Young, Strong-Willed, yet Submissive and Confused .. ?

CandiCame said:

I really wish I hadn't posted in this thread, because that's not at all what I said, and I don't know if I'm really that bad at communication (because if I am I don't know how I've lived this long. I would be dead if I could say something and have multiple people consistently think I meant the exact opposite) or if y'all are purposefully trying to make me seem like a dick or idiot.

Again, what I said is that there are different kinds of people, just like there are different kinds of dogs. And that subs, like dogs, are looking for someone to take care of them, but like different kinds of dogs, subs want to be taken care of in different ways.

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cookiecat said:

totally off topic but hey! look! BDSM'rs being welcoming! Giving thoughtful answers! Having a conversation!

Hip hip hooray!

This is the bdsm forum I've come to know and enjoy.

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DVS said:

You surely understand the reference of "treated like a dog" in a D/s relationship. That's how your first post came off. I understand what your saying now, but saying a submissive is like a dog is usually saying they are less than human with no rights...to be owned.

I like dogs and all animals and I know what you are saying about them. They aren't totally submissive and some will bite, if mistreated. But, in the bigger picture, they have no rights like humans do and to relate a submissive human to a dog is close to triggering a red flag for many submissives.

You needed to explain what you meant. Don't get upset at someone who doesn't understand. These are just words on a page, with no emotion, no smilies, and no body language to help someone to understand your thoughts.

Without the explanation, you should have expected at least a few people to question what you meant. Submissives are strong willed people and without understanding your intentions, calling them "like a dog" are fighting words.

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CandiCame said:

Or I could expect people to treat me like a human person.

My, "explanation" was literally just me stating what I said in my original post almost word-for-word, not adding any additional information.

Listen to subs when we speak.

Because if you hear the word "dog" then ASSUME pet play without listening, your ass might get stuck with an expensive fursuit bill and an angry sub.

There's a difference between real miscommunication and just plain not listening. And this is a good thing for the OP to learn, too. Those subs who say they want a full-time dom are being up-front. They're not really, "saying" anything secret, you're just not compatible and that's ok! The goal is to find someone that you are comparable with. Then you'll have the same goals and expectations, and it'll be a more enjoyable experience. Sex is, at its core, just a way to have fun together, so people seek out others who enjoy their personal "kind" of fun.

You know, having said that, I haven't done a lot of pet play, but I did enjoy what I did. I'm not knocking people who are into it, it just isn't what I was talking about.

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CandiCame said:

I really wish I hadn't posted in this thread, because that's not at all what I said, and I don't know if I'm really that bad at communication (because if I am I don't know how I've lived this long. I would be dead if I could say something and have multiple people consistently think I meant the exact opposite) or if y'all are purposefully trying to make me seem like a dick or idiot.

Again, what I said is that there are different kinds of people, just like there are different kinds of dogs. And that subs, like dogs, are looking for someone to take care of them, but like different kinds of dogs, subs want to be taken care of in different ways.

That's literally what I said. I don't know how multiple people twisted that into "you want a human pet" or "you want to be a slave".

Of course the sub is in charge like Jesus goddamn Christ.

Have you people genuinely never met a dog? A dog is not a door mat. You absolutely can't walk all over them or you'll get bit. I didn't mean "subs are like metaphorical dogs" I meant that subs are like REAL dogs, and if you're going to be a dom you're taking on responsibility like you do if you decide to get a dog.

I wish y'all would read what I wrote instead of just making assumptions about me based on the first sentence and what (I guess) you think a dog is. Because I can't imagine anyone who has ever met a dog would give them the attributes you folks did to twist my metaphor so bad.

I'm sorry if this comes off as aggressive but this is the second time someone tried to drag me for no reason. I basically said exactly what you said, yet you came in and explained it to me like I hadn't just said it.

Most DOGS also control what will and won't happen in a relationship. If somebody's treating a dog the way you people seem to think is the default, they need to lose their fucking dog because they're abusing it. Having a pet is a relationship, not a toy. If you have a dog that, for example, is scared of a certain person, you don't fucking force the dog to be around them. The human they don't like will get bit and you'll get sued. You have a responsibility, if you have a dog, to keep it healthy and happy. You don't try to change the dog's personality- this is exactly what I was talking about.

If you have an aggressive dog, like say a dog was abused and now you're rehabilitating it, you don't expect the DOG to change to fit your rules. To be ABLE to rehome an aggressive dog you have to take classes through the SPCA and prove that you can handle it by changing the environment to suit the dog. I compared myself to an aggressive dog- as someone who would need MORE care, need a REAL RELATIONSHIP.

But some people are like 'free puppy' ads on craigslist. They're more or less cool, low maintenance, and just need a little love every now and then.

Nowhere did I imply that being compared to a dog meant people "wanted everything done for them" or "accepted whatever a dom" did to them. Have you people ever met a dog? That is the EXACT OPPOSITE of how dogs are. Half my fucking chairs have the paint stripped off of them because SOMEBODY liked to chew on them when he was a kid. SOME dogs hold full time jobs. Some can't find a scrap of food you tried to give them when it's an inch in front of their face. Subs are all different and all require different levels of care. Like dogs.

For context, I was explaining to the OP why he just shouldn't reply to those ads that were looking for full-time play. Because he wasn't equipped for that any more than some kid off the street is equipped to rehome an aggressive dog. I was saying he needed to find someone he was compatible with.

I expected the other response I got, the one that bitched at me for comparing humans to animals because people who don't like animals tend to get really mad about that. I've had it happen before. I didn't expect for someone to miss the point of what I said so extensively.

Again, I'm sorry if I come off as aggressive. I'm afraid I might have and that's not my intention. It's just that you're not responding to what I actually said and I guess that's one of my buttons. Sometimes when I'm agitated I worry that I come off as more aggressive than I mean to.

Because, again, the dog metaphor. Meaner than a junkyard dog and all that.

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Nezhul said:

Hello.

So, first thing, it's very common to desire in bed or in your personal life something that is entirely different from your job/social lifestyle. If you think about it, this makes perfect sense. You're in control at work, you have to keep edgy and active in your argumentative family or in your secial circles... when you submit and let go in bed - you're simply taking a bit of emotional rest from your routine behavior. That's perfectly normal.

Now, how do you make both work? Honestly, simply keep the submissive stuff in bed, and keep being active, strong-willed and argumentative outside of it. As a dominant myself, I have no problem with my submissive being all of that and more. I don't think that submitting sexually has anything at all to do with submitting in other areas - those things may go hand-in-hand, but they may also not.
You can also have an in-between variant. For example, choosing only one person and submitting only to them, while staying independent to everyone else. Or picking which areas you want to submit in - for example you may want to be submissive when it comes to always being available for sex to them, but you may want to remain argumentative when it comes to choosing movies and dating places (a silly example).

In the end, you should remember that being a sub is in a way empowering. YOU pick and choose what you don't want to do, and don't let any dominant dictate to you how exactly he wants you to submit to them (unless you want exactly that)

Good luck!

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