Angela Ivy Bloom looking for feedback

robertreams said:

don't expect non-erotic to score well. I have one that's holding 4.85 but the rest are in the 3's. Many of my erotic stories(about half) get the red h, (4.5) but as far as I can tell their is no way to tell whether a story will rate or not. And I don't know the secret for getting people to read, either.

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I'll have to read some of your pieces. I'm sure I could learn a lot. I'm sort of in a writing frenzy right now. Reading through a few pieces by experienced writers might help so I'll do that once I get this first draft finished on my next story before I go back to edit and polish. Should inspire me to dress things up a bit.

Thank you for the stats too!

8letters said:

I mostly read incest, so I took a look at your "Transfigured by Passion" story. I read the "FEEDING" and "OUR SOCIETY" chapters.

First off, I feel you miscategorized it. I strikes me as a Sci-Fi story. I don't read Sci-Fi, so I take the following comments with a grain of salt:

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When I submitted the story I put in the notes to the publisher that I thought it might fit in sci-fi and that if they agreed I would accept the decision. But I think the science fiction elements of the story are so "a wizard done it" that they didn't feel the category change was justified. I do intend to make the sequel a little more science fiction. I've been talking it over with my brother who writes science fiction (wants to at least), and he's been giving me some ideas. I have this idea for a backstory that the protagonist will discover when she travels out into the wastelands. I want to explain a little more about how society evolved into this. I'm sort of leaning towards a post apocalyptic explanation, but I don't think I can get too serious about the science without it getting boring if it's going to be classified as erotica. I don't want the science to become a downer for the reader. Still, I never know what I'm going to write until I write it so who knows what will happen.

Thank you for the critiques too. I was taking a shot in the dark when it came to laying out my character introductions, etc. I've read a lot of advice on writing. Little of it has been about erotica. I imagine I'll get plenty of that here. But I've read a lot of author's advice that say you want to catch the reader in the first chapter with a hook. Lactation is not one of my personal fantasies. I think it's a little odd actually, but who am I to judge. It was more an experiment putting it first. I felt the topic was a little unique. I don't see a lot of lactation porn online. I thought about switching the first two chapters, but the second chapter just seems too informative. There's too much telling and not enough doing. So I kept the first chapter where it was.

Angela_Ivy_Bloom said:

Still, I never know what I'm going to write until I write it so who knows what will happen.

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I'm the same way. I've published several incest stories and I have two ideas for the Summer Lovin' contest, but I can't get motivated to write them. Instead, I've started on a fantasy story. I've never done a fantasy story and I don't read fantasy on LitE, so it may totally suck but it's what is inspiring me to make time to write.

Angela_Ivy_Bloom said:

Thank you for the critiques too. I was taking a shot in the dark when it came to laying out my character introductions, etc. I've read a lot of advice on writing. Little of it has been about erotica. I imagine I'll get plenty of that here. But I've read a lot of author's advice that say you want to catch the reader in the first chapter with a hook. Lactation is not one of my personal fantasies. I think it's a little odd actually, but who am I to judge. It was more an experiment putting it first. I felt the topic was a little unique. I don't see a lot of lactation porn online. I thought about switching the first two chapters, but the second chapter just seems too informative. There's too much telling and not enough doing. So I kept the first chapter where it was.

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I'm not much of a writer, but what I do is start with a scene that I think is interesting, something with a lot of dialogue that introduces the main characters. I try to weave the narrative summary that provides the back story with the dialogue so that it doesn't overwhelm the reader.

Lactation can be a very erotic part of a story. My story Sister Has a Plan had it and it did well.

There is a great scene in Ken Follett's "To Lie Down With Lions." Makes me rock hard every time I read it. Also, I have one personal experience with lactation , not a fantasy, but incredibly sensuous and sexual. her spurting her warm milk in my mout as I spurt my hot cum in her. So Hot!

And 8letters you are quite a good author. If you wanted to be even better, I could advise you on how to trim the fat and make your story read better It should be about a whole page shorter. If you are interested, PM me.

robertreams said:

Also, I have one personal experience with lactation , not a fantasy, but incredibly sensuous and sexual. her spurting her warm milk in my mout as I spurt my hot cum in her. So Hot!
e.

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now That put me off from posting here.
(no offense, rr, even though I believe that you were trying to be helpful)

hssh345 said:

now That put me off from posting here.
(no offense, rr, even though I believe that you were trying to be helpful)

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LMAO. Still laughing. I needed a laugh.

robert, remember not everyone is as open as you are publicly. Just saying.

LadyVer said:

LMAO. Still laughing. I needed a laugh.

robert, remember not everyone is as open as you are publicly. Just saying.

