Sex...& the Disabled

Pinnochio

Literotica Guru
Joined
Apr 19, 2002
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602
I'm working on this and may post it in the 'How To' section of stories:

I write this not only for the people who have lived all their lives with a permanent disability but also for the people who are in a relationship with a disability or someone who is facing a drastic physical change which will effect their entire livelihood. It seems that in our society many topics of a sexual nature are becoming more and more mainstream an acceptable in a conversational setting. A topic that still seems to be an uncomfortable show stopper for most people is the sexual activity of the physically disabled. Yes, the physically disabled have sex, and yes having sex with a disabled person may be drastically different than sex with a ‘normal’ person. Here are a few things to think about and remember if you are in a sexual relationship where a physical handicap is present.

1. Conversation: no matter if you’re male or female do not be afraid to talk to your partner about sex. If your partner is physically challenged ask him or what they are comfortable with or what they are willing to try. If you are the one who is challenged explain to your partner what may or may not work, and what is uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid to talk to each other before, during, and after; questions like “Is this ok?”, “Am I doing this right?”, and “Maybe we should try something different?” are all acceptable and logical things to ask.

2. Experiment: Try different positions; if something doesn’t seem to be working change positions. Not all positions will be possible; for example someone wearing leg braces or has back problems may not be able to do things standing up, or may need to lean of something to do this. If a woman wants to be on her knees sucking a man who has trouble standing she needs to make sure his balance is ok. Another main thing is don’t focus on sexual intercourse. Most people think that without intercourse there is no sex but that is wrong. For example someone who may be partially paralyzed may have trouble getting an erection or keeping an erection. Focus on the touching and the kissing of body parts. Even though your partner may not be able to physically feel it they still can feel your warmness emotionally.
 
You're shining a light on a subject that has been in the dark too long. As a disabled woman, as a woman in a wheelchair, I can tell you that we are sexual, we want the same things that non-disabled people do, and we can lead very fulfilling lives. I've been married for nearly 28 years and my husband and I share a very active love life.

Thanks, Pinochio.
 
I just added this to the 'What is it about chubby women?' thread and then noticed your thread Pinnochio, it fits here too I think. So I'm keeping the quote from another thread - as a means of identifying the origin of my pondering.

I agree with Bobsgirl - enlightenment needs to happen, you are shinning the light - kudos. :rose:

My repost:

Frank.S said:
For me its all about health. Size is not important but looking healthy is the first thing ill notice.
Frank I mean no disrespect, it's just you hit on something I've wanted to ask others about and you gave me an opening I couldn't resist (although I tried mightily to resist). Darklover I don't mean to hijack your thread, my question is an extension of your original post.

The cliche about not having your health is true in many aspects. I am a single woman with some hearty health issues. When I became ill part of me figured (or realized) that I was no longer an appealing choice as a partner. I can't think on the checklist of what ones looks for in another is poor health.

I was in a romantic relationship with a man and from early on I told him my problems. It became an instant stumbling block. Still we continued to become closer friends but it was always there, a black mark against me (my description). He didn't want it to be an issue but he'd be lying if he said it didn't matter. Intellectually I agree with him and respect him and his dreams very much but life isn't always lived only on the intellectual level. I'm glad to say our friendhip transends the it. We have talked about it, wished it didn't matter and I've shed a few tears about it too.

I'm just wondering if others would share their thoughts and feelings are on this topic. :rose:
 
wow; i'm glad this thread is getting some attention. i'm finding meeting women for a sexual relationship is quite difficult because i'm disabled.
 
Pinnochio said:
I'm working on this and may post it in the 'How To' section of stories:

I write this not only for the people who have lived all their lives with a permanent disability but also for the people who are in a relationship with a disability or someone who is facing a drastic physical change which will effect their entire livelihood. It seems that in our society many topics of a sexual nature are becoming more and more mainstream an acceptable in a conversational setting. A topic that still seems to be an uncomfortable show stopper for most people is the sexual activity of the physically disabled. Yes, the physically disabled have sex, and yes having sex with a disabled person may be drastically different than sex with a ‘normal’ person. Here are a few things to think about and remember if you are in a sexual relationship where a physical handicap is present.

