Dear X,

Dear Mind,
Could you, just for a while, actually give a shit.
 
Dear friendly neighborhood office equipment salesman,

After careful review of your proposal for the $12,000 inkjet envelope printer, I must respectfully respond with...oh fuck that.

Are you out of fucking mind? 12 grand? WTF are you smoking anyway? To send me this kind of bullshit makes me wonder how you get in and out of your car wiht balls that big.

Sheesh!
 
Dear Dr. M,
Whaddya mean, you're closing your practice? You can't do that! I've been seeing you for close to twenty years. What a pain in the ass to have to break in a new doctor!

Honestly, there is just no loyalty in the world today.

:mad:
 
Dear Customer,

When you tell me that your dog(s)
Are friendly,
Love everyone,
Never hurt anyone,
just want to check you out, then they'll be ok,
Don't worry about them, they're good dogs,
Etc.

Bull Shit!
Your stoopid fucking dogs won't stop barking,
Keep sticking their noses in my crotch, almost castrating me,
Keep knocking me over (Big ones)
Keep running under my feet( little ones) and tripping me.
Keep jumping on me and scratching my legs and arms.
Keep knocking over my equipment.
Keep getting in my way and not letting me work.
Lick me and my clothes with their wet, sloppy tongues.
Drool all over me.
Shed all over me.

Excuse me, I can't answer your statement about me being arrogant because I'm too busy fighting your stoopid dog off my leg.
What'd you say? I can't hear you because I have to put in ear plugs for the barking.

People, We don't love your dumb dogs.
We don't want to play with them or be friends with them.
Yes, your dog HAS hurt someone - ME.
We come into your home or business to fix something, so please lock up your viscious dogs, put a muzzle on them, tie them to a stake in the yard, (By the neck would be better) and keep them away from us so we can fix your lousy equipment. It is NOT OK to let them bark, bump, scratch, knock people over!
It's hard enough as it is, without dog and cat distractions.
 
Okay Babe,

We talked about it yesterday and you recognize that you need to apologize to her. As you said, you need to forget about your pride and do the right thing. Don't disappoint me and, more importantly, don't disappoint yourself.

I have faith in you.
 
Dear mouth-breathing leg-humpers,

Some of the shit you spout off both amazes and saddens me. Are people really that ignorant about sexuality? And you fuckers wonder why you don't get laid.

Kindly fuck off and die,

Eilan
 
Dear Blue-
Awsome thread idea...somewhere there's a flower blooming just because of you!
Thanks...
Those who are in need.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear Ticker-
I realize that you have put up with years of my over abundant diet of Velveta and I realize that it isn't really your fault that you didn't get to "fix yourself" like all the other tickers do when they are young, as the doctor so gracefully put it. But could you hang in there with me a little? There's gotta be good things coming and I want to be around to see them.
Thanks
The Bacon Freak

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dear Nut Job and HR department,
I realize that you must think that you were so incredibly attractive in your flip flops and fat rolls to make me head over heals for you in my workplace however, the comment about my junk that was a part of a story about a kid in my high school class meeting an ex and describing it in detail to her one drunken night does not constitute sexual harassment. The reason you got fired might just have been the inability for your dumb ass to show up to work every day..actually work an entire 40 hour week and not to piss off everyone from the night janitors to the senior managment.
Oh and HR department, thank you so very much for your thorough ass reaming Nazi like questioning for 3 hours about every comment that I have ever made in the office and out and for the nice way you decided to let me keep my job and to put a piece of paper in my file while telling me the entire time that the bitch's claims were completely baseless and had no bearing on work because they all happened off property and off work time.
Your humble 60 hour slave..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Dear person occupying part of my bed.

GET OUT!

Cordially,
My sanitiy.
 
My dear friend K,

I hope this guy is worth flushing our friendship down the toilet, which is exactly what you are doing. I don't like him and you will not give me an opportunity to explain my reasons; you have become extremely defensive about him.


I sincerely want you to be happy. I know the last couple of years have been very difficult, yet you've done some incredibly hard and emotional work to break the chains threatening to break you.

The next time that you do keep your plans with me, the first time that he calls to interrupt while we are out together, I will leave without a single word. He is threatened by our friendship. When I know the two of you are out together, I NEVER call. Yet when you and I have plans, he calls continuously. While at lunch there were four calls, followed by two more when we were shopping afterward, and during a celebratory dinner we had, there were three calls--although you guys were getting together immediately afterward. What is his fucking problem?


Although I love you very much, I won't be fighting for our friendship. If you truly want our friendship, you'll do the work, because I won't anymore. I won't call to make plans with you. And if you call to make plans with me, just like yesterday I fully expect you to break them yet again.

I'm not holding my breath.
 
Dear M,

I cannot take anymore links sent to me. I don't know how to tell you. I already know the dangers and how you're a walking time bomb. I'm half tempted to call your doctor and go totally mad on him for not taking this seriously.

