Punch Bag

UnderYourSpell

Gerund Whore
Joined
May 20, 2007
Posts
15,794
I think there was such a thread before but I'm not going looking, for letting rip about all irritations and anything lifes rich tapestry throws at us. Anyway even if your life is running smoothly you can have a laugh at the banana skin prat falls of others.

My phone is on the blink and I am bereft. It's a touch screen jobbie only now it doesn't answer to my touch, even the little goldfish swiming on the front doesn't want to know me (it usually follows my finger ... yes I know little things please little minds!) My world is on that phone and is now as inaccessible as the North Pole, I know I need to get down to the phone shop but even that's too difficult at the moment, what with Ron not being able to drive and me still recovering from bruises and contusions. So there it sits, able to take calls but nothing else
 
Poor baby.

I have a thumb problem. I know people who repair phones, but none of them will attempt a thumb repair. It seems to work fine and does all the things one needs from a thumb, but if the middle knuckle is force backward from the straight position, it's very painful. It doesn't hurt every time, which is the worst part. It is more of an ambush than chronic pain. Everything seems fine and during a perfectly ordinary hand action, the thumb joint pops backwards. It's connected directly to my brain and I scream like a little girl. Once it popped so hard, the joint jammed in place and I had to grab it with my left hand and force it to bend back.

This would seem bad enough, but like all bad things, it gets worse.

One of the things a man learns when he is very young, which is the age when he discovers boys pee standing up, is the penis has a basic design flaw. When the bladder is empty, there is still enough urine between the bladder and fresh air to make a nice sized wet spot in one's pants. It is said a man with an larger than average penis make hold enough urine to make a fill a drug test specimen cup. This is one of nature's silly little jokes. This was not a problem for most of human history, but once men began to wear pants, a solution had to be found.

The thing which distinguishes primates from the other mammals is our opposable thumb. We find it useful in all sorts of ways, so it is no surprise the thumb was put to use, solving the wet pants dilemma. The solution is quick, easy and simple, and works much better than shaking or a long slow drip dry. The amazing opposable thumb is pressed into the scrotum, between the testicles, against the underside of the urethra. The last few drops are expelled and a man can wear light blue pants without embarrassment.

This is something I have done without incident for more than fifty years. It is second nature to me. The thumb must be straight to correctly perform this operation, which is now a problem. On Monday nights, LB and I enjoy an evening playing pool at our local blues tavern. It's a night of blues, billiards, beer and cigars. Everyone else enjoys the first three, and endures my cigars. It was about an hour into the evening when I found myself in front of the urinal, cigar in one hand, and not a care in the world until the thumb maneuver was needed. The thumb which had no problem handling a cue stick all night long, chose this moment to malfunction. The knuckle joint popped backwards and locked in the full back position. Fortunately for me, I was alone and the music was loud. There was no one there to see a man with his hand stuck in the front of his pants, and hear him scream like a little girl.
 
Poor baby.

I have a thumb problem. I know people who repair phones, but none of them will attempt a thumb repair. It seems to work fine and does all the things one needs from a thumb, but if the middle knuckle is force backward from the straight position, it's very painful. It doesn't hurt every time, which is the worst part. It is more of an ambush than chronic pain. Everything seems fine and during a perfectly ordinary hand action, the thumb joint pops backwards. It's connected directly to my brain and I scream like a little girl. Once it popped so hard, the joint jammed in place and I had to grab it with my left hand and force it to bend back.

This would seem bad enough, but like all bad things, it gets worse.

One of the things a man learns when he is very young, which is the age when he discovers boys pee standing up, is the penis has a basic design flaw. When the bladder is empty, there is still enough urine between the bladder and fresh air to make a nice sized wet spot in one's pants. It is said a man with an larger than average penis make hold enough urine to make a fill a drug test specimen cup. This is one of nature's silly little jokes. This was not a problem for most of human history, but once men began to wear pants, a solution had to be found.

The thing which distinguishes primates from the other mammals is our opposable thumb. We find it useful in all sorts of ways, so it is no surprise the thumb was put to use, solving the wet pants dilemma. The solution is quick, easy and simple, and works much better than shaking or a long slow drip dry. The amazing opposable thumb is pressed into the scrotum, between the testicles, against the underside of the urethra. The last few drops are expelled and a man can wear light blue pants without embarrassment.

