Conclusions about BDSM after reading Literotica

gracie920101 said:

5) Subs never have any experience with BDSM and must be trained from ground zero
6) Likewise, dom(me)s are never inexperienced or new to the lifestyle

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Oh yeah, this. No dom has ever learned from a Sub before. That never happens.

/sarcasm.

Dominants seem to always be from positions of privilege and wealth.

Submissives need to be saved.

D/s always looks like a cis-woman on her knees with a dainty chain around her neck for some cis-guy wearing a off-the-rack suit.

50 shades of 'Meh'

Okay so I think I can explain the 50 Shades phenomenon...I did spend last Christmas and New Year's reading all three books and the subsequent series all from Christian's point of view….now before I'm shunned forever let me explain!

I was sick of hearing people talk about/complain about them when I hadn't read or seen them and therefore could have no opinion of my own.

One thing you have to remember about the series that was posted earlier is that this was a Twilight Fan fiction, so for all intensive purposes Anna and Christian are really just Bella and Edward in a different scenario.

The next thing is that this is ROMANCE series, not a BDSM series, as the books go on the bdsm becomes less and less pronounced up and to the point where in third book Christian even has negative feelings about marking her up during one of their playtimes.

I would equate these books more to the women that love the sexyness of serial killer kidnapper whose victem ends up ‘saving him if his ways’ type stories than anything else. Christians character is not a well adjusted Dom, he's a guy who was abused as a child, had his neglectful mother kill herself in their apartment where he was left with her body for days, and then at the age of 15 was taken as a sub by his rich adopted mothers rich older friend who eventually taught him how to Dom. He now just picks brown haired mousy girls to abuse because they remind him of his neglectful mother.

Annas character essentially ‘cures’ him of his problems and they live happily ever after in a very short period of time.

As an aside I highly doubt the author is actual into bdsm, most of the scenes read as technical manuals more than anything else.

Also this story ONLY worked because he was filthy rich and attractive. Despite Anna's protestations that she didn't care about his money….he'd be considered a total psycho right off the bat if he had been a working class construction worker that had met her by cat calling her on the street.

Hope that helps illuminate any questions! . And my apologies that I revisited that horrible series. Lol

Just my observations from stories I've read!

1. Female Dommes with Male subs are total psychopaths. Female Dommes with female subs tend to be softies.

2. Everyone has more than enough money.

3. Everyone can read minds

4. No one safe words

5. There's a severe lack of bratty subs

Anyways if anyone knows of stories that don't fit my observations, please send them my way!

Do stories need to be 'realistic'?

In my personal opinion, no. I like the fairy tales. I have real life in my real life, I don't need to read about real life too

Oncet upon a time, back in my iteration as Acktion, I lost my mind and tried to write a BDSM tale with the "Taming Jet" series. I managed to get two chapters up and submitted two more before my health spiraled out of whack. When I got back, I found that Laurel had kicked back 03 and 04. (And for good reason!)


I've thought from time to time of revisiting that story, but... Meh. What I vomited up in 01 and 02 wasn't all that with a side of fries anyway. Then again, I did just smash them (and all the rest under that handle) in about twelve hours from conception to submission trying to compete in the last (or next to) Survivor Competition. So, maybe if I take my time and actually work on polishing it a bit...


Nah. Probably not.

(Spoiler alert; Jet turned out to be rich and was only working to fill the time and look for Mr. Right. And in the ending I had plotted, the two married and were happy at least at the time Logan was typing out that story on a laptop balanced on her ass somewhere on a private island in the south pacific. )

Lol. That saves a lot of reading for us! BDSM requires trust obedience responsibility to make it work. All the other is is mostly window dressing

JaneRamsey said:

Okay so I think I can explain the 50 Shades phenomenon...

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Thanks Jane, to be honest I tried reading a few pages and couldn't get on with the writers style - but as a middle aged man I'm not the target audience.

I am surprised at the female friends who have raved about the books and love the films, some of them are just following the latest trend. One of my wife's close friends who apparently loved books and films went full on "No way am I doing that you've got to be fucking kidding me!" when my wife brought up the subject of restraint during sex in real life.

