The Men Who's Wives Have No Sex Drive Support Club

You bring up a couple of good talking points, Syraz.



From everything that I have ever read or been told, condoms have never been acceptable. Pulling out has also never been acceptable. It sounds like you were given bad information. FWIW I have done both, but then again I don't consider myself to be devout by any stretch. People who practice Natural Family Planning might argue that it's not nonsense. We never tried it.




It would be enlightening to know if you asked her why she felt that way. Many people don't like porn because they feel that it degrades and exploits women. I'm sure that some Catholics might feel that it is because sex sacred and reserved for the marriage bed. Neither of those cases would imply that her sister doesn't like sex - only that she doesn't approve of adult video stores.


You must understand that my experience with the program was about 35 years ago so my memory may be a little iffy. My wife accepted condoms from the very beginning, so I may have directed this as a false remembrance. Let me say, I was not paying avid attention to the entire weekend, yes it was indeed an entire weekend. As I said I have always been an agnostic, verging on athiest.

On the second point, I have learned that at family events two topics to avoid are politics and religion, at least on my wife's side. They tend to be very conservative in their politics and social reflections. I would be the lone sheep in a pack of wolves. Fortunately, politically my wife is extremely liberal.
May I say that my wife is one of the most considerate, caring open minded people, I have ever met....except in the sexual realm. We once went to couples therapy about the issue. She walked out because she thought the counselor, (a women), was unreasonable, and not listening to her. Door shut on this avenue!

We all have seperate and diverse shoes to transverse this reality we call life.
 
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"We once went to couples therapy about the issue. She walked out because she thought the counselor, (a women), was unreasonable, and not listening to her."

Made me laugh and remember a group counselling session we went to many years ago.

Also a woman counselor, and she was addressing the husbands in the group that they had better know their wives favorite color, remember important days (birthdays, etc.) and treat her well on those days, give her a back-rub without expecting sex once in a while, take her out for no particular reason now and then, go shopping with her, etc., etc. because these things are important to her.

Addressing the wives, she simply said 'ladies, give your husband a blowjob once in a while.'
 
"We once went to couples therapy about the issue. She walked out because she thought the counselor, (a women), was unreasonable, and not listening to her."

Made me laugh and remember a group counselling session we went to many years ago.

Also a woman counselor, and she was addressing the husbands in the group that they had better know their wives favorite color, remember important days (birthdays, etc.) and treat her well on those days, give her a back-rub without expecting sex once in a while, take her out for no particular reason now and then, go shopping with her, etc., etc. because these things are important to her.

Addressing the wives, she simply said 'ladies, give your husband a blowjob once in a while.'

Blow jobs do go a long way toward a happy marriage!:)
 
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/how-much-sex-old-people-have

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-28303/12-sex-drive-killers-what-to-do-about-each.html

I was reading an article (that I can't locate now) that suggested people in their 90s have been surveyed and compared to people in their 50s. The conclusion was seniors are having more pleasurable sex then the younger folks. The study suggested the longevity of the relationship as the largest reason for such a higher level of content in their sex life. I found it all fascinating!
I don't know if this will be us. Especially since my orgasms are not his concern or goal during sex. But it made me feel hopeful for the future. Maybe "we" won't be together by the time I am a senior, with him being older then I, but good to know I will (most likely) still be sexually active in my later years. It calmed me down a bit and I realized although I want sex NOW I will have sex again eventually.
 
http://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/how-much-sex-old-people-have

http://www.mindbodygreen.com/0-28303/12-sex-drive-killers-what-to-do-about-each.html

I was reading an article (that I can't locate now) that suggested people in their 90s have been surveyed and compared to people in their 50s. The conclusion was seniors are having more pleasurable sex then the younger folks. The study suggested the longevity of the relationship as the largest reason for such a higher level of content in their sex life. I found it all fascinating!
I don't know if this will be us. Especially since my orgasms are not his concern or goal during sex. But it made me feel hopeful for the future. Maybe "we" won't be together by the time I am a senior, with him being older then I, but good to know I will (most likely) still be sexually active in my later years. It calmed me down a bit and I realized although I want sex NOW I will have sex again eventually.

i'm ready now too brat....;)
 
"Especially since my orgasms are not his concern or goal during sex."

