Do Kink and promiscuity always go hand in hand?

JaneRamsey said:

I guess I don't really have a definition for promiscuity that I'm thinking of. A better phrase is 'prone to casual and short term hookups/relationships.'

But I'm glad I'm not alone!

(Disclaimer-this post was not meant to be judgy in any way I was just curious.)

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I think I've had one short-term hookup in the last 20 years. That one wasn't kinky, just good vanilla fun between two friends.

OTOH, some would consider me promiscuous because I've been in multiple relationships for most of that time. There was a fair bit of kink in those relationships, but they were all long-term; I think the shortest was about 4-5 years depending on how you count.

So by the definition given, I guess I'm kinky but not promiscuous?

no fucking around here

Nothing is ever always.

My Master and I are exclusive and have always been. Not that we don't enjoy playing but we save the sex for each other.

formertroll said:

I refuse to think about the kinks of anyone who gave me genes lol

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I know right! Eeewwwww...

What are the parameters of promiscuity? I'm bad because I've been spanked by many people. But I am a goody goody because I have fucked very few people. Is that promiscuous or not promiscuous? Is paddling your friend's husband while pretending to be Lois Lane one day and then the next day agreeing to be bound and forced to orgasm by a trusted friend wielding robotic implement until your brains become pudding promiscuous? No actual fuckery occurs, and yet there are multiple partners.

JaneRamsey said:

Yea, i think people might be a little frightened to realize how much about them is related to hereditary genes....muahaha!

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I found some pretty nasty porn at my grandparents' house hidden under the seat cushion of a chair in the bedroom. Filthy, filthy stuff. I mean, seriously.

So, I for one have zero delusions about being the first kinkster in my kin.

Only if someone wants them to coincide, I suppose.

PrisonerOfDoubt said:

What are the parameters of promiscuity? I'm bad because I've been spanked by many people. But I am a goody goody because I have fucked very few people. Is that promiscuous or not promiscuous? Is paddling your friend's husband while pretending to be Lois Lane one day and then the next day agreeing to be bound and forced to orgasm by a trusted friend wielding robotic implement until your brains become pudding promiscuous? No actual fuckery occurs, and yet there are multiple partners.

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Mmmmm I think for me that wouldn't count if the actual number of people you slept with was still fairly small. My parameters are vague at best. Lol.

seela said:

I found some pretty nasty porn at my grandparents' house hidden under the seat cushion of a chair in the bedroom. Filthy, filthy stuff. I mean, seriously.

So, I for one have zero delusions about being the first kinkster in my kin.

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Oh man, that would be so disturbing to find grandparent porn!

JaneRamsey said:

Oh man, that would be so disturbing to find grandparent porn!

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A little bit.

But it's also reassuring to know that I might not be the sickest fuck in my family. Perspective! There's still room for me to grow!

twister947 said:

What? Your father in a garter belt and push up bra won't scan?

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Good! I do not want to see that!

I do remember a time when we were in this little boutique that my parent's friend owned. She was showing us a new line of muu muus (Hawaiian style) dresses that she got in. She dared my dad to go try one on. He was the silly sort so went into the makeshift dressing room to try it on.

The problem? He was a big man and the dressing room was small with fabric walls. He began flailing around, trying to put the garment on and the walls came a tumbling down, leaving him standing there in a too tight muu muu, just as some customers came in.

What happened after that was hysterically funny. And my dad being the kind of person that he was, just grinned and said, "Hello ladies!" They ran like the wind.

Then we played hell trying to get him out of the thing without ripping it.

Just my opinion

In my mind, promiscuity leaves no room for a trusting relationship. You're never around long enough. There might be a bit of kinky sex involved, but it will never be the kind of kinky I'd be in a totally exclusive relationship with someone I know and trust.

JaneRamsey said:

For me they don't...but I'm increasingly starting to realize I may be in the severe minority on this.

How is it for everyone else?

Or if this is a dumb question just ignore. I'm sleep deprived and posting in the middle of the night. Lol

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I would have to say no.

Just because someone is promiscuous, doesn’t necessarily mean they are kinky. They can still have boring sex, just with more partners lol.