HampshireBoy said:

Thanks Jane, to be honest I tried reading a few pages and couldn't get on with the writers style - but as a middle aged man I'm not the target audience.

I am surprised at the female friends who have raved about the books and love the films, some of them are just following the latest trend. One of my wife's close friends who apparently loved books and films went full on "No way am I doing that you've got to be fucking kidding me!" when my wife brought up the subject of restraint during sex in real life.

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I found a lot of that sentiment as well, the people I know that LOVED the books are not even into kink in real life, and the ones that are hated them. I personally love to hate them, much how I feel about the Twilight series as well. Lol. It's like reading a very sexy train wreck haha.

gracie920101 said:

Yes, one does have to play to the masses. And yes, I did miss that the usual description is 8-9 inches and really fat (Think soda can) but in my defense, my list was posted quite early this morning after a brief but intense conversation with Capt. Morgan. LOL

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Love it..

After reading BDSM on Literotica, yes, the conclusion is: there is BDSM.

JaneRamsey said:

Okay so I think I can explain the 50 Shades phenomenon...I did spend last Christmas and New Year's reading all three books and the subsequent series all from Christian's point of view….now before I'm shunned forever let me explain!

I was sick of hearing people talk about/complain about them when I hadn't read or seen them and therefore could have no opinion of my own.

One thing you have to remember about the series that was posted earlier is that this was a Twilight Fan fiction, so for all intensive purposes Anna and Christian are really just Bella and Edward in a different scenario.

The next thing is that this is ROMANCE series, not a BDSM series, as the books go on the bdsm becomes less and less pronounced up and to the point where in third book Christian even has negative feelings about marking her up during one of their playtimes.

I would equate these books more to the women that love the sexyness of serial killer kidnapper whose victem ends up ‘saving him if his ways’ type stories than anything else. Christians character is not a well adjusted Dom, he's a guy who was abused as a child, had his neglectful mother kill herself in their apartment where he was left with her body for days, and then at the age of 15 was taken as a sub by his rich adopted mothers rich older friend who eventually taught him how to Dom. He now just picks brown haired mousy girls to abuse because they remind him of his neglectful mother.

Annas character essentially ‘cures’ him of his problems and they live happily ever after in a very short period of time.

As an aside I highly doubt the author is actual into bdsm, most of the scenes read as technical manuals more than anything else.

Also this story ONLY worked because he was filthy rich and attractive. Despite Anna's protestations that she didn't care about his money….he'd be considered a total psycho right off the bat if he had been a working class construction worker that had met her by cat calling her on the street.

Hope that helps illuminate any questions! . And my apologies that I revisited that horrible series. Lol

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I give you props for making it through all of the stories. I couldn't handle it. I even tried the movie and nearly laughed at the dialogue. Yes, they are very much romance novels and only changed the Twilight vampire plot into a vague BDSM plot. The author said she enjoyed Twilight and pretty much changed it into BDSM, even though she knew nothing about BDSM. It shows. Of course, she captured the romance novel public and they all kept the books on their night stand to read and then dream about Christian.

JaneRamsey said:

In my personal opinion, no. I like the fairy tales. I have real life in my real life, I don't need to read about real life too

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Now, there are different kinds of readers. Some really like the reality of a story. They enjoy putting themselves into the character's spot and the more real that becomes, the more involved they can get with it.

But, there are also those who enjoy the larger than life story. Those are the ones who might enjoy Martians coming down from outer space and take an innocent woman up into the ship. They hold her captive and nasty sexual things are done to her against her will.

She's stripped naked, bound in lewd positions and probed, shocked, tormented and repeatedly used by these faceless beings, with dongs the size of VWs and appendages that go places and do things that would seriously take her breath away, or would cause her to scream in fear, if her mouth wasn't filled by some strange thing that just gets gets fatter, when her fear increases. The plot is limited only to the writer's imagination, because so far, we haven't actually had any Martians come visit us. OK, at least not that I'm aware of.