Every night I pray that everything will be okay and hopefully God will make it disappear. I can't imagine losing you in 5 or less years. You're all I have and the only person whose been there for me my entire life.

Talking about medical power of attorney, dnr and the will is making me sick inside. I'm unable to cry in front of you. I have to remain strong when you see me and it's so difficult. I'm slowly losing it and I know this is the facts of life. People come and go all the time. But you...? I'm not ready. "Please don't leave me" is pathetic but that's all I can think about and only keep to myself. I love you.
 
Dear Oh Wonderful College of Mine,

When will you stop sucking? It's really unbecoming of you. I've heard a lot of great things about you, then you go, bend me over and ream me in the pooper, like you've been doing to countless other students for quite some time. You don't need the extra money so stop extorting it out of the student body. I hope you and and your adminstration go to hell.

- Shen

Dear Mother,

I'm sorry about all the money I've been ask you for lately. I'm really hoping for a job soon so I can pay you back. You deserve at least that much.

- Your Son

Dear Self,

Go to a gym. Write more. Learn to code. Stop slacking. Get a job. And get some ass. Its been way too damn long...

- Yourself
 
Dear Mind (again),
Not listening, not listening, not listening, not listening.
 
Dear oh brother of mine,

Can you please send me all the CD's that I graciously loaned to you upon moving to Las Vegas, No I did not give them to you, just couldn't fit them all in to my car.:D

P.S
Your brother loves ya!
 
Dear twisted, evil, sick, pathetic, excuse for a human being,

There is a special place in hell for people like you. You'll have plenty of company there you sick fuck.
 
Last edited:
Dear Job God,
I know I'm a lucky person for having an okay job, but I just spent four years playing student at a university and I think I'd like to work in the field of my degree. I'll even take lower pay, so long as I'm doing what I've worked for.
Thanks
TheLezz

__________________________________________________________

Dear Golden Girls Producer,
For the LOVE OF STAN, would you PLEASE create some new sitcom to take away from my addiction to GG?
Thanks
TheLezz

__________________________________________________________

Dear Weather Dude,
Thanks for being wrong today. Nice day.
Thanks
TheLezz

__________________________________________________________

Dear Son,
Please please please make sure that you are taking on something you can handle. A woman with three children is a huge responsibility and at your age, scary. I know you love her. I love her too. Just protect your heart, Son.
Love
TheLezz

__________________________________________________________

Hey, kinda like this.
 
Dear Director,

Please put me in more scenes. I know you don't think I'm that great of an actress but I promise you I know my craft and I'm good at what I do

Thats why you pay me the "big bucks"
Co
_____________________________________________

Dear Mother,

You have been driving me crazy. Please stop being so insane.

Your daughter.
____________________________________________

Dear higher power that keeps track of peoples lives and lets things happen,

Please let me see my girlfriend before the end of July. I miss her something terrible.

I'll bake you cookies!
Co
________________________________________

Dear "best friend forever"

You suck. I've been home from college for 2 1/2 months and you have yet to see me.

Best friends my ass!
Co
 
X-
I am trying to move on with my life and your insistence on staying in my head is not helping. Please get out of dreams, I cant sleep when you pop into them. You are not welcome anymore.

Sister-
Your wedding plans are making me crazy, June 14 cant come soon enough. I love you and all, but cant you see wedding aren't so fun for me since my divorce? I feel like a complete failure and you are making worse, maybe on purpose? You reminding me I am the last single one doesn't help.

Cookies-
Isnt this wedding bad enough, but you have to make my kitchen hot.

Employees-
Grow the fuck up.

PStars-
Cant you cut me a break?

DJB-
Who said it was okay for you to go and die on me? We were not ready to let you go so soon. I cant even take the time to mourn and miss you because I am so busy taking care of everyone else you left behind. I miss you so much.

BF-
I need room to think. I need you to not tell me how I feel, or what you think is best for me. I am grown enough to know these things. I need you to tell me what you think and what you need, like you did before you were my BF. I have no idea what you want because you are to busy telling me what you think I want.

Internal Organs-
What did I ever do to you to make you do this to me, huh?
 
Dear current job,
Thank god I found a new job that will actually pay me for the work I do and cover me. I sweated and bled for this company, continually train idiots that get promotions because they kiss huge amounts of ass, and yet still not a word of praise or thanks. Everytime something goes wrong, u don't blame the clients for being anal, obsessive jerk offs, you blame us the employees because obviously following company procedures, doing our job and using common sense is a cardinal sin for you. Fuck you.

Dear sister in law,
Fuck you. If it wasn't for my wife I think I would have attempted to strangle you already. I gave of myself for you. I trusted you with my belongings. I loved you like my own blood sister, but ever since you went off to uc santa cruz and started associating with all the attention-whoring, purposely weird and pathetic students there you got this horrible shit attitude where all of a sudden everyone was beneath you and not worthy to be near you, not even your own mother who you treat like shit. You started hating me and compared my childhood trauma to a simple slapping of a dog among other horrible things, and all for a reason I believe to childish to be true. Fuck you too.

