Hog Waller wants you....

no worries at the party INS let me take a bubble bath and shave. I feel fit as a fiddle (oh no..am I starting to fit in??) now.
Well 'course y'all fit in, jus cause y'all speaks funny, I means wi' the way you down that thar' vodka and now knowing wha' happened to the scotch and wine hell you's our new hero, an' the chil'ren knowin' that have already given y'all the utmost of respect....but if'n we lets say use axle grease or sumptin....would ya please let Big Bertha still wax ya......I mean if y'all stays or leaves soon...it'd be ta ya benefit and ours ta let her....ta not do so mighten be ugly fer all of us...
 
Well 'course y'all fit in, jus cause y'all speaks funny, I means wi' the way you down that thar' vodka and now knowing wha' happened to the scotch and wine hell you's our new hero, an' the chil'ren knowin' that have already given y'all the utmost of respect....but if'n we lets say use axle grease or sumptin....would ya please let Big Bertha still wax ya......I mean if y'all stays or leaves soon...it'd be ta ya benefit and ours ta let her....ta not do so mighten be ugly fer all of us...

Oh no...not Big Bertha. I have a friend coming to pick me up soon.
 
Well normally I'd say fine, but seein' as you can't git here from there that might be a lil' hard, well can't lessen y'all pass big Bertha, an' she t'aint gonna be pleased 'bout that at all..
 
Well normally I'd say fine, but seein' as you can't git here from there that might be a lil' hard, well can't lessen y'all pass big Bertha, an' she t'aint gonna be pleased 'bout that at all..

Hummm where oh where is John today? I wonder if he has left to go on another crop dusting adventure?
 
Hummm where oh where is John today? I wonder if he has left to go on another crop dusting adventure?
Sorry IN, but'n seems like Hiram not only abandonded his dang still, but also the cable splice he watches over next ta' it....Seems he was so hopin' y'all be are new school marm....he left his post hopin' ta' enroll in the first grade agin'...t'would ha' been ok if jus' the paper work nedded doin' but he figured no 'un would believe he was six years old with a four foot beard, an' scraggly grey hair, so he done ran off the Cecil's fer some of them thar razor blades, n' sumptin called Greekin' Formla....While he was gone the cable guy came by an' as he were diconectin the Hog Waller community hook yp the still exploded causin' us further injury and insult.

T'anyway we's still searchin' for Hiram as he know's we's mightly pissed off, especially since Big Bertha can't watch 'em girls kissin' on the Playboy Channel, buts' Cuthbert did patch usn' in at the Land Fill today, so at least I kin git back online...an' I thanks y'all agin fer still thinkin' 'bout the school thang....
 
I comes ta' find out EA'a a lil' shy funny seein' as he kin write so well....perhaps if'n IN can't be our school marm' n maybe EA can least teach our'n English lessons....anyway seems he 'n couple of other friends been lurking here when not hirin' them their solicitors to have restainin' orders placed a'gin us...so welcome 'board y'all lurkers and agin stay awhile...
 
I comes ta' find out EA'a a lil' shy funny seein' as he kin write so well....perhaps if'n IN can't be our school marm' n maybe EA can least teach our'n English lessons....anyway seems he 'n couple of other friends been lurking here when not hirin' them their solicitors to have restainin' orders placed a'gin us...so welcome 'board y'all lurkers and agin stay awhile...

I'm such a jerk. Here I lurk, must be beserk, still I shirk instead of being at work. Please don't smirk! I shall re-read this work, try to find my way through the murk and I see it as something of a perk to be invited, because I am normally a bit of a berk.
 
I'm such a jerk. Here I lurk, must be beserk, still I shirk instead of being at work. Please don't smirk! I shall re-read this work, try to find my way through the murk and I see it as something of a perk to be invited, because I am normally a bit of a berk.
Well we's already excited 'causin we possbly has a new school marm, an' yesterday a female cement mixer, NHRA driver an' possible velveeta queen....an now HOT DANG, from accross the pond a potential poet lawyer at....so dang excited that the crop duster's fueled, Hiram (who rather sheepishly reappeared over night) been cleaning trash from the school house an the rest o' us been patchin' the main drive an' entrance to the landfill for a dragstip....an wings all y'all has ta worry 'bout when y'all gets behind the wheel of the 'maro is the big pile o' green goo at's the end o' it to slow y'all down. We even towed the 'maro ta' Cecil's and it should be runnin' 'bout the time o' the festival....
 