But I've written stories that I have first hand knowledge of and that gives me an inside perspective of what the characters would say and how the plot should flow. I've even had a story almost write itself in spots, because once the characters are developed, the dialogue tends to write itself. Talk about scary.

So, while I understand your opinion about not wanting to read about your real life, maybe somebody else would like to read about it...just because it's not their real life. Living someone else's reality could be interesting. Well, in this case, the sexual part, at least.

JaneRamsey said:

Just my observations from stories I've read!

1. Female Dommes with Male subs are total psychopaths. Female Dommes with female subs tend to be softies.

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For the most part, I agree with this. But I think the dommes are that way because the male sub readers prefer it. The ones who demand money to treat the men like shit and they willingly give it. Over time, I think this type of "relationship" has evolved and while I sometimes have to shake my head, for some people...it works.

For the F/f situations, I've seen both...the ones like you mention and then there are those dommes that really seem to enjoy tormenting their female sub...because who knows more about tormenting a woman than another woman? Well, sometimes the plot suffers because the writer probably wasn't a female or wasn't a domme, but shit happens.

2. Everyone has more than enough money.

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I also could agree with this, but there are stories that don't even talk about money. The story never even leaves the dungeon. And I'd guess the only way someone could keep a group of slaves would be because they live on some deserted island somewhere and nobody knows where they are. I guess that's where the excess money comes in?

3. Everyone can read minds

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Oh, I can read some submissive minds, or at least I have been told I can get into the mind of a submissive woman. I don't think it's so much my reading their minds as I have a small submissive woman who lives in my head and I can make her tell me things. So, when writing from a female submissive POV, it only appears that I can read minds.

Sorry to burst anybody's bubble, if they thought their minds were being read. I understand how that can be sexually attractive, so if you want to continue to believe that, I'm willing to play my part in that scenario. Just tell me ahead of time, so I can get into character.

I know...it's all fake. But it works, when the dom in the story seems to know what's going on, before it happens. They are the all knowing, all seeing and of course, they have everything planned ahead of time, because of that. Some readers just want their minds to be probed as much as their bodies.

4. No one safe words

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I've said it before, some people just want to read something that is larger than life. That way, they can enjoy the sexual desires, without leaving the safety of their bedroom. Some fantasies can be realized. But some can't. And those that can't would be ruined with those stupid safe words.

5. There's a severe lack of bratty subs

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Oh really? I thought that's what all female submissives are, in the F/f situations. Or was that suppose to be sarcasm?

Anyways if anyone knows of stories that don't fit my observations, please send them my way!

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Well, you could read some of my stories. I can't guarantee you'll like them, but some people do. And you'll have to be the judge of whether they fit any of your lists. The writer only writes. The reader is the one who decides if that writing is any good.

gracie920101 said:

1) Doms are: trim, lithe and never out of shape, young and built with 6pack abs or middle aged distinguished and keep in shape, Independently wealthy or own their company and can leave work without repercussions, able to travel with little or no planning, insatiable, is a walking encyclopedia of lifestyle knowledge, rope experts, never has to say Oops.

2) Subs: are multi-orgasmic, highly pain tolerant, have little to no gag reflex, able to wear Ultra-high heels and walk in them without effort, rarely overweight, have perky tits, VERY bendy! able to bypass dress codes and sexual harassment policies at work without repercussions, always able to find a Dom that supports them.

3) Personal dungeons are filled with top of the line equipment, always have electrical restraint systems, multiple choices of each toy/instrument no matter what the cost, miraculously cleaned and restocked after each use, and never have any any device that is obviously handmade other than "lovingly tooled" leather items.

And finally, everyone showers before and after a scene which may be up to 10 scenes in a single day.

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Goodness, such a tainted view of this? But, I must say, you have my appearance perfectly. Well, I did recently lose about 20 pounds and if I wear a hat, you can't see my male pattern baldness. But I try to make up for that with my goatee just to prove that I can still grow hair somewhere besides my ears.