Dear other sister in law,
Get off ur fucking high horse. We aren't slaves that jump at ur every command or whim. Everybody has been spoiling you and riding your nuts for the past 6 months but that's no excuse to act like this stuck-up spoiled brat who cries immediately at anything that doesn't go ur way. U even fucking cry because me and veronica just want to go on a date. Alone. I wish all the people at ur school and ur church knew just how selfish and bratty u really are

Dear knee's,
I know I didn't treat u well what with all the sports I played, and I'm sorry right knee that a dumbass who didn't know how to tackle, cut tackled me during a kick return and dislocated you and tore the acl and mcl. I'm sorry left knee that another dumbass was too busy putting make up on while driving and rear ended me going at a high rate of speed to push me into a busy intersection which caused you to get shattered. Please stop hurting everyday and allow me to run again without excruciating pain.

Dear dad,
Thanks for beating me constantly when I was a child. Also thanks for all the verbal abuse and psychological torture you threw in there. I remember being as old as 15 and being terrified of you, even though by that time I was physically superior to you. I wouldn't be the person I am today without my wonderful childhood.

Dear wife's uncle,
You know what you did. If I ever........EVER find you I will take enormous pleasure tearing you and everything you love to shit. Just thinking about you fills me with so much rage that my vision shakes and I stagger with how much I want you in my hands.

Dear most recent ex,
Leave me alone. Stop begging me to fuck you. Stop making new email accounts to email me after I block you. Stop using multiple accounts to try and communicate with me after I blocked all your accounts. Stop using all of our old friends to try and convince me to talk to you. I had to change my number so you would stop calling and texting me. Please. Its annoying. Yes I was crazy attracted to you for some odd reason but you were one of the most inconsiderate and lazy persons I've ever met. Also your family is a bunch of greedy and ungrateful monkeys that deserve whatever they have coming. Except your middle brother Thao. He was the only decent one out of the group of you.
 
Dear Anxiety and Lack-of-Self-Esteem,

Can't you just quit for one fucking minute? I want to make friends. I want to make new friends that are more than just friends. You have already caused me to let my first 'more than' friend slip away because of keeping my feelings to myself for fear of failure. You work too hard to keep me quiet and in my own cell. Please, take a few weeks off. It won't kill you, and if it does we'll be better off without you.

Sincerely,
Sarah
 
Dear DumbAss

Fuck off and stop hassling me. The world doesn't revolve around you and I'm not your call-girl.

:rose:
Pert

PS One more annoying email at work and I'll sick HR on you like dogs!
 
Dear You,
You know this wasn't going anywhere, you know it was never going to happen between us. I am so tired of watching you sulk and cry and dramatize everything and pretend like you're getting help when you are in need of an inpatient psych unit to straighten out your life. Please stop pretending like you're functioning at a normal level, and please PLEASE go get the help you need! We all care about you, but there is NOTHING anyone can do with the way you are snapping at everyone and moping around. PLEASE.
 
Dear Me,

Hang in there. One more week. You can make it for one more week and then you have 10 days to yourself. 10 days to rejuvenate your mind, body, and soul before having it shattered within 10 minutes of walking in the door. But let's not think about that for another week.
 
^^Long distance hugs are sent in return. How the heck are you NB?
 
Yesterday was bittersweet. There's nothing else to say though. Today I'm sad, and I know that you are too. No one is wrong. It is what it is and we are who we are. We keep trying, pull away, and come back. I like rollercoasters, just not those of the emotional variety. It's not healthy.

My fear is that I will begin to shut down and close my heart to you for good; I cannot help it, it is what I need to do to protect myself.
 
Dear Boss,

I work 54hrs a week off the books... I do so much more than the other employees. Can you please throw me a bone now and then? I just moved, my car is broken. I wouldn't mind a little something extra here and there. And for the love of love... hurry up with the new website so I can work at the damn store less and do more home parties. They are FAR more profitable for sorta less work.

kthanks,
blue

----------------------------------------------------

Dear Employers,

Please take my boyfriend's resume over other people's, I know that is asking for alot, I know millions of others are looking for jobs... but... I don't want to work 54hrs a week anymore, he needs to pull some weight, and can't because the market completely sucks ass.

kthanks,
blue


-----------------------------------------------------

Dear Family,

Fuck off. Seriously, just fuck off. I've told you I work seriously long hours, and I"m sorry that on my only time off (1.5 days) I don't want to spend it with you. I have chores, errands, laundry, and other shit to do. I just moved out, fucking let me go already. I told you I wasn't going to stay for more than a year after I moved back from college. It isn't my fault you didn't believe me.

kthanks,
blue

-----------------------------------------------

Dear HT Cafe,

You're most welcome for this thread!

love,
blue
 
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