Well y'all as it seems they likes fox huntin' in merry ole Englund....y'all know in 'em fancy outfits and all....n' 'em funny likes saddles....(though it seems IN knows boutin them thar things too), anyways EA a good coon dawg's lot like'n a beagle on em fox hunts, 'ceptin see they's be alot bigger, and howls alot more n' we use 'em ta track 'coons which while kinda cute can make fer some purdy good vitals as well...oh an we don' ride horses...ceptin when it's deputies an' revenue agents an then they use several of 'em coon dawgs and are usually huntin' Hiram an or me...
 
Seems if'n most o' y'all been hangin' in Jolly ole' England w' EA an all. Can't says we blames y'all either as'n nearest we kin get directions for here from there is Cecil's and while Cecil an' big Bertha kin bring Y'all home from there, the INS, ATF, DEA, FBI, an IRS agents hangin' in his diner been scarin' Y'all off 'fore ya ask Cecil directions at the register. Well we's werkin on that an Beefy over at Big Springs says he thanks he kin get cha to his Dollar Genral store and will send y'all on in from there.
 
Well y'all as it seems they likes fox huntin' in merry ole Englund....y'all know in 'em fancy outfits and all....n' 'em funny likes saddles....(though it seems IN knows boutin them thar things too), anyways EA a good coon dawg's lot like'n a beagle on em fox hunts, 'ceptin see they's be alot bigger, and howls alot more n' we use 'em ta track 'coons which while kinda cute can make fer some purdy good vitals as well...oh an we don' ride horses...ceptin when it's deputies an' revenue agents an then they use several of 'em coon dawgs and are usually huntin' Hiram an or me...

*clears her throat* Pardon me, pardon me. I beg to differ with your analogy. A "coon dawg", to use the collquial terms of the native speakers, is actually a Coon (as in raccon) hound. They would be the equivalent of an English Foxhound used in Foxhunting. I addition, people around "this neck" (giggle - I am blending so well, don't you think) use mustangs and donkeys to hunt instead of fine thoroughbreds. Ahhh I miss those day, galloping into the ...
 
*clears her throat* Pardon me, pardon me. I beg to differ with your analogy. A "coon dawg", to use the collquial terms of the native speakers, is actually a Coon (as in raccon) hound. They would be the equivalent of an English Foxhound used in Foxhunting. I addition, people around "this neck" (giggle - I am blending so well, don't you think) use mustangs and donkeys to hunt instead of fine thoroughbreds. Ahhh I miss those day, galloping into the ...
Y'alll haveta fergive Ms IN though we's touched by her wantin' to blend in so bad, really we is. She still be mistakin' her western roots fo' what's true here.....as'n the local constabulary, (agin thank you fer the dictionary), does indeed use horses and sumtimes mules or donkeys, we all a' hog waller find it much more humane an' economical ta' ship our equine stock ta' the glue factory....asn' if we don' do that seems both the ASPCA an' the other PETA groups seems to git kinda nosy and scolding o' us...oh by the way we all here are members o' the other PETA group People Eating Tasty Animals.....But MS IN we'all sure do loves ya, and y'all looks good w/ your legs shaved, hot dang....
 
Cecil pointed out ta me this mornin' as I was a checkin' on the 'maro that 'tween checkin' out his favortie free porn' sites he noticed we'all had over 400 hits ta our site...hot damn that thar's more'n all o' us here in Hog Waller an' Big Srings combined....so'in Hiram thought it mighten be a good idea if'n we thanked all o' you in person...an' we do. Now don' be shy causin' ya' might actually write sumptin' a normal like person could read 'cause with Ms IN hanging here fer a while we's got an in-ter-pre-ture, (did'n I spells that right my sweet school marm?) Dang she's so smart an' pretty too...
 