And being kinky doesn’t mean you’re promiscuous either.

xxxallison said:

I would have to say no.

Just because someone is promiscuous, doesn’t necessarily mean they are kinky. They can still have boring sex, just with more partners lol.

And being kinky doesn’t mean you’re promiscuous either.

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That is well said Allison .

barefootgirl69 said:

In my mind, promiscuity leaves no room for a trusting relationship. You're never around long enough. There might be a bit of kinky sex involved, but it will never be the kind of kinky I'd be in a totally exclusive relationship with someone I know and trust.

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I agree, i need to feel comfortable with someone before really exploring our kinky sides together.

barefootgirl69 said:

In my mind, promiscuity leaves no room for a trusting relationship. You're never around long enough. There might be a bit of kinky sex involved, but it will never be the kind of kinky I'd be in a totally exclusive relationship with someone I know and trust.

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I think there must be more trust in promiscuity than apart from it. as an example, in a monogamous relationship the boundary might be "don't flirt with the opposite sex, etc" in a promiscuous one there may be a limit like "when you play, be safe and tell me about it later" and you're trusting the partner to prioritize you despite their play. I don't think it's for everyone or every relationship. I've done it both ways, to varying success. but I do know that trust is huge and when broken it's hell to get back.

formertroll said:

I think there must be more trust in promiscuity than apart from it. as an example, in a monogamous relationship the boundary might be "don't flirt with the opposite sex, etc" in a promiscuous one there may be a limit like "when you play, be safe and tell me about it later" and you're trusting the partner to prioritize you despite their play. I don't think it's for everyone or every relationship. I've done it both ways, to varying success. but I do know that trust is huge and when broken it's hell to get back.

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Maybe you're confusing promiscuity with polyamous relationships/open relationship?

You don't have to be promiscuous to be in that type of relationship.


Just adding this so that you see that this what I am thinking.


adjective
1.derogatory
having or characterized by many transient sexual relationships.
"promiscuous teenagers"
synonyms: licentious, sexually indiscriminate, wanton, immoral

2.
demonstrating or implying an undiscriminating or unselective approach; indiscriminate or casual.

barefootgirl69 said:

Maybe you're confusing promiscuity with polyamous relationships/open relationship?

You don't have to be promiscuous to be in that type of relationship.


Just adding this so that you see that this what I am thinking.


adjective
1.derogatory
having or characterized by many transient sexual relationships.
"promiscuous teenagers"
synonyms: licentious, sexually indiscriminate, wanton, immoral

2.
demonstrating or implying an undiscriminating or unselective approach; indiscriminate or casual.

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Dear BFG you are using adjectives that are given by the established order .
There are civilisations that accept promiscuous behaviour as the norm .
The Prime minister elect of Pakistan was reported to be displaying promiscuous behaviour by one of his Ex wives just before the election .In any western society this would have been the end of his election campaign but in his own community he was lionised for the behaviour and went on to win the elections.

^^^^ love that ignore feature

lanceGibs said:

The Prime minister elect of Pakistan was reported to be displaying promiscuous behaviour by one of his Ex wives just before the election .In any western society this would have been the end of his election campaign

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Don't make me say it.

JaneRamsey said:

For me they don't...but I'm increasingly starting to realize I may be in the severe minority on this.

How is it for everyone else?

Or if this is a dumb question just ignore. I'm sleep deprived and posting in the middle of the night. Lol

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This depends on the person, so you can't say it's this way for everybody. On the other hand, it can sometimes be very difficult to find someone who mirrors your desires, so many times, it seems the best way to find if you are compatible with someone is to play with them.

This then is usually considered being promiscuous, even though it's more often a very thought out and negotiated first encounter with someone. And if that encounter shows potential, what was originally thought of as promiscuous by some, becomes more of a relationship where two people begin an emotional relationship that first began as a physical test.

This is often how BDSM relationships can start. Because it's not just a vanilla relationship where a man and a woman have vanilla sex. There is so much more to a D/s relationship that it often requires substantial testing before the submissive feels secure with the dom and they both consider their potential relationship as a good fit.