1. Conversation: no matter if you’re male or female do not be afraid to talk to your partner about sex. If your partner is physically challenged ask him or what they are comfortable with or what they are willing to try. If you are the one who is challenged explain to your partner what may or may not work, and what is uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid to talk to each other before, during, and after; questions like “Is this ok?”, “Am I doing this right?”, and “Maybe we should try something different?” are all acceptable and logical things to ask.

2. Experiment: Try different positions; if something doesn’t seem to be working change positions. Not all positions will be possible; for example someone wearing leg braces or has back problems may not be able to do things standing up, or may need to lean of something to do this. If a woman wants to be on her knees sucking a man who has trouble standing she needs to make sure his balance is ok. Another main thing is don’t focus on sexual intercourse. Most people think that without intercourse there is no sex but that is wrong. For example someone who may be partially paralyzed may have trouble getting an erection or keeping an erection. Focus on the touching and the kissing of body parts. Even though your partner may not be able to physically feel it they still can feel your warmness emotionally.


Very well written honey.. I honestly wish other people can see you, and others like you, the way that I do. You do and will continue to amaze me, and I will always be happy and proud to call you one of my dearest friends..

:kiss: stud muffin.. you did good!! :)
 
Cathleen said:
I just added this to the 'What is it about chubby women?' thread and then noticed your thread Pinnochio, it fits here too I think. So I'm keeping the quote from another thread - as a means of identifying the origin of my pondering.

I agree with Bobsgirl - enlightenment needs to happen, you are shinning the light - kudos. :rose:

My repost:


Frank I mean no disrespect, it's just you hit on something I've wanted to ask others about and you gave me an opening I couldn't resist (although I tried mightily to resist). Darklover I don't mean to hijack your thread, my question is an extension of your original post.

The cliche about not having your health is true in many aspects. I am a single woman with some hearty health issues. When I became ill part of me figured (or realized) that I was no longer an appealing choice as a partner. I can't think on the checklist of what ones looks for in another is poor health.

I was in a romantic relationship with a man and from early on I told him my problems. It became an instant stumbling block. Still we continued to become closer friends but it was always there, a black mark against me (my description). He didn't want it to be an issue but he'd be lying if he said it didn't matter. Intellectually I agree with him and respect him and his dreams very much but life isn't always lived only on the intellectual level. I'm glad to say our friendhip transends the it. We have talked about it, wished it didn't matter and I've shed a few tears about it too.

I'm just wondering if others would share their thoughts and feelings are on this topic. :rose:

As some of you know my partner Gil_T2 has health issues including renal failure and diabetes. We met here on Lit in 2002 and became friends first, then about a year later we became much more. We have been living together now for 18 months :)

I knew all about his problems before I flew to Australia to meet him in Nov 03. In the first few days he had several hypos (low blood sugar levels) one of which I had to call the ambulance for. He's on a dialysis machine at night for 10 hours. All this didn't matter to me and still doesn't. We love each other deeply and the relationship only seems to get stronger.

We were just discussing this and he did say that I am one in a trillion.....most women would have taken one look at him and said no thanks :( But he's a great guy, he makes me laugh and yes he will probably read this! :D I feel so special when I'm with him. He's shown me so many new sexual things, we are a Master/sub couple and so toys play a big part in our sex life. But there are also heaps of loving cuddles as well as spanks :p
 
Cathleen said:
I just added this to the 'What is it about chubby women?' thread and then noticed your thread Pinnochio, it fits here too I think. So I'm keeping the quote from another thread - as a means of identifying the origin of my pondering.

I agree with Bobsgirl - enlightenment needs to happen, you are shinning the light - kudos. :rose:

My repost:


Frank I mean no disrespect, it's just you hit on something I've wanted to ask others about and you gave me an opening I couldn't resist (although I tried mightily to resist). Darklover I don't mean to hijack your thread, my question is an extension of your original post.

