Need a male perspective

Hi,

I've never posted/published and I'm in the middle of revising a story I wrote a long time ago. I need a suggestion on where I should go next in my story. Here are the last three paragraphs (please, be gentle):


It was like a bolt of lightning; a muffled scream passed through my lips and my pussy instantly slid into another orgasm. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t breathe; all I could do was hold on as my body shuddered over and over. Every nerve ending between my legs snapped and popped and my vision went dark for a moment. Dimly, it occurred to me that I might be on the verge of passing out.

“Mmmmm, yes,” his voice rumbled into my ear, penetrating through the hazy pleasure as my orgasm started to slow. He removed his hand from my mouth and steadied me on my feet as my chest heaved, drawing cool night air into my lungs.

Above the satisfying sounds of hearing her trying to catch her breath, he heard a deeper rustling behind him, near the trees. He turned his head sharply, his gaze scanning the thicket behind them, but the dark shadows in the pines didn’t reveal anything. He listened for a moment more but nothing else came to his ears. He turned his attention back to the luscious woman in his arms, ready to begin again.


I'd like to give my male character the chance to have his own orgasm, while likely bringing her to another one. Here's my problem:

1) Missionary seems a little too tame for what's already occurred.
2) He could bend her back over and go to town from behind, but that's already happened, he just didn't finish. Seems...lazy.
3) He could sit/lay on a chair or chaise lounge with her on top. But she's already had two orgasms, and from my own viewpoint, there's no way I'd have the strength in my thighs to be able to move in the manner required. I'd be pretty limp.
4) They can't stop and rest - obviously they are outside and are probably being watched.

So, any suggestions? I'd appreciate any comments

He hoists her up, she wraps her legs around his waist and he fucks her like that, coming inside her.

Position shows his strength, fits for outside and is kind of primal/sexy, at least I think so.

Balance is a little tough sometimes (ask me how I know) but this is erotic fantasy.

lovecraft68 said:

He hoists her up, she wraps her legs around his waist and he fucks her like that, coming inside her.

Position shows his strength, fits for outside and is kind of primal/sexy, at least I think so.

Balance is a little tough sometimes (ask me how I know) but this is erotic fantasy.

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Thanks I had thought of that, but had someone else (male) say that it might cause some male readers to get a little anxious, fearing they wouldn't be strong enough to do that and so, wouldn't relate.

AKentuckyLady said:

Thanks I had thought of that, but had someone else (male) say that it might cause some male readers to get a little anxious, fearing they wouldn't be strong enough to do that and so, wouldn't relate.

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As Lovecraft says: this is fantasy. Males readers can do anything in their dreams.

AKentuckyLady said:

Thanks I had thought of that, but had someone else (male) say that it might cause some male readers to get a little anxious, fearing they wouldn't be strong enough to do that and so, wouldn't relate.

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Ah yes, male insecurity, can't mess with that

Well, I myself have no problem with that position and I am sure I am not the only one so don't pander to the low self esteem males and use what you choose to. If you want you can stress the girl is petite so MR. I never go to the gym, can handle her.

LOL - okay, duly noted and thanks for the quick replies. I really appreciate it!

lovecraft68 said:

Balance is a little tough sometimes (ask me how I know) but this is erotic fantasy.

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I can't resist - tell me how you know

AKentuckyLady said:

I can't resist - tell me how you know

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Well its one of those, 'this never happens in porn' stories.

Wife and I were fooling around in the shower. She decides to hop up the way I described having your character do.

Problem is...soapy water on the floor, slippery surface. She sent me over and we crashed through the brand new $1000 glass shower doors.

I had to go to the ER to have a few stitches and have glass plucked out of my back.

She went with me and when they asked how I did this I said "ask her"

Have him lean with his back against a tree, while she kneels at his feet and blows him. Every guy can relate to that.

lovecraft68 said:

Well its one of those, 'this never happens in porn' stories.

Wife and I were fooling around in the shower. She decides to hop up the way I described having your character do.

Problem is...soapy water on the floor, slippery surface. She sent me over and we crashed through the brand new $1000 glass shower doors.

I had to go to the ER to have a few stitches and have glass plucked out of my back.

She went with me and when they asked how I did this I said "ask her"

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<cringe> Double damn ouch.

Carnevil9 said:

Have him lean with his back against a tree, while she kneels at his feet and blows him. Every guy can relate to that.

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Thanks Already happened earlier in the story!

AKentuckyLady said:

<cringe> Double damn ouch.

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It was still not as bad as the time the next door neighbors went away for a weekend in the summer and we decided to go outside and play hardcore, with me tying her to a pole in the back yard and fucking her and her playing off she didn't want it

Turns out there daughter was in town from college and called the cops. I saw the lights in the driveway and was able to get my pants up and her untied before they came into the yard, but the explaining....

They separated us and the cop with her kept saying "Look, if he is hurting you just tell us, we can protect you."

Ironically she works with victims of abuse as part of her career.

The cop I was with was one of the old school seen it all types. I just got, "Man, keep this shit in your house, will you?"