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You must be right, lady, because I see nothing about it that would put anyone off. BTW, Did I mention it gave my wife an orgasm, too.

robertreams said:

You must be right, lady, because I see nothing about it that would put anyone off. BTW, Did I mention it gave my wife an orgasm, too.

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You're assuming everyone thinks like you do, robert.

LadyVer said:

LMAO. Still laughing. I needed a laugh.

robert, remember not everyone is as open as you are publicly. Just saying.

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. .. . .

robertreams said:

You must be right, lady, because I see nothing about it that would put anyone off. BTW, Did I mention it gave my wife an orgasm, too.

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. . . ..

hssh345 said:

now That put me off from posting here.
(no offense, rr, even though I believe that you were trying to be helpful)

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You're on the wrong website if something like that can get to you.

Whatever you do stay out of the fetish forum!

Reader

As a reader, I always see things I feel needing to be corrected. Some authors are worse than others. These authors tend to rely on spellcheck plus they have no idea what grammar is. Although I have not submitted my first story yet, I can not help but send a pm telling the author they need to take their time and proofread before submission.

Since I have written my first story, I have learned a lot from the person serving as my editor. My editor is a very prolific author whose works appear on sexstories and Literotica. I really listen and take notice when they make comments or suggestions about my stories. Some things I will not back down on by deleting them but I am not above changing them some so I can come in under the readers radar.

Every writer writes for themselves. They either get excited or turned on by their story. As every author has learned who submits their story on Literotica, the readers who post comments can be nasty at times, especially those who post as Anonymous. Some Anonymous posters do so to avoid having themselves being identified as someone who has nothing positive to say about anyone's works, who can make racist or chauvinistic comments with complete immunity.

Tigersman said:

As a reader, I always see things I feel needing to be corrected. Some authors are worse than others. These authors tend to rely on spellcheck plus they have no idea what grammar is. Although I have not submitted my first story yet, I can not help but send a pm telling the author they need to take their time and proofread before submission.

Since I have written my first story, I have learned a lot from the person serving as my editor. My editor is a very prolific author whose works appear on sexstories and Literotica. I really listen and take notice when they make comments or suggestions about my stories. Some things I will not back down on by deleting them but I am not above changing them some so I can come in under the readers radar.

Every writer writes for themselves. They either get excited or turned on by their story. As every author has learned who submits their story on Literotica, the readers who post comments can be nasty at times, especially those who post as Anonymous. Some Anonymous posters do so to avoid having themselves being identified as someone who has nothing positive to say about anyone's works, who can make racist or chauvinistic comments with complete immunity.

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Agreed.

From the advice I've read most authors feel that a story can never be corrected enough. But at some point you just have to put it out there and start the next one, or you'll never get anything done. That's no excuse for spelling/grammar errors, but it is an excuse for almost everything else. I got so buried in my first story moving things around, changing plot points, character names, chapter order, etc. I rewrote it eight times. Full rewrites. I set the polished drafts aside and started fresh eight times on a novel that went from 80k words to 120k back to 80k by the time I got to the last version. I wrote on it almost every day for over a year and a half. Every version was terrible. The last was readable according to my brother, but he and my other test readers promised me they would never buy it because they liked it. I went back and tried to reread it recently, and I understood why. After sitting in "the drawer" for almost two years I saw it with fresh eyes. It was terrible. I couldn't get past the first two paragraphs, and I understood. It was a great writing exercise for me. I learned a lot about constructing paragraphs, sentences, etc, but overall it was still a mess.

I think that writing experience was valuable for me. It taught me to how not to tell a story--at least for me. Now I catch myself constructing sentences like I did back then, and I stop myself as it's happening. It's about telling a story, not trying to sound like a writer.

As for how I write, I write when I'm aroused. I have to be aroused a little, or it just seems too weird. I make sure to satisfy myself to the point of indifference before I do rewrites and general editing. I make certain I've had a good night's sleep before I do my final polish. I think having a sober mind is critical for getting rid of those things that sound too outlandish, too perverted, those things that I write when I'm so caught up in the moment I sound like a person trying to talk as they approach climax. I try to leave the gibberish we say when we're caught in the throes of ecstasy to the reader's imagination.

As for Anonymous, if they can't say something nice I delete it. If a person uses their account to comment on a story I leave it no matter what they say. I can respect criticism from a person who at least identifies themself enough to receive my response if I want to give one.

@Robertreams - that appears to be the classic show don't tell.

@lovecraft68 - Your story sucks ! I haven't read any yet, but that's just how it is. <3 much love

@Tiger - it is so much easier to see the flaws in someone else writing. almost makes me wish I had momentary amnesia when I edit my own work (or attempt to) then my mind wouldn't fill in what I know WAS SUPPOSE TO BE THERE and wasn't.