This is something I have done without incident for more than fifty years. It is second nature to me. The thumb must be straight to correctly perform this operation, which is now a problem. On Monday nights, LB and I enjoy an evening playing pool at our local blues tavern. It's a night of blues, billiards, beer and cigars. Everyone else enjoys the first three, and endures my cigars. It was about an hour into the evening when I found myself in front of the urinal, cigar in one hand, and not a care in the world until the thumb maneuver was needed. The thumb which had no problem handling a cue stick all night long, chose this moment to malfunction. The knuckle joint popped backwards and locked in the full back position. Fortunately for me, I was alone and the music was loud. There was no one there to see a man with his hand stuck in the front of his pants, and hear him scream like a little girl.

have a flower > :rose:

(smiles behind hand)


see, annie? there's always someone with a problem... so this thread's a grand idea. and even if bronze's tale is pure fiction, it's written well enough to be totally believable :D


oh, sorry about your misbehaving goldfish :rose:
 
have a flower > :rose:

(smiles behind hand)


see, annie? there's always someone with a problem... so this thread's a grand idea. and even if bronze's tale is pure fiction, it's written well enough to be totally believable :D


oh, sorry about your misbehaving goldfish :rose:

No, it is not fiction. Everything is exactly as it happened with no embellishment.
 
I must ask Ron at the next opportunity about this use of the thumb, I can't say I've ever seen him use it and we wives are usually privy to this sort of action :D and I don't suppose it's any help at all that I have double jointed thumbs. I can perform the popping in and out to anyone the least bit interested, which they aren't and usually squeal and tell me to stop it immediately
 
I must ask Ron at the next opportunity about this use of the thumb, I can't say I've ever seen him use it and we wives are usually privy to this sort of action :D and I don't suppose it's any help at all that I have double jointed thumbs. I can perform the popping in and out to anyone the least bit interested, which they aren't and usually squeal and tell me to stop it immediately

I can think of only one way you might have observed this directly, and hey, there's nothing wrong with that sort of thing.
 
Speaking of irritation: I have a pinched nerve in my shoulder. It hurts like hell (and that's after taking a boatload of drugs for a week). I find out next week if I need to go for an MRI. And eagleyez is going for one Monday, as he has really bad sciatica and may have a nerve root issue that requires surgery. We'll know more about that in a few weeks. So basically we are both pretty fucked up at the moment. And I feel so bad because tomorrow is his birthday and I can't even make him a cake (I bought one instead, but he loves my homemade carrot cake--well, maybe in a month or so he can have mine).

On the upside, my wonderful son is doing a lot of the cooking. And he bought me the coolest Mother's Day prezzie. I am totally in love with a Royal Shakespeare Company's production of Dickens' The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby. I used to have it on VHS, but my ex somehow got custody of it--and it's out of print in DVD, but he managed to find it for me. He is awesome! Okay I forgot I'm supposed to be complaining. Whoopsie. I am also not supposed to be anywhere near a keyboard for a while, so if I am barely around, you know why. Over and out!

:kiss:
 
I can think of only one way you might have observed this directly, and hey, there's nothing wrong with that sort of thing.

I can think of several but we won't go there suffice to say if ones husband needs the bathroom when one is cleaning ones teeth I have no objection :D

Speaking of irritation: I have a pinched nerve in my shoulder. It hurts like hell (and that's after taking a boatload of drugs for a week). I find out next week if I need to go for an MRI. And eagleyez is going for one Monday, as he has really bad sciatica and may have a nerve root issue that requires surgery. We'll know more about that in a few weeks. So basically we are both pretty fucked up at the moment. And I feel so bad because tomorrow is his birthday and I can't even make him a cake (I bought one instead, but he loves my homemade carrot cake--well, maybe in a month or so he can have mine).

On the upside, my wonderful son is doing a lot of the cooking. And he bought me the coolest Mother's Day prezzie. I am totally in love with a Royal Shakespeare Company's production of Dickens' The Life and Adventures of Nicholas Nickleby. I used to have it on VHS, but my ex somehow got custody of it--and it's out of print in DVD, but he managed to find it for me. He is awesome! Okay I forgot I'm supposed to be complaining. Whoopsie. I am also not supposed to be anywhere near a keyboard for a while, so if I am barely around, you know why. Over and out!

:kiss:

Gentle hugs to two lovely people and hurrah for son of :rose:
 
I have a couple of ailments, much like bronzeage's which assert themselves seemingly at random. My thumb is one, but mine doesn't hurt - joint position jumps, rather than smoothly varying. Must have done something in the past, but don't know what. My knee often hurts - may be related to an injury (playing touch football !) nearly 30 years ago.
 
