Too Trite?

55 year old ginger Pauline used to be a beauty queen, and has maintained her figure. She has been married several times, and has done well financially. Not sure if she is married at time of this tale.

On a drive toward a rural spa, her car breakdown. It is towed to a nearby gas station, the only thing in miles except broken down farms and fields of corn. The strapping young mechanic tells her he can have it repaired that afternoon, but she will have to wait until parts arrive, which will take a couple of hours.

Pauline whiles away the time. she especially likes watching the young mechanic's muscles gleam. as the day gets hot, he removes his shirt as he works on other vehicles.

Pauling first loosens, then removes, some of her clothing.

Where does she seduce him?
Is there a burly older garage owner that wants a piece?
what sort of sex ensues....

I'd call it "classic" rather than "trite." Maybe more or less trite, depending on the POV. Would this be from the woman's perspective, or the mechanic? Since you give us so much of her backstory, I'm assuming it is from hers. Personally, I'd find that difficult to write and uninteresting to read, but I'm sure others would like it.

Others might like it better from the mechanic's perspective, perhaps as if he's relating the story after the fact to his buddies down at the bar?

I do not think it is trite at all. I hope there is a lot of filthy greasy hands on her lily white skin, or maybe ven a white dress and white or light pink undies, stained with grease and cast aside with the othre shop rags. Oh how we little boys do love to be dirty!

god I hope they use the little roller thing he uses to slide under cars

gender switch

For a different triteness, flip the gender roles. 55-year-old Paul is a former tennis pro and ex-gigolo, having been boy-toy for a few older heiresses. Now he's on his own, and comfortable.

On a drive in the boonies, Paul's sports car breaks down. He's towed to a remote shop whose mechanic Ruth is a tattooed goth girl in a greasy black wifebeater showcasing her large firm breasts, barely restrained by an ultra-thin jogbra. Yeah, she wears greasy cutoff jeans too, revealing her strong and decorated legs. As the day heats up, Ruth slides the shirt over her head. Paul ogles her gleaming muscles and pouting nipples.

Take it from there.

robertreams said:

god I hope they use the little roller thing he uses to slide under cars

Click to expand...

What he said!! That would be AWESOME!!

Hypoxia said:

For a different triteness, flip the gender roles. 55-year-old Paul is a former tennis pro and ex-gigolo, having been boy-toy for a few older heiresses. Now he's on his own, and comfortable.

On a drive in the boonies, Paul's sports car breaks down. He's towed to a remote shop whose mechanic Ruth is a tattooed goth girl in a greasy black wifebeater showcasing her large firm breasts, barely restrained by an ultra-thin jogbra. Yeah, she wears greasy cutoff jeans too, revealing her strong and decorated legs. As the day heats up, Ruth slides the shirt over her head. Paul ogles her gleaming muscles and pouting nipples.

Take it from there.

Click to expand...

Now this works for me. I'm picturing someone like Abby from NCIS, but on steroids.

Hypoxia, I get the idea that you are a very naughty girl

robertreams said:

Hypoxia, I get the idea that you are a very naughty girl

Click to expand...

Flattery will get you everywhere.

(Just don't tell my daughter.)