Rich robot wants to marry you, move to Mars, and spoon-feed you space caviar

Oh come on - did you seriously click on this ad just so you could check out the abs on a space robot? That's pretty desperate.

(Hint: When a robot invites you to feel his abs because "they feel like steel," there's a reason they feel that way... think about it.)

I, sadly, am not a space robot. Nor do I have abs of steel. So if you really were interested in chatting with a space robot, I'm sorry to have disappointed you.

No... I am a real guy. I thought rather than create an ad that says "Want to make me cum?" I'd try something a little more original.

(Who knows... maybe that works, but it just seems to me that it's the equivalent of laying down with a boner and hoping some woman magically impales herself on you, no?)

Here's what I'm looking for:

Someone who can laugh.
Someone who can carry on an articulate conversation.
Someone who isn't afraid of her own beauty.

That's about it. No age limitations, or size, shape and bra size queries. Why?

(It's because he's desperate? No, not quite.) Look up the word "sapiophile." I am turned on by peoples intelligence.

The rest of the stuff is like the icing on the cake. Who rejects cake because they don't prefer the icing? Who knows - maybe I'll discover I really like that flavour and I've never tried?

So - if you're capable of laughing, conversing, having massive orgasms while tied upside down hanging from farm equipment, enjoying someones company and just generally being chill, hit me up via PM and we can trade contact info.

Oh - I didn't mention the farm equipment/orgasm thing? Oops...

(If you are nearly 98% convinced I'm kidding about the farm stuff, or the space robot stuff, PM me. Do it.)

Bump for a clever post.

I have a question. What's a stormpucci?

I don't know either, but it sounds kinda sexy.

Love your ad, OP!

quietlylooking said:

Bump for a clever post.

Click to expand...

Bump as a thank you for the compliment.

I'm stuck in a hotel room in Berlin this week. I wasn't sure if "sexy space robot" was allowed as carry-on.

(PS - two vultures walk on to a plane. One vulture looks over and sees the other vulture is carrying a dead raccoon.

Vulture One: "Hey, you can't do that! They won't let you bring a dead raccoon on board!"

Vulture Two: "Of course they will. Can't you see this is my carrion?"

This is absolutely amazing! I laughed very hard and learned a thing or two. Sending pm.

Bump for creativity . . . although I am disappointed with the lack of robot sex.

DominantOne00 said:

Bump for creativity . . . although I am disappointed with the lack of robot sex.

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I'm racking my brain trying to think up a smart-ass comment on robot sex. That's a tough one.

I mean, I could go down the easy road, with something like "Oh, you think the abs are hard, I could show you something hard..." but that's just too easy.

I'm stuck in a hotel room overseas tonight - last night before I come home. And what's the only English language television program available?

Alaskan Bush People.

So I guess that means there is NO English language TV tonight... time to break out the witty banter program, load it up and see what comes out.

HA! Eat your hearts out... guess where I'm off to tonight!

No, not the city of London, with the history, aristocracy, and fish and chips.

No, not Venice, with the moonlight dancing off the reflection of the canals...

No... it's even better than Paris at sunset, with the golden rays of the dying sun reflecting off the Seine and L'Hotel d'Invalides as we sip coffee on a sidewalk cafe.

No... my friends, it's even better than that.

Because I'm going to Milwaukee. In March.

Save me...

Fly Me to the Moon

Okay, well, frankly, I'm kind of down on 'bots
right now. I mean, I was in this chatroom and I
SENSED that I wasn't alone, and sure enough,
there it was, a 'BOT!

I felt a little strange at first, but hey! I'm
here in an immaterial world, and I'm an
immaterial girl. Why not?

Because it was a NOT HOT 'BOT, THAT'S why! I like,
WASTED forty minutes trying to get that 'bot hard,
and then I just gave up.

So anyway, it wasn't a Space 'bot. Space is way
too complicated since they discovered gravity
waves. My best friend Kristie is a math professor
and she explained the equations to me. They say
that space has something like "elasticity" but
not really, but anyway if the sun blew up there
would be a HUGE gravity wave that would take
eight minutes to get here. Eight minutes to get
on my float coat and get my 'board for the RIDE of
my LIFE, right?

Kristie is like, "It's not THAT kind of a WAVE, Jamie!"

Killjoy!

So when I read your post I had this feeling of
deja vu, like we had met before, like when I was
going to see dad and they upgraded me to first and
I overdid it on the free champagne and hypoxia
and woke up in some guy's LAP. Not you? Oh thank
god. I mean, I had a bitchin' hangover on the
train from Paris to Cote d'Azur. I told Dad it
was all his fault.

I'm not afraid of my own beauty. Really, I'm not.
The last time I saw my reflection I threw up, but
that's because I had my head in the toilet, but
it's not what you think. I'm a ballet dancer, and
we spend all day watching ourselves in the mirror.
But it isn't narcissism. My inner dialogue goes
something like this: "God, why can't I get that
turned OUT! Leg HIGHER! Looks like SHIT! Oh my
god, my ass is HUGE! etc etc."