I can see we need to do indepth research into thumbs, I wonder if I can get funding? From some of the statistics I've seen, funding has been given for far sillier concepts i.e 9 out off 10 women feel more sexy with pretty armpits! Personally I have never felt that way about my oxters so I must be the 10th woman
 
I can think of several but we won't go there suffice to say if ones husband needs the bathroom when one is cleaning ones teeth I have no objection :D



Gentle hugs to two lovely people and hurrah for son of :rose:

Thank you my dear friend. You know I do love you. :kiss:

My son has allowed me another great Mom's Day gift: Whenever I say "say it," he replies "you're the boss." Lol. I'm asking him to say it every half hour or so and he is grimacing and telling me how much time I have left (offer expires at midnight). I just love being a mommy! :D
 
Thank you my dear friend. You know I do love you. :kiss:

My son has allowed me another great Mom's Day gift: Whenever I say "say it," he replies "you're the boss." Lol. I'm asking him to say it every half hour or so and he is grimacing and telling me how much time I have left (offer expires at midnight). I just love being a mommy! :D

One of life's pleasures (and pains) I have never had, it wasn't to be and that's that. Perhaps something could have been done but at that time I was stuck in a marriage with a man it turned out didn't want any and was glad when the one and only time I thought I was pregnant turned out to be a false alarm. You wouldn't think I was once a doormat would you? Ron taught me to stick up for myself ..... sometimes he says it's the worst thing he ever did! :D
 
One of life's pleasures (and pains) I have never had, it wasn't to be and that's that. Perhaps something could have been done but at that time I was stuck in a marriage with a man it turned out didn't want any and was glad when the one and only time I thought I was pregnant turned out to be a false alarm. You wouldn't think I was once a doormat would you? Ron taught me to stick up for myself ..... sometimes he says it's the worst thing he ever did! :D

I think it's pretty clear that Ron and you have done great good for each other. :rose:

Too bad we didn't know each other about 15 years ago. There were times when I would have been happy to share my two for a week or so, lol. Anyway, you are the mum of countless wonderful poems and I don't know how many pets. And your love for those shines through.
 
I get on pretty well with kids same mentality I think :D Talking of poems I haven't written a thing for ages I blame it on Facebook with all it's mindless games ..... and yes I do play the farming thing (as do one or two others that use these pages but I won't split on you!)
 
(written by: Christopher Guest)


You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here.
Deteriorata. Deteriorata.

Go placidly amid the noise and waste,
And remember what comfort there may be in owning a piece thereof.
Avoid quiet and passive persons, unless you are in need of sleep.
Rotate your tires.
Speak glowingly of those greater than yourself,
And heed well their advice, even though they be turkeys.
Know what to kiss, and when.
Consider that two wrongs never make a right, but that three do.
Wherever possible, put people on hold.
Be comforted that in the face of all aridity and disillusionment,
and despite the changing fortunes of time,
There is always a big future in computer maintenance.

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Remember The Pueblo.
Strive at all times to bend, fold, spindle, and mutilate.
Know yourself.
If you need help, call the FBI.
Exercise caution in your daily affairs,
Especially with those persons closest to you -
That lemon on your left, for instance.
Be assured that a walk through the ocean of most souls
Would scarcely get your feet wet.
Fall not in love therefore. It will stick to your face.
Gracefully surrender the things of youth: birds, clean air, tuna, Taiwan.
And let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
Hire people with hooks.
For a good time, call 606-4311. Ask for Ken.
Take heart in the bedeepening gloom
That your dog is finally getting enough cheese.
And reflect that whatever fortune may be your lot,
It could only be worse in Milwaukee.

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.

Therefore, make peace with your god,
Whatever you perceive him to be - hairy thunderer, or cosmic muffin.
With all its hopes, dreams, promises, and urban renewal,
The world continues to deteriorate.
Give up!

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.

You are a fluke of the universe.
You have no right to be here.
And whether you can hear it or not,
The universe is laughing behind your back.
 
Birds fed, dogs settled with chews. Two Raspberry custard tarts in the fridge,. One Quiche Lorraine in the oven and one waiting to go in, Cauliflower and Horse Radish soup bubbling in the pan. Ron given coffee (I've left him the washing up :) ) Now is my internet time ....... Do Not Disturb!!Not a chance! While it's nice to be needed a little ME time would be appreciated too!
 
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