I do have my share of electrical toys, but while I do have some I purchased, I really like making my own. I think it not only makes me look more evil or "devious", they actually work. And while I also understand the leather restraints, leather doesn't last for ever and I'm not one of those independently wealthy types you talk about. So, I prefer Velcro. It's cheap, and it works quite well in how fast you can turn someone into your captive and also easy to get off in a hurry, if you are the type to follow someone's limits.

As for muliti-orgasmic submissives...I like to say I'm the cause of that. They were once normal women who might have an orgasm every week or two, but once they came into my captive basement, they just cum and cum and cum. Well, in my stories they do and I only write what I know.

OK, I know all of this is mostly tongue-n-cheek with some good natured humor mixed in. But, the best humor always has some truth in it, so I have to agree with a lot of what you've said. Fun stuff.

But, sometimes a writer isn't writing about something they know and that's where these stereotypical characters come from. And it's also sad, but a lot of readers are bypassing the plot, to find the sex scenes, so why write anything else? I don't mind saying it, the term romance novel leaves a bad taste in my mouth. I try to write erotica. No matter how much I try, some people still prefer porn.

gracie920101 said:

Haha missed those but I never noticed white pumps!

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Oh, I don't know about stories, but in videos, the bound submissive is always naked, except for her high stilettos. What gives? I prefer my bound submissves to be TOTALLY NAKED. After all, if she gets to jerking around too much from one of those monster orgasms I cause, she could puncture me in the leg. I'm the one inflicting pain. She's the one who twitches and screams when I hurt her.

Maybe I'm in the minority. It's happened before. But I've never understood some of the dress in videos. Take the damn heals off!

DVS said:

Oh, I don't know about stories, but in videos, the bound submissive is always naked, except for her high stilettos. What gives? I prefer my bound submissves to be TOTALLY NAKED. After all, if she gets to jerking around too much from one of those monster orgasms I cause, she could puncture me in the leg. I'm the one inflicting pain. She's the one who twitches and screams when I hurt her.

Maybe I'm in the minority. It's happened before. But I've never understood some of the dress in videos. Take the damn heals off!

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It's my understanding that keeping the heels on has to do with the shape of the calf in particular, but the rest of the leg up to the buttocks in general, for aesthetic purposes.

*shrug* But, no, DVS. You're not alone in preferring her completely naked... and vulnerable.

gracie920101 said:

1) Doms are: trim, lithe and never out of shape, young and built with 6pack abs or middle aged distinguished and keep in shape, Independently wealthy or own their company and can leave work without repercussions, able to travel with little or no planning, insatiable, is a walking encyclopedia of lifestyle knowledge, rope experts, never has to say Oops.

2) Subs: are multi-orgasmic, highly pain tolerant, have little to no gag reflex, able to wear Ultra-high heels and walk in them without effort, rarely overweight, have perky tits, VERY bendy! able to bypass dress codes and sexual harassment policies at work without repercussions, always able to find a Dom that supports them.

3) Personal dungeons are filled with top of the line equipment, always have electrical restraint systems, multiple choices of each toy/instrument no matter what the cost, miraculously cleaned and restocked after each use, and never have any any device that is obviously handmade other than "lovingly tooled" leather items.

And finally, everyone showers before and after a scene which may be up to 10 scenes in a single day.

Click to expand...

So true in the fantasy stories. Good grief does it take a while to figure out a sub. And her me. In real life you have to figure out what boundaries the sub wants broken, what small thing she mentioned which creates a "Holy shit moment of get the hell out of here.

At that point I have crossed her line. Communication is the key but often neither the sub or dom has broken a rule that was not told to them. For instance. I once locked a sub in a closet. She freaked out. As I was trying to comfort her she told me her mother locked her in a closet when mom was degradingly angry.

My sub never told me about that so I had no idea. All I could do was comfort her.

DVS said:

For the most part, I agree with this. But I think the dommes are that way because the male sub readers prefer it. The ones who demand money to treat the men like shit and they willingly give it. Over time, I think this type of "relationship" has evolved and while I sometimes have to shake my head, for some people...it works.