Milwaukee? Well, I used to live in Chicago. I
went to a gymnastics meet in Milwaukee, but it
wasn't in the winter. It was when I was ten. Dad
went with me but it was a big meet and they
wouldn't let him on the floor. We got lost on the
way home I remember.

So fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars,
spoon feed me caviar, while we move to Mars.

Can I bring my 'board? Just in case the Sun explodes?

Love,

Jamie

Happy Easter Monday. I would have responded sooner but after reading that, I had to adjust the dosage on my meds...

space caviar. is that like a freshly broken off astroid? rocks? you want to feed me rocks???

Silly girl - everyone knows the space rocks are fine. They're just like pop rocks... you just can't drink soda afterwards, or you'll explode.

Happy Wednesday, everyone!

Have you ever wondered about color (or colour) perception? Like - what I see as white, someone else sees as blue? Or green? Or pink?

What I see as completely normal, perhaps, to someone else, looks like a bad acid trip?

Just things that come to my brain as I'm staring at a computer monitor, desperately wishing I was more productive on my day and desperately failing...

Stormpucci said:

Silly girl - everyone knows the space rocks are fine. They're just like pop rocks... you just can't drink soda afterwards, or you'll explode.

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lol I missed this somehow.

Who's with me? Come on... we can beat this together!

(By beat, I mean in a 'sexy way', not a 'bruises, chafing and walk-in-clinic with a really embarrassed expression on your face' type of way.)

Stormpucci said:

Who's with me? Come on... we can beat this together!

(By beat, I mean in a 'sexy way', not a 'bruises, chafing and walk-in-clinic with a really embarrassed expression on your face' type of way.)

Click to expand...

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. Sapiosexual as well by the by. Think I'll subscribe as this is the most entertaining read I've had in awhile. Really love the illustration.

ValkyrieGypsie said:

I have thoroughly enjoyed reading this post. Sapiosexual as well by the by. Think I'll subscribe as this is the most entertaining read I've had in awhile. Really love the illustration.

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I thought it was important to define "sapiosexual."

I get turned on by smart, attractive women who aren't afraid of their own brain, their own raw sensuality and their own attractiveness as a person, regardless of what they look like.

To use an analogy we can all relate to:
Penny and Bernadette are sexy as hell. They can come to my party.
Raj, Leonard and Sheldon are smart as hell, but not sexy. They're out.
Amy Farrah-Fowler may make a stand-by list.

Stormpucci said:

I thought it was important to define "sapiosexual."

I get turned on by smart, attractive women who aren't afraid of their own brain, their own raw sensuality and their own attractiveness as a person, regardless of what they look like.

To use an analogy we can all relate to:
Penny and Bernadette are sexy as hell. They can come to my party.
Raj, Leonard and Sheldon are smart as hell, but not sexy. They're out.
Amy Farrah-Fowler may make a stand-by list.

Click to expand...

Ha...nice analogy, but they would all make my list! My brain scares me all of the time though.

I've thought about it, and decided that in the interest of being absolutely honest: At SOME point, if we learn to trust each other... I may want to ask your bra size. Not that it matters, just because I'd be curious.

If full reciprocity is necessary, I will report that I am currently going commando vis-a-vis the bra...

In fact, I've only EVER gone commando...

OK, OK... I'm being inundated with requests to show off these abs of steel.

So just this one time, I'm going to do something totally out of character and show off a tiny bit. Please respect my privacy, and I hope the mods don't ban me for this.

This is a short .gif file. Don't worry - no one was hurt, the goat received proper medical attention, and I donated the dollar bills to the SPCA. The dwarf complained about oil stains but at least he didn't chafe.

Warning - this short clip is extremely NSFW. That being said, it was one fantastic evening. Let it load - it's worth it.

Damn! Gif not loading. I was kind of looking forward to space goats and dwarves. That's not usually my thing, but I was intrigued.

Darn it...I'm disappointed...I always wanted to do a robot...

i_steal_books said:

Darn it...I'm disappointed...I always wanted to do a robot...

Click to expand...

Robots are totally overrated, especially when you get your dick caught in the machinery.

I mean... um... so I've heard. Because it happened to a friend...

Fun fact - I'm in Minnesota. The "Land of 10,000 Lakes."

Other fun fact - the state has 11,842 lakes. That didn't fit so well on the billboards, so they rounded down, I guess.

New slogan - 'the land where the women are so wet we have an extra 1,842 lakes.'

Come on - admit it. That works way better, doesn't it?

Other fun fact - if you're reading this, female and bored, I know someone who's bored, stuck in a hotel room in Minnesota, and feeling frisky. Just sayin'.

If you're nice, I'll ask the robot to flex for you.