sex and love, most likely because until we opened things up, I had never had casual partners and had never needed to separate sex and love. The fantasy was (and still is) hot, but the reality was quite different and is not something I feel the need to repeat right now.
 
You know it occurs to me, and I don't know if anyone has mentioned this idea or not, but with toys and stuff you can simulate a fantasy. As Eilan said, and I completely agree with, there are some things that you may fantasize about but know is never going to become a reality.
 
Nah

I think even the slightest hint of jealous may grow so, rather not :)
 
***Thread UPDATE***

After starting and following this thread I have decided that not only will my husband and I never again entertain the notion of another person joining us in the bedroom, but in fact I will abstain from sex for the rest of my life. Anyone have the email address of a home for nuns somewhere within driving distance of southern ms?
 
After starting and following this thread I have decided that not only will my husband and I never again entertain the notion of another person joining us in the bedroom, but in fact I will abstain from sex for the rest of my life. Anyone have the email address of a home for nuns somewhere within driving distance of southern ms?

:) The last thing I will ever do is ask for advice on sex on a Lit thread. Everyone has an opinion. :)
 
After starting and following this thread I have decided that not only will my husband and I never again entertain the notion of another person joining us in the bedroom, but in fact I will abstain from sex for the rest of my life. Anyone have the email address of a home for nuns somewhere within driving distance of southern ms?

I know some convents in Louisiana....
 
After starting and following this thread I have decided that not only will my husband and I never again entertain the notion of another person joining us in the bedroom, but in fact I will abstain from sex for the rest of my life. Anyone have the email address of a home for nuns somewhere within driving distance of southern ms?

...I'd better not tell you about some of the stories I've heard about nuns.
 
...I'd better not tell you about some of the stories I've heard about nuns.

Can you imagine the temptation they must deal with? I swear that if I went on a diet that guaranteed I would lose all the weight I wanted and could eat as much of anything I ever wanted........except broccoli, (and please know that I truly detest it)..... I would CRAVE broccoli like I have never craved anything before. Night and day.
 
Nice thread.

From my own personal point of view we have done a little bit of limited swinging. In terms of the jealousy factor I can understand that, it turns me on increadibly to watch my wife swinging. But the key in that sentence is MY WIFE.

In some utopian world I'm sure we could all do as we please, but for me there is an element of my wife belonging to me, without me owning her. I would never force her to do anything, but would expect her to communicate most things with me.

And visa versa.

As for the emotional verses sexual, I think that depends on how you like your swinging. If you are expecting to meet for drinks, maybe dinner, maybe have them over for the weekend, or have repeat meetings then yes I can see where emotions can get in the way.

Our swinging would never develop that way, from the start we always agreed for swinging we where going to use the other people for sex. It may sound harsh, but to us the other couple or person are nothing more than a sex toy. I know those who love the social side of swinging would look down on us using another just for sex. But that is basically what we want them for. If my wife is to have another man, I want her to lust after his gorgeous body, his huge cock his amazing sexual technique, but not his stunning personality and the great places he may take her too.


This way I can be jealous whilst watching them have sex as my wife is doing something 'not permitted' however I am not going to wake up the next day regretting it as we will never see them again.

Of course over time I understand that we may want this to change , but then that should bring us back to why we put the rule in place. We want to swing to add to our sex life not to add to our social group or circle of friends.

There is no garuantee with anything, but I think if you agree a set of limits prior to experimentation and respect your partner by sticking to them, then you can always agree to change them the next time, even if that change is, actually the reality of swinging is not as good as the fantasy so I'd rather knock it on the head and keep it to just the one time experience.

Everyone is different, so take your time, communicate, set your own limits and most of all never forget you can always say stop.
 
We used to swing but now we have a close circle of friends who join us and he occasionally 'bulls' for cuckold couples.

When starting with this play together and be sure you can say stop when you're not comfortable. There's no point in being ready for it, and then when it gets going not being able to communicate you've changed your mind. Seeing your partner with someone else the first time is odd, and people we have played with have all had a different story to tell, you just do not know how you're going to be.

I'd suggest going with another couple as a) single women are hard to find and b) most single men are dicks (and you don't want a man who thinks you're doing this because your husband is crap etc)

Start with a soft swap (oral only) and same room sex (with own partners) and see how you feel.

Once you get into it it can be a real kick seeing another woman's face as she orgasms around your fella or showing off what your tongue is capable of (swallowing a man's cum in front of his wife who won't swallow is deviously hot).

If you're bi-curious it's also a great way to experiment.
 
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