I sure hope he changes his thinking . . .
 
"Especially since my orgasms are not his concern or goal during sex."

I sure hope he changes his thinking . . .

Doubt it. But the article did talk about since the couples were together for a long amount of time they found out the best ways that work for them. I know it will take lots of communication over the years if that is "us". But neither of us are particularly ready to have those conversations yet. *shrug* Good thing I have another 60yrs ahead of me to figure it out!
 
Doubt it. But the article did talk about since the couples were together for a long amount of time they found out the best ways that work for them. I know it will take lots of communication over the years if that is "us". But neither of us are particularly ready to have those conversations yet. *shrug* Good thing I have another 60yrs ahead of me to figure it out!

It took us years to get to that place. I wish I had focused on her orgasms sooner.
Lots of honest open communication is the key
 
I have always focused on her orgasms. I find her cumming very exciting ..I have even ejaculated from her excitement on the rare occasion. (Sure, I was eating her and probably doing too much dry humping on the bed, her leg...whatever, but I stand by the premise.) However, I really believe, more often than not, her O is more important than mine.

I won't stop eating till she cums a few, or a hundred times . She often loses count. ( Not throwing flowers at myself! I just enjoy her cumming and keep at it till I am pushed away)

That said, keeping with the thread's theme, her desire has been in the trash. Too many medical issues to even review here. And, as another poster said, a rigid Catholic upbringing.

Jeez! I can go on, and on, and on, and on to the nth power. but like they say in reddit, TL;DR

PM me and we'll commiserate if you like.

Be well my brothers & sisters.
 
Does it have to be a men's only club? Maybe a people whose partners have no sex drive club. :)

I love my husband dearly but he just is not a very sexual person and I am. It does sometimes get frustrating and it's hard to feel rejected. Thank goodness he is very much okay with me watching porn and chatting and such-like, but it's never quite a substitute for the real thing.
 
Does it have to be a men's only club? Maybe a people whose partners have no sex drive club. :)

I love my husband dearly but he just is not a very sexual person and I am. It does sometimes get frustrating and it's hard to feel rejected. Thank goodness he is very much okay with me watching porn and chatting and such-like, but it's never quite a substitute for the real thing.

You are more than welcome to chime in and share. It is NOT a men's club, regardless of the title. I'm sure women face this as well and I would love to hear more of your situation and frustrations.
 
In this boat

Yeah, I just don't really know what to say here. She says I'm eye candy but she just isn't interested anymore.

At times I'm sure it's me, then wham - she says or does something and I realize it's not.

Disheartening, disapointed, disillusioned. But, still love her. Still hoping she'll come out the other end of menopause with some energy and a renewed appetite for mutual pleasure.
 
Yeah, I just don't really know what to say here. She says I'm eye candy but she just isn't interested anymore.

At times I'm sure it's me, then wham - she says or does something and I realize it's not.

Disheartening, disapointed, disillusioned. But, still love her. Still hoping she'll come out the other end of menopause with some energy and a renewed appetite for mutual pleasure.


Don't give up!Older couples can have decent sex lives.

Two things helped us - my wife came out of meno and we split for a while. She had a boyfriend and good or bad, he got her going sexually again. There's more to the story, but we're in a better place sexually.
 
Does it have to be a men's only club? Maybe a people whose partners have no sex drive club. :)

I love my husband dearly but he just is not a very sexual person and I am. It does sometimes get frustrating and it's hard to feel rejected. Thank goodness he is very much okay with me watching porn and chatting and such-like, but it's never quite a substitute for the real thing.