The cliche about not having your health is true in many aspects. I am a single woman with some hearty health issues. When I became ill part of me figured (or realized) that I was no longer an appealing choice as a partner. I can't think on the checklist of what ones looks for in another is poor health.

I was in a romantic relationship with a man and from early on I told him my problems. It became an instant stumbling block. Still we continued to become closer friends but it was always there, a black mark against me (my description). He didn't want it to be an issue but he'd be lying if he said it didn't matter. Intellectually I agree with him and respect him and his dreams very much but life isn't always lived only on the intellectual level. I'm glad to say our friendhip transends the it. We have talked about it, wished it didn't matter and I've shed a few tears about it too.

I'm just wondering if others would share their thoughts and feelings are on this topic. :rose:

I don't think anybody goes out deliberately searching for love with a disabled person ( and boy, could I make some inappropriate jokes here...), but sometimes you find exactly the right person for you and that might include dealing with health and disability issues. To some, it isn't a big deal. To others, it's a dealbreaker. Doesn't make them bad people, just makes them honest. And you betcha, it can hurt.

I'm glad your friend could be totally honest with you, but as I've told you before, it's his loss. Just don't fall into the trap of thinking it's a deficiency on your part that drove him away.
 
bobsgirl said:
I don't think anybody goes out deliberately searching for love with a disabled person ( and boy, could I make some inappropriate jokes here...), but sometimes you find exactly the right person for you and that might include dealing with health and disability issues. To some, it isn't a big deal. To others, it's a dealbreaker. Doesn't make them bad people, just makes them honest. And you betcha, it can hurt.

I'm glad your friend could be totally honest with you, but as I've told you before, it's his loss. Just don't fall into the trap of thinking it's a deficiency on your part that drove him away.
OK 'Wheelchair Woman' I hear you roar! I agree his honesty is wonderful and that we are friends, and will stay friends while wishing the best for each other is really a gift. He has helped me grow... so have you. You are a marvel to me. :heart: Hogs&Stuff ;)
 
Pinnochio said:
I'm working on this and may post it in the 'How To' section of stories:

I write this not only for the people who have lived all their lives with a permanent disability but also for the people who are in a relationship with a disability or someone who is facing a drastic physical change which will effect their entire livelihood. It seems that in our society many topics of a sexual nature are becoming more and more mainstream an acceptable in a conversational setting. A topic that still seems to be an uncomfortable show stopper for most people is the sexual activity of the physically disabled. Yes, the physically disabled have sex, and yes having sex with a disabled person may be drastically different than sex with a ‘normal’ person. Here are a few things to think about and remember if you are in a sexual relationship where a physical handicap is present.

1. Conversation: no matter if you’re male or female do not be afraid to talk to your partner about sex. If your partner is physically challenged ask him or what they are comfortable with or what they are willing to try. If you are the one who is challenged explain to your partner what may or may not work, and what is uncomfortable. Don’t be afraid to talk to each other before, during, and after; questions like “Is this ok?”, “Am I doing this right?”, and “Maybe we should try something different?” are all acceptable and logical things to ask.

2. Experiment: Try different positions; if something doesn’t seem to be working change positions. Not all positions will be possible; for example someone wearing leg braces or has back problems may not be able to do things standing up, or may need to lean of something to do this. If a woman wants to be on her knees sucking a man who has trouble standing she needs to make sure his balance is ok. Another main thing is don’t focus on sexual intercourse. Most people think that without intercourse there is no sex but that is wrong. For example someone who may be partially paralyzed may have trouble getting an erection or keeping an erection. Focus on the touching and the kissing of body parts. Even though your partner may not be able to physically feel it they still can feel your warmness emotionally.

Excellent topic and advice...thanks for taking the time to post it! :rose:

My neck was injured a couple of months ago, and we've had to modify just about everything. My husband has been great, but I have (and still am) had a tough time coming to terms with the new limitations; admitting to myself and partner that I can't do even simple things and bringing everything to a screeching halt because I'm in pain are incredibly difficult at best.

