How long does it usually take for your story to be published?

Ah, an over-anxious first-timer! The fruits of patience are bountiful, grasshopper. Less stress; healthier sex life; more time to imagine new possibilities. Relax. Take a deep breath. Exhale. Repeat as needed. Attain mental and spiritual tranquility. Now, you are almost ready for the slings and arrows of trolls and one-bombers, the despair of few views and fewer votes, the post-publishing depression that afflicts most of us. WHAT!? MY STORY HAD A RED H AND NOW IT'S DOWN TO 4.37!? Oh, the humanity...
 
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