I don't think this necessarily has to be a men's-only group, though I think the reason it was started as it was is because the preponderance of information out there comes from women's magazines and daytime television, and it's typically women bemoaning that their husbands no longer seem "in the mood" any more, where there seems to be no reporting from the other side of that coin.

By all means, c'mon in. We love women, otherwise why would we care whether our wives had a libido or not?

Welcome!
 
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Count me in. Now nearing 60.
Sex while dating was incredible. She was insatiable. After marriage, a weekly concern. After children, a semi annual event. Now I think she believes we are too old for such philandering's.
She had a very religious upbringing and continues to have a very strong faith. I however am an agnostic.
I have often wondered how many women with Catholic upbringings fade in this way? Just a thought, not an attack.
My sympathies are will all who face this problem.

A lack of desire cannot be based on religion.
 
A lack of desire cannot be based on religion.


I completely agree with this statement. Desire is a basic feeling. What we desire can't me dictated by religion...how that desire manifests itself can be though.

I've been following this thread, not commenting because, really most people know my story here...but I'll tell it again for those who haven't seem me around (I usually hang out in the playground).

I've been married for almost 27 years. The last 8 or so I've been unfulfilled sexually and the last (almost) year has been completely sexless.

We never had spectacular sex, I'll be honest. Husband was the first guy to care if I had an orgasm and to me, that was good sex. I got married young (21) and didn't know any different. We had sex regularly for several years, then went through infertility issues that made sex less desirable and more of a chore. I think that was the beginning of the end for us (and that was over 15 years ago...)

Flash forward to about 8 years ago after 2 kids and I find my sexuality..find what I want and how I want it. Try to introduce new things into the bedroom - nothing crazy! Just some toys, maybe a little light bondage, dirty talk... NOPE. All of that is a no go in my house.

I have a theory about this, but it has nothing to do with religion, but more with his past and the women he'd dealt with. Suffice it to say that the mother of his children shouldn't want to be treated the way that I want to be (his thoughts). So I spent a few years trying to figure out what to do...and then I found Lit.

And while our sex was several weeks in between, and the same thing over and over again, at least there was sex. Over the past three years or so that has even diminished. For our 25th anniversary we were on a tropical island with no kids and we had sex ONCE! (It was also my birthday and still no sex).

As of right now...I'm looking at 8 months. Not even the hint of it on Valentine's Day...

So that's my story. Can I be in the club?
 
I guess I see it all differently and to me it is all about love and desire for each other. This baffles me so much.
 
A lack of desire cannot be based on religion.

I agree that basic religious doctrine, should not lead to this. A strict upbringing which leads to the basic idea that the main goal of sex is procreation, may impede viewing sex in a broader spectrum. Catholicism is a religion which denies sexual pleasure to the servants of the faith. I do not think that it that easy to make an encompassing statement as you have, when there are so many ultra conservative religions which are patriarchal and socially dictatorial.
 
Just another angle on this sub-theme of faith-and-sex.

When I read about married people who are hardly ever making themselves available to their partner, I find myself thinking of the beautiful phrase in our church wedding service, "with my body I honour you", and what that part of the vows means to a whole lot of believing friends I know: that they have taken on a responsibility to be available to their spouse sexually. OK great sex is much more than that. But in a marriage where each party has a sense of their vow and their availability to their partner as part of their obedience to Christ, there is that 'base line' providing a kind of buffer against a marriage becoming sexless unless there are mutually understood reasons for it to be so.

OK there are dangers here if an un-loving partner starts making demands based on this view upon an unhappy wife [or husband], but a spiritual tradition worthy of the name will have checks on those dangers too.
 
I completely agree with this statement. Desire is a basic feeling. What we desire can't me dictated by religion...how that desire manifests itself can be though.

I've been following this thread, not commenting because, really most people know my story here...but I'll tell it again for those who haven't seem me around (I usually hang out in the playground).

I've been married for almost 27 years. The last 8 or so I've been unfulfilled sexually and the last (almost) year has been completely sexless.

