Feedback Request - All Mine Series

Recently started writing a lesbian fiction between a dominant, forceful, handsome, strident woman and a submissive, awkward, but beautiful redhead.

Part 1
https://www.literotica.com/s/all-mine-8

Part 2
https://www.literotica.com/s/all-mine-ch-02-killing-her-softly

I've gotten positive reviews thus far. Mostly it's people asking for more or cursing my immortal soul for making the parts too short for their liking. Can I get a critique?

I only read part 1. It was good writing and well paced, but WAY too short. It would be wrong to think of Lit's chapter-wise publishing as 'Chapters' because you will annoy the heck out of your readers. You need to treat them as 'Episodes' like a TV drama.

Aim for an absolute MINIMUM of 4000 words per episode, and like a TV drama, each one should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Remember that by breaking up your story into 'Chapters' you are asking readers to vote and comment on EACH submission. How much would you enjoy an episode of Game Of Thrones pausing 15mins in and asking you how they're going, and would you like to watch the next 15 mins.

I find for my own stories that 7000 words (2 full pages) is a minimum to be taken seriously, but 10000 is safer.

I didn't score or comment.

In part ONE the word JUDGMENTAL turned me off immediately. I thought, HERE WE GO WITH A PC SERMON/WHINE.

blin18 said:

Aim for an absolute MINIMUM of 4000 words per episode, and like a TV drama, each one should have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Remember that by breaking up your story into 'Chapters' you are asking readers to vote and comment on EACH submission. How much would you enjoy an episode of Game Of Thrones pausing 15mins in and asking you how they're going, and would you like to watch the next 15 mins.

I find for my own stories that 7000 words (2 full pages) is a minimum to be taken seriously, but 10000 is safer.

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This, of course, is not a universally accepted opinion. These are stories, not TV episodes, and short story competitions rarely go above a 3,500-word limit. So, it depends on whether you are developing to write short stories or TV episodes and/or cater to a site where words are cheap.

I think very short posts do tend to be less popular. You can always write your chapters as short as you want them to be, but then combine two or more chapters into a single post. I did that for one series and some of those parts are my most popular posts.

I don't really understand why longer posts are preferred on Literotica. Maybe it's like pilot said, words are cheap here. I write short stories mostly and the guidance I've read for printed stories is that they should be less than 7,500 words. Much longer than that and it's a novella.

Chapters can be of any length, and the best guidance I've read was that they should be "as long is it takes to tell the story."

Okay, I read both. They could be have been combined into a single chapter, since the second chapter is the direct continuation of the first.

Two comments:

Physical description. You stepped out of any plot you had started to give us a description of Melinda, but you described Anne more in context with the story. I expect that different readers may have different preferences, but my preference is that a character's features are described when they become important to the story, without breaking into the story to give a paragraph of physical details. That's pretty much how you described Anne.

You described Anne early on as raven-haired, then repeatedly referred to her as e.g. "the dark-haired girl." I thought that it might have been better to call her Anne, rather than repeating the description.

Physical descriptions are more important to some readers than they are to me. I have a tendency to imagine a physical appearance that I think would be consistent with the character and forget the author's description unless the physical features are integrated into the story, which leads me too...

Characterization. There wasn't very much. You gave me a little sense of who Melinda was at the beginning of the first chapter and at the end of the second chapter, but by the time I was through the second chapter I knew her D-cup boobs way better than I knew her. Is that the way you wanted it? Anne was characterized well-enough for me to know that I didn't like her very much. She was sexual, forceful, teasing, but that's about all.

Building characters in such a short space is difficult. Breaking it up into little bites like this makes me want to see a good characterization done immediately; what they do outside the story, how they move, how they think, what motivates them. Even in smut.

Oh, the sex was pretty good.

NOIRTRASH said:

I didn't score or comment.

In part ONE the word JUDGMENTAL turned me off immediately. I thought, HERE WE GO WITH A PC SERMON/WHINE.

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If that one word, out of context, was enough to turn you off to the entire story without reading any further, then I really don't know what to tell you. There was no rant about political correctness; it was just how the character felt about looks she was getting from other women at the gym. I guess I'm *glad* you didn't read on.

As for everybody else, thanks for the feedback. I mulled it over, and I think it helped me make chapter 3 better than it would have been. You were all a decent help.

watcher19 said:

If that one word, out of context, was enough to turn you off to the entire story without reading any further, then I really don't know what to yell you. There was no rant about political correctness; it was just how the character felt about looks she was getting from other women at the gym. I guess I'm *glad* you didn't read on.

As for everybody else, thanks for the feedback. I mulled it over, and I think it helped me make chapter 3 better than it would have been. You were all a decent help.

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I don't like criticism either, and readers react to dum shit stuff...that's my point you don't get. If they don't like it, they don't like it, and what they don't like can be anything.