A gay tutor.

He was nice to me.

I was worried that the other guys, classmates
and sport tutors, weren't very nice to him.


To this day I'd like a chance to apologize.

I think he assumed I was the same, when I wasn't,
I'm not homophobic, I'd like a chance to say so.

What If I stood up, called them all dickheads?

But it's quite natural.

Some people prefer a vag, others prefer a bottom.

I don't see the big horror of it?

bigmane said:

He was nice to me.

I was worried that the other guys, classmates
and sport tutors, weren't very nice to him.


To this day I'd like a chance to apologize.

I think he assumed I was the same, when I wasn't,
I'm not homophobic, I'd like a chance to say so.

What If I stood up, called them all dickheads?

Click to expand...

All you can do now is learn from your mistake. The unsettled feelings you still have are a good thing...they tell you that your heart is still unhardened. Next time you will do better. (However, no need to deal with the "dickheads"... just giving your kindness to the one being abused is much better.)

When I was young I was one of those, "Dickheads". It was a ruse to try and hide my true self, to fit in. Now I look back and think "Wow" he was so cool being himself I wish we could have been friends. If I ever see him again I will tell him how sorry I am.

The good news is I learned, a few years later my best friend was picked on for being gay but I didn't. Great guy we hung out all the time. I still considered myself straight and was married at the time. He has passed away now from AIDS, I miss him.

To be honest, my best friend ever was gay.

No coward, you know, bloody hung himself
without a word. Nobody could have stopped him.
He just did it, without a word, no cry for help,
he just went ahead.

He did leave a note, that he loved me.

That really screwed me up, I was very angry for years
afterward. Got into fights, all kinds, but nobody knew
I had a heartache.

My condolences. Suicide is always hardest on the living. The dead no longer feel their pain, but the living must soldier on and try to do something to honor their memory. That's much easier said than done. It's hard not to feel anger, abandonment, guilt, all kinds of gut-wrenching feelings, especially with a last letter or notice like that.