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Old 11-26-2016, 05:27 AM   #1
sunshine57
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Tips for a Newbie

I am very young in the world of BDSM but am absolutely enthralled with the idea of being Someone'a sub/little girl. I have already written my personal, but I am not expecting many replies... What are other ways to become involved with the BDSM community and begin to live the lifestyle? Would anyone offer advice on the best ways to do so or how I can become a better candidate for Someone's little?

Thanks!
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Old 11-26-2016, 08:51 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshine57 View Post
I am very young in the world of BDSM but am absolutely enthralled with the idea of being Someone'a sub/little girl. I have already written my personal, but I am not expecting many replies... What are other ways to become involved with the BDSM community and begin to live the lifestyle? Would anyone offer advice on the best ways to do so or how I can become a better candidate for Someone's little?

Thanks!
Don't loose your common sense. In other words, relationships are relationships and dating is dating - even in the world of BDSM, D/s, Daddies/littles, etc.

A new, inexperienced 19 year old announcing an interest in kink usually brings the HNGs (Horny Net Geeks) out of the woodwork. Take everything with a grain of salt, and questions about "the lifestyle" are probably best done on the public forum, to gain perspective.

If you want to be "real time", instead of online, join FetLife.com and click on the tab at the top of the page that says "events".(I think that's what it says...) Find a local munch (dinner at a public place for kinky people to socialize) with a TNG (The Next Generation) based group. TNGs are designed for the under-35 crowd.
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Old 11-26-2016, 08:56 AM   #3
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshine57 View Post
I am very young in the world of BDSM but am absolutely enthralled with the idea of being Someone'a sub/little girl. I have already written my personal, but I am not expecting many replies... What are other ways to become involved with the BDSM community and begin to live the lifestyle? Would anyone offer advice on the best ways to do so or how I can become a better candidate for Someone's little?

Thanks!
You're 19, blonde, petite, submissive, and new, and you're not expecting many replies?

My dear, I think you underestimate men on the internet. You've basically thrown chum into the water and the sharks will be circling around quickly.

Advice?
  • Be selective. A lot of men will tell you what they think you want to hear. Some will be crude. Others will be sweet or charming. Your ad says that you want someone close to your age, so stick to that. A lot of 40, 50, 60+ types will try to convince you why THEY are the real one for you, and guys your age can't give you what you so desperately need.
  • Be patient. You want to find that person who will rock your world. That's common. But if you are going to submit to someone, be sure he's worth giving your submission to.
  • FetLife. If you want real life interactions in your area, that's a better site for finding classes, munches (get togethers for kinky people where there isn't any sex or kink), or play parties (where there IS kink and possibly sex). If you're mainly looking for online interaction, then Lit is the place for you.
  • Be flexible. The fantasy of BDSM and the reality are often quite different. Things I thought I'd enjoy or hate have frequently not been that way in reality.

Good luck to you. And welcome to Lit.
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Old 11-26-2016, 08:57 AM   #4
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Welcome to Lit first.

I think living the lifestyle does involve having someone else to get the full effect. However, hanging out here and doing things on the board may help folks on here get to know you better.

There are also other places that deal exclusively with BDSM style issues that you could find more info with.

The biggest advice I could offer is just because someone wants to be your Daddy/Dom doesn't mean you should allow them too. Please remember that all the power given comes from you and they should not assume you are going to submit to them. You have the right to be happy and when a Daddy/Dom does more harm than good, don't be afraid to leave.

I wish you much success in your journey Sunshine.
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Old 11-26-2016, 12:29 PM   #5
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Old 11-28-2016, 07:13 AM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RawHumor View Post
My dear, I think you underestimate men on the internet. You've basically thrown chum into the water and the sharks will be circling around quickly.
Couldn't have said it better myself lol
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Old 12-09-2016, 09:41 AM   #7
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hi we can decuss more
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Old 12-09-2016, 09:44 AM   #8
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Old 12-27-2016, 04:41 AM   #9
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Post What is a little?

Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshine57 View Post
I am very young in the world of BDSM but am absolutely enthralled with the idea of being Someone'a sub/little girl. I have already written my personal, but I am not expecting many replies... What are other ways to become involved with the BDSM community and begin to live the lifestyle? Would anyone offer advice on the best ways to do so or how I can become a better candidate for Someone's little?