For the F/f situations, I've seen both...the ones like you mention and then there are those dommes that really seem to enjoy tormenting their female sub...because who knows more about tormenting a woman than another woman? Well, sometimes the plot suffers because the writer probably wasn't a female or wasn't a domme, but shit happens.
I also could agree with this, but there are stories that don't even talk about money. The story never even leaves the dungeon. And I'd guess the only way someone could keep a group of slaves would be because they live on some deserted island somewhere and nobody knows where they are. I guess that's where the excess money comes in?
Oh, I can read some submissive minds, or at least I have been told I can get into the mind of a submissive woman. I don't think it's so much my reading their minds as I have a small submissive woman who lives in my head and I can make her tell me things. So, when writing from a female submissive POV, it only appears that I can read minds.

Sorry to burst anybody's bubble, if they thought their minds were being read. I understand how that can be sexually attractive, so if you want to continue to believe that, I'm willing to play my part in that scenario. Just tell me ahead of time, so I can get into character.

I know...it's all fake. But it works, when the dom in the story seems to know what's going on, before it happens. They are the all knowing, all seeing and of course, they have everything planned ahead of time, because of that. Some readers just want their minds to be probed as much as their bodies.
I've said it before, some people just want to read something that is larger than life. That way, they can enjoy the sexual desires, without leaving the safety of their bedroom. Some fantasies can be realized. But some can't. And those that can't would be ruined with those stupid safe words.
Oh really? I thought that's what all female submissives are, in the F/f situations. Or was that suppose to be sarcasm?
Well, you could read some of my stories. I can't guarantee you'll like them, but some people do. And you'll have to be the judge of whether they fit any of your lists. The writer only writes. The reader is the one who decides if that writing is any good.

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Oh these were just my observations, not criticisms!

And yes I've read some of your stories and do enjoy them!

DVS said:

Now, there are different kinds of readers. Some really like the reality of a story. They enjoy putting themselves into the character's spot and the more real that becomes, the more involved they can get with it.

But, there are also those who enjoy the larger than life story. Those are the ones who might enjoy Martians coming down from outer space and take an innocent woman up into the ship. They hold her captive and nasty sexual things are done to her against her will.

She's stripped naked, bound in lewd positions and probed, shocked, tormented and repeatedly used by these faceless beings, with dongs the size of VWs and appendages that go places and do things that would seriously take her breath away, or would cause her to scream in fear, if her mouth wasn't filled by some strange thing that just gets gets fatter, when her fear increases. The plot is limited only to the writer's imagination, because so far, we haven't actually had any Martians come visit us. OK, at least not that I'm aware of.

But I've written stories that I have first hand knowledge of and that gives me an inside perspective of what the characters would say and how the plot should flow. I've even had a story almost write itself in spots, because once the characters are developed, the dialogue tends to write itself. Talk about scary.

So, while I understand your opinion about not wanting to read about your real life, maybe somebody else would like to read about it...just because it's not their real life. Living someone else's reality could be interesting. Well, in this case, the sexual part, at least.

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Oh I think it's great that everyone is into different things! I just personally like larger than life situations and stories most of the time, no judgments though .

I don't think I'd go do far as that crazy alien one, mainly because I'm not really a fan of non con, maybe if she was really into it! Lol

As for writing I feel the same way. I've only posted a few things on our in compared to how much I write, but I largely feel my characters and plot tend to have a mind of their own, I rarely even do a detailed outline, because it always turns out so much better when I let it come just naturally.

DVS said:

I give you props for making it through all of the stories. I couldn't handle it. I even tried the movie and nearly laughed at the dialogue. Yes, they are very much romance novels and only changed the Twilight vampire plot into a vague BDSM plot. The author said she enjoyed Twilight and pretty much changed it into BDSM, even though she knew nothing about BDSM. It shows. Of course, she captured the romance novel public and they all kept the books on their night stand to read and then dream about Christian.

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Yes, the dialogue is particularly horrendous, I'm kind of amazed an editor didn't make her fix all that. The movies didn't even try to improve either, they lifted it right out of the book, and in most cases ended up making it worse, the second movie in particular was almost unwatchable, they literally flipped the main characters dialogue so she had all his lines and vice versa, it made it all so confusing.