Long time lurker - first time author looking for feedback/suggestions

I've been a long-time anonymous reader on Literotica, finally decided to create an account to submit my first story. I haven't tried to write any kind of fiction since college (which was a looong time ago), so I'm more than a little nervous about whether my writing is any good or not.

If any of you have the time/inclination to read my story (linked below) and give me your thoughts on the story, the writing, what you liked, what could be better, etc. I'd certainly appreciate it.

I should mention it's an exhibitionist story.

https://www.literotica.com/s/the-beach-vacation


Thanks in advance for any advice/feedback!

Getting a 4.62 on your first story is quite an achievement. You should be proud.

I think the story would have been better if the point of view had been first person. First person is more intimate. I think you should have set the scene a little quicker - i.e. that she was on the beach at a nice all-inclusive beach resort in Mexico while on a "girls weekend" with one of her best friends. I couldn't fully get into what was going on until I had that information.

I enjoyed it and I was fine with third person. A lot of people like it because it puts the reader in the action, but the downside is if "I" thinks one thing the reader doesn't like, its over.

Third gives a better overall view of everything happening and allows a writer to head hop if necessary without explaining how one "I" got to the other "I".

A lot of my stuff here is first, but all my serious work is in third and lately even my for sale smut has gone into third.

I enjoyed reading it. It was nicely paced and had a nice build up to a good conclusion at the end.

8letters said:

Getting a 4.62 on your first story is quite an achievement. You should be proud.

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Thanks! I honestly had no idea what to expect. I feel kind of bad that I never really noticed the ratings as a reader.

8letters said:

I think you should have set the scene a little quicker - i.e. that she was on the beach at a nice all-inclusive beach resort in Mexico while on a "girls weekend" with one of her best friends. I couldn't fully get into what was going on until I had that information.

Click to expand...

Thanks! I appreciate the input. That's something I'll have to work on for next time.

lovecraft68 said:

I enjoyed it and I was fine with third person. A lot of people like it because it puts the reader in the action, but the downside is if "I" thinks one thing the reader doesn't like, its over.

Third gives a better overall view of everything happening and allows a writer to head hop if necessary without explaining how one "I" got to the other "I".

A lot of my stuff here is first, but all my serious work is in third and lately even my for sale smut has gone into third.

Click to expand...

Thanks!

I think it's a lot easier to screw up first person perspective. I'm definitely not confident enough in my ability to write first person to put anything in first person out there yet. I guess I also defaulted to third person limited just since it seems to be the most ubiquitous perspective in mass market non-erotic fiction, so it's what I'm used to reading.

8letters said:

Getting a 4.62 on your first story is quite an achievement. You should be proud.

I think the story would have been better if the point of view had been first person. First person is more intimate. I think you should have set the scene a little quicker - i.e. that she was on the beach at a nice all-inclusive beach resort in Mexico while on a "girls weekend" with one of her best friends. I couldn't fully get into what was going on until I had that information.

Click to expand...

I thought it was great, thanks. It goes at just the right pace for me, and is really hot. If you get the chance, please look at ,y first effort. It might not be your kind of thing, but I would appreciate feedback.

Very nice indeed! The 1st or 3rd person is mainly a matter of taste. And in this case I think you made the right choice. Gave it a 5, and looking forward to the next chapter. I got a similar highish score on my first story and it encouraged me to continue writing. Hope you'll do the same.