Thanks!
I am very new to this too. What is a little? If someone would be kind enoguh to explain please, I am also a newbie /.\
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Old 12-27-2016, 04:44 AM   #10
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A little is the submissive in the dom daddy/little girl dynamic.
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Old 12-28-2016, 02:58 PM   #11
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Best advice I can offer - don't let anyone tell you what you should do or feel, no matter how "experienced" they may be. Explore, expand your horizons, and decide for yourself what you like.

Oh, and have fun. That's one the people often seem to forget!
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Old 03-04-2017, 10:30 AM   #12
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I'm gonna be very quick with you

Three things to remember.

1. You are in charge
2. Make sure they respect you
3. Always play safe

Hope you have fun. Welcome to the world of kinky fuckery
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Old 03-04-2017, 11:22 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sunshine57 View Post
I am very young in the world of BDSM but am absolutely enthralled with the idea of being Someone'a sub/little girl. I have already written my personal, but I am not expecting many replies... What are other ways to become involved with the BDSM community and begin to live the lifestyle? Would anyone offer advice on the best ways to do so or how I can become a better candidate for Someone's little?

Thanks!
I don't know what your sexual orientation is (straight, bi, bi-curious?), but I'd recommend placing yourself in the hands of an understanding and experienced dominatrix at first.
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Old 03-04-2017, 11:27 AM   #14
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Don't get addicted or obsessed with lit and do not take things to heart...

Moderation is the key as with everything else..

Enjoy your day
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Old 07-05-2017, 04:16 AM   #15
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If you want to call yourself a Dom, then be prepared to dominate

I have contacted and been contacted by a lot of guys on here who want to play the role of a dom, to train a new submissive, blah, blah, blah. but then when we get to the message exchange, they want to flirt, find out what I like, tell me what they like, and when it gets down to it, they haven't got a clue. So here's a hint, doms dominate. They give orders and assign tasks. When the orders or tasks aren't carried out, they punish and humilate. Bottom line, if you want to be a dom, dominate.
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Old 07-08-2017, 08:47 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrendaC View Post
I have contacted and been contacted by a lot of guys on here who want to play the role of a dom, to train a new submissive, blah, blah, blah. but then when we get to the message exchange, they want to flirt, find out what I like, tell me what they like, and when it gets down to it, they haven't got a clue. So here's a hint, doms dominate. They give orders and assign tasks. When the orders or tasks aren't carried out, they punish and humilate. Bottom line, if you want to be a dom, dominate.
O_o;; Are they supposed to read your mind when it comes to what you like? How can they "give orders and assign tasks" if they don't know very much about you? Do you expect humiliation and punishment for not carrying something out? Not everyone does that sort of thing. Hm, I guess that's why they have to actually talk/flirt and find that out about you.
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Old 07-08-2017, 02:14 PM   #17
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Quote:
Originally Posted by BrendaC View Post
I have contacted and been contacted by a lot of guys on here who want to play the role of a dom, to train a new submissive, blah, blah, blah. but then when we get to the message exchange, they want to flirt, find out what I like, tell me what they like, and when it gets down to it, they haven't got a clue. So here's a hint, doms dominate. They give orders and assign tasks. When the orders or tasks aren't carried out, they punish and humilate. Bottom line, if you want to be a dom, dominate.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeekMe View Post
O_o;; Are they supposed to read your mind when it comes to what you like? How can they "give orders and assign tasks" if they don't know very much about you? Do you expect humiliation and punishment for not carrying something out? Not everyone does that sort of thing. Hm, I guess that's why they have to actually talk/flirt and find that out about you.

When I was new to this, I thought a lot like BrendaC. I wanted the mind-reader Dom. Just *do* stuff to me. I almost didn't care what. Especially when I was exploring online, I didn't want to mess around with "getting to know" someone. Just tell me to tweak my nipple five times then twist it clockwise and don't forget to end every sentence with Sir. Yup, I even punished myself. Now, in hindsight, I put this in the category of sub frenzy. And being really naive.

Once I made the leap to real time, face to face D/s, I was fortunate enough to meet Doms / Tops who wouldn't play with me without that exchange. It was valuable to learn how to express what I wanted, understand what they expected.
Sometimes it was flirty. Often times it was more about negotiation.