We never had spectacular sex, I'll be honest. Husband was the first guy to care if I had an orgasm and to me, that was good sex. I got married young (21) and didn't know any different. We had sex regularly for several years, then went through infertility issues that made sex less desirable and more of a chore. I think that was the beginning of the end for us (and that was over 15 years ago...)

Flash forward to about 8 years ago after 2 kids and I find my sexuality..find what I want and how I want it. Try to introduce new things into the bedroom - nothing crazy! Just some toys, maybe a little light bondage, dirty talk... NOPE. All of that is a no go in my house.

I have a theory about this, but it has nothing to do with religion, but more with his past and the women he'd dealt with. Suffice it to say that the mother of his children shouldn't want to be treated the way that I want to be (his thoughts). So I spent a few years trying to figure out what to do...and then I found Lit.

And while our sex was several weeks in between, and the same thing over and over again, at least there was sex. Over the past three years or so that has even diminished. For our 25th anniversary we were on a tropical island with no kids and we had sex ONCE! (It was also my birthday and still no sex).

As of right now...I'm looking at 8 months. Not even the hint of it on Valentine's Day...

So that's my story. Can I be in the club?

Sure. Welcome to the club! :rose:

- curl
 
Lack of sex drive

:) Folks I know the feeling all to well. Quite a few years ago when it the sews stopped, I turned to chat rooms to see what I could do?? I bought her vibes dildos etc. ANYTHI NG to try and get her in the mood. I can cook dinners, wash my /our clothes, etc. I work OT as much as I can, BUT no sex. I EVEN talked to a mutual female friend of ours and it ALL back fired...She didn't talk to me for weeks...We don't even sleep together anymore...YEA I snore but still NOT having sex sucks!!!
Thats why I read here in Literotica and enjoy the stories or I go to youporn and watch the OLD Xarters from the late 70's early 80's...I have NEVER cheated on her but DAMN I know why some guys do it!
 
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Still do , but no intercourse

We're an older couple in our 60's now , the sex was great when we were in our 20's 30's and 40's. But like most, time takes it's toll. I have ALWAYS shared my fantasies of her with another guy , guys we've known over the years, and the sex was great . THEN she did it with this guy I worked with and we had some WOW! hot exciting 3sums.

Now being in our 60's she's lost most interest in sex, I still am such a pervert and masturbate every day to porn . We still fool around on Sat, or Sunday mornings most weekends. But it's just kissing and feeling up, then she will suck me. I love cumming in her mouth and I know she loves sucking my cock. But half the time I just can't cum, I get hard and want her to mention some guy and I KNOW I would cum hard.

I love when she wants me to eat her out, but most times she not in the mood to be eating either. When I do eat her I cum rubbing on the sheets thinking I'm licking up some guys cum I know. I've come to the thinking of like being her cuckold, I would get on top rubbing and fingering her and kissing her, I'm thinking her pussy belongs to her lover and I'll cum like that . OR as we kiss she will jack me off in my undies and I cum thinking that's all her lover will let me have.

So our sex sucks with no intercourse, but she still cares knowing I need to get off with her.
 
This may be too far off-topic...

I find myself coming back to this thread, even though I am two years from my separation and finally within spitting distance of the legal divorce. The marriage was always, always sexually unsatisfying, and in the last five years or so we had sex maybe 4 times per year. He was quite clear he liked thin, athletic women with small breasts - and I am neither thin nor athletic, and my double Fs were not at all what he wanted. Marrying another asshole is something I am confident I can avoid :)

The reason I'm constantly here, I think, is that I am terrified of getting into the same sexual dynamic again, since that seems to be independent of assholishness. It's great to read the people who went through this and came out the other side into a fun, sexual, satisfying place - it gives hope not only to those who are still married and committed, but also to those of us who are now gun shy.

tl;dr version: Lurking can be cathartic; thank you for the success stories.
 
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