Sure, the same thing happens in a vanilla relationship, but in that situation, emotions and personality can be the first things they find out about each other. And since any sex isn't as involved, this usually happens before any sex occurs. The same things happen in a D/s relationship, but many times, after an initial talk for limits and such, the sexual compatibility comes first.

At least that's the way I see things. If you are looking for a D/s partner, why would you take too much time to find out about the person's personality and develop an emotional connection, only to find out that the person thinks kinky people are perverts? Talk about a major emotional let down.

Sometimes people marry before either of them become aware of their inner sexual desires. This happens more often than many people are aware. Some people know about their submissive or dominant desires very early in life and some don't find out about them until the sex in their marriage starts to stagnate and one or both of the partners begin looking around for answers.

And unfortunately, it can sometimes end up with only one partner finding their inner kink and the other partner preferring to stay in the vanilla world. Their long lasting emotional connection is severely stressed, or even broken, just because neither of them were fully aware of their inner desires when they got married.

So, anybody who already is aware of their inner sexual desires knows how difficult it can be to find a compatible partner. And to those who don't really understand the vast sexual world, it can often be seen as promiscuous, when it is actually, a very planned out encounter between two willing people.

DVS, thanks for the outstanding contribution! It brings home the importance of trying to learn enough about one's sexuality as early in life as possible. The openness in society has evolved to the point that most folks learn pretty young about the various "options/kinks" that are out there. As discussed in your post, the failure to find a "sexually compatible" life partner has the potential to cause rough sailing in the future.

In reading through the replies here it seems that the majority are not promiscuous...or would prefer to not be. I too classify myself as "extremely picky" in regard to who I might be intimate with...while at the same time having a pretty large collection of "kinks" that desire to be scratched. This creates quite a tension since the refusal to do casual hook-ups always overrides the "kink itch". Like a bad case of poison ivy, I search for the magic balm to soothe the itch...but all the while knowing it is only a temporary relief.

But, I have succumbed to "casual" a few times...and it was always less fulfilling than I know it could be. I would abandon the kinks if that were possible...but it's not. Thus, wise words worthy of listening to in a very wise and insightful post DVS

yukonnights, thanks for reading the whole post. You'd be surprised how many will see a lengthy post and decide it's not worth their time.

I see BDSM as a full time thing in my sex life, but it's such a vast area of sexual desires lumped into four letters that it can also be a weekend fling or something for a little fun, in an otherwise vanilla relationship.

We're all so different. The last thing anybody should do is say their way is the only way or condemn someone for not being a full time road warrior. And when we don't understand how or why things are done a certain way, it's best to ask why, instead of deciding for themselves that it's somehow wrong.

And it's safe to say that there is a fair amount of people who prefer playing with strangers, instead of making that search for one person they can call a lifetime partner.

One reason is some things are better played with strangers. There are men who still have issues with beating someone they love and so a stranger better fits their need. And there are sadists who prefer strangers and masochists that prefer strangers. And those who are into simulated rape scenes sometimes have a problem with playing out such scenes with someone they care about.

So, there is some promiscuous play in BDSM. But, I don't see it as just preferring promiscuity over anything else. I see it as certain people seeking out others who feel the same way as they do. Strangers who feel the same way about something. They still follow rules and each understand why they are involved. I really don't call that promiscuous behavior.

Personally, I am in tune with my sexual side enough that I know it's just a sexual side. I don't care about being really rough with someone, so maybe that makes it easier for me. I'm more into the mental things and I spice that up with my other kinky stuff.

But with others, getting rough is what thrills them. And sometimes those thrills are best shared with a stranger. But it's still done the same way, by adhering to limits and setting up a plan with consent. Consenting strangers looking to share a desire.

DVS, Another very wise contribution of thoughts. ^^^ I concur with your thoughts in regard to the freedom offered in a more extreme BDSM setting when those involved may be less entwined in a day to day relationship. As you said, all of these details vary with the individuals and what works is the path each person should follow.

As to long posts; there's been conversations on these boards that the lack of deeper comments is one of the things some find missing here now, as opposed to several years back. I for one enjoy reading a well thought out comment, and I'm sure others do as well.

I'm all for long posts!

Can I have a 'Like' button for all of DVSs posts?