Whether it's online or in person, it's foolish to think you won't have some level of getting to know each other. For me, kinky moments - whether I'm submitting or bottoming - are way more satisfactory when I know he (or she) is getting what they desire. That requires some level of conversation.
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Old 07-08-2017, 02:55 PM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cookiecat View Post
When I was new to this, I thought a lot like BrendaC. I wanted the mind-reader Dom. Just *do* stuff to me. I almost didn't care what.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MeekMe View Post
Do you expect humiliation and punishment for not carrying something out? Not everyone does that sort of thing. Hm, I guess that's why they have to actually talk/flirt and find that out about you.
First of all, thank you cookiecat, for giving a certain type of submissive a voice. The "I want a connection" fraction is a very vocal group and it does often appear as if they are even the big majority; where they create "asshat threads" or "how to's how to write PMs" and so on. Although in my experience it's a fairly even field.

So...what we see here is the real dominant dilemma. We have to pick a route without much information and in 99.9% of the cases we don't get feedback or any chance to remedy a bad start. The first hour is a game of luck, not skill.
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Old 07-08-2017, 05:46 PM   #19
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First of all, thank you cookiecat, for giving a certain type of submissive a voice. The "I want a connection" fraction is a very vocal group and it does often appear as if they are even the big majority; where they create "asshat threads" or "how to's how to write PMs" and so on. Although in my experience it's a fairly even field.

So...what we see here is the real dominant dilemma. We have to pick a route without much information and in 99.9% of the cases we don't get feedback or any chance to remedy a bad start. The first hour is a game of luck, not skill.
When I was new and in sub frenzy I both wanted a certain amount of mind reading and a certain amount of "connection" And yes... because I was in frenzy I would pretty much do whatever Mr Dom said. Just like cookie. Looking back I feel like a damn idiot.

I see where this puts "real" doms in a hard spot. (or as Primelex says - the "real Dominant Dilemma") Never knowing what kind of gal they are about to interact with on the other side of the screen.

I would recommend that any newbie do some reading about sub frenzy so they can guard against it in themselves. It may not prevent it, but it may reduce the damage you cause to yourself as you are experiencing it.

Good luck
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Old 07-08-2017, 08:43 PM   #20
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There are a LOT of good suggestions above.

One that I would like to add is knowing and expressing your limits / boundaries before any play.

This youtube talk is excellent in handling these matters:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MOSU7B8iR-Q

Be safe.
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Old 07-16-2017, 12:56 AM   #21
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Hi I am new and researching so as to know my limits/boundaries in D/s. I would be the submissive.I am also researching different bdsm techniques and such. I am curious as to any advice any of you would have for me in regards chat rooms etc. I see it states under some of your names really experienced and really really experienced so I would welcome any advice. Please.

Last edited by Isabellasrq : 07-16-2017 at 12:59 AM.
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Old 07-16-2017, 01:07 AM   #22
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Isabellasrq View Post
Hi I am new and researching so as to know my limits/boundaries in D/s. I would be the submissive.I am also researching different bdsm techniques and such. I am curious as to any advice any of you would have for me in regards chat rooms etc. I see it states under some of your names really experienced and really really experienced so I would welcome any advice. Please.
Hi and welcome!

I can't help you with chat rooms, because I don't know anything about them, but the virgin, really experienced and really really experienced and guru only tell you how many posts the person has made on the forum. Nothing about the amount of experience regarding BDSM.

Are you looking for a chat room (I know there is one here on Lit, but I'm not sure how active it is or if it even works, it hasn't always worked) or are you looking for tips on how to do D/s in a chat room setting?

I'm sure someone more knowledgeable about chat rooms will come around eventually.
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Old 07-16-2017, 01:47 AM   #23
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Hi I am new and researching so as to know my limits/boundaries in D/s. I would be the submissive.I am also researching different bdsm techniques and such. I am curious as to any advice you would have for me in regards chat rooms etc. I see it states under your name really really experienced so I would welcome any advice. Please and Thank you
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Old 07-16-2017, 10:58 AM   #24
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Isabellasrq View Post
Hi I am new and researching so as to know my limits/boundaries in D/s. I would be the submissive.I am also researching different bdsm techniques and such. I am curious as to any advice you would have for me in regards chat rooms etc. I see it states under your name really really experienced so I would welcome any advice. Please and Thank you
That just means we post a lot.

How are you researching?
Do you have a Dom?
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Old 07-30-2017, 01:49 PM   #25
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