Conversation and experimentation have really helped logistically, yet the emotional situation hasn't improved much for me. I know this may be slightly off-topic, but any suggestions and words of wisdom, or even ideas for activities that don't involve much neck movement or strain, would be greatly appreciated. :)
 
I

Too am disabled, a wheelchair user and I'm as sexually acive as the next man. Okay some things are a bit of a challenge, but thats the fun part. Its because this subject is so in the dark that all over the internet are perves who view us as odd, and subjects to be viewed as not normal if we have sex. I think its great that this thread exists, more of this should be talked about, then it won't be odd, and the perves will have to find something else to look at.
 
When my GF (now wife :heart: ) was 17, she was standing between a car and trailer which was stopped in the emergency stopping lane.The trailer was hit by a car at full speed pinning her between the two, the car then continued on hitting her in the chest. As you can imagine she is lucky to be alive and has major scarring, for me it was never an issue of whether or not I could live with her scars, but over the years I have seen many horrible reactions from other people. One thing that has always made me angry was the reaction to her when she was in a wheelchair, which she was on many different occasions. When she had a plaster cast on, people were more than willing to come up and ask her what was wrong, and how had she hurt herself, but the times she was in the chair without a cast MOST would totally ignore her and speak to me as if she could not understand what we were saying. I love her for who she is, scars or not and I suspect when love really comes nothing else matters. If people cant even look beyond external things, what hope do they have of ever truly knowing someone. Funny thing is, I am probably the more "disabled" one now.
Ok I have no idea what point I was trying to make here, but I do think this is a very much needed thread.
 
bobsgirl said:
I don't think anybody goes out deliberately searching for love with a disabled person ( and boy, could I make some inappropriate jokes here...), but sometimes you find exactly the right person for you and that might include dealing with health and disability .

You are right, sometimes you come across a total sweetheart like Pinnochio who is by far one of the nicest men I have come across.. I have spent hours in instant messenger on cam talking to him, and I do not see a physically challenged person.. I see a intelligent, gentle, witty man who is capable of deep love..

People have to learn to look beyond, or maybe through the physical package and see what is inside the person.. There is usually a hell of a treasure there.. as I have found in Pinnochio..
 
quoll said:
One thing that has always made me angry was the reaction to her when she was in a wheelchair, which she was on many different occasions. When she had a plaster cast on, people were more than willing to come up and ask her what was wrong, and how had she hurt herself, but the times she was in the chair without a cast MOST would totally ignore her and speak to me as if she could not understand what we were saying.

This has happened to me too. I was in a restaurant with a good friend of mine years ago and the waitress asked my friend, "What will SHE have?", meaning me. The reply? "I dunno. Ask her yourself." Then we laughed while we thought of other answers we could have given her.

It always gets to me when a child will come up to me and ask why I use a wheelchair, and their parent scolds them like they've done something wrong. I'm always willing to answer, but here they are getting yelled at just for being curious.
 
i have no problem with kids asking questions; i just don't like when they stair. lately i just smile and continue on my way.
 
speaking as a disabled person, i think the biggest problem is not my lack of mobility, but peoples perception of me, and their lack of giving me a chance.

in the last 5 years ive had 2 sexual partners, both of which i had met online first, and had gotten to know them, before "getting to know" them...


during these relationships, it was through patience and understanding that anything had happened.. I do have a major lack of mobility with some joints, If we couldnt try a position, we'd do something else, and i assure you, i never had any complaints from either of them, well nothing bad anyway, apparently i was to wide.. :shrug:

great sex was had by both people involved, regardless of any limitations.

Im with Pinnochio on this, i find finding a partner for any encounter physical or not, is rather difficult.. people see the physical and immediately assume its mental aswell.. not happy with that at all.. I like to think its just a way to screen out the losers.
 
My late SE was terminally ill the last 3 years of his life, with the last 6 months confined to a wheel chair attached to O2.. The day after Thanksgiving he wanted to go Christmas shopping with me.. so I waited to later in the day so that most of the rabid shoppers would be gone, and we set out. He pushed the shopping cart, while I pushed the wheelchair.. In the first store alone, people were rude that I would dare bring a wheelchair bound person and block aisles... which we were not.. In the second store we encountered open hostility... he finally got depressed and asked to be taken home.. He felt like he was ruining my pleasure.. That made me so angry that rude people would make him feel that way.. like he had no rights. like he should be home, hiding in a corner or something..