Okay Lovecraft, you need to write a comedy story with all this in it. I laughed until I cried

AKentuckyLady said:

Okay Lovecraft, you need to write a comedy story with all this in it. I laughed until I cried

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Back when I first came here I started a thread in the playground 'things that never happen in porn' it had some great responses. Real life is always more amusing than fiction

You could have him lift up a bit off of her when he perks up for the rustling sound, then decide to pin her legs to the ground, holding them down just above the knees and go to town on her until he gets his and she gets another.

LC, man, your lucky you didn't get sliced up!

jomar said:

You could have him lift up a bit off of her when he perks up for the rustling sound, then decide to pin her legs to the ground, holding them down just above the knees and go to town on her until he gets his and she gets another.

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Thanks for commenting, Jomar. I guess I should explain, since there's only these three paragraphs.

- They are both standing up;
- He's behind her;
- She first went down on him, he then pulled her up, spun her around, and entered her from behind;
- As she came, he pulled out and because they are a) outside and b) she was rather loud, he put his hand over her mouth;
- While she came the first time, while he was still behind her, he put his hand between her legs to feel her orgasm;
- When she was coming down off of that 1st one, he flicked her clit with his thumbnail and she went off again - that's where the first paragraph starts above.

So he's still behind her, holding her steady, and that's why I needed to know which way to go next

Ah, I see. Maybe he could push her up against a tree, maybe a warped tree so she's a bit bent over and bark hurts so good, and surprisingly, no splinters, red marks!

Laughing - as the actual low esteem male who is also MR. I never go to the gym in question, I do think you are assuming a certain power to weight ratio.

Bah, comes of being a geek at heart. I bow to the consensus and concede 'tis fantasy and anything can and should happen.

AKentuckyLady said:

1) Missionary seems a little too tame for what's already occurred.
2) He could bend her back over and go to town from behind, but that's already happened, he just didn't finish. Seems...lazy.
3) He could sit/lay on a chair or chaise lounge with her on top. But she's already had two orgasms, and from my own viewpoint, there's no way I'd have the strength in my thighs to be able to move in the manner required. I'd be pretty limp.
4) They can't stop and rest - obviously they are outside and are probably being watched.

So, any suggestions? I'd appreciate any comments

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First off congratulations on writing. You have just opened yourself up to hours and hours of miserably going back and forth trying to figure out if that damned comma fits or not.

Since you clarified that the characters are standing with the man behind the woman, you could have her turn to face him and then they go to the ground in classic missionary. Yes it's not exotic but for me, having the man take the woman while looking in her eyes is erotic. They have already done the exotic things, go back to basics for the man's release.

I don't know how most men feel, but there is nothing in love making better for me than watching the woman's face as you pleasure her. It gets me off almost always.

Allosaur said:

Laughing - as the actual low esteem male who is also MR. I never go to the gym in question, I do think you are assuming a certain power to weight ratio.

Bah, comes of being a geek at heart. I bow to the consensus and concede 'tis fantasy and anything can and should happen.

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I thought you made a very valid point. I want this to be as real as possible, and not jar the reader out of the story with thoughts of doubt

GoldenCojones said:

First off congratulations on writing. You have just opened yourself up to hours and hours of miserably going back and forth trying to figure out if that damned comma fits or not.

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Thank you - and I'm already doing that, to my dismay . I started reading it for the first time after writing it over 10 years ago and immediately deleted some overblown descriptions that bogged the whole thing down (thank you Allosaur, for pointing that out).

I still have a long way to go - there are five chapters and this is only the first one. And things become significantly worse in later chapters. What the hell, I've got lots of time

I still don't think classic horizontal missionary is going to work. That happens in chapter two and I don't want to be repetitive. But I agree that having eye contact during sex makes it mind-blowing.

Good stuff. Maybe anal? I'm just speculating here. I don't really know. But mazel tov for writing in the first place!

Have him grab her wrist and swing her her around, smothering her mouth with a kiss. As they kiss, he backs her slowly up to a nearby tree. Then he crouches down to bite her neck as he lines his cock up with her pussy. Then she can either put a leg up on a branch/rock or whatever to give him better access, or fling her legs around his hips as Lovecraft suggested. As he drives home inside her, he smothers her mouth in another kiss to keep her quiet.

You can embellish this in all kinds of ways to emphasize various traits and situations. Does she enjoy the pain from a branch poking her in time with his thrusts? Is he overpowering her in a good or bad way? Do their eyes meet or not? Maybe she sees movement in the brush behind him?

And so on, it's your story, so add/remove/expand as you wish, just tossing out thoughts.

Good luck, I like your style from the excerpt, hope you get it out for our enjoyment!

Also, classic horizontal missionary can be done in a wide variety of ways, you know, so it doesn't have to be the same as in a previous chapter.

DanielBoone said:

Good stuff. Maybe anal? I'm just speculating here. I don't really know. But mazel tov for writing in the first place!

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Thanks Daniel!

My plot later on is going to take things to a darker place (pun intended). There will be a second man who is my antagonist and quite a bastard he is.