Cecil pointed out ta me this mornin' as I was a checkin' on the 'maro that 'tween checkin' out his favortie free porn' sites he noticed we'all had over 400 hits ta our site...hot damn that thar's more'n all o' us here in Hog Waller an' Big Srings combined....so'in Hiram thought it mighten be a good idea if'n we thanked all o' you in person...an' we do. Now don' be shy causin' ya' might actually write sumptin' a normal like person could read 'cause with Ms IN hanging here fer a while we's got an in-ter-pre-ture, (did'n I spells that right my sweet school marm?) Dang she's so smart an' pretty too...

He is correct in his assumption...normal folk (see I did it again), are welcome to come on down (okay..a little over the top?). While it is true that John's verbosity is a little intimidating, he has a heart of gold, as do all the other characters in HW, well except for Big Bertha (shhhhh...she scares me a lot - I think she has a thing for me)
 
He is correct in his assumption...normal folk (see I did it again), are welcome to come on down (okay..a little over the top?). While it is true that John's verbosity is a little intimidating, he has a heart of gold, as do all the other characters in HW, well except for Big Bertha (shhhhh...she scares me a lot - I think she has a thing for me)
Shucks agin' Ms IN, y'all so smart an' not sure 'bout ma ass-umptioning but 'tis itchin' a bit.
 
Oh my...that was good. Speech therapy is really paying off.
Suprising how exactly lucid Hiram's moonshine can make one at times, why I feel absolutely delightful at the moment. I've yet to discover his particular formula for this batch, however it has occured to me that it definitely seems to have some cerebrial affect on those who drink it. Presently, the strange sisters are performing a delightful recital of the witches soliloquy from McBeth, well it would be delightful had they not chosen to perform it in the nude....
 
hmmmm, well dang it all looks like some joker done broke in an hijacked the Apple IIe whilst I wuz 'joying the fruits o' Hiram's labor....sorry mighten been Ms IN, as really can't think o' anyone else who speaks quite like that 'round here, I'll ask her soon as she pokes her cute lil nose out of the storm cellar...seems she locked herself in there since findin' out Big Bertha was gitting back from Logansport early an' wuz lookin' forward to spoonin' w/ our new school marm las' night...well'un the headache t'iant too bad but'n the fingers still seem ta' ha' a mind o' their own so's guess I betta spends a lil more time wakin' up...see y'all later...
 
Well we's all a stir here as'n we managed ta' recover our number 18 jerseys for we'all stoked the still with 'em. had ta' keep Billie Jean's hand on the rabbit ears though ta' see the dang comeback...still to dang excited ta' say much an we have ta' keep Ms IN updated on the progress of her beloved Cowboys as'n she's still hidin' from Big Bertha in the root cellar....
 
Well'n we coralled Big Bertha and sent her off ta' Cecil's as'n Ms IN was bout to wreck the root cellar....had ta' let the school marm out an' she's still dancin' round the still, an' we'all's makin' liken' we're real happy too...got's ta' keep the school marm happy...I think tha' I saw an ole Roger Starbuck jersey in Beefy's stock room, maybe we'all give it to her as a gift...
 
Well'n we coralled Big Bertha and sent her off ta' Cecil's as'n Ms IN was bout to wreck the root cellar....had ta' let the school marm out an' she's still dancin' round the still, an' we'all's makin' liken' we're real happy too...got's ta' keep the school marm happy...I think tha' I saw an ole Roger Starbuck jersey in Beefy's stock room, maybe we'all give it to her as a gift...

Rodger Starbucks??? Is that a coffee maker or the former Cowboy player?

And by the way, does a happy cellar dance! GO COWBOYS!!!!!
 
Rodger Starbucks??? Is that a coffee maker or the former Cowboy player?

And by the way, does a happy cellar dance! GO COWBOYS!!!!!
I'm sorry Ms IN, Beefy jus' informed me that it was Starbach, dang he's near as smart as y'all is.....an we'all's happy y'all still dancin' as we were a might 'fraid o' how you might act at school had m' cowboys lost....
 
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