Basically my feeling is, There but for the grace of God...... that is what we have to instill in our children so that the next generation and the generations to come look at people the same way regardless of physical abilities, size, color, sexual preferences, etc...




 
i agree that when people look at me they conclude i'm also mentally challenged. if people ask politely i have no problem explaining it to them. i may be physically disable but still the feeling of a womans body cuddled up next to me is pretty much heaven for me; i love cuddling and teasing...
 
Pinnochio said:
i may be physically disable but still the feeling of a womans body cuddled up next to me is pretty much heaven for me; i love cuddling and teasing...

exactly.
 
I wrote this tonight and wanted to add it to this thread. I know some people may frown on this subject, but I beleive this as positive writing.

Why it’s alright to hire an Escort?

Some people may not agree with the idea of paying for sex, but that is mainly because our society dictates that people who hire Escorts are sick and perverted. Different societies all have different views; in Sweden prostitution is legal and subsidized by the government. They understand that sex is healthy and assists many people with their emotional stability. This relates to the physically challenged in that many challenged individuals don’t have the ability to get out often or are unable to attract a member of the opposite sex. Being alone and immobile can have very negative effect on a persons emotions. Hiring an Escort is a way for these individuals to feel the warmth of another close to the. An Escort also provides these people someone to talk to about the needs and feelings. Many people think that all an Escort does is have sex with a person, but the Escort much more emotion support than physical release. I understand now the importance Escorts can play in a physically challenged person’s life. As long as people practice safe sex, I see no reason why Escort services should not be accepted in society.
 
I have been an advocate for legalizing this for many years but had never considered it from your point of view.. In getting to know you, I have to agree with you 100% on this.

Well written honey
 
Pinnochio said:
I wrote this tonight and wanted to add it to this thread. I know some people may frown on this subject, but I beleive this as positive writing.

Why it’s alright to hire an Escort?

Some people may not agree with the idea of paying for sex, but that is mainly because our society dictates that people who hire Escorts are sick and perverted. Different societies all have different views; in Sweden prostitution is legal and subsidized by the government. They understand that sex is healthy and assists many people with their emotional stability. This relates to the physically challenged in that many challenged individuals don’t have the ability to get out often or are unable to attract a member of the opposite sex. Being alone and immobile can have very negative effect on a persons emotions. Hiring an Escort is a way for these individuals to feel the warmth of another close to the. An Escort also provides these people someone to talk to about the needs and feelings. Many people think that all an Escort does is have sex with a person, but the Escort much more emotion support than physical release. I understand now the importance Escorts can play in a physically challenged person’s life. As long as people practice safe sex, I see no reason why Escort services should not be accepted in society.


Hi Pinnochio...good to see you posting again...and you've clearly hit a chord with this thread. :)

Ages ago I saw a TV show about some country ...I would hazard a guess it was Scandanavian...where their health care system actually paid for escorts to have sex on a regular basis with people with physical disabilities. Of course they didn't call them 'escorts'...the name escapes me. So clearly someone agrees with you.
 
Your post is very touching, but I think you left something out of "experiment". My best friend was born handicapped from the waste down. And not to be funny, the only use his penis gets is when he goes to the bathroom. He is incapable of erection due to his disability, viagra and other such pills bring no such luck.

Yet, he rescently got engaged to a very sweet and lovely lady and I had to ask him truthfully how the sex life is.

He has told me that not all sexual situations/climaxes involve the guy being hard, and man can reach orgasm without that, it is difficult, but possible, also too, it is quite possible to get a woman off without an erection...so please, if you're dating someone who is inept physically, learn to make love through different means...
 
well said on the last part..

you know the only thing to hold me back from doing anything, is my own mind.. and i rarely let it get in my way.
 
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